Sex Teenage Girls

Sex Teenage Girls

By
Suzanne Venker , | Fox News
Suzanne Venker is the author of five books on marriage, feminism and gender politics. Her latest book is " The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men & Marriage: HOW LOVE WORKS ." Find her on Twitter @SuzanneVenker.

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Highschool friends hanging out in the hallway. (Christopher Futcher)
A new book about the sexual environment our daughters inhabit has hit the shelves. Peggy Orenstein’s Girls and Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape is hailed as “groundbreaking” and has been reviewed extensively by mainstream media outlets.
As a result, it is currently #1 at Amazon in several categories, including Parenting Teenagers and—ready?—Feminist Theory. That’s a scary combination, indeed.
And, it’s now on the New York Times bestseller list, too.
Ms. Orenstein, a self-described feminist and “progressive liberal” mom, wants to help Americans teach their daughters about sex. She says you’re not doing it right.
For one thing, when your children were babies and toddlers you willingly labeled your boys’ private parts and ignored your daughters’, shaming your girls and making the vagina a “literally unspeakable” thing.
You also teach the mechanics of sex and warn against pregnancy and STDs but spend no time teaching your daughters how to enjoy themselves sexually. As a result, girls are suffering from a “psychological clitoridectomy.”
In fact, the real problem girls face, says Orenstein, isn’t that they’re sexually active too soon. It’s that they’re pressured by society to service boys and to get nothing in return . Girls happily perform oral sex, for instance, but don’t feel entitled to ask boys to reciprocate.
And in an age of equality, they should.
“After talking to so many girls,” she writes, “I now know what to hope for—for my own daughter and for them. I want sexuality to be a source of self knowledge and creativity and communication, despite its potential risks. I want them to revel in their bodies and sensuality without being reduced to it. I want them to be able to ask for what they want in bed, and to get it…”
Orenstein’s research has convinced her, she says, of the “absolute importance” of “talking about girls as victims.” Victimhood is the crux of all feminist teachings, of course—and this time I agree. Girls are victims.
For decades, feminists have conditioned young women to use their sexuality the way men use theirs. Yet a romp in the hay is not what girls want.
What they want is to be loved. And at such a tender age, it is all too easy to conflate the two. As parents, it is our job to help girls navigate the difference.
That girls are told they’re no different from boys is the reason they dive head first into sex, and then assume love will follow. This message is toxic. The female body is doused in oxytocin, which makes it impossible to extricate love from sex. Females have always put love before sex—that’s what makes them special by nature.
It’s also why women, not men, wait by the phone the next day. It’s why the film “He’s Just Not That Into You” wasn’t titled “She’s Just Not That Into You.”
When most girls have sex, it’s a very big deal. They can pretend otherwise all day long—they’re lying.
Even Lena Dunham (who foolishly sees no connection between feminism and her revelation) gets it: “I heard so many of my friends saying, ‘Why can’t I have sex and feel nothing?’ It was amazing: that this was the new goal. There’s a biological reason why women feel about sex the way they do and why men feel about sex the way they do.”
Indeed. Which is why any book about girls and sex that omits this fact is useless.
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In a survey out today 6% of teenage girls admit to having sex before the age of 12.
Two-thirds of sexually active under 18-year-olds lost their virginity before the age of 16.
And 40% of the young respondents said they were less than 12 years old when they first kissed a boy.
Teen magazine Sugar surveyed 1,770 girls between the ages of 12 and 18 and found that 15% admitted to having sex.
Seven per cent admitted to having had sex with “10 or more” boys and 18% said they first had sex with a boy who was not a boyfriend.
Last week it was revealed that 13-year-old Alfie Patten had fathered a baby girl. He was just 12 when he and 15-year-old Chantelle Steadman conceived baby Maisie.
Despite the risks it seems some parents adopt a relaxed attitude to their daughters’ relationships.
The survey found that 11% of girls were allowed to have boys stay the night in their bedroom. Another 34% could take boys into the bedroom and close the door and 27% had boys to stay overnight in a separate room.
Only 16% are banned from having boys in their bedroom at all.
Parents might struggle to get to know their daughters’ boyfriends as 54% of teenage girls said they would never let them meet a boyfriend and 21% would not admit to having one.
Only 11% of parents insist on meeting the boys their children date.
One teenage respondent said: “Cause my parents are so horrifically embarrassing, I would never live it down, I mention a boy’s name and all I hear is ‘Lauren’s got a boyfriend’ it’s so stupid.”
Girls admitted to feeling under pressure to have sex and 47% said that the pressure comes from their peers.
Those who do have sex found that it did not make them happy. Twenty two per cent said they felt “ashamed”, 21% felt “used” and 26% admitted to feeling “worried”.
One respondent said: “I was pressured into it by other people at school, lots of people at my school have done it before, and it wasn’t a very good time. We have been on/off for a year and we weren’t together when we did it and I thought it would make him like me more and stop messing me around, but afterward he stopped talking to me and now we hardly talk anymore.
“I was also worried that my parents would find out, because I was stupid to do it so young and I know if they find out they will be really disappointed in me, and they would go mad. I wish I had waited.”
Editor Annabel Brog, said: “Schools, the Government, media and parents all need to take responsibility for ensuring teenagers get clear mental, emotional and physical boundaries about what is and isn’t acceptable when it comes to dating and sex.
“Sugar is constantly endeavouring to raise levels of self respect among teenage girls so that they have the confidence and courage to say ‘no’.
Sugar says Always be S.A.F.E before sex – Sure of the facts, Age 16 or over, Free from pressure, Emotionally sorted.”

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