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As much hype and attention as we give it, sex is just another normal function of the human body — which can only mean it has the potential to get pretty darn embarrassing. While everyone has had at least one sex slip-up before, these cringe-worthy-but-totally-true stories might make you feel better about some of your more forgettable sexual encounters.
“One evening after a few drinks, this younger boy and I were lying on the ground with our pants off and making out. We removed our undies and he starts moving his hips back and forth, slowly and then faster and faster,” recalls Laura. “His breath got heavier, and then he collapsed on top of me. Mind you, this whole time I just laid there in fear of saying something that would embarrass him because he was a virgin .”
“He looked up at me sweetly and asked, ‘How w-w-was it for you?’ I replied, ‘What? You were between my thighs.’ He laughed it off, but was super embarrassed. When we finally did get around to actually [doing the deed], it was fantastic.”
It was 1969 and Dana was a senior at UCLA. “My girlfriend and I were looking for a place to make ‘nookie’ since my roommate was in my room studying. It was a few days before classes started and the room next door to her room was still vacant, so we went in there and proceeded,” Dana explains.
“Then, there was a knock on the door. We froze. Another knock, then the sound of a key going into the lock. Room was pitch dark, so it was just sounds, but we heard voices out in the hall.”
“In a panic, I threw a blanket — or something — over my girlfriend, grabbed my pants and tried to pull them on as I headed for the door to keep it from opening. I got to the door with my pants just above my knees when the door opened,” he recalls. “Standing in the hall was this sweet young freshman girl with her parents bringing her to her new dorm room! The looks on their faces were priceless. I asked them to give us a few minutes — I mean, what choice did they have?”
“My wife and I decided to add a little spice to our love life by using some aerosol whipped cream. I got the can from the fridge and brought it to our dark bedroom, sprayed it all over her boobs and started to lick it off. It tasted funny and I thought that her skin chemistry was giving the whipped cream an off taste,” says John. “It kept getting worse, so I turned on the light. It was all green from mold. She started laughing hysterically as did I. It killed the mood for the night though. I had a queasy stomach all night long.”
John, who is ironically a marriage, relationship and sexual coach, shares: “My wife and I went out with some friends for bowling and beer. We both had a little too much to drink.” However, that didn’t stop him from initiating intercourse with his wife that night. “I was happily pumping away with a full bladder. I began to feel the urge to ejaculate (or so I thought in my half drunken stupor). The problem was that I was peeing instead of ejaculating.”
Eliza recounts a story from her first year in college. “I was with my boyfriend in his dorm room. His roommate was away for the weekend (or so we thought). I’m under the covers giving him a blow job and having a good time. I don’t even hear the key turn in the door or anything — all of a sudden I just hear his roommate talking.”
“I just froze. I didn’t know what to do,” Eliza recalls. “He’s just shooting the breeze with my boyfriend, and my boyfriend is trying to just play it off and is holding a conversation like I’m not even there. So I just stayed down there, perfectly still, waiting for him to go. He talks for what seems like is eternity (probably only two minutes). Then I hear him say, ‘See ya later… you too Eliza.’ I thought I was going to die of embarrassment.”
“I am the first to admit, I’m not a pro at giving head but I try,” says Trisha. “One night, I was pleasuring my new boyfriend and I removed my mouth for a second to breathe when all of a sudden he ejaculated — right up my nose. It felt like I was drowning for a second and I began choking. He thought it was hysterical — I was mortified by the whole thing. I spent the next half hour blowing my nose.”
Updated by Bethany Ramos on 4/1/2016
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You’ll find me, most of the time, reading short stories or novellas. They’re perfect for a quick read when you have a little bit of time to do something you enjoy. When you need a break from your daily life problems. And erotic short stories? They are even better. Stay for the fun, the steam, and the kink.
If you are into everything I’ve been saying, this list is quite perfect for you. I promise you won’t be able to stop reading these stories until you are done with the last page. Let’s take a look at 15 of the best erotic short stories you need to read right now. (You can also find more here !)
Who doesn’t love a good roommates romance? Meka James is the master of short erotic goodness, and Being Hospitable is just what the doctor offered.
Kiki Jenkins is doing her best friend a favor by opening her home to his younger sister. She never expected the younger sister to become a temptation! Charley wants to be seen as more than her brother’s little sister…especially by Kiki Jenkins.
An all-time favorite book and one of the winners of The Ripped Bodice Award for Excellence in Romance Fiction , this little novella is simply wonderful.
Navaya and Xander have been friends since they were babies. When Navaya proposes to Xander they have a little sexy fun between the sheets so she finally gets some inspiration for her erotic novels, Xander gets a little bit confused. I mean, he has never looked at her in that light and neither has she. But when a magical second kiss lights up their insides, this whole thing changes immediately.
Katee Robert has become one of my favorite authors to one-click. A new book by her just dropped? Let me just get…that…quickly. And this series is something I can never get enough of.
Lily found out her fiancé cheated on her, so what does she do? She tries to seduce her former father-in-law! Yup, you heard that right. Lily has one weekend to get her revenge, but maybe one weekend isn’t enough time, because now everything is feeling way too real between her and Shane.
I love this short story so very much. And it also has a sequel, Midnight Stroke , which probably is way sexier than this one! Both are incredible and so enjoyable you won’t be able to stop reading.
Harper and Trent have a tradition: They only see each other on their birthdays. And only to have a sexy wild night together. But this year, Trent is ready to take that next step and finally ask Harper to have a date with him, so what’s gonna happen? You’ll have to read and find out!
Chencia Higgins writes some of the best erotic stories, and you aren’t ready to meet Rhone and Malina.
Malina split with her boyfriend, and though she thought it was a very amicable split, she later is told by Blaine, her ex, that her brain wasn’t up to Harvard-level standards. She wants him to eat his words, so she is determined to get that degree. Lucky for her, it doesn’t take long to find a professor on the popular website, JustOneNight.com.
The whole So Over the Holidays series could fit in this category. They all are erotic romance novellas set over some holidays. I’m going to be highlighting the newest one, Party Favors , which is set over New Year’s!
Online friends meet for the first time at a New Year’s Eve ball. Amanda is tired of doing what’s expected of her. She also doesn’t want to go to her mother’s ball with a date her mother picked herself. So she decides to invite her online friend Wren instead, but they didn’t expect the spark of attraction they would feel when they met face-to-face.
Celeste has no plans for the holidays, so she decides to spend her break with her roommate and her roommate’s parents. Mr. and Mrs. Yu look like the typical suburban couple, but Celeste is lusting after them hard. Her mind is going places she doesn’t know if she can make real, but you bet she’s going to try.
A smutty historical romance novella you need in your life. If possible, right now.
The Fentons have it all: wealth, position, and a union that the ton believes is the most perfect of all. But what the ton doesn’t know is that their smiles hide a marriage that is broken by pretense. When artist Mr. Clayton Irving asks Lady Susanna to paint her for one of his sensual portraits, maybe the Fenton union can be saved after all. And maybe three is better than two.
It’s Santa’s big night. He is not only delivering gifts, though. Traveling around the globe, he takes his time to deliver meaningful gifts to people, estranged spouses, or even matching up unrequited loves. Santa is here for every single person.
But he is definitely having some fun first. In each chapter, you meet new characters who Santa is visiting.
A fun Halloween erotic novella! Shae Sanders continues to enchant me with everything she publishes.
Trick is about Denard and Tyra going on a first date…that goes terribly wrong. But maybe that was the plan all along?
When you are so fed up with your boss and your workplace, what do you do? You walk out. You quit! Fate has other plans for her, though, because now she’s stuck in her house with her ex-boss. All because of the bad weather.
The forced proximity forces them to be true to each other. They realize that all of these misunderstandings can be solved really easily…
You can also sample some authors’ writing before buying their full novels! A few of them have free erotic short stories on their websites that you can read quickly before going to bed:
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While it’s true that sex can absolutely get better with age , we never entirely outgrow those deeply awkward, uncomfortable and bumbling moments in intimacy just because we’ve gained a bit more experience. Add the complications of keeping your sex life exciting, healthy and fun as you grow together, start a family and deal with increasingly busy schedules and there’s plenty of room for more and more cringe to come beyond the awkward firsts.
Digging into the most prolific bastion of cringe and discomfort, Reddit, we found a few deeply uncomfortable sex stories that show just how persistent cringe-y, awkward sex moments can be throughout your lives.
“One time the wife and I are getting it on first thing in the morning. We are under the covers, and it’s a good thing, because my three-year-old son snuck into the room. We didn’t even notice until he quickly jumped onto the bed and jumps on my back. He looked over my shoulder at my wife and says ‘What are ya’ll doing?’ Well, that killed the mood real quick.”
“My husband works out of town. He is gone for two weeks and comes home for a week. He is definitely “ready to go” when he gets home. So the day he comes home we’re having middle of the day sex and he’s doing me doggy style. I have an ample ass so there is that wonderful slapping noise as he’s thrusting. My three-year-old who was down stairs comes up and starts knocking on our bedroom door.
She says ‘what’s going on in there? Mom are you ok? Is Dad hitting you?’ My husband kept going like a champ but I was laughing so hard. Super embarrassing. This is why we usually wait until the kids go to bed. Also my husband does not hit me. I don’t know where that came from in her mind.”
“He put his hand under my back to lift me up for a position change mid-through and he ended up popping out one of my ribs. To this day it is the worst pain I have ever experienced.”
“Two stories, both including my wife.
1: I had a heart attack while having sex with my (then girlfriend) wife for the very first time. She thought I finished in her and got extremely mad.
2: years later, she was on top of me while I was on my back and I said something stupid and she started laughing. She started laughing so hard she farted… while I was inside her… which made her laugh even harder and she peed all over me… makes for a funny memory.”
“He fingered my bellybutton. I can only assume he thought it was my clit, but how?
Edit: Yeah, yeah, it’s an erogenous zone for some people, but I’m pretty damn sure he thought it was my clit because when he finally touched my actual clit he was surprised. Yes, I communicated. No, he wasn’t even close to finishing me off or close enough to be able to try to.”
“We were having sex in the dark & I went to get on top but misjudged how close we were to the edge of the bed.
I ended up falling off the bed, dragging him down with me & onto some friends who were sleeping on the floor.”
A version of this story was published February 2020.
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