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As much hype and attention as we give it, sex is just another normal function of the human body — which can only mean it has the potential to get pretty darn embarrassing. While everyone has had at least one sex slip-up before, these cringe-worthy-but-totally-true stories might make you feel better about some of your more forgettable sexual encounters.
“One evening after a few drinks, this younger boy and I were lying on the ground with our pants off and making out. We removed our undies and he starts moving his hips back and forth, slowly and then faster and faster,” recalls Laura. “His breath got heavier, and then he collapsed on top of me. Mind you, this whole time I just laid there in fear of saying something that would embarrass him because he was a virgin .”
“He looked up at me sweetly and asked, ‘How w-w-was it for you?’ I replied, ‘What? You were between my thighs.’ He laughed it off, but was super embarrassed. When we finally did get around to actually [doing the deed], it was fantastic.”
It was 1969 and Dana was a senior at UCLA. “My girlfriend and I were looking for a place to make ‘nookie’ since my roommate was in my room studying. It was a few days before classes started and the room next door to her room was still vacant, so we went in there and proceeded,” Dana explains.
“Then, there was a knock on the door. We froze. Another knock, then the sound of a key going into the lock. Room was pitch dark, so it was just sounds, but we heard voices out in the hall.”
“In a panic, I threw a blanket — or something — over my girlfriend, grabbed my pants and tried to pull them on as I headed for the door to keep it from opening. I got to the door with my pants just above my knees when the door opened,” he recalls. “Standing in the hall was this sweet young freshman girl with her parents bringing her to her new dorm room! The looks on their faces were priceless. I asked them to give us a few minutes — I mean, what choice did they have?”
“My wife and I decided to add a little spice to our love life by using some aerosol whipped cream. I got the can from the fridge and brought it to our dark bedroom, sprayed it all over her boobs and started to lick it off. It tasted funny and I thought that her skin chemistry was giving the whipped cream an off taste,” says John. “It kept getting worse, so I turned on the light. It was all green from mold. She started laughing hysterically as did I. It killed the mood for the night though. I had a queasy stomach all night long.”
John, who is ironically a marriage, relationship and sexual coach, shares: “My wife and I went out with some friends for bowling and beer. We both had a little too much to drink.” However, that didn’t stop him from initiating intercourse with his wife that night. “I was happily pumping away with a full bladder. I began to feel the urge to ejaculate (or so I thought in my half drunken stupor). The problem was that I was peeing instead of ejaculating.”
Eliza recounts a story from her first year in college. “I was with my boyfriend in his dorm room. His roommate was away for the weekend (or so we thought). I’m under the covers giving him a blow job and having a good time. I don’t even hear the key turn in the door or anything — all of a sudden I just hear his roommate talking.”
“I just froze. I didn’t know what to do,” Eliza recalls. “He’s just shooting the breeze with my boyfriend, and my boyfriend is trying to just play it off and is holding a conversation like I’m not even there. So I just stayed down there, perfectly still, waiting for him to go. He talks for what seems like is eternity (probably only two minutes). Then I hear him say, ‘See ya later… you too Eliza.’ I thought I was going to die of embarrassment.”
“I am the first to admit, I’m not a pro at giving head but I try,” says Trisha. “One night, I was pleasuring my new boyfriend and I removed my mouth for a second to breathe when all of a sudden he ejaculated — right up my nose. It felt like I was drowning for a second and I began choking. He thought it was hysterical — I was mortified by the whole thing. I spent the next half hour blowing my nose.”
Updated by Bethany Ramos on 4/1/2016
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Real talk: just about everyone masturbates , but very few people talk about it. Here, 23 young women share masturbation stories. They get super candid about why they do it, what they'd wish they'd known in their teens, their first-time experiences with self-pleasure, and more.
"Masturbation is nature’s sleeping pill." - Gretchen
"Self-pleasure is not dirty nor is it wrong to feel horny . They're your emotions, urges, and inclinations. It is your right — and privilege — to explore them. It's also okay to feel scared when faced with something new and unknown. The most important thing is to create a relationship with yourself and your body that is just for you and no one else." - Polly
"My mom is a sex therapist, and the day I got my period, I didn’t get the sex talk. I got the masturbation talk. I’ll never forget it, because it was humiliating. She told me that my pleasure is my right, and that if I have urges, I shouldn’t be ashamed of them. It’s natural and healthy for you. She told me I shouldn’t have sex until I know exactly what my body likes, otherwise I’ll be dependent on other people to figure it out, which isn’t fair for anyone since we’re all different." - Sarah
"I wish I knew that other girls masturbate, too! And that no matter what way you do it, it's not weird! Most girls don't open up to their friends about that stuff until college, unless you have the occasional freaky camp friend." - Lindsay
"To be honest I started masturbating pretty early in maybe the 5th grade...I think my mom figured it out and she had the sex talk with me. I was really lucky because the only thing she said about it was that it was private and OK, but that she didn't want to know about it and that I should keep it to myself. If I didn't do it, I’d get pretty fidgety...For me it was more than a sexual identity thing; it was a stress reliever." - Laura
"I wish I knew that girls were masturbating as much as the guys (OK, maybe not as much but still). I also wish it was OK to talk about it." - Elizabeth
"I definitely discovered masturbating at a young age. I was about 12 and knew that for whatever reason, I could touch myself in a certain spot and feel all kinds of incredible in a way I had never felt before. And I felt very confused about why, and never spoke to a friend (honestly) about masturbating until I was in college. But once I started talking about it with a few friends, it felt SO GREAT ! It felt liberating." - Ruthie
"When you're ready to become sexually active, masturbating and learning what makes you feel good will help." - Allie
"I wish I weren't too embarrassed to talk it over with friends. I thought I was the only one who ever did it but turns out I wasn't!" - Kylie
"Masturbating was one of the best stress relievers I've ever discovered. Not only that, but it gives you the opportunity to explore and figure out what you like. Knowing myself helped me communicate better to my partners later on, and made everything else less stressful !" - Kirsten
"When I was in high school, I went to Spencer’s Gifts at the mall and made them gift wrap a vibrator because I was too embarrassed to admit I was buying it for myself. But guess what? Female masturbation isn't embarrassing or gross, and it’s also not embarrassing or gross to have a vibrator or dildo. When you get to college, you'll actually start talking to other women about this. There’s a whole world of liberation out there." - Maddie
"If you’re really hung up on being judged, consider this: the people whose opinions matter masturbate, too." - Jenna
"We all deserve to unwind, and masturbation is a perfectly innocent and healthy way to do that. I suffer from severe anxiety, and have trouble falling asleep at night. My therapist recommended masturbation as a tool for coping." - Lauren
"Well, I just think it’s stupid that guys can talk about masturbation and it can be in PG-13 movies, but when women talk about masturbation, it's like WHOA TMI. What? I don't feel like being apologetic about my sexuality and that kind of attitude implies that my body is just there for someone else's pleasure and not my own." - Jennifer
"Before/during the early years of my sexual activity, I thought that masturbation meant fingering yourself. It felt awkward and didn't bring me any pleasure. I was confused and discouraged from trying again. It wasn't until years later that I understood the importance of the clitoris — both in pleasuring myself and being pleasured by someone else." - Katie
"I wish the idea of masturbation wasn't so repressed. I always wondered why it was accepted as "normal" for guys and taboo for girls. Now I understand it as completely healthy (and fun!) and it totally goes along with the mindset of needing to love yourself before anyone else can." - Fiona
"I used to lie and tell people I didn’t masturbate if the topic ever came up. But I was masturbating, and I realized that everyone else who says they don’t do it are probably lying, too. I don’t know why masturbating is so taboo. What’s wrong with feeling good and why do we care?" - Megan
"I thought I was the only girl who did it. I went to Catholic school , so nobody talked about it ever. I thought there was something wrong with me, but it turns out it’s normal and everyone does it and it’s not weird!" - Molly
"I thought girls never masturbated and I was the only one! And that I was gross and weird for it. I wish I knew that as a woman I was allowed to have a sex drive." - Danielle
"The clitoris is your friend." - Erica
"I read somewhere that masturbation actually helps get rid of period cramps. My period cramps are pretty bad, so the next time I got them, I tried it. It works." - Marina
"The first time I masturbated it was kind of by accident. I was probably about 14, and I was in the bathtub playing around with the shower head and the water hit that area and I was like, whoa, this feels good. I definitely felt awkward about it, and didn't tell anyone about my newfound hobby. Ten years later, and I feel far more comfortable about masturbation and my body. It's totally normal, it feels good, and it doesn't hurt anyone, so what's the big deal? I'm still not going to shout it from the rooftops that I do it, but I can talk openly with my best friend or boyfriend about it if the topic arises." - Emily
"I'm not going to lie: I was a bit of a late bloomer in the sex department. I didn't really know how to give myself an orgasm, and it was actually my mother that bought me my first vibrator. I didn't ask for it, for the record. I had already moved out and was living in my own apartment, and she sent one over from Amazon. She told me to be on the lookout for something coming in the mail, and we never spoke of it again. It's kind of mortifying, but I also appreciate that she literally ordered a sex toy so that I could get more comfortable with my body and sexual pleasure." - Nicole
"I used to do it in my room after school. No one was home but my older sister, so it was the perfect opportunity. I'd lock the bedroom door and turn on music so I could have some privacy. I would have died if I ever got caught. I still would die now, for the record." - Sarah
This article was first published in 2015
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"Afterwards, I expected to feel more mature and more confident, but I really just felt the same as I always have."
Thanks to thee unrealistic standards constantly portrayed in media , we've all built up this imaginary idea of what sex is supposed to be like. Some people expect a romantic night of candles and passion, while others think it will be the most pleasure they've ever felt in their whole life . But the truth is, everyone's experience is different. Sometimes it's smooth and romantic and lives up to your expectations, while other times, it's kind of terrible.
But no matter how old you are or what the circumstances are, having sex for the first time can feel like a huge deal! So, to give you a better idea about what your first time may be like, we talked to 43 girls about the first time they had sex — how they knew they were ready, who they did it with, and how they felt afterward.
1. "He knew I was a virgin and for some reason, I had this expectation of it being magical, which in all honesty, it wasn't. He kept his face buried in my shoulder/neck the whole time and asked if I was okay once during, which I thought was kind of inconsiderate. I think I would have enjoyed it more if he had checked in with me to see if my needs were being met, which they weren't . At the time, I was blinded by my love, so I chose to look past that." — Hafeezah, 22
2. "It was not romantic at all. It was messy, drunk and horny. I was 17, drunk at a beach concert, called a guy that we had an on and off thing and we had sex in the back of his pickup car. Then, he went to study abroad and we never spoke about it , until like 2 years later." — Bianca, 23
3. "I was a sophomore in high school and at a Halloween party. I got pretty drunk and had sex with one of my childhood friends (on his birthday) in the basement of his house. Then, the next day, I found out one of my best friends also had sex for the first time that night . So to this day, she and I will text each other on October 30 to say happy anniversary." — Tory, 24
4. "We were 17 and we needed a time when our parents weren’t home, so we waited until Christmas Eve when his parents had left for a holiday party. I was so incredibly nervous — I think we both were. So we lit candles and took it slow . To be honest it hurt like hell. But other than that I think it was pretty perfect as far as virgins go." — Debby, 22
5. "It was after homecoming and we were just in his room. It all happened pretty naturally. It wasn't painful, but it honestly didn't feel like anything at all was happening . And then 1-2 minutes later it was over." — Jasmyne, 21
6. "I was 17 when I first had sex. I lost my virginity to someone I actually cared about, which doesn’t mean much to me looking back now, but it was important to me back then. It was late at night and we were in the backseat of his car . I was really nervous, but he was patient and managed to make me feel comfortable and sexy, even. I don’t regret anything and for that I’m thankful." — Jennifer, 22
7. "It was nothing like I imagined. I felt comfortable, but out of nowhere, I got really nervous . He told me to relax and that we didn't have to continue if I didn't want to, but I did. It was very painful to the point that I had to stop because I was in so much pain. I felt a little ashamed and embarrassed because I imaged something different and I thought he was disappointed in the experience. He was so understanding and he said it was fine and that he wanted me to be okay, and that we didn't have to continue. He made me feel better about the e
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