Sex Squirt S
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Sex Squirt S
November 16, 2020, 12:36 AM · 7 min read
Buckle up, folks, we’re about to dive into a controversial sex topic: how to squirt during sex. “Squirting,” more accurately known as female ejaculation (and sometimes called “shejaculate” by the internet), remains one of the more highly debated and controversial subjects in sex science to date. Many experts still question whether female ejaculation even exists —in the year 2020 we still haven’t sorted out female sexual physiology.
Anything to do with female sexuality has been, and continues to be, taboo in the strongest sense of the word . This is what fuels my work as a sex therapist turned neuroscientist —and exactly what I explore in my Glamour column, Ask. Dr. Nan , and in my new book, Why Good Sex Matters . The truth is we probably know just as much (if not more) about the composition of the fluids that flowed on the surface of Mars billions of years ago than we do about the nature of what is expelled by the human female during sex. How is that possible, given that references to female ejaculation date back to fourth-century Taoist texts?
We can partially blame the stigma. It’s certainly understandable that women might be too ashamed to admit that they ejaculate, never mind be willing to show up in a lab to be studied. But the result is that we remain so clueless about squirting that some medical professionals continue to insist that any fluid that leaks out of a woman during sex is urine—a result of incontinence.
Let’s take a moment to distinguish between ejaculation (a.k.a. squirting during sex) and lubrication. Lubrication is a slippery substance secreted by the walls of the vagina when you’re aroused, while ejaculate is a watery fluid expelled during sexual stimulation or orgasm, through the urethra—the tube that transports urine from the bladder out of the body.
Experts aren’t entirely sure where the fluid comes from, but research indicates that the Skene’s glands (also known as the paraurethral glands or urethral sponge ) are involved. This tube of tissue wraps around the urethra; as arousal builds, the erectile compartments swell up like a bunch of grapes filled with fluid, according to Sheri Winston, author of Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure . Where does the fluid come from? It’s filtered out from the watery part of our blood plasma and combines with secretions similar in composition to those of the male prostate to make female ejaculate. It sounds strange, but it’s just nature at work—in fact, it’s similar to how nursing mothers make breast milk, which also involves fluids filtered from the blood.
Because the science of squirting is woefully sparse, this is up for debate. Some experts still claim that the larger amounts of ejaculate involved in squirting—more than a teaspoonful or so—are urine, and we don’t have sufficient studies to say for sure. Personally, based on what we know about the anatomy of the urethral sponge, I believe that women’s capacity to squirt larger quantities of fluid (not urine) will ultimately be validated scientifically.
The short answer is that when fluids build up in the erectile tissue of the urethral sponge, they need to be released.
Some believe that the fluids expelled during sex may function to protect the urinary system from infection by cleansing the urethra during and after intercourse.
The International Society for Sexual Medicine asserts that ejaculation indeed is a “thing,” reported by 10% to 50% of women , depending on how the question is asked. The volume of ejaculate can vary widely—ranging from small, barely noticeable amounts to gushing streams—so there is big variability in how women define and report their experience. Some experts believe that all women ejaculate but most don’t know it, as the fluid may flow backward into the bladder. So it’s completely possible that you’ve experienced squirting during sex and just not realized it.
Some experts, like Winston, argue that some women are “natural ejaculators” but that all women are capable of it. In other words, it’s a learned skill—and one that reportedly feels damn good. The experience of ejaculation has been described as deliciously enhancing an orgasm as the waves of juicy pleasure release.
The bottom line? Juicy sex can be great fun for all involved. If you squirt during sex, embrace it—there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Here’s how to make it happen.
The first step in learning how to ejaculate involves masturbating . My research has shown that strengthening your pleasure pathways by experiencing pleasure regularly can make orgasms more accessible.
Once you’ve tapped into regular orgasms, the key is prolonged stimulation of the urethral sponge . How does one do that? Build arousal through vigorous and repetitive stimulation of the G-spot . You can find it by reaching into the vagina (with a toy or a finger) while angling up in the direction of your belly. Winston suggests bearing down with your abdominal and pelvic floor muscles as you feel an orgasm approaching.
To squirt during partnered sex, connection is everything. More important than the use of any technique is to enhance the quality of the in-the-moment rapport with your partner. Take a tip from Tantric practitioners and sit across from your partner and look deeply into your partner’s eyes (a huge challenge for most people at first). Savor the experience of breathing in unison, while tuning into the sensations in your body as you feel the breath move in and out. Breathing techniques that activate your pelvic floor can help build heat.
Light a few candles, arrange some pretty flowers in a vase, scent the air with essential oils—whatever floats your boat; create a space that is alluring. You can also puddle-proof your bed. One of the more common concerns about letting go sufficiently to squirt is the reluctance to get things a bit messy. My favorite suggestion is to use a “splash pad”—a waterproof pad covered with soft towels. Make it a beautiful base to lie upon and luxuriate in the experience.
To squirt with a partner, begin the session with lots of sensation play. Let your partner explore the nooks and crannies of your body, paying special attention to the clitoris . By building arousal, you will increase the storage of fluids in the urethral sponge which are expelled during squirting. Having a bit of patience will pay off big time. Don’t attempt to penetrate the vagina with anything until the arousal level is high.
To find the best position for squirting during sex, lie down on your splash pad and get cozy. Have your partner sit by your side facing you.
Next, have your partner liberally lubricate their index and pointer fingers inserting first one, and then gradually both, slowly and intentionally into the vagina. Ask your partner to rhythmically stroke the length of the vagina starting from the deepest part and applying some upward pressure, towards the belly button, as if making the motion to “come here,” gradually building up both the pressure and the rate of stroking.
Keep the communicating with your partner. The “stroker” or the partner giving the stimulation can pay careful attention to the cues from the or pleasure receiver’s body, face, and sounds to get feedback. The receiver can experiment with tightening her vaginal muscles around the fingers of the stroker and bear down as the sensations build to increase the probability of having an orgasm and/or squirting.
My experience is that once women get past the worry that they will mess up the sheets and accept that ejaculation isn’t the same as urination, they can let go and experience the full pleasure of squirting during sex.
But most importantly, don’t chase the orgasm or the ejaculation. Let the sensations find you. Be present to your experience and your connection with your partner.
Nan Wise , Ph.D., is an AASECT-certified sex therapist, neuroscientist, certified relationship expert, and author of Why Good Sex Matters: Understanding the Neuroscience of Pleasure for a Smarter, Happier, and More Purpose-Filled Life. Follow her @AskDoctorNan .
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Medically Reviewed by Hansa D. Bhargava, MD on November 24, 2020
Squirting refers to fluid expelled from the vagina during orgasm. Not all people with vaginas squirt during orgasm, and those who do may only squirt some of the time. This type of orgasm includes a rapid ejection of urine from the bladder.
Squirting sometimes also involves secretions from the skene's gland. The skene's glands are sometimes called the female prostate because they function similarly to the male prostate.
A squirting orgasm is sometimes called female ejaculation. But this term excludes non-binary and trans people who are not female but have vaginas.
A recent study has shown that there is a difference between squirting, female ejaculation, and incontinence during sex. However, the term squirting is used to describe all three in everyday language.
All three of these phenomena involve fluid coming from the bladder during sex. Squirting is the expulsion of urine during an orgasm. Female ejaculation is a release of both urine and a substance from the skene's glands. Sexual incontinence — also called coital incontinence — is when someone loses control of their bladder during sex.
Ejaculation in people with vaginas may include a small release of a milky white liquid that does not gush out. Squirting, on the other hand, is usually a higher volume. It is possible to squirt and ejaculate at the same time.
Squirting is real. In fact, scientists have documented the phenomenon. However, more research is needed to determine the exact causes of squirting and female ejaculation.
Part of the ambiguity about squirting is that the skene's glands vary from person to person. Some people with vaginas don't have any, while others have very small ones.
Myth: Everyone Can Squirt If They Try the Same Method
Each person's experience with squirting is different. While some methods can make people squirt more than others, there is no one proven method that makes every person with a vagina squirt. This is because each vagina is different. As mentioned, some vaginas lack the skene's glands which are thought to create the fluid released during ejaculation in people who have vulvas.
Myth: Squirting Orgasms are Always High Volume
Squirting isn't always a high volume event that soaks the sheets. Sometimes it is a small trickle or a stream of fluid.
The depiction of squirting in porn movies often shows large gushes of squirting liquid. Porn producers fake some of these depictions for dramatic effect. All volumes and forms of squirting are valid. Squirting at different volumes is a normal occurrence during sex for many people.
Myth: Squirting or Ejaculation Only Happens During Orgasm
Some people can squirt or ejaculate before or after an orgasm. Squirting can also occur at the same time as an orgasm. Some people also have multiple spurts of squirting spread over a few minutes.
Explore squirting by yourself or with a partner to find out what works for you.
Some sex experts recommend stimulating the g-spot to achieve a squirting orgasm. Either by yourself or with a partner, take some time to find the g-spot with your fingers and/or sex toys. Pressure on the g-spot may make you fee
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