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The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.

Posted August 22, 2018

|

Reviewed by Lybi Ma

One of the public health crises currently affecting millions of adults is the widespread sleep deprivation we’ve all seemed to have accepted as part of our lives. Between the ever-increasing rates of anxiety , career , and family demands, and our newfound dependence on our shiny mobile devices and streaming video, most of us are getting far below the recommended number of hours of sleep each night.
While the exact amount of sleep needed each night varies from individual to individual based on differences in our sleep cycles and habits, studies conducted by the National Sleep Foundation have found that adults typically need between seven and nine hours of sleep each night. Polls and clinical studies have found that the average adult today gets less than seven each night , however, opening up the door for all sorts of mental and physical health complications.
Long-term sleep deficits increase one’s risk of developing serious medical issues like cardiovascular disease, cancers, and neurological disorders, and also significantly affect one’s mood and personality . Clinical sleep studies have found that sleeping less than eight hours a night can lead to anxiety and depression , mental health issues that have far-ranging effects. Aside from making you feel unhappy, these conditions can affect your relationships, particularly when it comes to your sex life.
The connection between sex and sleep goes much deeper than the fact that both are typically done in bed; often, a healthy sex life will lead to better sleep health and vice-versa. If sex or sleep is suffering, chances are that one can be improved by improving the other.
How Short Sleep Negatively Impacts Our Sex Lives
Anxiety and depression , both side effects of insomnia and sleep deprivation, are known to cause sexual dysfunction for a variety of reasons, both physical and cognitive. When the body becomes stressed because of sleep difficulties, the brain suppresses the production of sex hormones like estrogen and testosterone in favor of stress hormones like cortisol. This shift in hormone levels can lead to decreased sex drive, infertility , or erectile dysfunction.
The sleep-sex connection may be more prevalent in women because of the effects of pregnancy , postpartum lifestyle, and menopause . Pregnancy, menopause, and of course new babies, can all cause sleep disorders or insomnia, lowering some women’s interest in sex due to fatigue, stress, or depression.
It’s not all biological, though. Often, sleep deprivation takes its toll on individuals’ sex lives for the obvious reason: it makes them tired. Being too tired for sex is the leading reason reported by individuals or couples who have lost interest in sex.
On the other hand, a 2015 study conducted at the University of Michigan Medical School found that the longer individuals slept, the more interested in sex they were the following day. Short sleep impacts almost every aspect of one’s overall health and well-being, and sexual health is certainly no exception.
It’s clear that sleep deprivation takes a significant toll on one’s sex life. Luckily, however, the flip side is that a healthy sex life can help you sleep better, which in turn improves your sex life further. Sex and sleep truly share an interdependent relationship.
Research has shown that sex before bed can help improve sleep quality thanks to the endorphins released by sex, which serve to ease anxiety and relax you. And all of that great sleep can subsequently improve your relationship with your significant other. Sex also releases oxytocin , a hormone known as the “love hormone,” which has numerous benefits to your body and mind, including cueing relaxation.
"This hormone among many other feel-good hormones has been said to act as a sedative to reduce the time it takes to fall asleep,” says Michele Lastella, Ph.D., a sleep scientist at Central Queensland University in Adelaide, Australia.
Lastella conducted a survey of 460 adults between 18 and 70 in which participants were asked about their sex lives and sleep habits. Some 64 percent of respondents said they slept much better after having an orgasm shortly before bed, likely due to the release of oxytocin and other endorphins that accompany orgasms.
How to Improve Your Sleep and Sex Life
To ensure your body is ready for sex, follow the National Sleep Foundation’s guidelines and shoot for between seven and eight hours of sleep each night. Sleep scientists say you might need to plan for more than eight hours each night depending on your individual sleep habits and circadian rhythm . If you don’t wake up feeling rested in the morning, it’s likely a sign that you need more sleep.
To improve both your quality and quantity of sleep, it’s important that you focus on behaviors throughout the day that directly affect sleep. This is known as sleep hygiene . Be sure to limit your nighttime intake of caffeine or other stimulants and try to get at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise each day to help your body fall asleep naturally.
Remember, turn off all screens at night and leave your phone out of the bedroom. Artificial light can keep you awake and disrupt your body’s circadian rhythm long after you finally turn the screens off. Plus, if you and/or your partner spend each night staring at your phones in bed, you likely won’t be in the mood for sex anyway.
Sexual health and sleep quality share a deep relationship with one another. Sex or simply orgasms before bed will help you sleep better, which in turn can improve your sex life even further. While an active sex life isn’t the only way to get a good night’s sleep, getting sufficient sleep certainly is necessary for your body to be ready for sex. Getting enough sleep ensures you have the energy and stamina to have sex, while sufficient sleep also allows your body to regulate its hormones to be ready for sexual activity.
Like most aspects of our health, it all starts with sleep.
Chris Brantner is a certified sleep science coach and founder of SleepZoo.com
Katherine (Schreiber) Cullen, MFA, LMSW, co-author of The Truth About Exercise Addiction: Understanding the Dark Side of Thinspiration, is a psychotherapist and writer based in New York City.

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Psychology Today © 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC

The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.

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1 Department of Psychology, University of Bologna, Bologna, Italy.

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