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Countering "going to do it anyway."
I recently completed a graduate course in character education in which we were required to carry out an "action project." For my project I chose to use character-based sex education to try to instill in my younger sister and her friend the self-respect, self-control, and courage needed to lead moral, fulfilling, and healthy lives.
I wanted to inform my 14-year-old sister Kathy about something that I unfortunately just began to take seriously: abstinence. Sure, I have always known what the word meant, but I had never considered it an option for me, until recently. I felt that it was my responsibility to pass the philosophy of abstinence on to my sister because I know that she will not get it in the "going to do it anyway" program that is used at her high school. Also, she is a virgin (her friend is, too), so I wanted to show her how important it is to hold onto that purity.
I started these discussions when I accidentally overheard my sister Kathy, and her friend, Michelle, talking about a "slut" that one of their friends was dating. I asked them why they considered her a slut, and Michelle responded: "She has slept with at least eight guys already, and she is easy." I asked them to think about why this girl is so promiscuous. Kathy said, "She's trying to keep a boyfriend." They assumed that having sex was a way of holding onto a boyfriend and showing love for one another. They also assumed that condoms would protect them from disease and pregnancy and that having sex had no implications for their future adult lives. My goal was to dispel all these myths.
We first tackled the issue of sex as "showing love" or "keeping a boyfriend." I used the girl they were talking about as an example of how boyfriends come and go whether girls have intercourse with them or not. We also talked about girls' feelings when they are rejected after giving part of themselves to another person. I then told them about my having pre-marital sex, and how I wished these relationships had never occurred and that the only true way to find out if a guy loves you is to make him wait until marriage.
We talked about the self-respect and courage involved in leading sexually abstinent lives until marriage. These two young girls developed a new awareness of how truly loving relationships and commitments develop and are sustained. Their awareness was evident in their response to my disclosing that I recently told my boyfriend that I wanted to abstain from sex from now on and he said he could not do this. I asked Kathy and Michelle if they thought the relationship was worth continuing, and they both said, "No, he does not love you if he won't wait for you." I was proud of their answer.
I gave real-life examples of teens who became pregnant or who contracted STDs even with the use of condoms; one of those persons was a close friend of mine.
I also wanted to make these girls aware of the physical dangers of pre-marital sex. I gave real-life examples of teens who became pregnant or who contracted STDs even with the use of condoms; one of those persons was a close friend of mine. They were shocked to find out that this friend contracted herpes from sexual intercourse while using a condom. We considered the possible implications of such diseases: the inability to conceive a baby, passing on a sexual disease to your spouse, and transmitting a disease to your baby in the womb or during delivery.
Besides being more confident in their virginity, Kathy and Michelle have now set the personal goal of saving sex for marriage. They also no longer pick apart boys or girls who are sexually active by calling them "sluts" or "pimps" but instead focus on the deeper consequences of such behaviors and on what promiscuous girls and boys must be lacking in their lives.
My sister and Michelle have recently asked two of their friends to join us in our discussions. I've also shared my project with the parents of these girls. These parents are beginning to realize that abstinence-based sex education is more beneficial than the model now used at their daughters' high school.
A pdf version of this article is available here .
Jessica Burberry. "Teaching my younger sister about sex and love." excellence & ethics (Summer, 1998).
Reprinted with permission. Excellence & Ethics , published by the Center for the 4th and 5th Rs , is the education letter of the Smart & Good Schools Project. It features essays, research, and K-12 best practices that help school leaders, teachers, students, parents, and community members do their best work (performance character) and do the right thing (moral character).
excellence & ethics is published twice a year and may be subscribed to, without cost, here .
Jessica Burberry (a pseudonym) is a first-year elementary school teacher and a graduate student in education at SUNY Cortland.
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10 Sex Positions That Will Get Her Off Every Time
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Women and men don’t always agree about what qualifies as pleasurable sex . Due to our differing anatomies, intercourse that feels pleasurable to one partner may not be all that impressive to the other.
In this satisfaction battle of the sexes, women often lose out. “Intercourse itself seems to be designed really for giving the man pleasure,” says Deborah Caust , clinical sexologist and licensed marriage and family therapist.
There is hope, however, in the form of relatively simple sex positions, specially curated by Caust with women’s desires in mind.
Of course, none of these amount to much without foreplay (think oral sex and clitoral stimulation), proper lubrication , and communication, but combine any one of them with that trifecta, and the both of you will be well on your way to having great sex. Remember, some positions like anal sex (rear entry), doggy style, and deep penetration can be painful for women, so take the necessary steps to make her both emotionally and physically comfortable with deeper penetration.
Sex helps women in a variety of ways, including pain alleviation, better cardiovascular health, decreased melancholy and anxiety, and increased self-esteem. Here are the 10 best sex positions for women beyond face-to-face missionary that she’ll love, according to a sex therapist.
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This position is a common favorite for both men and women, as it encourages deep penetration. With the woman lying on her back (hips at the edge of the bed), the man enters her from under her legs.
Her legs can rest up against his torso or she can place her feet on his chest, options that allow her some control over what angle feels best. (Note: this position can be a bit problematic for more well-endowed men.)
The Coital Alignment Technique or CAT is penetrative sex position designed to stimulate the clitoris. It is a modification of missionary position where the woman has her legs together and the man has his apart. The man then uses his legs to move his entire body.
When done correctly this position should move the woman’s mons Venus (the fatty tissue covering the pubic bones) over the shaft of her erectile tissue, which lies under the skin.
In this position, a man will only be able to penetrate about an inch or so inside the vagina but not to worry, Caust says men still get plenty of satisfying sensation.
“Even though [men] are more used to being able to thrust inside completely, they’re feeling her thighs everywhere,” she says. “So he is getting complete stimulation anyway.”
Right away, know that this position requires some added effort and flexibility — but it pays off for the woman by offering lots of control. To get into the Amazon position, the man lies on his back and brings his knees to his chest.
The woman then squats down onto him, with his legs wrapping over hers. Variations of this position include reversing the woman’s position or having her kneel over her partner.
The ease of this position inspires its pleasant name, and it’s another great choice for full access to the clitoris. This position is a variation on an “X” position, like scissors.
Specifically, the man lies on his side and the woman lies on her back. She puts one leg over his hip and the other can wrapped around his lower leg to pull him in close.
This is for couples looking for something outside the norm. It allows for both deep insertion and total clitoral stimulation, so it’s a big win-win. To get in this position, the woman lies down on her back and the man kneels.
She places one leg on her partner’s shoulder and the other around his thigh. Some added cushioning for the woman, like a pillow , can make the experience even better.
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