Sex Sin

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Sex, Sin, and Zen: A Buddhist Exploration of Sex from Celibacy to Polyamory and Everything in Between is a book written by Zen priest and punk rock bassist Brad Warner. The book is an exploration of sex from a modern Zen Buddhist perspective.[1] It alternates between practical chapters and more arcane, conceptual ones.
The book also features an interview with porn star Nina Hartley who was raised in Berkeley, California by two Zen Buddhists.
The book received mostly positive reviews.[2] Publishers Weekly said of the book, "The subject is as fundamental as the human sex drive, which does not go away as one spends time on the cushion...Kudos to Warner for tackling the subject."[3]
The book has been seen as being alternatively too positive towards polyamory and too critical of it.[4]
^ Murphy, John L. "Sex, Sin, and Zen: 25 Years Hardcore: as Punk Bassist, Sexual Seeker, and Zen Student". Pop Matters. Retrieved 20 June 2011. CS1 maint: discouraged parameter (link)
^ "Sex, Sin, and Zen". Tricycle: The Buddhist Review. Retrieved May 17, 2012. CS1 maint: discouraged parameter (link)
^ "Religion review: Sex, Sin, and Zen". Publishers Weekly. Retrieved May 17, 2012. CS1 maint: discouraged parameter (link)
^ Rotondi, James. "Sex, Sin & Zen: Brad Warner and the Lust for Enlightenment". The Huffington Post. Retrieved 20 June 2011. CS1 maint: discouraged parameter (link)
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Is oral sex a sin in marriage? What about oral sex before marriage? Oral sex can be a beautiful and pleasurable way to bring more intimacy, pleasure, and connection within your marriage. If it’s not happening in your marriage and you’d like it to, talk about it with your spouse. Don’t pressure them. If they’re not comfortable with it, talk about the reasons why. Better communication leads to better sex.
Heather Riggleman Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer
Ah, that question...definitely a relevant topic when it comes to relationships. These two questions are becoming increasingly common as young people are told that “oral sex is not really sex.” In fact, several magazines promote it as ‘safer’ sex and as an alternative to intercourse. Of course, the ones asking these questions are Christians wondering what is permissible in the marriage bed. Non-Christians don’t ask these questions because they usually don’t have the same moral standards nor the Holy Spirit causing them to pause. 
But here’s the thing. Sex is amazing. Sex is great and God wants us to have sex and lots of it. This includes oral sex, but only in the confines of marriage. The answer to question two, any kind of sex, intercourse or oral sex is prohibited before marriage. God doesn’t say in so many words, “Thou shalt not have sex before thou art married,” but in Genesis 2:24, he says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” 
The Bible says, “From the beginning of creation, God ‘made them male and female’” (Genesis 1:27, Mark 10:6-8 ESV). It goes on to declare, “‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’” (Mark 10:6-8, Genesis 2:24). Research suggests that a man’s oxytocin level increases following an act of sexual intimacy. A husband’s brain re-bonds with his spouse. And it’s not just chemicals that are being released; for a few moments, they are one.
When sex is mentioned in the Bible, it is a symbol of the union between a man and a woman in marriage. All sorts of negative consequences are introduced when sex happens outside of the context of marriage: sexually transmitted diseases, AIDS, unwanted pregnancy, emotional damage, guilt, and the list goes on.
The world we live in is about instant gratification. It’s all about you and what you want. However, sex isn’t about you; it’s about the gift you are giving to your spouse and the gift your spouse is giving you. 
Now back to the main question, oral sex. There are a few things to keep in mind. Philippians 2:3-5 is applicable, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Jesus Christ.”  
Oral sex is permissible. As you seek God’s wisdom, you might find it helpful to ask these three questions about any sexual practice you and your husband are considering:
1. Is it permissible in the Bible? Is it prohibited in Scripture? If not, we may assume it is permitted. “Everything is permissible for me” (1 Corinthians 6:12).
2. Is it beneficial? Would this sexual act in any way harm myself or my spouse or hinder our sexual relationship? “Everything is permissible for me — but not everything is beneficial” (1 Corinthians 6:12).
3. Does it involve anyone else? Sexual activity is sanctioned by God for husband and wife only. If a sexual practice involves someone else, even pornography, it is wrong, based on Hebrews 13:4, which warns us to keep the marriage bed undefiled.
There are two veiled passages in the Bible that many theologians believe pertain to oral sex. The first is Song of Solomon 2:3: “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.” The word fruit refers to the male genitals and in biblical references. It is sometimes equated with the male genitals or with semen; so, it is possible that this passage is a reference to an oral genital caress.
The second possible veiled reference is found in Song of Solomon 4:16: “Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread everywhere. Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.” These erotic words spoken by Solomon’s bride are at the climax of a very sensuous love scene. It seems Shulamith asks her husband to blow on her garden (a poetic reference used throughout the Song for the vagina) and cause its spices to flow out. Of course, one cannot be certain, but it is possible Shulamith is inviting her husband to excite her by caressing her with his mouth. She then invites him to enter her and feast on the pleasures waiting in her “garden.”
Clifford and Joyce Penner, in their book The Gift of Sex, give this definition of oral sex: “Oral sex or oral stimulation is the stimulation of your partner’s genitals with your mouth, lips, and tongue. The man may stimulate the woman’s clitoris and the opening of the vagina with his tongue or the woman may pleasure the man’s penis with her mouth.” This sexual stimulation may or may not lead to orgasm for the husband and wife. 
The clitoris has more than 8,000 nerve endings alone. That’s double the amount of the penis. When most people think of oral sex, they assume it is being performed on the husband. But here’s the thing, oral sex is a great way to pleasure your wife. For most women, intercourse alone does not provide enough pleasure for orgasm. Therefore, manual and/or oral stimulation is a big necessity! 
And yes, before we go any further, vibrators are okay too. Some couples enjoy incorporating the use of sexual aids such as vibrators into their lovemaking. Many women (and many men) are hesitant about oral sex on the woman because of the smell. But women aren’t supposed to smell like a field of fresh flowers or soap. But if this is an issue, there are flavored vaginal suppositories: Femallay— these melt fast and provide you with flavor and lubrication. In a survey done by The Generous Husband, he found 45% of men reported to enjoy pleasuring their wife via oral sex. 
Oral sex can be a beautiful and pleasurable way to bring more intimacy, pleasure, and connection within your marriage. If it’s not happening in your marriage and you’d like it to, talk about it with your spouse. Don’t pressure them. If they’re not comfortable with it, talk about the reasons why. Better communication leads to better sex. If you have more questions about sex, check out the book The Naked Truth about Sex and Marriage by Dave and Ashley Willis. Above all else, honor each other.
©iStock/Getty Images Plus/YakobchukOlena
Heather Riggleman is an award-winning journalist and a regular contributor for Crosswalk. She calls Nebraska home with her three kids and a husband of 22 years. She believes Jazzercise, Jesus, and tacos can fix anything and not necessarily in that order! She is author of I Call Him By Name Bible Study, the Bold Truths Prayer Journal, Mama Needs a Time Out, and a contributor to several books. You can find her at www.heatherriggleman.com or on Facebook. 
Originally published January 13, 2020.
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