Sex S Grey

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Sex S Grey

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Grey's Anatomy typically takes a very progressive approach in terms of sex, but that doesn't mean that every situation is handled appropriately.
The hit ABC drama Grey's Anatomy comes with oodles of soapy sex, and the show, in general, takes a very sex-positive approach. Sex plays a crucial role in this show where the whole medical shebang is underlined by the importance of human relationships and intimacy.
It is no surprise that a Shonda Rhimes show would be sexually diverse and would depict sex as glamorously as possible. Yet, there have been times when the show's treatment of sex has not been very well-thought-out; characters have even come across either as insensitive or have simply behaved inappropriately.
Who doesn't remember the iconic pilot of this beloved show that is as much a human drama as it is medical. "A Hard Day's Night" began with a naked Meredith on the couch and an even more naked Derek on the floor in front of her. It was clearly the morning after, and the couple's interaction was awkward at best, with neither of them being aware of the other's name.
Despite the awkwardness, however, the chemistry between Meredith Grey and 'McDreamy' Shepherd was terrific from the very start, and fans started rooting for the couple to come together at once. The beautiful couple became something of a TV legend, and, in the very first episode, the show made clear that it was going to be sexy, establishing its lead protagonist as a confident young woman with a healthy sex life.
What was not such a positive spin on sex was Meredith's behavior with George. The adorable O'Malley had nursed a massive crush on Meredith from day one and decided to take his shot after 'McDreamy' seemed out of the picture.
Meredith, though, was going through a really tough phase and ended up hurting George terribly. She hooked up with him, which was a bad idea anyway, but what was worse was that she started crying hysterically while at it . George took it to heart, and their otherwise friendly dynamic became strained for a while.
Callie Torres was one of the most sexually progressive characters on the show, and her entire arc was sex-positive. She started out as an insanely body-positive young woman who was attracted to George and even got married to him in a whirlwind romance.
Later on, though, Callie started experimenting with her sexuality. She first realized that she enjoyed the company of women as well as men when she had a night with the cardiothoracic surgeon Erica Hahn, but she also had sex with Mark Sloan. Gradually, Callie's journey of self-discovery led her to be with the lovely Arizona Robbins, while at the same time bearing Mark's child.
Lexie Grey was generally known to be the sweetest and gentlest of the interns at Seattle Grace. Yet, she didn't cover herself with glory when she judged her father, Thatcher, for being sexually active with a young woman with tattoos and called her his 'midlife crisis.'
This seemed to give out the message that older people or those beyond a certain age were not expected to get sexual satisfaction or be with anyone they chose. Thatcher's apologetic behavior, albeit part of his nature, further vindicated Lexie's discomfort and her insistence that his relationship was inappropriate, which was so not positive.
Mark and Callie started hooking up casually, but their relationship soon turned into a very honest friendship where each would be there for the other whenever they needed a shoulder to cry on. Although their no-strings-attached relationship did present some difficulties when Callie became pregnant even as Arizona came back from Africa for her, these two had one of the best relationships on the show.
The syphilis outbreak in the hospital was one of its lighter storylines, and that is exactly where it lost its positivity. George O'Malley found out that he had syphilis after sleeping with the nurse Olivia, who had, in turn, got it from Alex . This led to some rather hilarious consequences as Richard took it upon himself to train his staff and doctors on the use of contraception, and, eventually, nearly half the hospital wanted to get checked for STDs, indicating that a significant number of them were sleeping with each other.
However, the 'funny' spin that the writers gave to the story to the extent that the nurse Olivia came to be nicknamed the 'The Syph Nurse,' wasn't in great taste. After all, sexually transmitted diseases are no joking matter, and those affected go through serious emotional and physical ordeals.
The season 15 episode "Silent All These Years" will go down in the annals of the show as one of its most empowering episodes. The episode deals with the dark side of sex as it cuts to and from Jo's devastating discovery of the truth about her birth and the doctors at Grey Sloan preparing a rape kit for a victim of sexual violence.
Although the episode takes a bird's-eye look at sexual crimes, it gives it a positive turn by advocating consent and the empowerment of the victims of such ordeals. As the young woman Abby decides to press charges against her offender, she goes from being a victim to a survivor and is hailed by an entire floor filled with female doctors and staff at the hospital. The sheer positivity this moment exuded resonated with fans all over the world.
Unfortunately, not every character on Grey's got the standing ovation that Abby did. Whether it was Meredith being slut-shamed by Addison, or Izzie being humiliated by Alex for having been a model, slut-shaming had been a staple on the show, at least in its earlier years.
Of course, the one person who was slut-shamed casually over and over again by his colleagues, friends, as well as well-wishers was Mark Sloan. Rather disturbingly, Mark even called himself and Meredith "dirty mistresses" for being the other man and woman in Derek and Addison's lives.
The series has handled the portrayal of LGBTQ+ characters with deep sensitivity. Of course, doctors like Callie, Arizona, and, more recently, Nico and Levi, are sexually diverse , but patients too have belonged to the LGBTQ+ community, with episodes revolving around their acceptance by society.
For instance, when Ben Warren's brother showed up at the hospital and revealed that he was transitioning into a woman, Ben found it hard to accept this drastic shift in his life at first. However, Miranda managed to make him realize that nothing else but his love for his sibling mattered. Yet another time, a non-binary patient arrived at Grey Sloan in season 15, and Jackson and Helm had to educate Richard in the appropriate pronouns, which in the larger scheme was a very positive perspective.
The series has always taken pride in portraying strong women, but the comic element surrounding Bailey and her dubious nickname 'Booty Call Bailey' was a tad unnecessary.
Bailey is a powerful woman, possibly the most powerful one in the Grey's universe, and could hardly be shamed for wanting to have sex with her husband Ben whenever he was in town. She was confident in her body and made use of the on-call room every now and then. Yet, she was made to feel embarrassed for her 'booty calls," which, given the typically sex-positive outlook of the show, feels particularly off-kilter.
Surangama, or Sue, as she is called by many, has been writing on films, television, literature, social issues for over a decade now. A postgraduate from London's Goldsmiths University with a Distinction in Media and Communications, Sue has published articles on cinema in some of the leading newspapers in India and has been editor of a prime Indian online news medium for over a year. She has also been published in prestigious academic journals and has had her short stories published both online and otherwise. A teacher, writer, and editor, she is game for mushy romances as well as serious content and hopes to approach them constructively.

Bailey recruits the interns to create a series of social media videos informing teens about sexual health; Meredith and Maggie learn something new about Zola.
S19 E6 - Thunderstruck A thunderstorm hits Grey Sloan. TV-14 | 11.11.2022
S19 E5 - When I Get to the Border Meredith and Jackson travel to Boston. TV-14 | 11.04.2022
S19 E4 - Haunted The interns practice trauma training. TV-14 | 10.28.2022
S19 E2 - Wasn't Expecting That Jo spends her day off with Bailey. TV-14 | 10.14.2022
Bailey, Carina and Jo Open the Clinic TV-14 | 11.10.2022
Yasuda Tells Teddy How Inspirational She Is TV-14 | 11.10.2022
Maggie and Winston Argue About His Career TV-14 | 11.10.2022
Meredith and Zola Talk Through a Big Decision TV-14 | 11.03.2022
Bailey Has an Idea About How Addison Can Help More Women TV-14 | 11.03.2022
Tom Tries to Convince Catherine to Tell People About Her Cancer TV-14 | 11.03.2022
Winston Talks to Maggie About Making a Change TV-14 | 10.27.2022
Teddy Has Some Unexpected Advice for Link TV-14 | 10.27.2022
Richard Tells Schmitt to Take a Break TV-14 | 10.27.2022
Kai and Nick Catch Up TV-14 | 10.20.2022
Richard and Addison Talk About How to Stay in the Fight TV-14 | 10.20.2022
Meredith Offers Griffith Some Support TV-14 | 10.20.2022
Meredith Opens Up to Nick About What Happened When He Left TV-14 | 10.13.2022
Winston Tells Maggie That She Was a Great Teacher TV-14 | 10.13.2022
Bailey Tells Jo That She's Not Ready to Come Back Yet TV-14 | 10.13.2022
Meredith Offers Nick a Job at Grey Sloan TV-14 | 10.06.2022
Nick Teaches Luke Something Important About Bad Days TV-14 | 10.06.2022
Meredith is Killing it as Chief TV-14 | 10.06.2022
DeLuca Says 'I Love You' to Meredith TV-14 | 05.02.2019
Meredith Has a Surprise for DeLuca TV-14 | 01.17.2019




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Claire Gillespie is an experienced health and wellness writer. Her work appears across several publications including SELF, Women’s Health, Health, Vice, Verywell Mind, Headspace, and The Washington Post. 


Health.com uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Health's content is for informational and educational purposes only. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.






Health is part of the Dotdash Meredith publishing family.



Graysexuality—sometimes spelled greysexuality or known as gray-asexuality, gray-A, or gray-ace—is a sexual identity characterized by feeling limited sexual attraction.


"People who call themselves graysexual tend to feel sexual attraction rarely, at a low level of intensity, and/or only in very specific situations," Sarah Melancon , PhD, a sociologist, clinical sexologist, and sexuality and relationship expert for SexToyCollective.com , told Health .


Like many sexual identity terms, it's not clear when graysexuality was first coined, but it's been used in the asexual community for several years. In a 2015 Mic article, sexuality educator Sari Locker argued that graysexuals "feel they are within the gray area between asexuality and more typical sexual interest."


It's also hard to know how many people describe themselves as graysexual. According to the 2015 Asexual Census , 15.6% of respondents (1,427 out of 9,161 people) identified as graysexual. In another study, published in 2021, individuals around the world who identified on the ace spectrum responded to the Ace Community Survey. The researchers found that 1,698 of the participants identified as graysexual .


"Graysexuality is a close cousin of asexuality," said Melancon—tied to the same general category but still different from one another.


But what does it mean to be asexual? According to the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), an asexual person experiences little to no sexual attraction. The opposite of asexual is sexual, which is also referred to as allosexual . So graysexual falls somewhere between the two, stemming from the idea that sexuality isn't black and white, and that many people fall into this "gray area."


"Graysexual is a way for someone who feels a little attraction at times to honor their experience, as opposed to using the term asexual, which implies a complete lack of sexual attraction," said Melancon. However, she added, some people who identify as asexual can experience attraction at times or to certain people.


"These identity categories are not absolutes but reflect how people see themselves and what terms they prefer to describe their experience," said Melancon.


Some graysexual people may not consider graysexuality their primary or only orientation or identity. The 2015 Asexual Census found that around half of those who identified as graysexual identified as exclusively graysexual or straight, followed by queer (16.6%), bisexual (12.5%), pansexual (11.2%), other (3.1%), lesbian (3%), and gay (2.8%). So you might be graysexual and queer, or graysexual and straight, or you might simply identify as graysexual and choose not to label yourself any further.


Someone who identifies as graysexual may have any romantic orientation because sexual and romantic identities aren't necessarily linked. And there are almost as many types of romantic orientations as there are sexual orientations. According to AVEN , romantic orientations are most often expressed in what gender the person is romantically attracted to in relation to their own.


For example, a person could identify as graysexual and aromantic (experiences little to no romantic attraction to anybody, regardless of gender); grayromantic (experiencing romantic attraction infrequently); demiromantic (experiencing romantic attraction infrequently, and only after developing a strong emotional connection to somebody); or heteroromantic (experiencing romantic attraction only to people of a different gender).


Of note, it's important to know that there's a distinction between sexual attraction and the experience of low libido when it comes to graysexuality and romantic feelings. While those who identify as graysexual may feel little sexual attraction to others, this does not necessarily mean that they automatically have a lower interest in sex. Hence, having low libido is not a direct marker of graysexuality.


Like most sexual identities, graysexuality isn't widely discussed or accepted as being "normal." This can make coming out as graysexual challenging and scary. Beverly D Buchanan , a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Minnesota, advised taking a small step, getting comfortable, then taking another small step.


"For the more introverted individual, I would suggest they read and process and then read some more. A lot of people will tell them to 'get out there' and 'find their people,' but that is very daunting when they feel like they are a unicorn in a world of horses," Buchanan told Health . "It's easier to 'get out there' once you have enough information to feel secure in your identity, or at least secure enough to talk about your struggle with or curiosity about your identity."


The next step is looking for ways to connect with other graysexual people, such as on social media or online forums. AVEN is inclusive of graysexual folks; the group has an entire forum called The Gray Area, Sex, and Related Discussions , where members can discuss topics and experiences in the gray area.


If you're a more extroverted type, you may need to jump straight to the meet-up section of the forum to feel connected and recharge with others, said Buchanan.


If you identify as graysexual and are in a relationship with somebody who is at the other end of the asexual-sexual spectrum, communication is crucial, said Buchanan. Try to have honest conversations about how often you both need/want to have sex, and discuss activities that may be satisfying alternatives to sex, like cuddling or massage.


As a therapist who has specialized in couples work, Missouri-based counselor Molly Lyons has seen that even in couples who are highly matched, small differences when it comes to romantic and sexual needs can have a large impact over time. "Every couple I have met has had some difference in their sexual preferences and needs and that can have a large impact if not discussed intentionally," she told Health . "The key to managing conflict is constantly talking, making compromises and negotiations, and validating and empathizing with your partner."


Though it falls under the umbrella of asexuality, graysexuality is separate. A person who identifies as graysexual has limited experiences of sexual attraction. They may or may not consider graysexuality to be their only or main identity. Being in a relationship where you or your partner is graysexual requires good communication and understanding. Additionally, it's good to learn more about the identity and find support in others if you identify as graysexual.

Copulsky D, Hammack PL. Asexuality, Graysexuality, and Demisexuality: Distinctions in Desire, Behavior, and Identity [published online ahead of print, 2021 Dec 17]. J Sex Res . 2021;1-10. doi:10.1080/00224499.2021.2012113

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