Sex-Positive

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Historically, our culture has been filled with negative references about sex and sexual identity.

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But the idea of being “sex positive” — an attitude about sexuality that is free from judgments — has gained new momentum over the last few years.
Psychologist Adriane Bennett, PhD , talks about sex positivity and why it’s an inclusive way to think and behave.
You are sex positive if you emphasize openness, nonjudgmental attitudes, as well as freedom and liberation about both sexuality and sexual expression.
This can mean you support all gender identities , gender expressions, gender presentations and sexual orientations.
“It’s more of an attitude and acceptance of trying not to be judgmental either to yourself or other people who may have a different lifestyle,” says Dr. Bennett. “As long as they are consenting adults, you don’t see it as problematic behavior.”
Dr. Bennett says that sex positivity can be traced as far back as the 1920s. Even the 1960s and ’70s had expressions of sex positivity with the feminist, LGBTQ and social justice movements.
“I think it’s something for us to talk about now as a result of the culture wars going on over the last four or five years,” says Dr. Bennett.
From the differing viewpoints on subjects like women’s rights and gender identity, Dr. Bennett says religion and society both play a role in how we talk about sexuality. Sex positivity is all about re-educating yourself and being open to diverse points of view.
“There’s a lot of polarization in the country,” she says. “But it’s about understanding that for example, gender identity is not just what your genitals are.”
You do not need to have sex — or be sexually active — to be sex positive. Being sex positive is about accepting yourself and all the different identities that are out there.
“It’s more about us as a person and our emotional development,” says Dr. Bennett. “Our relationships, how we bond with other people and how we express love with other people.”
As the opposite of sex positivity, many of us have dealt with sex negativity — attitudes that attach shame and judgment to others’ experiences and feelings about sexuality — whether it comes from other people, society or education.
“Much of it is stems from religion or sex education that only emphasizes sex as being just about physical reproduction,” says Dr. Bennett. “Our brain is our biggest sex organ, so it’s going to include our emotions, our identity and our relationships.”
Examples of sex negative messages and behavior:
Having a more sex-positive culture and society can reduce the shame people feel, help prevent depression and even suicide, says Dr. Bennett. Here are a few ways you can be more sex positive:
Many of us grew up with negative messages regarding sex. “It may take some time, either through exposure to other cultures or even just exploring within yourself to realize that you are comfortable with different aspects of sex,” says Dr. Bennett.
For example, if someone is making a homophobic joke at work, speak up. “Don’t tolerate negative things,” says Dr. Bennett. “You can say, ‘I don’t really want to hear that.’” If you feel comfortable, you can have a conversation with the person about why they feel the need to engage in sex negativity. “They may come from a culture where they have some beliefs tied to sin, morality and shame,” says Dr. Bennett.
Being in touch with yourself and being open-minded will help you connect with others. “Maybe a friend who enjoys sex, but finds it shameful, is afraid to find a partner who will match her needs,” says Dr. Bennett. “Letting her know it’s OK to talk to you helps to remove stigmas.”

Cleveland Clinic is a non-profit academic medical center. Advertising on our site helps support our mission. We do not endorse non-Cleveland Clinic products or services. Policy

The idea of being “sex positive” has gained new momentum over the last few years. A Cleveland Clinic doctor discusses what sex positivity is and why it’s an inclusive way to think and behave.

Health's content is for informational and educational purposes only. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Health is part of the Dotdash Meredith publishing family.

Colleen Murphy is a writer and editor at Health. She has extensive experience with interviewing clinicians about patient care and medical research. She loves the Olympics and awards season, as well as spending time with family and traveling.

If you've been watching The Bachelorette at all this season, there's a term you've likely heard over and over again: sex positive . Several of the men competing on the show have used "sex positive" to describe the current bachelorette, 30-year-old Katie Thurston, who is known for being super comfortable talking about sex .

Even if you don't watch The Bachelorette , you might be hearing the phrase "sex positive" pop up elsewhere. That includes Twitter, as people are making jokes about turning this season into a drinking game: Whenever anybody says "sex positive," take a drink.

But what exactly does it mean to be sex positive? Here's how experts explain it.

Someone who is sex positive is open to learning more about their own body, other people's bodies, as well as consent, intimacy, and how to communicate about sex topics, Rachel Needle , PsyD, a psychologist in West Palm Beach, Florida, and the co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes, a company that trains couples and sex therapists around the world, tells Health .

It also means they're open to embracing and exploring their own sexuality and that of others-including sexual behavior, gender, sexual identity, and anatomy-in a respectful, non-judgmental way without shame.

But sex positivity doesn't only have to do with sex-positive experiences and ideas. Theo Burnes, PhD, a psychologist practicing in Los Angeles and the director of clinical training at Antioch University in California, tells Health that sex positivity can also be about fighting for people who work in the sex industry, making sure they have equal rights and that their work is decriminalized. It can include advocating for accurate sex education that is not abstinence-only or fear-based. Sex positivity can also focus on understanding sex in the media-and that sexualized pornography, movies, or ads tend to portray some types of people yet leaves other out.

Being sex positive can also mean being the person a friend can come out to or go to with "their own fears, their own internalized stigma, sometimes their own shame," Burnes says. Someone might call you, as a sex positive person, and say, "I'm really nervous about trying this new experience with my partner and I want to talk to somebody about it," he explains.

"Being sex positive doesn't necessarily mean that you're having an increased frequency of sexual behavior, or sexual encounters, or sexual arousal, but it does mean that you have an openness and a non-judgmental attitude toward engaging in sex, talking about sex, being open to other people talking about sex," says Burnes.

Being sex positive also doesn't mean you disregard the need for consent, Rosara Torrisi, PhD, certified sex therapist and director of The Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy , tells Health . "It's not about encouraging folks to have a certain sexual orientation, minimum or maximum number of partners, or engage in certain behaviors during sex," she says. "Expectations and pressure for anything about sexuality is inherently anti-sex positivity." Consent is always a must.

Sex positivity isn't just a concept that people identify with-it's also a political and social movement.

"One of the things that really started that movement is this idea that sexuality has been often talked about as secretive, shameful, unhealthy, and that being overtly sexual in any kind of way-whether that's talking about it, whether that's having conversations about it-is problematic," Burnes says. "And so the [sex positive] movement basically tries to say, 'Hey, wait a second, this is a part of our normative development. And it's not necessarily unhealthy or shameful, but having these conversations, doing exploration with sex when consent and trust and communication are part of the sexual process, is not wrong or unhealthy.'"

It's a movement that's been around for a long time. Recently, however, celebrities like Lady Gaga, Amber Rose, Jessica Biel, and Lizzo have spurred more conversations about sex positivity after speaking publicly about their experiences with slut shaming, sexuality, sexual assault, body acceptance, and sexual health and responsibility, Burnes explains. And yes, even The Bachelorette has expanded this trend.

"It wasn't some agenda that I had coming on to the show. It's just who I am and who I've been this whole time," Thurston said on the podcast Bachelor Happy Hour earlier this year, after viewers were first introduced to her sex positive attitude when she was a contestant on The Bachelor . "It wasn't until after the fact that I realized how big of a deal it was-which excites me, because I do believe it's 2021, and women should be comfortable talking about their sexuality."

"I appreciate being comfortable being able to talk about it," Thurston continued. "Hopefully that means other women will soon start to open up a little bit, because being sex positive is important in a relationship, [the relationship you have with] yourself, in your self-care, and so many different things, especially in this [ongoing COVID-19] pandemic."

Being sex positive is "actually quite healthy and has been endorsed by a variety of organizations, like the World Health Organization (WHO)," according to Burnes. In fact, the WHO says that "a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships" is paramount to sexual health.

"When we are sex positive we are more sexually healthy," Needle points out. "To many, being sexually healthy includes being comfortable with your own sexuality and making decisions related to and communicating about it." Being sexually healthy can also mean enjoying sexual pleasure, having access to health care (including reproductive health care), having better communication skills with our partner(s) so that we are more likely to get what we want and need, and knowing how to avoid unintended pregnancy and minimize the risk of sexually transmitted infections (and accessing treatment if needed).

Having sex positive views can enhance your mental well-being too, according to Burnes. "That can mean decreased amounts of feelings of isolation, which can lead to things like depression and anxiety, [as well as a] decrease in shame and stigma, which can also lead to building resilience," he says. When we eradicate ourselves from stigma and shame, he adds, we often demonstrate better health-related behaviors.

First, know that anyone can be sex positive. "Sex positivity has little to do with what your sexual behaviors, identities, etc. are and much more about your perspective about sexuality," Torrisi says. "It doesn't matter if you've had sex with only yourself, a million people, or no one. Sex positivity is a set of values that is inclusive and nurturing of your own and others' sexuality. It's not just for polyamorous and kinky folks."

As a whole, the US "has improved its understanding of sexual consent, pleasure, functioning, identity, orientation, behaviors, and expression," according to Torrisi. But there's still work to be done. "We're still grappling with dual realities about sex in this country," she says. "We are on one hand obsessed with sexuality, and on the other hand we are terrified of sexuality. Either end of this spectrum isn't sex positivity. Recognizing the nuances, the lived realities of billions of individuals, each with their own valid truths, now that's sex positivity."

It also helps to recognize the culture many Americans were raised in, "where we're constantly bombarded with images that sex is something we should think about, but never talk about," as Burnes puts it. Next, he suggests thinking about whether you want to see a therapist, read some books, or visit different websites to help you navigate what being sex positive will look like for you.

"Being sex positive doesn't necessarily mean that [you're] going to go and have certain sexual encounters-although if that's something that someone wants to do, that's great and awesome, as long as they're safe, consensual and communicative," Burnes says. Instead, he says, it can simply mean being more open to other people's and your own sexual curiosity and experiences.

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If you've got an open and non-judgmental mind when it comes to sex, you're on the right track.
The term "sex positive" is used to describe an attitude towards sex that's well, positive, and judgment-free. Contrary to what you might think, being sex positive doesn't necessarily mean you're kinky AF (although you can be), but is more of an umbrella term used to describe an open attitude when it comes to all things sexual.
"Sex-positivity can be defined in many different ways but generally refers to an attitude and approach to sex that prioritizes personal agency and preferences and minimizes moral judgments," says Jess O'Reilly, PhD, and resident sexologist for Astroglide.
One of the most important factors about sex-positivity is the idea that sex can be used for pleasure and not just procreation , explains Robert Thomas, a sexologist and co-founder of Sextopedia .
Another important aspect of sex-positivity is the ability to talk freely about sex, without shame or judgment towards yourself or others. "Sex positivity views sex as one of the best things in life and doesn't demonize it in any way or attempt to make anyone feel guilty for their urges and desires," explains Alex Miller, sexologist at Orchid Toys . A sex-positive person doesn't judge others for their sexual desires or fetishes, and instead keeps an open mind.
"Sex positivity views sex as one of the best things in life."
And yes, you can be totally sex-positive if you identify as vanilla and personally don't engage in kinky sex . "You, or other adults around you, can choose if, when, how, and with whom they want to have sex, and not be judged about their decisions," adds Thomas. As long as you're not judging other people for their proclivities between consenting adults, you're sex-positive.
You can also be sex-positive without even having had sex , says O'Reilly. As long as you acknowledge that sexuality evolves and exists on a spectrum. This spectrum can include anything ranging from consensual non-monogamy to abstinence and everything in between.
It might also help to think of sex-positivity as similar to freedom of speech . Someone who believes in freedom of speech may not personally hold every contentious opinion in the land, but their underlying belief that others should be able to have clashing opinions or beliefs that don't align with theirs is key.
"I may not enjoy what you do, but as long as it is going on between consenting adults and is not damaging or endangering anyone...rock on."
"The sex positivity movement is very closely related to the sentiment of Voltaire ...'I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it,'" adds Tami Rose, owner of Romantic Adventures .
Translated for a sex-positive crowd, their version would be something like: "I may not enjoy what you do, but as long as it is going on between consenting adults and is not damaging or endangering anyone… rock on," explains Rose.
In short, think of sex-positivity as the celebration of freedom of choice , as O'Reilly calls it. Being sex-positive is an attitude that embraces personal agency and choice and respects the sexual decisions made between consenting adults.

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