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Plus, the best IRL and virtual parties to attend.
Never been to a sex party before, but feeling... curious? You're not alone. Many people are keen to explore their sexuality and meet like-minded people who share the same kinks.
From hotels to private homes, warehouses to exclusive town houses, sex parties are popping up all over the UK. And there's something for everyone, from female-only clubs, to group clubs and fetish clubs.
Whether you attend with friends, a partner, or explore on your own, you deserve great sex – and parties are specifically intended to help their attendees out with that. Here’s how to respectfully and, crucially, safely, make your sex party debut with fewer nerves and more excitement.
A sex party is a group of consenting adults getting together to have sex. Sex may be oral sex only, penetrative sex, or it may be kink play (such as role-plays or spanking). Sex parties come in many forms, from the super-elaborate to the super chilled and casual.
Generally, these are private or semi-public events where you're allowed to engage in varying forms of sexual activity with one another, often in full view of other guests. However you don't always need to engage, you can just watch others (if you ask permission, first) – it's all about doing whatever you feel comfortable with.
Any consenting adults can go to a sex party. Some go only once to try a new experience, others go to sex parties regularly. Silva Neves , Psychosexual and relationship psychotherapist explains: 'Sex parties are popular with single people and those who are in an open relationship or in a polyamorous relationship, with the agreement that having sex with strangers in sex parties are OK.'
'Some people who identify as monogamous can also go to sex parties to spice up their sex lives once in a while. These couples often call themselves 'monogam-ish', which means that they are monogamous most of the time, but may decide to invite a third, or go to a sex party once in a while.'
Sex parties cater to all sorts of kink or sexual activity preferences. It is up to you to make sure you go to the right sex party for yourself. Some sex parties are 'Vanilla', which means that the sex play does not include any particular kink or fetish. Some may be part of some communities such as nudists.
Parties tend to have particular themes for people who are interested in special kink or fetish. For example: BDSM parties (Bondage, Domination, Submission, Masochism), or places with specific dress codes such as leather, latex or lycra.
Make sure that you're going to the right sex party that would meet your needs. Clubs have different themes depending on the day/ night, you may want to check them out on social media or contact them beforehand for a little more information on that particular night.
Depending on the club you may need to buy tickets beforehand – if you're unsure it's always best to reach out to the club first and ask any questions.
Neves says: 'Some parties are more popular with people of a certain age group, so, again, it is best to call the club and ask about the usual clientele.' Plus, each club is likely to have different etiquette. 'Some sex parties will have special ground rules,' he adds. It's important when attending events to always read up on the rules and any information beforehand to check if you are comfortable with them, or not.
Neves suggests: 'Make sure that you look after your sexual health. Most clubs provide condoms and lube, but it is always a good idea to get your own, just in case. Most people have protected intercourse but not oral sex. If you have unprotected oral sex, it is important to have a STI check-up one or two months after the party.'
At a sex party, knowing what you are – and are not – comfortable with getting into is key. Work out ahead of time what you want from the experience. Do you want to show up, watch some people get it on and maybe indulge in some making out, yourself? Are you keen to get involved in more sexual behaviours? If so, what?
Remember that you always have the right to consent or not. Going to a sex party does not mean that you want everybody to touch you. It is OK to say no 'no' to whoever you want to, to decline propositions and to simply leave if it doesn't feel right, to you. Before getting into anything sexual with another person, communicate your boundaries, as above.
If you consented to something initially, but don't feel comfortable about it after a while, you can also, of course, withdraw your consent at any point and decide to leave. If anyone at any point makes you feel uncomfortable, alert the event organiser.
It is a good idea to ask the event organiser what protocols they have in place to create an environment with consent at its core, and what its policy is for anyone found to be infringing another person's boundaries.
Similarly, respect other people's boundaries. Before touching another person, ask permission. Do not launch into someone else's play without being explicitly invited.
This is an invasion of the other attendee's privacy. Most clubs will have protocols around bringing devices into parties.
Despite the sense of mystery that surrounds them, finding sex parties to attend isn’t all that difficult in today’s digital day and age, plus the adult partying scene is growing fast. Social media and a quick Google search is your best bet to finding an array of different clubs in your area and to your taste, but use the below as a starting point.
Thinking of introducing some illicit fun into your weekends? Here are six of the best adult parties you don’t want to miss.
Founded in 2005 by Emma Sayle, Killing Kittens describes itself as: 'The world’s most exclusive, decadent and hedonistic parties were created, fully focused on the pursuit of female pleasure.' While all genders are invited, women drive the direction of travel –at parties, men cannot approach women, unless they know them and men are not allowed to attend without a female partner. Note: you are asked to send in photos of yourself, and your partner, if you are bringing one, for screening ahead of time.
Still a bit nervous about attending a sex party IRL? Killing Kittens has the option of attending virtual house parties – where you can dip your toe into sex parties, without leaving the comfort and safety of your own home.
Torture Garden is the world’s largest Fetish and Body Art Club, who state that they are 'home for those who are looking for something more extreme than you can find in “regular” clubs.'
Events happen monthly across London and can attract anywhere between 1000-2500 people, while the production values are high: this is a multi-room experience with sets designed to create an 'immersive underworld to lose yourself in.'
'You can make the night what you want it to be…dance in the main room, play in the dungeon, take in the unique crowd, find new music in our eclectic ballroom or take that special person to the couples room,' say the people behind these parties.
'Our purpose is to curate spaces where women feel free to express and exist as their true authentic selves, without judgement,' explains Genevieve LeJeune, CEO and Founder of Skirt Club. Founded in 2014, the mission is to build an exclusive all-female community for empowerment and sexual discovery.
'A network of professional women with common interest that take place all over the world. All events are run without any men in attendance and the events have proved very popular.
This club is ‘a playground for the dominant woman and those who worship her’. It attracts a mix of people, from dominant women to submissive men and women. However, at these events, males may not attempt to dominate any women. The dress code? 'Guests should dress to impress in fetish clothing, black clothing or bondage gear.'

A government loan provided to Killing Kittens to help it through the pandemic has converted into an equity stake in the company, the British Business Bank confirmed on Tuesday.
Killing Kittens, which organizes women-led adult parties in cities including London and New York, secured the investment in 2020 from the UK government's Future Fund, which was designed to help startups survive the coronavirus pandemic.
The company was founded by Emma Sayle in 2005, and organizes members-only parties in exclusive venues where "established gender stereotypes" are challenged, according to its website . It recorded a 330% increase in traffic to its website during coronavirus lockdowns, and now calls itself "the fastest-growing adult social network."
At one point, the pandemic forced the company to move all its events and workshops online, accelerating existing plans to enter the sex tech industry — a fast-growing sector that encompasses products and businesses focused on enhancing sexual experiences.
Killing Kittens now has a mobile app that allows users to meet each other "for casual dating, friendship, kink partners or a long-term relationship," according to a description on its website .
The government's Future Fund previously awarded the company a loan of £170,000 ($221,780). The program, which is funded from tax revenue , typically provides debt financing of between £125,000 ($153,000) and £5 million ($6.1 million) to companies, subject to them at least matching the funding from private investors.
The government has picked up stakes in many other companies through the fund. As of this March, 337 convertible loans it had awarded to firms across the country also turned into equity after those players raised further funds.
Asked about the Killing Kittens investment on Tuesday, a British Business Bank spokesperson said that "applications that met all the eligibility criteria received investment."
"The Future Fund used a set of standard terms with published eligibility criteria," the representative added in a statement. "The process provided a clear, efficient way to make funding available as widely and as swiftly as possible without the need for lengthy negotiations."
Killing Kittens did not immediately respond to a request for comment.
After the initial investment in 2020, Sayle joked that she had never "envisaged Boris as a sleeping partner," referring to UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson.
— CNN's Eoin McSweeney and Hanna Ziady contributed to this report.
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Updated 1245 GMT (2045 HKT) June 28, 2022
London (CNN Business) British taxpayers now officially hold shares in a company that throws sex parties.

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"Nothing I can say will prepare you properly for it," were the exact words I was told before heading to my first sex party at the ripe young age of 24. While I did feel woefully underprepared at my first official group sex event, that's not because sex parties are mysterious and ineffable. They can indeed be described, and they should be for newbies looking to get into the scene.
The thing is, each sex party is drastically different, and therein lies the problem. I've been to parties where before getting down to business, all the guests sit in a circle, say their names, sexual orientations, pronouns, and what they're hoping to do sexually that evening, even specifying with whom. These parties are typically for people of all genders, and there's an emphasis on consent and creating a warm, welcoming space. They have moderators you can talk to if you feel unsafe or if someone is harassing you. If someone is being a creep, they get kicked out. Period.
Then I've been to sex parties where asking to touch is actually frowned upon, since it "takes people out of the moment." These parties are typically cruisier, black-lit, gay sex parties. I even went to a party at a club in Amsterdam where all the bottoms (receptive anal sex partners) agreed to bend over and be blindfolded. The whole "schtick" of the event was that these men could not see who they were having sex with.
Depending on your sexual interests, this either sounds incredibly hot or downright terrifying.
Obviously, the two sex parties I described above are very different. Being bi, I like to attend numerous sex events that fall on both ends of the spectrum (and everywhere in between). I like the chill, let's get to know everyone first type of sex party, but I also like that bend me over the desk, I don't know who you are, please God take me, Daddy type of sex party.
Recognizing the diversity of the sex party options out there, here's what you should know before attending a sex party, according to a guy who's both hosted and attended more than 100 parties.
If it’s your first time ever attending a sex party, you probably don’t want to go to a party where everyone starts fucking the moment they step through the doors. It might help you ease into things by attending a more social party, so you can talk to folks and get to know them before undressing. Many sex clubs have events such as performances or sexy games before all the actual sex starts.
To find one of those nights, simply Google “sex clubs [in your city].” From there, you’ll likely find a list of sex clubs. Go to each club’s site, see what the deal with membership is, and then head to their events page to see a list of their upcoming parties.
If this is an official play party, there will be clear rules about what you should wear, how you should behave, how to specifically ask for (enthusiastic) consent, and what happens if you violate those rules. ( Spoiler : You'll be kicked out and never be allowed to return, so don't be a jackass and respect people's boundaries.) Familiarize yourself with the rules before attending, so nothing catches you off-guard.
Note: you won’t find a sex party that allows you to take pictures of the folks inside without their consent. Most sex clubs ban photography altogether. If you meet someone and for whatever reason, just need to take a photo with them, go to the bathroom and take a selfie, just the two of you.
A number of mixed-gender play parties won't let single men attend by themselves. You need to have a sexual partner with you. Even if they don't mandate having someone, I highly recommend you attend with a partner. That person can be someone you're sleeping with or simply a friend. It can feel a bit awkward walking around by yourself at these parties, and some folks may unwittingly judge you—assuming you're a creep—if you're out on the prowl by yourself.
Also, sex is not guaranteed at these parties at all. By going with someone you're sexual with, there's a lot better chance you'll get laid, both by your partner but also by others. Most folks at these parties are coupled up and are looking for another pair to swing with . They're not (often) looking for the rogue stallion.
If you want to go to a party and are open to any and everything on your first night there, good for you. To be honest, I was somewhat like that, but I know this isn’t the case for everyone. Some folks don’t feel comfortable having sex their first time. Whatever your decision is, that’s fine, but make it prior to attending. You can easily get “swept up” in the moment, and you may end up doing something that you later regret. This is also why it’s great to have a buddy. You can hold one another acco
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