Sex Orgasm Is

Sex Orgasm Is
By Carolyn Twersky Updated: Oct 3, 2022
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“It’s like the burst you feel when you get a text from your crush... but in your vagina.”
If you took sex education at school, you probably learned all about pregnancy, STIs , and safe sex practices . While all of that is incredibly important, there’s a pretty good chance that your teacher rarely ever uttered the word “orgasm” throughout the semester. Which, is pretty weird, considering it’s a natural biological function, and sexual pleasure is a normal, healthy part of life.
Let’s actually talk about orgasms for a sec. An orgasm is what happens when a person reaches the height of sexual excitement, which comes with feelings of pleasure and muscle contractions in the genitals. For men, this moment also means ejaculating — but let’s talk about the other, awesome kind of orgasm: the vaginal kind.
So in case your sex-ed teachers aren’t discussing it, we talked to Dr. Melisa Holmes, adolescent gynecologist and co-founder of Girlology , to answer your most pressing questions about orgasms so you can feel more comfortable and empowered with your body and the sexual pleasure you deserve.
An orgasm is a physical reflex, brought on through sexual stimulation, most commonly that of the clitoris, which is the most sensitive organ in the vagina. “It’s a build up to a time frame during sexual stimulation where there’s just this big release of pleasure,” Dr. Holmes explains. During sexual arousal, blood flow increases to the genitals and your muscles tense throughout your body. The orgasm then “reverses this process through a series of rhythmic contractions,” according to Brown University . During an orgasm, “endorphins are released into the bloodstream and these chemicals might make you feel happy, giddy, flushed, warm or sleepy.”
Different people are stimulated by different sexual acts, but it really all comes back to the clitoris. Some people may also require the additional sensation of vaginal penetration to orgasm. In general, when you’re reaching climax, the clitoris will get engorged and lubricated. “The clitoris may just look like a little bump on the outside, but it actually has a lot more to it on the inside, and just the stimulation of that creates this intense burst of pleasurable feelings,” Dr. Holmes says.
There are other erogenous zones that feel good when kissed and touched, but they might not stimulate an orgasm. “A true orgasm really does require genital stimulation and most medical providers will tell you it stems from the clitoris,” Dr. Holmes explains.
There’s nothing wrong with experimenting and figuring out what allows you to reach sexual climax. It could be oral stimulation of the clitoris, rubbing on the inner thigh, or a mix of multiple things. “The best way to learn, if you’re curious, is to teach yourself, give yourself an orgasm,” Dr. Holmes says. “I think that’s really important to understand that you can make yourself have an orgasm probably better than anyone else can. And you don’t need a partner to do that.”
An orgasm feels different for everyone, but there are some common experiences, including heavy breathing, body vibrations, and sweating. Orgasms can be mild or overwhelming — they range from person to person and time to time. So, we asked some real people what orgasms feel like and this is what they said:
“It’s like the burst you feel when you get a text from your crush... but in your vagina.” — Cam, 15
“I would compare orgasms to going out to eat. You wait and wait for your food, very excited for this meal, then the meal gets there and you take your first bite and you’re flooded with happiness. Take a food orgasm and times it by 10!” — Evie, 17
“My clit pulses — a lot. It gets super, super sensitive. Also, I can feel my vaginal walls involuntarily clench, too.” — Annie, 20
“Having orgasms makes me feel connected to my own body. It was revolutionary to me the first time I had one. I’ve had this body my whole life and was missing out on something so big.” — Alexis, 17
“Uncontrollable, amazing tingling sensation all over the body.” — Kendra, 18
“Like I have no control over my body whatsoever with a ticklish sensation... in the most sexy way possible.” — Taylor, 22
As you can see, it feels a little different for everyone, but the common denominator is it feels good.
According to Brown University, one in three people have trouble orgasming from sex with their partner. Since some need clitoral stimulation to climax, simple penetrative sex might not get you there.
When you first start exploring your sexuality, it can take a little bit of time to discover what makes you climax.
Masturbation is the easiest way to explore what helps you reach sexual stimulation. Different rhythms, sensations, and pleasures affect people differently. If you’re exploring with a partner, there’s nothing wrong with asking them to focus on a specific area or action.
There are also external factors, like stress, that may affect your ability to orgasm. “A lot of an orgasm also stems from our brain,” Dr. Holmes says. “We have to feel comfortable and safe to have good sexual function.” Using drugs and alcohol can also affect one’s ability to climax.
“Everyone thinks alcohol makes sex better,” Dr. Holmes says. “And a tiny little bit of alcohol might enhance your sexual experience because it decreases your inhibitions, but too much alcohol can absolutely prevent orgasm. If you’re drunk, you may not even notice the stimulation as much. You're a little more numb.” Prescription medication can have a similar effect. “Especially the SSRIs that are used for depression and anxiety. Those are the most common drugs that prevent or inhibit orgasm,” Dr. Holmes says.
No, you don’t have to orgasm during sex. Vaginal penetration or stimulation can still feel good without reaching sexual climax. And biologically-speaking, if you’re trying to have a baby, a vaginal orgasm isn’t necessary (of course, the penis must ejaculate because sperm is needed to fertilize the egg). That being said, there may be a biological reason why we have vaginal orgasms: so that we want to have sex again. “It makes sense that sex feels good so that you are willing to have sex,” Dr. Holmes says. “So the species can be perpetuated.”
So, if you’re not orgasming every time with your partner, it’s NBD. That being said, if you want to orgasm and you feel like your partner isn’t spending the time on you to reach climax, have a conversation about it. If they care about you, they’ll put in the extra work to make you feel good.
Carolyn Twersky is an associate editor for Seventeen covering celebrities, entertainment, politics, trends, and health. On her off time, she's probably watching Ru Paul's Drag Race, traversing NYC for the best donuts, or, most likely, enjoying time in her favorite place in the world: her bed.
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Anyone who's had an orgasm is likely to describe what it feels like totally differently. If I were to take a stab at it, I'd say it's like genital pins and needles, or a sexy electric shock that spreads out slowly from a central point... kind of like how those fancy French dudes make crepes. And, while many of us want to learn how to orgasm , and know an orgasm is something that happens when sex or stimulation feels really bloody good, do we actually know what it is? I spoke to leading sexual neuroscientist, founder of the biotechnology firm Liberos, Dr Nicole Prause to find out what the hell is going on when we orgasm.
As NHS puts it, "An orgasm is a feeling of intense sexual pleasure that happens during sexual activity."
Dr Prause explains, "Orgasm is eight to twelve highly stereotyped contractions. The first two are about 0.8 seconds apart, and each later one becomes further and further apart. Those contractions happen in the pelvis, and they can be detected in the vagina or the anus. In guys [and people with penises], we would say contractions are measured just in the butt."
Yeah, so, Dr Prause likens the contractions to having a really good wee. "My sense is that the contractions themselves only feel good in the same way that urination feels good." When you're doing all that sexy stuff, the whole area you're stimulating becomes engorged and your sensitivity changes. "I think the orgasm is happening around the same time lots of other pleasurable stuff is going on," Dr Prause says.
"The orgasm itself is not the centre of opioid release"
"Contractions are pushing the blood back out of the genital area at the conclusion of sex. So, the orgasm itself is not the centre of opioid release [the bit that feels really good, BTW], that probably happens beforehand."
Weirdly, there isn't a lot of research in that area. In fact, Dr Prause says, "We still don’t know how orgasms are triggered, but there are lots of theories about it. My favourite one is that orgasm is triggered somewhat like a seizure, in that there will be a lot of neurons firing at the same time together, which causes reflex.
"So an orgasm is a reflex in the sense that once those contractions start they don’t stop, like a sneeze. To have a lot of neurons firing together, that’s what many think causes seizures. And normally the brain doesn’t allow you to go there because there are risks."
Basically, Dr Prause thinks orgasm might be a unique state because the brain has to release control to allow a lot of the synchronised neuron firing, which then triggers the reflex that results in those contractions.
Research has been carried out involving getting guys and people with penises to turn on a vibrator and explain how they feel. Typically, they'll say it's weird and won't get an erection for a while. It's only when they're shown pornography that they become aroused and would have an orgasm. So, what does this mean?
"That speaks to the necessity of having the mind in a sexual state," Dr Prause says. "Even though they were getting direct genital stimulation, without their brain understanding that stimulus and feeling, it wouldn’t manifest that way [in an orgasm]. So you have to have your mind understanding a cue, or feeling of being sexual."
Unfortunately, this research hasn't been carried out with women and vulva-having participants.
"We always tell this story that the idea of multiple orgasms in men [and people who have penises] is quite rare," Dr Prause says. "And I don’t think that’s the case anymore. Mostly because women who say they have multiple orgasms, we find they’re not actually having contractions. My sense is these women are having some kind of pleasurable experience - I don’t think they’re lying to us or deceiving the trials - but they’re not having actual physical climax."
Currently, there is no scientific definition for multiple orgasms. "Something we’re speculating about is those who seem to have the longest latency between those multiple orgasms may be having separate events," Dr Prause explains. "When there's five to 10 minutes between orgasms and contractions, I would say they are pretty separate events.
Dr Prause also says those advice articles you'll see on "How to give a woman five orgasms in three minutes" are just plain BS. "I see those, and I'm doing the math and knowing that isn’t even possible."
But, she wants to make clear that she's not in the business of telling anyone the orgasms they have don't count. "From the perspective of women and orgasms, I’m happy to describe how physiologists define these things. But if you think you’re having them and you’re having fun, I don’t want to tell you that's not good enough . I realise there’s a high risk of that with this kind of data. I don't want to yuck anyone's yum."
Although it may feel like you sometimes have an orgasm that comes directly from your clit, or from inside your vagina, Dr Prause says you're probably not experiencing these from different areas at all.
This is because even if you just have vaginal penetration, without any direct clit stimulation, your clitoral legs are being stimulated inadvertently from inside your vagina. "So you can’t have vaginal penetration that doesn’t involve the clitoris," she adds. "If you say, 'I experienced it as a clitoral orgasm', I don’t doubt the sensations are there but the physiology isn’t. There’s no difference we’ve ever seen between someone having a clitoral orgasm or a vaginal orgasm, it’s the same characteristics and stereotypical pattern of contractions. I totally appreciate it might feel it’s coming from different places, though."
Dr Nicole Prause latest published work looked into how using Happy Rabbit vibrators affected the length of people's orgasms. The study for Lovehoney involved 17 women, and found with a vibrator, orgasms were 17% longer when using the sex toy (23.3 seconds compared to 19.9 seconds using their hand).

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