Sex On First Date Stories
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Sex On First Date Stories
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This guy I met the other week at a party had stopped replying to our conversation, even though I thought it had potential.
“So, do you reckon you can get me a job at Vogue ?” he asked, and I replied, “Yeah, deffo, I’ll put in a word on Monday.”
“Oh no, I was just joking to flirt with you.”
“I know, I was joking too. I wanted you to think I’m funny.”
“At least you didn’t have sex with him,” my mom said, like she always does when something doesn’t work out with a guy. I guess because she thinks if I had, then I would feel more cheated because I’d given myself over to that person. That in leaving the party in a taxi before anything happened, I’d retained some power over the situation. Though I can’t say I felt that way. I just felt bored—numbed by the endless conveyor belt of these interactions to the extent that I barely laughed when a friend said I should get screenshots of these conversations printed on T-shirts.
A week later, I was at another party when I bumped into this guy I’d first met a few months ago. I can’t say I liked him much, but my friends just said he was shy, that he was nerdy at school so probably wasn’t used to girls in mesh dresses running up to him and asking dumb questions like, “If you were a vegetable, what sort of vegetable would you be?” I just thought he was stuck-up and resolved to quietly hate him.
But at some point that evening, the dynamic shifted so dramatically that we ended up having sex. I’m still not quite sure how. I just know that we left the party at the same time, and as we walked to the bus stop together he stopped and looked back at me, a slight smirk flicking up his mouth at one side. Something fizzed in the air, and sensing this, I said, “Are you gonna kiss me or something?” And then all of a sudden my fingers were caught in his hair, his hands were on my ass, and we were stumbling backwards until we hit the brick wall of the nearby corner shop.
One by one, people came out and told us to “get a room.” Hearing this, I didn’t think about how embarrassing it was to be acting like this in public, like I didn’t think about how if I stopped it might increase my chances of a date, like I didn’t think about whether he thought I ended up in these situations all the time, like I didn’t think about whether it was too soon to be this intimate with someone I didn’t know, like I didn’t think of any of the usual things I think about when I get with men.
Instead, I just edged in closer and closer until his knee was pressing up in between my legs and my arms were wrapped around his shoulders. Until our limbs were plaited together, and there was no air separating us. Until we were airtight, vacuum-packed, and yet still not close enough. I wished I had eight arms so I could be all over all of him at once like an octopus. We tried to walk home, but kept ending up like this again, until eventually we fell back into the softness of his big white bed.
When I woke up, it felt as if there were something living in my brain that was trying to fight its way out. Pale blue light exploded through the open windows and I thought about trying to get water but didn’t know where to look and knew I’d probably end up walking into his flatmate’s room or something. I leaned down to him and kissed his cheek as if I were his girlfriend getting up for an early flight and walked out the door.
After a long sleep in my own bed, I got up, and while toasting a bagel, I rang a friend with the intention of filling her in on all the juicy details. Perhaps there was something stiff in my voice though, because she asked, “So, how are you feeling about the whole thing?”
And her soft coaxing made me feel as if something bad had happened, something I should regret. That’s when my mom’s words came into my head again—“At least you didn’t have sex with him”—and I wondered then if I had made a mistake, given something away I should have held onto.
Sex is always framed in this way for women, that it’s something men take from them. They “lose” their virginities and then they keep on losing. You have to hold it back to the third date, make them wait, your body is a prize someone’s got to win. In passing it over, I wondered if some of my power had faded, like when bees sting and then they die. But that’s not how it felt to me that night. I didn’t feel like I’d lost anything. I took him as he was, in that moment, for what he could give me then. I sat right inside the now and let it carry me exactly where I wanted to go. And when I walked out his door and down the road to get in my taxi, I felt like I was in the scene of a film where I, the main character, was about to spin around a lamp post to a soundtrack of Katrina and the Waves, all jazz hands and big grins, to convey how the world can look different, brighter, after a shag.
“I’m going to make more mistakes this year,” I said to a different friend after I’d walked her through every detail of the encounter. “I’m going to embrace chaos.”
Her eyes flicked up at me from over her cocktail. “Why does it have to be a mistake?” she asked. “Maybe not doing it would have been the mistake.”
I went to say something but instead just smiled, hid my face in my hands. It’s funny how the correct decision so often looks like the wrong one, and realizing this, as I walked off to get another round in, I thought about what I could fuck up next time.
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In these days of Tinder swiping and hookups, dates can almost seem like an anachronism. And yet, good first dates live so strongly in our romantic imaginations. Blame it on the ubiquity of the rom-com if you’re cynical or on that fluttery feeling you get in your belly if you’re romantic, but there’s just something so awesome about first dates. Personally, I love the slightly old-fashioned nature of actually going out on a date — although, as I’ve recently learned, not all first dates are so old-fashioned.
Take, for example, my friend who told me about the time he was invited by a photographer he’d just met to go take pictures at a wedding in upstate New York for the weekend. Or the epic first date I once had that involved meeting up in Central Park and then heading out to Queens to an old-fashioned ice cream parlor and then to the Louis Armstrong Museum, where we happened to see a jazz band up from New Orleans who walked through the house playing their instruments in homage to the jazz legend. The best first dates don’t have to end up with a relationship or even in bed — they stand on their own as awesome experiences that you can recount for years after.
So if you love first dates as much as I do, keep reading for some awesome first date stories .
We met at a park in Mountain View on Sunday, two days after we first met. Got the parks confused so I had to go searching for him and he was on the slide. He asked me to go to a spot on the Bay -- it's right at the Google campus and it's where people go to fly their drones. But I didn't want to get in the car with him right away so I convinced him to go back to the first park with the sundial and the Japanese tea garden thing, where you rake through the sand? It’s supposed to be meditative.
So we raked the sand until I realized he wasn't an axe murderer and then got into his car, where I saw he had a little red stuffed cow by the gear shift. I named her Cindy, short for Cinnamon, because she is bright red, like a red hot candy.
He took me to the Google place to fly kites and it was windy and there were lots of drones and it smelled a bit marshy, like sulfur. But it was really sexy to fly a kite, kind of like in the movies when the dude teaches the preppy girl to play golf, like “It's all in the hips.”
Then we went back to downtown Mountain View and I bought a journal at a bookstore (which felt like a good omen, like the start of something new) and ate Mongolian BBQ which was kind of gross and def not romantic. Then we kissed in the car, which should have happened while we were flying the kite but neither of us are very smooth.
He came into my life like a flashbulb — all at once, brightly and instantaneously present —he wore his hair in a vertical curly pile on top of his head. We met at a cafe called Mojo, where we sat next to each other and started talking. I liked him immediately but had to go to work. (I was a half hour late that day after getting lost chatting it up outside of Mojo.)
We met up for a show that same night. I busted my pants excitedly jumping into his arms... and we climbed on top of a (really cool) van, butt hanging out and loving it, and each other, already.
My best first date was also a friends-that-ended-up-dating thing. He invited me to a meditation class, which I had never done but was like, sure, why not. #lifeexperiences.
So instead of the yoga set up (what I was picturing) it was a very serious, very intense zen buddhist temple sort of deal. We had to wear robes! I actually had a mini panic attack from the deathly silence and stillness and snuck out during the "walking meditation" part (it was so quiet in there I could hear myself swallowing and that FREAKED ME OUT, MAN). But he handled it like a pro, despite it also not being what he expected at all; he'd only been to more casual places before, and this one described itself as the Navy Seals of meditation.
We had SO much to talk about on the walk home, what with comparing notes on what freaked us out the most, etc, and since it was a beautiful night and we were both hungry, we ate Chipotle outside on the edge of a fountain.
Doing something new and scary like that made me vulnerable in a good way--it opened me up to the dude and forced me to trust him a little (not usually my strong suit), and it gave us something memorable to bond over.
I highly recommend leaving your comfort zone on first dates for instant connecting! And Chipotle. Always get Chipotle.
Every Friday at our school during football season we had a school spirit raffle. Basically if you wore the school colors you were entered into the raffle. I was in charge of randomly picking the winners but I had a huge crush on this boy at the time (I was 14 he was 15) and rigged the raffle so he would win! The prize was a free Dairy Queen Blizzard. I rigged it just so we could have some sort of interaction when I handed him the prize but he asked me to go to Dairy Queen with him! I was SO excited.
When we got there he only ordered the one Blizzard (the free one...) and being a super shy teenager I agreed to any flavor he wanted. We got an Oreo blizzard even though I hate Oreos! We've been dating ever since (and now I choose all the flavors we order)!
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way , which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.
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mating behavior
June 17, 2013
Tags:
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