Sex More Couple
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Sex More Couple
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Jay Cardiello is a fitness author and leading strength and conditioning specialist certified by the National Strength and Conditioning Association.
Jamin Brahmbhatt, MD, is board-certified in urology. He is an assistant professor at UCF College of Medicine and chief of surgery at Orlando Health South Lake Hospital.
How much sex is normal or healthy? There is no right or wrong answer to that question, and the media can often skew what people consider to be a “healthy” amount of sex.
In the end, there are many factors that affect how often people have sex, some of which are more concrete than others.
The article examines what the current research says, including the factors that influence the frequency of sex and whether "good" sex and frequent sex are one and the same.
A healthy sex life can strengthen the bond between you and your partner and help keep the relationship strong. Sex also offers numerous health benefits as well, some of which include:
This is not meant to suggest that having more sex will make you healthier. Nor, does it mean that having less or no sex will make you less healthy. Sex is only one of many factors that can influence health.
What studies do confirm is that having sex can be good for both the mind and body. The "right" amount of sex is ultimately based on whether it improves your overall well-being, both as an individual and a couple. 3
By and large, people who are single tend to have more sex than people who are partnered (married or unmarried). 4 Studies suggest that couples have sex an average of once weekly. 4
Age can increase or decrease the frequency, and that is largely based on whether sex hormone levels are high or on the decline. 4
According to a 2017 study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior which evaluated behavioral data of American adults from 1989 to 2014: 4
The greatest declines are seen in people in their 50s. Other factors contribute, including having children and, interestingly, not watching porn. The declines were similar irrespective of gender, race, location, educational levels, and work status. 4
This doesn't mean that everyone who gets older will have less sex or that all young people will have tons of sex. In fact, according to the study, people born around the 1940s and 50s tended to have more sex during their 20s and 30s than millennials and iGens today. 4
These generational differences had nothing to do with working hours.
On average, coupled adults in America have sex once weekly. The frequency of sex tends to decrease with age, with the greatest declines seen in people in their 50s.
Sex can be an important part of a relationship, but having less sex does not mean your relationship is "less good." Even so, it can influence it.
Research published by Harvard University reported that 90% of men and women felt that "a good relationship is important to the quality of life." Of these, half said that although sex gives them pleasure, it is not a necessary part of a good relationship. 5
A survey published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found that around 50% of heterosexual couples were content with the amount of sex they had. These couples generally had a more positive view of their relationships as well. 6
On the flip side, the majority of dissatisfied men said that they didn't get enough sex, the negative feelings of which bled over into how they felt about their relationship. Only two-thirds of dissatisfied women felt the same. 6
Part of the reason for the disparity between men and women is that men tend to feel greater distress if they are not content with the amount or quality of sex they get.
A 2013 study from Australia found that, while women are more likely to feel severe distress from lack of sexual satisfaction, men are more likely to tie that frustration to their relationship and, because of this, be less able to resolve their feelings. 7
At the same time, women tend to connect sexual satisfaction with intimacy and the duration of their relationship, while men are more likely to relate it to sexual performance (including how consistently he can bring his partner to climax ). 8
The problem with this, of course, is that sexual frequency and sexual satisfaction are closely linked. And unless both partners are able to satisfy each other, the frequency of sex can decrease even in younger couples. 9
Communication plays a large role in why some sexual relationships are more satisfying than others. A 2017 review in PLoS One reported that couples in whom both partners are able to initiate sex were generally more content with their sex life and relationship. By contrast, those who adhere to roles in which "the man initiates sex" were almost always less satisfied. 8
Sexual satisfaction is linked to sexual frequency. Sexual satisfaction is generally greater when both partners communicate and feel comfortable initiating sex. Poor sexual communication can decrease sexual satisfaction and affect how a partner feels about their relationship.
Couples in the United States have sex an average of once weekly. The frequency of sex is greater in younger couples and tends to decline steeply after the age of 50. Single people and people without children tend to have more sex than people who are partnered or have children.
The frequency of sex doesn't necessarily reflect how people feel about their relationships. What can affect it is sexual dissatisfaction.
Sexual dissatisfaction in men is often linked to the quantity and quality of sex. Women tend to associate sexual satisfaction with intimacy and the duration of a relationship.
Overcoming communication problems can improve sexual satisfaction and, in turn, sexual frequency.
On average, most couples have sex once a week. The frequency can vary by age. One study found that people in their 20s have sex about 80 times a year, while those in their 60s have sex an average of 20 times a year. 4
As long as you and your partner both desire sex and feel up for it, it is perfectly healthy to have sex every day. It is only when hypersexual behaviors make you feel guilty or anxious that you should consider seeing a therapist. 10
There is a wide variation of what is considered "normal" when it comes to sex. According to the Kinsey Institute, humans have a diverse spectrum of sexual preferences and behaviors. 11 All that really matters is that all parties are consenting adults and in agreement about their boundaries.
Mota RL, Female urinary incontinence and sexuality . Int Braz J Urol. 2017 Jan-Feb;43(1):20–8. doi:10.1590/S1677-5538.IBJU.2016.0102
Debrot A, Meuwly N, Muise A, Impett EA, Schoebi D. More than just sex: affection mediates the association between sexual activity and well-being . Pers Soc Psychol Bull . 2017;43(3):287-99. doi:10.1177/0146167216684124
Twenge JM, Sherman RA, Wells BE. Declines in sexual frequency among American adults, 1989-2014 . Arch Sex Behav . 2017;46(8):2389-401. doi:10.1007/s10508-017-0953-1
Harvard Health. Attitudes about sexuality and aging . Harvard Health Publishing.
By Jay Cardiello
Jay Cardiello is a fitness author and leading strength and conditioning specialist certified by the National Strength and Conditioning Association.
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Medically Reviewed by Dan Brennan, MD on June 20, 2021
It may not be a good idea to compare your sex life to that of other couples. But it is interesting to look at what statistics say about this issue. You may think that you're having sex fewer times than your peers, but scientific studies may prove you wrong. For example, a recent study shows that American couples are having less sex than they did a decade ago.
It’s also worth noting that there is no perfect answer to the question.
Research carried out by the General Social Survey shows the following:
Another study published in 2019 found that about 47% of married couples have sex less than once a week.
The frequency of sex is said to be closely linked to a happy marriage . But research shows that married people who have more sex weekly are no happier than those who have less of it. This is according to a study involving 30,000 people.
You’re probably within the normal range. If you’re happy with the number of times you have sex in your marriage, that’s the right amount of sex for you. Research shows that pushing sex frequency to more than once a week may decrease your desire for and enjoyment of sex. This is to say that quality is as vital as quantity.
Satisfaction and interpersonal connection are more important in marriage than the frequency of sexual intimacy. There is also a strong connection between well-being , positive emotions, and sex.
Mutual respect is a huge contributor to sexual satisfaction. Respondents in research studies reported that they are looking for the following for an improved sex life:
Strive to be a better communicator. The journey of making your sex life better begins with ensuring open communication with your partner. One study ties sexual communication with a better sexual experience and satisfaction. For example, you're less likely to fake an orgasm if you have open talks about sex with your partner.
Research also shows that the more you fake orgasms, the less likely you are to talk about sex with your partner. This is because you will feel embarrassed and choose not to talk about it. Some reasons for this include not wanting to hurt your partner's emotions or not feeling comfortable being explicit.
When you stop having sex in marriage , your relationship becomes vulnerable to detachment, anger, infidelity, and ultimately, divorce. Lack of frequent sex in marriage can be due to many reasons, including the following:
As such, there's no standard scale to determine how often you should have sex in your marriage. Having sex at least once a week is ideal to keep the marriage intact. But having sex less than ten times a year is enough reason to qualify a marriage as a sexless one. Over time, it may lead to divorce due to dissatisfaction.
It’s worth noting that lack of sex doesn’t always imply a failed or dysfunctional marriage. Sexual intimacy is how you express your love and desire for your partner. Not having sex doesn't necessarily end in divorce . All the same, it is something that you should strive to handle before things get out of hand.
Sex can easily fall to the bottom of the to-do list for most people. Yet it is the glue that keeps them together. Without it, you might be headed to the "good friends" zone at best or "bickering housemates" at worst.
Many factors must fall into place for sex to become something you desire and want to do often. For most couples, a difference of opinion is usually the main problem affecting the frequency of sex in their marriage. The problem is usually not about sex but about getting to the act itself.
Your willingness for sex at any given time may not always match up to your partner’s. The secret is to negotiate how many times per week works for both of you. Just like many other areas in marriage, sex and its frequency also require compromise. But studies show that a weekly frequency is good enough to keep your marriage happy.
Archives of Sexual Behavior : “Declines in Sexual Frequency among American Adults, 1989-2014,” “Women’s Sexual Satisfaction, Communication, and Reasons for (No Longer) Faking Orgasm: Findings from a U.S. Probability Sample.”
GSS Topical Report: “American Sexual Behavior: Trends, Socio-Demographic Differences, and Risk Behavior.”
Indian Journal of Psychiatry : “SEXUAL BEHAVIOR AND DYSFUNCTION IN DIVORCE SEEKING COUPLES.”
Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization : “Does Increased Sexual Frequency Enhance Happiness?”
Journal of Social and Personal Relationships : “The associations of intimacy and sexuality in daily life: Temporal dynamics and gender effects within romantic relationships.”
Journal of the Academy of Medical Sciences of Bosnia and Herzegovina : “A Review of Affecting Factors on Sexual Satisfaction in Women.”
Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin : “More Than Just Sex: Affection Mediates the Association Between Sexual Activity and Well-Being.”
Procedia Social and Behavioral Sciences : “Inspecting the Relationship between Sexual Satisfaction and Marital Problems of Divorce-asking Women in Sanandaj City Family Courts.”
S ocial Psychological and Personality Science : “Sexual Frequency Predicts Greater Well-Being, But More is Not Always Better.”
THE WALL STREET JOURNAL : How Often Should Married Couples Have Sex?”
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