Sex Moments In Sex Education

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Why Sex Education is in American school in UK
Paisley Gilmour
Sex & Relationships Editor
Paisley is sex & relationships editor at Cosmopolitan UK, and covers everything from sex toys, how to masturbate and sex positions, to all things LGBTQ.

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"They gave me a fake penis to poke through my flies."
If you didn't consume all of Netflix's new awesome show Sex Education in one go like a bloody greedy horse, then seriously dude why not? The eight-part series dropped in January and immediately became everyone's favourite show because of the unique and refreshing way it examines teenage sex and relationships. It is literally the positive, inclusive and intersectional sex education we desperately need in this country.
If you don't already know, the series follows 17-year-old Otis (Asa Butterfield) as he starts dishing out sex and relationships advice to his fellow students. Gillian motherfckn Anderson (!!!) plays his sex therapist mum, and that's why Otis really knows his stuff. His best friend Eric (Ncuti Gatwa) is an out gay angel who plays with drag as a form of self-expression. Topics covered include slut-shaming, coming out , nudes/revenge porn, vaginismus , and abortion. And it's really funny, too.
But, it's not just the series' incredible LGBTQ+ representation and sex positivity that's being praised. The way the (many, hilarious, brilliant) sex scenes were made is also pretty groundbreaking and unusual.
As M ashable reports, Netflix hired an intimacy coach to help the young actors feel as comfortable as possible during the filming of the more intimate and explicit scenes.
I’m actually obsessed with sex education on netflix. It’s fun and ridiculous but it also shamelessly tackles so many important themes - LGBT+ issues, abortion, revenge porn, drug use, insecurity etc. Definitely the kind of show we need to help break down sexual taboos 🙌🏼🍆
The black queer narrative in Netflix’s @sexeducation constantly has me in tears.
‘Sex Education’ on Netflix is such a beautiful programme with amazing messages like seeing queer black men with accepting religious parents and gay mums and men having panic attacks and mental health issues I LOVE IT
The coach made sure everyone agreed to be touched in certain places, and that they were OK with what was being depicted in the scene.
"It was so much easier pretending than trying to wank a cold, rubber penis"
The intimacy coach Ita O'Brien told Mashable , "So instead of a director saying: 'this is what I want, get on with it', or 'you two go away and work it out yourselves'". This is especially important as situations like that allow room for actors to be put in situations they might not be comfortable with.
She added, "I'm there to help them choreograph it clearly, ensuring everyone was okay with both the physicality and the nudity. You agree the scene step-by-step, including where people have consented to be touched, so they can be freer to tell the story and further their character through the scene."
And, as Digital Spy reports, all the scenes were choreographed so the actors knew exactly what they were doing, even down to the number of thrusts. Emma Mackey who plays Maeve, said, "'You do this for seven seconds. You do this...' So it was like a dance. It's really interesting to have it like that. It just automatically debunks... It gets rid of all the fear. So it was great."
Asa Butterfield told DS , "It's weird because it's a very personal thing, and it's strange to re-enact that with a whole crew around you, and people with monitors, watching it. The first couple of times are awkward, and it's like, 'I can't believe that I'm doing this'. But after a while, it does become run of the mill.
"[With] the final wank scene – the most epic of them all – I wasn't quite getting there. My hand kept coming up, but they needed to keep my hand down. So what they did was, they gave me a fake penis to poke through my flies , and we started doing it, and I grabbed this fake penis, and immediately was like, 'No!' It was so much easier pretending than trying to wank a cold, rubber penis. That was my experience."
Since then, it turns out Suranne Jones has hired an intimacy coach to guide her through the lesbian sex scenes in Gentleman Jack . ""She just started talking about body parts and positions in a matter of fact way, which just liberated us all. As well as helping us sculpt the sex scenes, the positions, she’s also there to provide support to the artists."
Special , another new(ish) show to Netflix has also been redefining the humble sex scene. Written by and starring Ryan O'Connell, who has mild cerebral palsy, the sex scenes are absolutely spot on. When Ryan - who's never had sex before - decides to visit a sex worker for his first time, it's a funny, warm, honest and heartfelt moment. And one we rarely (if ever?) see on TV.
Let's hope more shows and actors follow suit, because this certainly makes for much better depictions of sex on TV.
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TV and Movies · Posted on Jan 29, 2020
"What is your thing, then?" "Complex female characters."

An intimacy expert worked with the cast and crew to create a safe working environment.

By
Rachel Thompson on January 10, 2019

Asa Butterfield as Otis and Gillian Anderson as Jean in 'Sex Education'
Credit: Sam Taylor/Netflix

Otis with new friend, an resident 'bad girl' Maeve.
Credit: Jon Hall/Netflix

Otis and his best pal Eric.
Credit: Sam Taylor/Netflix

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Hollywood's #MeToo reckoning not only shone a light on the industry's toxic culture of predation and sexual violence. It also underscored the critical need for an overhaul of the way sex and consent are portrayed on our screens, and a major change in the way cast and crew members are treated on and off set.
In Netflix's new teen comedy Sex Education, that change is palpable in the way the writers' tackle the topic of sex, but also in how sex scenes were filmed.
Netflix hired an "intimacy coordinator" to ensure both cast and crew felt comfortable when filming sex scenes and responsible for making sure actors agreed to be touched during intimate scenes.
Director Kate Herron told Mashable at an advanced screening of the first episode that the intimacy coordinator helped cast members with the sex scenes, but her main function was "making it clear that everyone's comfortable with what's going on".
"So, things like agreeing touch, but also other things like everyone being on board with what the scene's about," said Herron. The intimacy coordinator wasn't just tasked with liaising with the actors engaged in the intimate scenes, she also worked with the crew. "That's equally just as important for crew as well. No one should have to go home after filming a sex scene and feel like what they've done is like something really wrong," said Herron.
"It was about making it a safe, comfortable working environment, particularly because, not all the sex scenes I did, but quite a lot of them were for comic effect and you cant really make something funny if people don't feel comfortable," Herron added.
Ita O'Brien — the intimacy coordinator — says she works to ensure that intimate scenes are rehearsed to the same extent you would a fight or stunt scene and that everyone involved is consulted throughout. "I give a structure and process to get through sex scenes," said O'Brien. "So instead of a director saying: 'this is what I want, get on with it', or 'you two go away and work it out yourselves', both of which can leave people in compromising situations.
O'Brien talked about how she goes about making sure everyone involved isn't dreading the sex scenes and feeling uncomfortable. "I'm there to help them choreograph it clearly, ensuring everyone was okay with both the physicality and the nudity," she said. "You agree the scene step-by-step, including where people have consented to be touched, so they can be freer to tell the story and further their character through the scene." The same rules apply to supporting artists, who according to O'Brien are often "overlooked" and "told to go off and make it up themselves."
Before the filming even began, the entire cast and crew took part in a day-long intimacy workshop. "We started with people sharing experiences of intimate scenes and sexual content at work, both good and bad," said O’Brien. "Actors said to me that was groundbreaking, to have that connection as an opener and a leveler." It was also important to help the actors keep their "personal self private" during sex scenes. "You don’t want to bring who you are into a sex scene, so how else can you explore sexual rhythms? We looked at footage of dogs, cats, lions, gorillas, slugs and snails, then physicalised them so they had the rhythms at their fingertips and could apply them to different characters," said O’Brien.
Created and written by Laurie Nunn, Sex Education is the story of 16-year-old Otis, a "very shy, awkward, quite neurotic teenage boy" who lives with his mum Jean, a sex and relationships therapist. "Because of this he has this weird secret superpower, he has this incredible theoretical knowledge of sex and relationships even though he himself can't even masturbate," Nunn told Mashable.
Nunn's exploration of the universality of being an awkward, sexually inexperienced 16 year old is inspired by her love of iconic teen movies and TV shows and the YA genre. "We really wanted to pay homage to the John Hughes films of 1980s," said Nunn. Netflix's commissioning editor Alex Sapot described the series as "a real homage to John Hughes, the '80s" and "an interesting intersection" of the John Hughes aesthetic and Laurie Nunn's modern voice. Nunn added that their aim was to harness this inspiration and "take tried and tested tropes and subvert them and look at them from a new perspective."
In light of the criticism John Hughes ' movies have faced for their depiction of teen sex, this subversion of tropes is, it's safe to say, necessary if Sex Education hopes to achieve its goal of being the next iteration of the teen drama. In the wake of the Harvey Weinstein allegations, Molly Ringwald — who starred in Hughes' The Breakfast Club , Pretty in Pink , and Sixteen Candles — spoke about how she now feels about the sexualised scenes in light of the #MeToo movement.
In an op-ed in the New Yorker , Ringwald wrote that her mother "spoke up during the filming" of the scene in The Breakfast Club in which "bad-boy character" John Bender hides under the desk of Ringwald's character Claire and seizes the opportunity to look at her underwear. "Though the audience doesn’t see, it is implied that he touches her inappropriately," wrote Ringwald, who was a minor at the time of filming the scene.
My mom also spoke up during the filming of that scene in The Breakfast Club , when they hired an adult woman for the shot of Claire’s underwear. They couldn’t even ask me to do it—I don’t think it was permitted by law to ask a minor—but even having another person pretend to be me was embarrassing to me and upsetting to my mother, and she said so. That scene stayed, though.
Three decades on, this homage to Hughes' teen films is distinctly different in its approach to sex both on and off screen.
O'Brien thinks the show has the potential to change attitudes towards sex in the #MeToo era. But, the work behind the scenes, can and should spark change within the entertainment industry. HBO took the decision in late 2018 to "staff every one of its television shows and films" that feature sex scenes with an intimacy coordinator.
"There has been a seismic shift this year," said O'Brien. "Apart from this for Netflix, I’ve done a series with Amazon, and Sky have said they’ll be using intimacy guidelines. It’s all really positive for the industry."
Sex Education 's approach to navigating sex scenes with a cast of young actors — many of whom are on their first big break — is a positive one. But, hiring intimacy coordinators shouldn't be something unique to the teen genre. This move sets a valuable precedent and should be adopted industry-wide.
Rachel Thompson is the Features Editor at Mashable. Based in the UK, Rachel writes about sex, relationships, and online culture. She has been a sex and dating writer for a decade and she is the author of Rough (Penguin Random House, 2021).

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