Sex May Be

Sex May Be




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Sex May Be
Part of HuffPost Wellness. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
Plus a guide on how to fix the issue.
Ali Drucker, On Assignment For HuffPost
1. You might not be fully aroused — and therefore not fully lubricated.
3. You might have an STI or another infection.
4. Your partner’s technique is just all wrong for you.
8. You might have a gastrointestinal issue.
Part of HuffPost Wellness. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
For an issue that affects nearly 75 percent of women , painful intercourse, sometimes called dyspareunia, can feel incredibly isolating. Thankfully, understanding the specific discomfort you’re experiencing can help you and your health care provider find the right treatment.
HuffPost chatted with experts to get their insight on the conditions and causes that can lead to painful sex, and the possible solutions worth trying. After all, sex should feel good.
There are many factors that contribute to lack of arousal. A big one? The undue amount of pressure women put on themselves in the bedroom, according to Vanessa Marin , a sex therapist based in Los Angeles.
The myth that men are always ready for sex can make women feel guilty about needing more time for foreplay, resulting in penetration that may feel too tight, Marin said, or an almost chafing quality. If you’re feeling totally turned on but your vagina feels tight and dry, a silicone-based lubricant can be an incredible quick fix.
Vaginismus is “involuntary hyper contractility of the pelvic floor muscles with either penetration or attempted vaginal penetration,” according to Leah Millheiser, director of the Female Sexual Medicine Program at Stanford University Medical Center. In other words, the muscles in and around your vagina will tense up, making penetration extremely difficult and more painful.
The causes can vary, but there’s likely an emotional component at play here. If someone has experienced past trauma — be it sexual assault or a childhood injury of the groin — it can cause anxiety associated with penetration, and result in clenching as a protective measure.
“Unfortunately, once someone perceives that something’s gonna hurt, they clench their muscles even more,” explained Rebecca Brightman, an OB-GYN based in New York. Luckily, with cognitive therapy and/or pelvic floor physical therapy, Brightman and Millheiser have seen patients with vaginismus make full recoveries.
Sexually transmitted infections like chlamydia and gonorrhea can cause pelvic pain during intercourse, according to Brightman and Millheiser. Or, if you’re experiencing external pain around the vulva, it may be due to a herpes outbreak. If you see lesions or sores, head to your doctor ― they can prescribe medicine to help control outbreaks. Your physician can also prescribe antibiotics for other STIs.
A yeast infection is not an STI, but that too can cause external itching and chafing or internal burning that can make sex feel uncomfortable. Over-the-counter medication or a prescription from your doctor can help clear it up ASAP.
Learning how to advocate for what feels good in bed can be challenging, but it’s incredibly important ― not only for your emotional intimacy, but for your physical comfort. To help you both figure out what’s best, Marin suggests a gentle round of “This or That?”
Basically, have your partner touch the same area in two different ways and see which you respond to more favorably. Do you prefer a massage or a stroke? A flick or a tap? You don’t have to figure it all out at once, but taking baby steps can help you direct your partner into better sex for both of you, Marin said.
Endometriosis is a condition where tissue that normally lines the inside of your uterus grows outside it , resulting in a painful buildup of scar tissue that especially hurts during intercourse.
Organs move around a bit during sex, and if scar tissue is making your pelvis and cervix less mobile, it’s going to feel painful. Additionally, endometriosis can result in cysts on your ovaries (or you may have monthly cysts due to your menstrual cycle), which can cause discomfort.
Treatments including hormone therapy or surgery can help with endometriosis. And if an ovarian cyst is causing severe pain during intercourse, it may be large enough to warrant surgical removal, Millheiser noted.
An intrauterine device that’s become dislodged could cause a deep, sharp pain during sex. Alternatively, your hormonal birth control could be at fault.
Some birth control options, like the pill or the NuvaRing, stop your natural production of hormones and replace them with the lower doses found in the medication, Millheiser said. The result of those lower estrogen and testosterone levels is sometimes a thinning of the skin around the vulva, which can cause inflammation and irritation when stimulated (this is sometimes known as provoked vestibulodynia). Chat with your doctor about alternative birth control options so you can find a better fit.
Similar to some birth control methods, women who are pumping or breastfeeding following childbirth might expect some painful intercourse. Both Brightman and Millheiser explained that the change in hormone levels can cause the vagina to be dryer and the skin to thin.
With treatments like vaginal estrogen therapy (medicinal treatment in the form of pills, suppositories or patches), or just good old-fashioned lube, you can expect to make sex more comfortable during this process, Millheiser said.
We’re quick to point fingers at gynecological issues when it comes to perplexing pain. But it’s possible your bowels are actually the cause.
If someone is constipated or has IBS and has intercourse, that could be putting pressure on an already irritated part of the body, resulting in discomfort felt low in the bowels, according to Millheiser. But a doctor can diagnose both conditions and prescribe medication to help.
While there are many potential causes of dyspareunia, there are also plenty of treatments. Painful sex is a pain, but it doesn’t have to be permanent.

November 10, 2022, 12:10 AM · 2 min read
Sriha Srinivasan teaches comprehensive sex education on TikTok to make talking about sex fun.
If you’ve experienced abstinence-only sex education or none at all, talking about sex may be uncomfortable. That’s exactly why Srinivasan is bringing a sense of levity to important conversations about safe sex.
“Just like sex is fun, just like doing sexy things is fun, talking about sex should also be fun,” Srinivasan told In The Know. “Those conversations should be happening because that’s what destigmatizes pleasure.”
The UCLA student started creating TikTok content for a young audience to destigmatize “everything around pleasure, and sexual health, consent, communication, all of these things for young people.”
What inspired Srinivasan to make this her mission were conversations with her mom .
“She is this incredibly educated woman that I look up to so much. And she didn’t know basic things about her body,” Srinivasan said.
Although Srinivasan believes she received a “decent” sexual education attending schools in California, she knows other students in the U.S. aren’t faring as well.
The federal government has funded abstinence-only sex education programs since 1996, but research has shown they’re ineffective .
“These teenagers, they are so weighed down from stigma, whether it’s from their peers, or their schools, the government, their families,” she said. “They can’t talk about these things.”
Srinivasan feels that TikTok gives people a safe space to ask questions anonymously and get credible answers. Whether it’s about self-pleasure , their bodies or complicated relationship dynamics, they have at least one place where they don’t have to feel embarrassed about being curious.
“If you can empower young people at that age range to feel comfortable with themselves and with pleasure,” Srinivasan said, “you are basically gifting them a lifetime of feeling safe and comfortable with themselves and feeling empowered to have pleasure. And that’s why I do the work that I do.”
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Home Intimate Health Sexual Health Moaning is not a sign of orgasm, but here’s why it may be the spice your sex life needs
Radhika Bhirani Published on: 13 August 2022, 20:22 pm IST
With the female orgasm deeply shrouded in mystery, the ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ of moaning during sex have often been considered a sign of a woman nearing the big O. But a recent study has busted that myth loud and clear!
A recent University of Ottawa study, published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, looked into how to ‘measure the female orgasm ’. The study was based its result by questioning 637 women about their personal sex life (through masturbation) and also when partnered. Questions were asked using Orgasm Rating Scale (ORS) and the Bodily Sensations Scale (BSOS).
For those who may be hearing these terms for the first time, ORS measures the experience of orgasm based on cognition and the senses, BSOS is more about physiological sensations.
After studying the responses, the researchers concluded, “We recommend that the item ‘moaning’ be removed from the measure permanently”, adding that it didn’t seem like an involuntary response when women hit climax.
Pleasurable satisfaction, according to most women surveyed, turned out to be the most common cognitive sign of orgasm. However, emotional intimacy and shooting sensations, which are highly talked about otherwise, were the least common.
And when it came to body sensations, ‘extragenital sensations, genital sensations and spasms, nociceptive sensations and sweating’ were the winners. Here. anal contractions and moaning found the bottom spot.
However, that is not to say that every woman who may be moaning during sex may be faking an orgasm!
Health Shots reached out to Dr Niveditha Manokaran, a Sydney-based clinician in Sexual and Reproductive medicine and HIV medicine, to understand the elusive orgasm a little better.
“Orgasm is or can be the final end point to an amazing sexual encounter. However, it does not necessarily have to be the end point. Beautiful and memorable sex can end without an orgasm too,” says Dr Manokaran.
And to achieve an amazing end point, there are several factors that need to be taken into account. Some of these may be; Do you like the person you are having sex with? Are you attracted to them? Was there caressing involved? Was there foreplay? Are you both able to communicate what gives each other immense pleasure?
Dr Manokaran says human sounds are a very key expression of emotions, and communication is the master key to good sex.
“We are familiar with a grunting noise when we are angry, ‘yumm’ sound when our taste buds are stimulated, and sigh when we are frustrated. In a similar way, when one is experiencing pleasure, moaning can be its form of expression,” she explains.
Moaning, for many people is a sign of validation that something may be going right between the sheets – that the partner may be good in bed, or that you are really feeling the pleasure! It may not be a sign of orgasm, as per the study, but it may just rev up your sex life as part of the foreplay.
“Moaning can also be used to seduce a partner. As sex has various senses that are stimulated, moaning arouses one sexually through the sense of hearing,” she adds.
Busting one myth about noisy sex, she asserts that it is not something only women do.
“Moaning is not gender specific. Both men and women moan. I guess it means the same for both. Sexual arousal plays a very important role in enhancing the mood and helping to reach orgasms,” says the expert, who is also one of Instagram’s most popular sexual health educators.
For most, achieving an orgasm aka climax is the peak of pleasure and the end of the sexual act. But it does not have to be, says Dr Manokaran.
While men end their orgasm with an ejaculation and it could take a while before some of them get another erection, women are much more capable of multiple orgasms.
“However women’s orgasms are not characteristically completed by ejaculation, and hence it makes it difficult to know if they are faking an orgasm or not. Some women tend to fake orgasms as a way to let their partner know that they want to stop the act and some do to arouse their partner,” she says.
Explaining the physiology of orgasm, she adds, “What happens within our body is, there is a gush and peak in hormone levels followed by a sudden drop. Yes, it’s true that some struggle to attain an orgasm and can take longer than usual. However, there are many ways one can work on understanding their body and pleasure.
Ways to increase your sexual pleasure
1. Masturbation and self-exploration can make you more familiar with your body, pleasure and your needs. 2. Arousal through all your senses, foreplay, caressing, moaning and sex talk, plays an important role in the intensity of the sex. 3. Emotional attachment with someone who you are having sex with, takes it up by another notch.
Aahhh… you can heave a sigh of relief with what Dr Manokaran says next!
“If you feel like you have never felt or reached that peak pleasure after which you wanted to stop making love and just cuddle in, there is a good chance that you haven’t had an orgasm. And that’s okay because ‘Sex is like a beautiful journey, enjoy the process and not wait for the destination!”
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