Sex Kind Xxx

Sex Kind Xxx

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Advice by

Jessica Stoya and Rich Juzwiak

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Every Thursday, Rich and Stoya answer a special question they could only tackle together, just for Slate Plus members. Join today to never miss a column .
How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!
I’ve gotten myself into this problem, but I don’t know how to get out of it. When we first started dating, my girlfriend’s sex drive was a huge turn-on, and we had sex nearly every day. This year, I was really stressed with work and other things. We had a blowout fight where I got angry and told her she was too much work, and that she needed to tone it down.
I know it wasn’t kind, but I was pushed beyond my limit with stress. That was two months ago. Since then, we’ve had sex three times. She will never initiate and, when I do, she always makes it missionary, often with the lights off. She doesn’t want to go with anything more creative, and the enthusiasm is totally gone. I’ve barely seen her naked since the fight, and I feel like she’s being passive-aggressive by changing at the gym or in the bathroom. I changed jobs and leveled out this stress in my life, so my sex drive’s back to normal, but how do I fix this?
Sex advice from Rich and Stoya, plus exclusive letter follow-ups, delivered weekly.
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Stoya: I cannot think about anything else until we address this, “I feel like she’s being passive-aggressive by changing at the gym or in the bathroom.” What exactly does passive-aggressive actually mean?
Rich: I think, in this case, he’s like, it’s almost like this egocentric reading of her actions: “Oh her behavior, she must be somehow sending me a message. She must be showing me how she feels, through her behavior,” and it’s not necessarily that at all. Right?
Stoya: That is definitely my feeling. This person, side note, doesn’t actually mention their gender. If I had to assume, I’d go with mid-20s cisman.
Stoya: This person told their girlfriend that she was too much and needed to turn it down, which was probably hurtful.
Stoya: Women get all sorts of awful messages about their sexuality, including that expressing their sexuality at all is too much. Our writer quite possibly pushed a button there. And she has responded to what she was told, which was worse than “wasn’t kind,” by closing off. Now, our writer is labeling this passive-aggressive, which is so subjective and very murky, that it doesn’t tell us much other than that the person saying it thinks that this is unfair behavior.
Rich: Yeah, yeah. It very well could be that she’s just basically trying to cope in this situation, as opposed to trying to target the LW in a way that is not straightforward. I can’t help but wonder if we’re not getting the full story. She’s now closed herself off and doesn’t want to show her body. Did they insult that as well? Was there something there? That’s what it seems like to me.
It’s interesting that she’s hanging in the relationship, if it’s changed this much after that event.
Rich: I mean, this isn’t really something that gets solved without an actual conversation, right? Something happened. She received a message that she’s clearly taken to heart and that really disrupted the relationship. I don’t think you repair that without discussing it.
But the writer should know that the reason you want to keep from saying shitty things to your partner is it might actually change things. And you can explain your actions away with stress, but the fact is, you said what you said, and there are very sensitive people. Words can really shift things. There are consequences for your behavior and it seems like they’re experiencing a consequence.
Stoya: Yeah. And some statements, especially from people we’re vulnerable with, echo. One, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it,” is not going to be enough to counteract that echo.
It seems like a pretty standard response from the girlfriend. You hear something really hurtful, and it takes more than one, “I didn’t mean that. I apologize. I was stressed,” to let that heal.
Rich: Yes. It needs to be shown, over time, that this was a mistake, that this does not actually represent how you feel, for that to kind of untangle. So, patience, care, understanding, and this devotion to living contrary to those particular words, is, I think, going to be what actually pulls the relationship through. And that’s not a foregone conclusion.
Stoya: Stepping back and looking at the entire letter, I get this picture of the writer’s girlfriend as what she can provide to them sexually. “The sex drive was a turn-on. Then I was stressed, and we had a blow-up fight, where I told her to back off. Now, my stress is leveled off, so my sex drive is back to normal, and I want to fix the fact that we’re not having sex like we used to when I had space for it in my life.” So, is your girlfriend a whole person to you?
Rich: It seems really transactional. And look, I’m always willing to give a little bit of leeway here. This is a very specific column. People need to get to the point. You can’t send us a book, which any relationship could constitute. I get it. We’re compressing here.
But you’re right. Certainly, the presentation can be very telling. It seems like the writer’s emotions have dictated their interaction, and that’s not a tenable situation—not without risking a major fight like the one our writer describes. So, just like our writer needed tending to when they had their high-stress situation, now it’s her turn. And it’s an equal and opposite reaction.
Stoya: 100 percent. So, advice our writer can take action on. Spend some time taking stock of the blow-up fight. What exactly did they say to their girlfriend? What are the things they said that are probably the most problematic? And then some kind of apology that is direct and of an appropriate scale. It’s got to be something better than, “Those things weren’t kind of me to say, but I was stressed.” That’s unlikely to get our writer what they want, which is a path to repair the relationship.
Rich: Yes. It’s really time to reckon with, not what she is to you , but who she is as an emotional being, in and of herself . That’s what the time is calling for. So, do that. Again, patience and work. If you’re not willing to put in, don’t expect to get much out.
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Aleksandr Kokorin / Instagram @kokorin_91

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Russian Footballer got offered a sex marathon of 16 hours by a porn actress if he'd scored five goals
He had a very interesting proposition during his time with the Dynamo in Moscow
R ussian footballer Aleksandr Kokorin was once offered a lengthy sex session with a professional in the adult movie business if he scored 10 goals during the 2015 season.
Porn actress Alina Yeremenko a.k.a Alina Henessy was recently interviewed to rate football players and she gave Aleksandr Kokorin a 10 out of 10 , and then confessed that after his pronunciation against the war in Ukraine she believed that made him even more attractive, then she confessed about what happened in 2015 when he was playing for the Dynamo in Moscow.
"If before the end of the championship [Russian Super League] Alexander Kokorin scores five goals, I promise to hold a 16-hour sex marathon with him as a thank you."
She then continued to speak about the players, and how it compared to the porn industry She mentioned that "Football is like porn because it is full of pretty boys ."
With 10 games left in the season, Kokorin had a very good opportunity to complete the task successfully, however, it seems that he became nervous or was jinxed he had a very bad rap and only scored a single goal after the proposition.
After he failed to complete the task he stayed another year with the Dynamo and then went to play for the Zenit and it seems the curse was broken as he helped the team win the Russia Cup and the Russian Super League.
Kokorin is currently playing in the Italian Serie A, while Fiorentina owns his contract, he is playing for Aris Limassol in Cyprus on as loan.
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What kind of porn...

2012-07-22 21:17:06

...do girls look at?
Do they look at gay male porn? Do they look at porn at all? Seriously, this has been rather intriguing to me

Response to
What kind of porn...

2012-07-22 21:21:03

It depends on the girl, as with males.
When this post hits 88 mph, you're going to see some serious friendship.

Response to
What kind of porn...

2012-07-22 21:22:12

Some prefer porn with a story line, with the action building up,
Some prefer hardcore porn that you might look at,
Some like girl on girl even though their straight cuz they like seeing the girls lick each other
It goes on and on. As long as Sex is involved, it is watchable for them. This has been scientifically proven.

Response to
What kind of porn...

2012-07-22 21:22:22

Response to
What kind of porn...

2012-07-22 22:27:11

Women tend to do things differently, so it depends on the person.
It's porn still, just slightly different or similar than what other men might watch.
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Response to
What kind of porn...

2012-07-22 22:32:13

No, it's still very popular with them. Good luck at getting the majority of them to admit it, though.
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Response to
What kind of porn...

2012-07-22 22:33:20

My god! Someone has posted a logical answer.
It's not the lack of crimes that values your morality but your capacity for contrition.

Response to
What kind of porn...

2012-07-22 22:35:54

I'm sorry, I'm only four and a half years old I'm still not sure what I'm meant to write.
When this post hits 88 mph, you're going to see some serious friendship.

Response to
What kind of porn...

2012-07-22 23:03:16

I thought they look at stuff like X-Art.

Response to
What kind of porn...

2012-07-22 23:06:15

I imagine they can look at any plethora of porn they want, just like males, the entire female population does not shy away from looking at any kind of porn.
Seriously, who even reads these things anymore?

Response to
What kind of porn...

2012-07-22 23:16:56

Never that. Most girls are repulsed by gay porn, which I've always thought was sort of odd. In my experience girls go for the high end type of
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