Sex Is Rough
🛑 ALL INFORMATION CLICK HERE 👈🏻👈🏻👈🏻
Sex Is Rough
By Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D. Published: Nov 30, 2019
This content is imported from poll. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
Alessandro Biascioli / EyeEm // Getty Images
Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D. is a Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute and author of the blog Sex and Psychology. His latest book is Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life.
Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
It's one of the most common sexual fantasies. Here's why.
If you're into rough sex, you're definitely not alone.
When I surveyed more than 4,000 Americans about their sexual fantasies for my book Tell Me What You Want , rough sex turned out to be one of the two most common things people had fantasized about. Most people—regardless of gender and sexual orientation—appear to have been turned on by the idea at some point.
The widespread appeal of rough sex can also be seen in people’s porn viewing habits. For example, when you look at the most-viewed genres on Pornhub, “rough sex” and “hardcore” pretty consistently appear in the top third of categories year in and year out. Interestingly, women are even more likely to view this kind of porn than are men.
A recent study published in the journal Evolutionary Psychological Science offers some answers.
Researchers surveyed 734 college students in New York about their attitudes toward and experiences with consensual rough sex. Most of the students identified as female (77%) and as heterosexual (92%).
A majority of the sample (51%) said they had engaged in rough sex before, with the most frequently reported rough sex behaviors including scratching, spanking, pushing, name calling, tearing clothes, tying up, blindfolding, and slapping.
Before we go further, I should note that the authors of this study talk about these behaviors as “playful force” rather than as abuse or violence. Keep in mind that these are consensual behaviors that, more often than not, occurred in the context of a long-term relationship and rarely (less than 1% of the time) resulted in any kind of serious injury. In other words, we aren’t talking about behaviors where people truly wanted or tried to hurt a partner.
In fact, people seemed to really be enjoying this kind of sex. When asked to compare how rough sex differs from “typical sex,” both men and women said that orgasms are more frequent and intense, partners make more effort to satisfy one another, the sex is more arousing, and the thrusting is more vigorous.
Plus, women said that they orgasm much faster when they have rough sex. Given that there’s already a fairly big disparity in how long it takes men and women to reach orgasm ( 5-6 minutes vs. 13 minutes, respectively ), perhaps this is one reason rough sex is so widely desired and why women search for it more than men when viewing porn: Rough sex just might help to close the orgasm gap.
Participants in this study were given a long list of potential triggers of rough sex and asked to report whether they’d ever been prompted to have rough sex for each reason.
Among the most common triggers were trying something new, boredom, and playing out a fantasy. This tells us that rough sex is often just about feeding our need for sexual novelty. Humans—men and women alike—have a tendency to grow tired of sexual routines. We need to keep mixing things up in order to maintain sexual excitement, a phenomenon sex researchers refer to as The Coolidge Effect .
Another common trigger for rough sex, especially among men, was having been separated from one’s partner, as well as suspecting that one’s partner may have cheated. The authors of this study interpret these results through the same evolutionary lens: When men perceive a risk that their female partner has had sex with someone else, this triggers sperm competition . In other words, it leads men to engage in sexual behaviors—like deep and vigorous thrusting—aimed at displacing any semen that may have been deposited by rival men so that their own sperm have a better shot at fertilization.
Drinking alcohol was another common trigger, which makes sense: Alcohol simultaneously lowers sexual inhibitions and dulls sexual sensations. This combination of factors ups the odds of trying something you might not otherwise do while sober, while also experimenting with more intense activities in order to counteract the depressing effect that alcohol has on our sexual system (which includes suppressing arousal and delaying orgasm).
Lastly, the other major set of triggers included situations where people were already in a heightened state of physiological arousal, such as after a fight, being angry at one’s partner, and having just exercised. These triggers can be explained by something psychologists call excitation transfer , which occurs when carryover arousal from one situation amplifies our arousal or excitement in an unrelated situation. In other words, if your body is already amped up at the start of a sexual encounter, that’s going to lay the groundwork for pursuing a more active and intense experience.
What all of this tells us is that there isn’t just one reason why rough sex is such a popular sexual fantasy and porn theme. Instead, it turns out that there are a lot of different factors that draw people to it.
The key thing to take away from this is that rough sex appears to be a normative sexual interest and we need to be very careful to distinguish it from sexual violence and relationship abuse. Rough sex is not exploitative—it is consensual and the people who have it are reporting an intense, mutually enjoyable experience.
Is Your Kink Actually a Fetish? Let's Discuss.
How to Use a Clit-Sucking Vibrator With a Partner
Basketball Player Comes Out to His Teammates
I Shouldn't Have Looked at My BF's Browser History
What's a One-Penis Policy in an Open Relationship?
Sharing Your Inter-Abled Marriage With the World
17 Women on Why They Actually Love Giving Blowjobs
200 Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend
My Husband Revealed a Sexy Secret. What Do I Do?
The Ultimate Guide to Having More Orgasms
Our product picks are editor-tested, expert-approved. We may earn a commission through links on our site.
©Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
by Jenn Sinrich Published: Aug 2, 2016
Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
Women's Health may earn commission from the links on this page, but we only feature products we believe in. Why Trust Us?
Sure, it might not be for everyone. But more women are in favor of rough, dominating, and submissive sex than against it. According to a study by the University of North Texas, 57 percent of sexually active ladies are turned on by the idea of forceful sex . “It all comes down to the fact that we want to be desired,” says Claudia Six, Ph.D., sexologist, relationship coach and author of Erotic Integrity: How to Be True to Yourself Sexually . And that's totally natural and integral to a healthy, satisfying sex life, says Six.
But what “ rough sex ” means to you depends a lot on your comfort level. From some, it could be as hardcore as slapping or bondage, says Dawn Michael, Ph.D., certified sexuality counselor, clinical sexologist, and author of My Husband Won’t Have Sex With Me . For others, it could be as minimal as trying a new position.
Here’s how to leave soft sex behind and turn up the heat just enough.
Do It with Someone You Trust
Rough sex is best with someone you’re in a relationship with or at least know well. “Aside from the safety perspective, you should feel comfortable enough to test out your true desires and fantasies with this person,” says Michael. But being single is no reason to deny yourself a gratifying ponytail pull. “I just wouldn’t advise doing it with a total stranger who doesn’t know you or your limitations,” she says.
“It all comes down to the fact that we want to be desired.”
Discuss Before Getting Down
Tell your partner in advance that you want to try something spicier in the sack before asking him to tie you up mid-romp. “Frame the conversation in a positive way right off the bat,” says Grant Brenner, M.D., a board-certified psychiatrist in New York City and author of IRRELATIONSHIP: How We Use Dysfunctional Relationships to Hide from Intimacy . For example, tell your partner that you trust him and feel comfortable enough to share your fantasy with him. “Then, bring up the idea of rough sex in a way that doesn't feel shameful .” It’s normal to be anxious about how your partner will respond, but try not to let embarrassment creep in, says Brenner.
Make a To-Do and a To-Don't List
It's important to go over some ground rules before busting out the handcuffs. This will help you both figure out what you're comfortable doing—and don’t skimp on the details. “Be crystal clear about how rough you want your hair pulled or how hard and frequently you want to be spanked,” says Six. He wants to provide pleasure for you—so your job is to tell him how , says Six. Talk about the parts of rough sex that appeal to you, like being overpowered or having someone do forbidden things to you that you can't prevent. And don’t forget to discuss whether you should play rough back or remain subservient.
Take It Slow
Start with a simple bondage technique to get a feel for what it's like to submit to your partner. Grab a scarf or ribbon and have your partner tie you to the bed or a chair. Whatever you use, make sure it’s tight enough to restrict your movements. Next, have your partner blindfold you to heighten your sensations. Then have him use ice cubes, candle wax, a vibrator, or even his hand to stimulate your erogenous zones , says Six.
When You’re Ready, Speed Things Up
There’s no shame in asking him to turn up the dial on the roughness. If you’re not getting turned on, let him know. Guide him by saying things like, "harder" or "again," says Six. If you're looking for stronger physical stimulation, ask your partner to use something a little firmer like a paddle on the intimate areas of your body. Have him go from slow to fast and soft to hard, depending on how you're feeling.
"Be crystal clear about how rough you want your hair pulled."
Do What Comes Naturally
Besides getting consent and ensuring safety, there are no rules when it comes to rough sex. “Don’t be concerned about doing something how you might have seen it in porn ,” says Six. You may reach your big O in record time or it might take longer than normal. The key is to enjoy each other.
Keep It Safe
The reality is that there’s no place for anger, frustration, or revenge in the bedroom—unless it’s part of a totally pretend fantasy. “It’s completely possible to keep a sense of spontaneity and excitement while checking in at appropriate moments to make sure both of you are comfortable with what’s happening,” says Brenner. “And if one person isn't, it’s time to slow down and shift towards something that’ll work for both of you.”
Jenn Sinrich is an experienced writer, digital and social editor, and content strategist covering health, fitness, beauty, and relationships. After a decade-long career in New York City working in the magazine industry and at a myriad of digital publications, Jenn returned to her hometown just north of Boston to pursue freelancing full-time.
Adam And Eve Dropped Major Sex Toy Deals
How To Disclose A Herpes Diagnosis To A Partner
Take The Vanilla Out Of Missionary Sex—Here's How
23 Best Quiet Vibrators To Masturbate In Peace
49 Sex Positions Everyone Should Try At Least Once
40 Sexy AF Gifts To Crank Up The Heat This Holiday
11 Rear-Entry Sex Positions You’ll Love (Promise!)
Why Do I Feel Burning During Or After Sex?
The 13 Best Sex Positions to Stimulate Your Clit
The Best Dame Products, Per WH Editors And Reviews
The 10 Best Sex Toy Cleaners And How To Use Them
Women's Health may earn commission from the links on this page, but we only feature products we believe in.
©Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
Sexuality & Sexual Problems Resources
MentalHelp.net is operated by Supermind Platforms, Inc
My boyfriend likes to have rough sex. When we first had sex he pulled my hair and since I didn’t say anything he kept doing it. I started liking it and he went further and started biting and spanking me while we had sex. He also puts his hands over my mouth and holds my arms down sometimes, almost like a rape fantasy for him. He is a very gentle person other wise. I am just curious about this and wonder does he have rape tendencies toward other women?
One of the major components of human sexuality is that people have fantasies before and during sexual activity. Many couples decide to "enact" these fantasies because doing so enhances their excitement. One must be made very clear is that there is great human variation as to what is considered sexually exciting versus what is disgusting, violent, victimization or intolerable or forcible pain and rape.
There are those sexual partners who gladly and willingly enact rape scenes, and many other types of scenarios. This does not mean that they have "rape tendencies." If he is scaring you or acting in ways you do not like then you must put a stop to it.
The bottom line is that as long as two people are mutually consenting to their sexual practices there is nothing wrong.
Having stated that I want to add something that strikes me about your question: It seems that you and your boyfriend have not discussed what you are doing during sexual activity. If you have any concerns, anxieties or worries about what he is doing with you sexually, then it is imperative that it be talked about.
It is always interesting to me that couples engage in the most intimate of acts, sexuality, but are so fearful of discussing it that they avoid the topic. Talk to him and resolve any issues you or he may have.
One more thing: I am somewhat concerned that your boyfriend puts his hand over your mouth. Breathing is vital to life. Accidents can happen and no one could blame you if you wanted him to stop doing that. If he cannot tolerate that then he is not the right boyfriend.
Thank you for your interesting question.
Copyright © 1995-2015 CenterSite, LLC, All rights reserved. Copyright © 2022 MentalHelp.net, All rights reserved. MentalHelp.net is operated by Supermind Platforms, Inc
Xxx Video S Porn
Swap Family Sex
Liza Bilberry Porn