Sex Incest Threesome

Sex Incest Threesome
My partner and I tried a threesome. Then she kissed someone without me
‘The lines have become blurred.’ Illustration: Lo Cole/The Guardian
My ex’s partner is forcing me to lie to my daughter. Should I refuse?
Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning
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It sounds as if you’ve never discussed ground rules, says Annalisa Barbieri, and that you have different ideas of what is permissible
My girlfriend and I are in our mid to late 20s and have been together for four years. Before we met, we both had sexual experiences with members of the same sex. Whil e I’ve never felt romantically attracted to a man, she has towards a woman. I might be bicurious; she is more bisexual.
Since we’ve been together, we’ve had one threesome (involving another woman). A handful of times, at parties, they made out in my presence, and with my consent. Otherwise, we have an exclusive relationship and are clear about never cheating.
Recently, she came home from a party (without me) and told me she had made out with a woman who is a close friend of hers . When she told me, I didn’t know what to feel : I warned her to be careful not to ruin her friendship . I knew that I didn’t love the idea.
Over the following weeks, my feelings bec ame clearer . My girlfriend and I had a falling out ; I was angry and felt cheated on. The fact that they were close friends meant I was put in the position of hav ing to be OK with them “just hanging out”.
My girlfriend doesn’t have a lot of friends and it would be unreasonable to object to them seeing each other . This is hard for me, though, because it’s easy to think it will happen again – or that their friendship will evolve into something else. I told my girlfriend my fears; she understood, and guaranteed it would never happen again. She also told me she only kissed her because she thought I would be OK with it , and that the lines were blurred. It has been a month or so now since it happened. I don’t know how to handle it.
When you have an open relationship, one that allows other people in, it doesn’t mean you have to be OK with everything that happens. At least part of your struggle seems to involve you trying to quash your feelings. I notice that immediately after it happened you warned your girlfriend to be careful not to ruin her friendship with the other girl – not your relationship. Why was that? It seems that the elasticity of your relationship accommodates your girlfriend more than you.
Did you open up your relationship to include others from the beginning, or is it a recent thing? Are you doing it because you both want to – or because she does? It sounds as if you’ve never really discussed ground rules, and that you and your girlfriend have different ideas of what is permissible. That she willingly told you about kissing her friend is a good sign, but she has taken things into a different arena.
There is, as sex and relationship counsellor Murray Blacket ( cosrt.org.uk ) pointed out, “a difference between having a sexual relationship with your regular partner and bringing others into it by choice and agreement [what you had done in the past], and a situation when one of you splinters off independently to be with someone else”.
Blacket added: “I think you need to have the conversation about whether your relationship is polysexual – you have sex with others, either together or separately, usually just once or twice, but there is no relationship – or polyrelational – when you also form a sexual relationship with someone outside the dyad.”
The lines have indeed become blurred. Your girlfriend kissed a woman she already has a friendship with – so now that relationship has turned sexual. Whether this was just a bit of fun, or is likely to turn into something beyond that one kiss, is really the question; but the fact that several weeks later you still don’t feel comfortable with it can’t be ignored.
I get the sense that you are trying to be cool about the situation. But whatever sort of relationship you have (exclusive, open, somewhere in between), it’s important, not to say liberating, to be able to tune into your feelings and admit what you want, and not to put up with things you’re not happy with.
Discuss this with your girlfriend; be brave, be honest. Draw up some ground rules, which could change over time if mutually agreed on; this is why ongoing communication is key. Only when it’s clear what is and isn’t permissible to you both will you give the other person a chance to show whether or not they are the partner for you.
Send your problem to annalisa.barbieri@mac.com . Annalisa regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.
Comments on this piece are premoderated to ensure the discussion remains on the topics raised by the article. Please be aware that there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.

Daniel Dowling was sexually abused by his stepmum for three years
SITTING down to play a family board game at the age of 11, Daniel Dowling had no idea his stepmum, Annette Breakspear, was going to turn it into a sex game and make him fondle her.
It was the start of a sick catalogue of sexual abuse which saw him lose his virginity to his dad's wife - and him being forced into having threesomes with them.
Over the next three years Daniel, now 36, was even forced to watch porn - and was attacked by his dad when he refused to pleasure Annette.
Two decades later in 2015, Daniel, who features on 5Star’s new documentary, My Mother The Monster, tonight, took matters into his own hands when he recorded a conversation with his dad, in which he confessed to the abuse.
Sickeningly, Dowling Snr claimed he had been trying to prevent his son becoming a homosexual by showing him the “right way.”
Talking exclusively to the Sun Online, Daniel says his dad was “groomed” by Annette – who split with Richard after three years – but says he still blames both for the abuse.
“He is responsible for his own actions so I can’t say it was entirely her. I have tried to forgive and forget but our relationship has been strained and we stopped talking after I went to the police.”
Daniel’s parents divorced when he was six, and, for reasons unknown to him, Richard was awarded custody.
But five years later, after Annette moved in, she stripped naked during the game and insisted Daniel fondle and kiss her breasts.
“If I look back on it now I think it was a test to see how I would react to the situation and what they could get away with,” says Daniel.
“From then on I was told to do things and she would do things to me. Both my dad and I would have had intercourse with her in a threesome type of situation – but I was only 11.
“Sometimes it was just me and Annette and there were a handful of times when it was me, dad and Annette in a threesome.
“One time I remember lying on the bed and they put a porn film on too.
“At the time I thought that was what happened in houses, behind closed doors.”

As the abuse continued, Daniel tried to avoid being in the house and tried to tell neighbours what was happening.
“I had been alone with dad from six, and there was some loyalty there,” he says. “Also I tried to tell couple of people what was going on but they didn’t believe me so I stopped.”
As he struggled to cope, Daniel was left suicidal and suffering from an eating disorder in his mid-teens.
“I used to not eat and hide food and my dad would find mouldy food hidden in my bedroom,” he says. “It was the only way I could take back some control.”
After the couple split, Richard and his son moved to Weymouth in Surrey but Daniel, then 14, fell victim to another abuser who was not a family member.
“I was confused with my sexuality and because I had been manipulated by my dad and stepmum I think it made me an easy target,” he says. “[The other man] exploited my sexuality and made me do things that I wouldn’t have done."
At 16, Daniel decided to go to the police and report his dad and stepmum but, when Richard branded him a liar and no further action was taken, Daniel tried to take his own life.
His treatment by police, he claims, put him off reporting the pair for 22 years when.
Then, persuaded by a friend, he rang his dad and taped a confession.
In the recorded call, played on the programme, Richard is heard claiming the abuse was a "dark period" in his life and telling Daniel, “I can’t change what happened in the past. I wish to f*** I could.”
The recording led to the arrest and trial of the pair, and Daniel says it has brought him “closure” after decades of mental health issues.
“I’ve had an eating disorder, depression and anxiety. I don’t speak to anyone on dad’s side and when my granddad passed away none of my family told me. I’ve suffered emotional breakdowns.
“I got into some very messy relationships and I find it hard to trust anybody. I don’t have a sex drive anymore so it has affected me.
“But now I have had closure I feel I might have the ability to find a relationship that would benefit me.
“People are surprised but I always say that everything I have been through – even though I wouldn’t wish it on anyone else – has made me stronger. If it hadn't happened I wouldn’t be the person I am today. And I like this person.”

The show also features Katrina Dore, 35, who suffered 11 years of mental and physical abuse at the hands of her mum, Susan Speed.
The Oldham mum was punched, kicked and slashed with knives from the age of five after Susan flew into drunken rages and lashed out at Katrina.
She tells the Sun Online: “My mum never showed me any love but she wasn’t aggressive and violent until she started drinking. Then she just flipped. It was like she had a different personality.
“She punched me, kicked me, slapped me, attacked me with knives and bit me,” she said.
As soon as her mum kicked off Katrina would run to their bedrooms and barricade herself in, using a dressing table to bar the door.
When Katrina was 11, her mum barged in while she was having a bath and insisted on washing her hair. Instead she forced her daughter’s head under the water.
“I couldn’t breathe, I was lashing around and trying to get her off me and I had to almost bite through her hand to get her off me.
“I was screaming, I grabbed a towel and ran into the bedroom I was so scared. That was the first time I honestly thought she was going to kill me.
“The worst attack was where she wrapped the telephone wire around my neck and tried to strangle me.
“I remember slipping in and out of consciousness and when I came round she’d gone.
“She used to say she had given me life and she could just as easily take it away.”

At 16, Katrina packed three binliners of clothing and ran away from home and a year later she had got her own flat.
Soon afterwards she met Kieran, now her husband, and they are now parents to 11-year-old Madison.
But Katrina admits her mum’s legacy frightened her in the days after her daughter’s birth.
“I felt this overwhelming rush of love and need to protect, I would kill or die for her, so I couldn’t understand how my mum could have done those things to me,” she says.
“But when she was six weeks old I packed my bag to leave because I was adamant I was going to hurt her. I was worried I would turn into my mum.
“I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and I had to go to counselling but I would never hurt her.”
Despite the constant abuse, Katrina’s dad stayed with his wife until the girls left.
“He later told me it was the 80s and 90s and if he’d taken us Mum would call the the police and accuse him of kidnap and then who would protect us?”
Years after leaving home, Katrina received news her mother had had a stroke and rushed to her side, begging her to confess to what she had done but she branded her daughter a “liar and fantasist.”
Finally Katrina went to the police.
In November 2017, at Manchester’s Minshull Street Crown Court, Speed pleaded guilty to charges of cruelty but, because of ill health, was sentenced to a two year suspended sentence.
Sadly, Katrina’s dad died of a peritonitis in November last year and the postmortem recorded 300 scars on his body, including a nine inch knife scar.
“She broke that man,” says Katrina. “I am angry because my dad is dead now and all I have is his ashes and she’s alive, claiming benefits and the tax payer is paying for her hospital treatments.
"She should be in prison. She’s a monster and monsters belong behind bars.”
My Mother the Monster, this evening at 9pm on 5STAR
For help and advice on child abuse please contact the NSPCC at www.nspcc.org.uk
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A Michigan mom who fell in love with her biological son says a rare “genetic” phenomenon is responsible for their red-hot romance.
Kim West, 57, got pregnant as a teenager, and gave up her baby boy, Ben Ford, for adoption in the mid-1980s.
Ford, who is now 38, tracked down his mother eight years ago, and the pair formed a close bond. Things quickly turned sexual, and they went public with their incestuous relationship in 2016, with West boasting she had “mind-blowing sex” with her son.
The couple has subsequently kept a low profile in a bid to avoid being prosecuted for their illegal sexual relations, but say science is the reason they can’t keep their hands off each other.
“This is not incest, it is GSA. We are like peas in a pod and are meant to be together,” West declared to New Day, speaking about a phenomenon known as “genetic sexual attraction.”
The phenomenon was first identified back in the 1980s by Barbara Gonyo, a woman who ran a Chicago-based support group for adoptees and their newfound relatives. She coined the term “GSA” after noting that numerous people associated with the group became sexually attracted to their family members when they first met as adults.
Psychologist Corinne Sweet previously told New Day that she has come across the phenomenon while treating patients who had been in foster homes.
“At a genetic level, we are conditioned to find people who look like us attractive,” Sweet stated. “We have an almost tribal connection with family members with similar features. At the same time, people who are adopted or fostered feel deeply rejected. They have experienced a profound wound which isn’t easily healed.”
She further explained: “So when a son meets his birth mother, he feels a great rush of need. There’s an attraction and a longing there, and when it’s combined with the appeal of genetic similarity, it becomes a very powerful and complex cocktail which is incredibly seductive.”
However, other medical experts are skeptical of GSA, with New York City sex therapist Ian Kerner telling Women’s Health that the phenomenon has never been scientifically studied.
“I think that our mating systems tend to seek out genetic difference more than similarity,” he declared. “In the case of incest or romantic love between family members, I think you have to look at it case by case instead of generalizing it as a disorder or genetic condition.”
Meanwhile, clinical psychologist John Mayer bluntly told the magazine: “My professional opinion is that GSA is an excuse to give these people permission to break social norms.”
However, West and Ford say GSA adequately explains the instant attraction they felt for one another.
“I know people will say we’re disgusting, that we should be able to control our feelings, but when you’re hit by a love so consuming you are willing to give up everything for it, you have to fight for it,” West told New Day.
The loved-up mama continued: “It’s a once-in-a-lifetime chance and something Ben and I are not willing to walk away from.”
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