Sex I Ya

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Sex I Ya
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How to Write and Publish Children's Books
The topic of sex in young adult fiction is going to be controversial, so buckle up! I must be a glutton for punishment. Ever since I tackled the topics of swear words in young adult and self publishing , I’ve gotten a bit wary of making waves. Not because I don’t love a good, well-reasoned debate. Not because I want all of my readers to agree with me. But because a lot of responses on controversial topics are more annoying and inflammatory than anything else. But writers have questions, and I have answers, so here we go!
Why are topics like sex in young adult fiction so frustrating to post about? Because readers a) always ascribe my post content to my private and personal beliefs, and they b) always let their private and personal beliefs dictate how they respond — and set the emotional pitch.
Just because I have said, basically, that swearing in YA fiction is okay for the publishers and readers who choose to publish/read it, and that my biggest concern isn’t the swearing, it’s whether the swearing is genuine to the character and moment, one of my readers said that they lost personal respect for me. When I said that books set in America sometimes stood a stronger chance of being published in the American market than books set abroad, some readers assumed I was a self-centered xenophobe in my personal life. (Secrets secrets: I wasn’t even born in America!) Worse insults were hurled when I took on self-publishing.
So it is with a certain dread that I take on anything that approaches edgy YA. Why? Because swearing in books is “bad,” according to a lot of parents, PTA groups, librarians, religious organizations, etc., but sex is a whole lot “worse.”
But reader Rhay asked about sex in young adult fiction, and so I will try to answer:
Having heard you say that in YA anything goes and that there are publishers that will publish the most overt sex scenes. I have to wonder, how are sex scenes really perceived in the YA market place? Are they cut in the editorial process because of the need to fit a particular market niche (schools, tweens, etc.)? Do editors actually ever ask for sex scenes to be written because of their market niche? In short, can you give any more information in regards to the perception of sex in young adult novels?
First of all, let me say that I am not a religious person, nor do I come to this answer with any kind of agenda. I don’t want to “corrupt” teens or to preach any kind of immorality, nor do I want to influence the moral compass of others. In light of all the stories that we heard during Banned Books Week, though, I have to take the stand that I believe is right with regard to edgy YA.
Ursula Nordstrom, famous children’s book editor, once wrote: “The writer of books about the real world has to dig deep and tell the truth.” And the truth is, teens have sex. Some absolutely don’t, but most are at least curious about it. No matter what their parents, teachers, pastors, etc. think is “right” or “wrong,” I would wager that there isn’t a single teenager on the planet who hasn’t either wondered about sex or tried it.
Is this crass to think about? I guess. Is it hard for parents to accept that their kids are growing up? I would imagine so. Is it right to try and teach abstinence? People with certain belief systems believe it is right, yes. Is it right to make sure that realistic portrayals of real life exist on shelves so that kids can learn from the experience of characters and make informed choices for their own lives? Absolutely!
But that’s not what we’re talking about. We’re not talking about whether or not teens should be having sex. We’re not talking about whether or not I agree or disagree with sex in young adult fiction. We are talking about the simple fact that teenagers sometimes have sex.
Therefore, fictional teenagers, who are meant to be relatable to real teenagers, sometimes have sex as well. And just as there are teens in the world who do and who do not have sex, there are publishers who do and who do not publish books about teenage sex. Not only does this choice vary from publisher to publisher, it also varies from editor to editor, book to book, and from one depiction of the act itself to another (ie: suggested sex to more explicit description).
Some books, like the last Twilight installment, BREAKING DAWN , fade out just as two characters are getting close to doing the hanky panky. Other books take a more subtle-yet-suggestive approach, like the close physical and intimate bond that the two main characters in SHIVER share. Other books go full-throttle edgy YA. Two that come to mind from the last few years: SWOON by Nina Malkin and THE DUFF by Kody Keplinger (a real life teen when she wrote and sold it). These last two titles feature pretty explicit scenes of sexual activity.
So who is right and who is wrong about sex in YA? I don’t care, frankly. For every writer and every kind of sensibility, there is a publisher who will match your project in terms of sexual content. If you’ve got full-throttle sex in your book, I may not be able to sell it to Zondervan (a Christian imprint), but it might do well over at Simon Pulse. And for every kind of sex in young adult fiction — from no sex to lots of it — there are readers who will match themselves and their sensibilities to your book.
It is true that you limit your market by having sexual content in your book. There will be school, libraries, state lists, book clubs, book fairs and other organizations who will not support edgy YA. That is an undeniable fact. But it should not be cause for you to censor yourself, either, if you really do feel that your story demands sexual content.
In terms of Rhay wondering whether or not editors will add or subtract sex in young adult fiction, that’s decided on a project-by-project basis. If you have gratuitous sex, editors may ask you to tone it down. If you fall short of the authenticity of a moment and you could actually do more, an editor might ask you to, ahem, flesh out the scene.
And yes, sometimes an editor will say, “Hey, we could be really cutting ourselves out of the school and library market if we leave this sex scene in,” but that decision lies between writer and editor, and has to do with both the integrity of the story and the publisher’s marketing expectations. Either way, I wouldn’t worry about the edgy YA aspect now, when you’re just writing your manuscript.
Truth and authenticity are important in all children’s books, but in YA especially. No matter what you do, make sure it rings true to real life. The choice to include sex in your teen book is up to you. The decision to publish a book with teen sex is up to your potential editor. The choice to stock that book in bookstores and libraries and schools is up to the people involved in book buying for a business or institution.
But keep in mind, since we’re coming off of Banned Books Week, after all, the key word I’m using here is “choice.” Sex will always be a part of the teen experience (whether the sex is practiced, longed for, or forbidden), and it should be part of the YA shelves. If not on the reading list, it should at least be available to those readers who will relate to it. Who reads it, who teaches it, who recommends it…well, that’s the choice part. And as a writer, you’re free to make your own choices, too. Everything else is just a consideration for you to keep in mind.
Young adult is my absolute favorite category to edit. I would be honored to work as your young adult editor , so let’s talk!
Very tastefully and tactfully done- It’s good to know that there is a market for YA- no matter how edgy or non-edgy. People who like the kind of realistic portrayal that requires sex and swearing have just as much right to those kinds of books as those who are more conservative and are looking for YA that lacks the above. Great post.
What a great way to analyze the issue without making it personal. As with swearing, I don’t have a problem with it if sex or the swearing is intrinsic to the story and authentic to the character.
I love the intelligent approach you offer here. I missed the self-publishing post and I won’t be searching it out. I can imagine the comments. I totally get what you say about comment trolls!
Personally, I have only been ‘upset’ about sex in YA when I heard one book with sex in it was required reading for a school somewhere. I wished for that book to be read if it suited the child, not mandatory. But I got over myself quickly.
I ‘blush’ when I write my characters kissing passionately, so… for me… the sex will stay out of what I write for now. Maybe someday… It is an important topic/issue and if it helps make the characters more real for our readers, then it should be added. In the ms I am working on right now, adding sex wouldn’t make the story any more believable. but I can definitely see where adding it would benefit a story and it’s reader.
Thank you for answering this question! It’s one of those that had swirled around in my head.
This is a great topic, thanks Mary. I wondered long and hard about putting sex into my YA novel and decided against it. I’m so glad I did as I live in a very religious area and my book became a hit locally and I gained the respect of the community, something that would not have happened had there been sex in it. I have also decided to keep it out of the second novel I am currently writing. Another thing I had a struggle with due to different laws in this country compared to the country where my book is set, is drinking. My character turns 18 in my book and all 18 year olds in England go out and celebrate by drinking as that is the legal age. Over here, however, it is 21 but the story needed my character to get slightly tipsy on her birthday. Luckily I never had any negative feedback on that.
On a side note, I read your blog daily, even though I don’t comment very much. You have some wonderful things to tell us about the industry and those people who don’t take your blog in the vein it is intended should be ignored. There will always be people who are confrontational for the sake of being that way. Don’t change a thing
A very well thought-out and concise approach to what we all know can be an inflammatory concept: kudos! I have heard of both editors who ask that if there is a romantic plot that it be “upped” to make it more obvious and others who ask folks to tone it down — same can be said for swearing, body issues, religious content, etc. but I digress.
As a YA author and prevention educator, I have no problem with the subject of sex in YA; as you rightly point out, even if they’re not doing it, they’re at least conscious of it and thinking about it. It’s unrealistic to ignore that fact completely, but that doesn’t mean it has to centerpiece in your YA story to make it “believable.” However, when there is sex and sexual content, I think there should also be the thoughts about “afterwards” in order to make it believable, too. The should’ve’s & shouldn’t haves, the worry or contentment, the proverbial condom shot or the freak-out over whether they need to get tested now or in six months…these are realistic, too, and to skip over THAT part of the equation is equally unrealistic.
Personally, I’m all about the tension of “what ifs” and drama around the sensuality rather than the sexuality, but that’s just me. There’s more than enough room in the YA authorship and readership for those who embrace the topic as well as those who leave it at an embrace.
Very nicely handled. Thank you for your insight. I don’t have an actual sex scene in my MS but there is some cursing which has made me nervous, but it totally fit the character–in fact, leaving it out seemed to ring false to me. Reading this post, and seeing you say to not worry about some of these things now while writing the manuscript, that they are issues that can be handled later with the agent/editor/publisher, was a relief.
Have a wonderful Wednesday Mary
I’ve been reading your posts for months now, but haven’t commented in awhile. I’m thrilled you approached this topic, and that you were honest about it. I agree with everything you said. I feel sex has a place in YA as long as it’s organic to the character and story. Our goal as YA writers is to create stories and characters our readers (um, the teens not the adults who love YA) can relate to. This is done by realizing that some teens are having sex. We have to be careful that we don’t assume EVERY teen is sexually active, but they usually know someone who is.
The best part about YA is that it doesn’t just focus on that perfect moment (first time) with the perfect guy, and everyone is in love. It shows the reality of sex during the teenage years, and helps girls figure out if they really are ready to take things in that direction. It gives them the options and sometimes a heavy dose of reality as to what can go wrong (and what can go right).
Very thoughful post on a touchy (pun intended ) subject! Thanks!
Thanks for writing this post. I’ve read books that don’t include sex and those that do. I agree with you that as long as it’s authentic to the character and story that these type of scenes should be illustrated. In Kiss It , a book I read earlier this year by Erin Downing, there are two sex scenes. One (where the character is having sex just for the sake of sex) is somewhat explicit and the other, where there is a good connection between the two characters isn’t. Personally, I think that Downing was using the explicit sex in the way that Jane Austen described the failed proposals between Elizabeth and Mr. Collins and Elizabeth and Darcy, in a sort of comedic and “lesson-based” context, whereas when there is a real intimate and loving connection, Downing speaks more to that then to the actual act itself. Sex in this book and others has a place, but I think that you’re right to say that it should the writers, readers, etc choice to write it and to read it.
I’m so glad that you wrote about this topic, and I think you handled it very well. Not only do I write for young adults, but I counsel them as well. I can tell you honestly that sex is very much on their minds (regardless if they’re having it or not), and I appreciate books that reflect authenticity.
Great post! You nailed the perfect litmus test: is it organic to the story and characters? Another question, does it move the story forward, or is it just a scene that side-steps from the plot? I’m glad you tackled the topic. It makes no sense for people who write for teens to ignore tough issues. There are a lot of things that teens deal with every day that aren’t really easy to talk about. Thanks for not taking the easy way out of this one!
What a great post, Mary! Though you didn’t give your own take on the subject, you helped us all to see that sex in YA has its place just like any other topic that’s out there. Though, I write middle grade fiction at the moment, this post was extremely helpful. It’s good to know that any subject tackled really can have it’s place if dealt with in an authentic manner. Thanks for your insight!
GREAT post! And you handle the trolls very well.
You make a very good point about books that reflect real life being available on the shelves. We can talk and preach all we want, but at the end of the day, if kids are interested in something, they’re going to pursue it. I personally would rather give my sons access to information about life and allow them to ask questions and discuss things with me than make them feel like these things they’re wondering about are bad and like they’re wrong or weird for thinking about them.
On a completely separate note, I hate writing “oochy” scenes. It gives me the willies. Maybe this is why I’m only working on one YA, while I have tons of picture books on the go! Ha, ha!
Nicely said. I agree with, “no matter what you do, make sure it rings true to real life”
It has to match the characters, the plot, the. . . . everything. For teens, it’s a HUGE issue. I, as a writer, have specific ideas of how it’s handled in my books because I think it is a big decision to be made by anyone, not just teens.
But to completely avoid the topic in YA or even New Adult books just isn’t realistic.
Love this topic. I’ll be back to read the opinions of others!
Like the others have already mentioned, I think you handled this well, Mary.
My books will never have much sexual content because I wasn’t that kind of teenager and we often write from our own experience. And even though I’m not an advocate of sexual content – in any book – I realize it’s unrealistic to expect no one to ever write about it or no publisher to ever publish a book with that in it.
If you’re a religious person who takes the law of chastity seriously, great. Have the moral fortitude to make your own decisions and choose your own reading material carefully – and teach your children to do the same. Good parents will never need authors, editors, or even librarians to do their parenting for them.
I think you’re bang on with this post. (heh) I think Pam also made a good point up there – teens *think* about sex an awful lot, normally whether they’re having it or not, so it seems like removing sex on principle runs the risk of creating an ‘off’ character or a story that doesn’t quite ring true. I also wonder if there is a book version of ‘playing hard to get’?.. Wherein the readers love it more because the author holds back those juicy scenes? That seems to run counter to most writing advice out there, doesn’t it…
PS Googlin’ for a bruisin’ the best thing I’ve heard today. Have a good one, Mary!
So who is right and who is wrong about sex in YA? I don’t care, frankly.
YES. I love this and it’s true for me too. As a writer, I think it really is about what works for the characters and the story. And I think teens will choose to read what makes them comfortable and what they relate to. I think it’s important that there are books that reflect the truth for all teens, not just the truths others feel is “appropriate”. When is life ever appropriate?
I love this post. So diplomatic and reasonable. And right on. Trolls beware…there are no holes in this logic, unless you choose to read it wrong!
I would like to add that would-be authors should be aware that some agents could be hesitant to take on more explicit things. And in the agent hunt, every possible nibble matters.
I queried on two edgier books, and a few agents hinted that they liked the book but it was too edgy for them. So, I wrote a book that stayed “more within the parameters of YA” (as one of those agents had suggested), and I got an agent.
Did this have to do with that specific book idea or the added experience I gained with each book? Maybe. But it’s still something to consider as you try to break in.
About a year ago I commented on a similar post by another agent saying that I felt sex scenes could have a place in a YA book depending on the character and plot. A troll then began to follow me posting on various websites that I was a pedophile and promoted sex with kids. That I was willing to “ruin” the morals of other people’s children to make a buck. Talk about a life lesson in understanding the i
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