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"The fact that race play is a thing is scary to me as a black man because it shows just how deeply racism can be rooted in the psyche..."
Writer, Actor, and Producer of The Upcoming Film No Chocolate, No Rice
Jul 5, 2017, 11:03 AM EDT | Updated Jul 9, 2017
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Writer, Actor, and Producer of The Upcoming Film No Chocolate, No Rice
Being called a “nigger” by a white person is, unfortunately, nothing new to me (I have twitter after all). But being called a nigger by a white person during sex was a very new experience. Even now, it’s hard to express just how caught off guard I was in the moment that it happened. To be clear, “Fuck me, you nigger!” were his exact words. And there I was, hunched over, sweating, mildly intoxicated and confused. I still look back, and even though I didn’t do it, I see myself glancing over my shoulder and surveying the room, searching for who else the white guy beneath me could have been talking to.
There’s actually quite a lot I didn’t do in that moment that I wish I had. I could’ve spit in his face and called him a racist asshole. I could have taken the opportunity to slap a white man for the first time in my life (although that may have turned him on even more) or, I could have just stopped, and explained to him why calling me a nigger wasn’t exactly curling my toes. I didn’t do any of that. Instead I replied with “Huh?” And when he responded with a similarly dumb sounding “Huh?” I silently continued my robotic motion, avoiding eye contact like a stranger on the subway, till it was over.
Afterward, as I did what I jokingly refer to as my “walk of shame,” I realized that for the first time, I actually felt shame. It was like something had been taken from me and I wasn’t quite sure what. I certainly wasn’t raped and the word “violated” seemed a bit too strong for the situation as well. But whatever had just happened, it happened without my consent and it wasn’t sitting right with me. Of course I’ve always been familiar with racial fetishes, in the abstract, which I stand against on the principle that racial identity is not a sexual “type” but the experience of being actively, vocally fetishized during sex now put real emotion behind a belief I always had. I felt objectified, literally. I wasn’t certain of much at that point but I was sure that whoever that guy back there was having sex with, it was not me. It was a thing ― a Mandingo fantasy without a name or any desires of its own. That’s the insidious thing about categorizing people by their race; the erasure of everything that makes them who they are and the inhuman feeling they’re left with.
“I wasn’t certain of much at that point but I was sure that whoever that guy back there was having sex with, it was not me. It was a thing...”
It wasn’t until sometime later, after I finally decided to bring up the incident to some friends, that I realized just how many gay men of color I knew who had similar encounters with white men. It was also the first time I heard the term “race-play.” Urban Dictionary’s top definition for race play is: “An avant-garde, but increasingly accepted form of sexual role play in which people of different races consensually reject all political correctness... in favor of sexual pleasure and fulfillment.” I’d bet you everything I own that a white person came up with that bullshit. Calling black people nigger is avant-garde now? At least that explains the recent resurgence of Mel Gibson. My feelings of disgust and shame were now mixed with confusion. Just how many people were into race-play and how long has it been a thing? And who were these black men that were active participants in this white supremacist fantasy? It seemed that none of my friends had had more than one experience with this sort of thing and were short on answers so I turned where anyone does when they want to find out more about deviant sexual behavior, Google.
Of the nearly 300,000 search results for “gay race play,” most link to sites featuring a handful of amateur videos which overwhelmingly feature black men in positions that aren’t so much passive as they are abject, regardless of the sexual position of the participants. They usually feature white men with the physiques of slave owners (ironic?) calling their black sex partners things like “coon,” “ape,” “gorilla,” “boy” and the oh so avant-garde, “nigger.” I realized quickly that I wouldn’t find much in the way of “insight” or a race play “community,” as even those who seemed self-assured enough to post videos of themselves engaging in this play went through great pains to hide their identities with the use of everything from pixelation to ski masks. A few Facebook groups claiming to be race play themed were private and by invite only. Imagine my mix of disappointment and relief when I realized I wasn’t friends with any members.
“To understand the true nature of racism is to acknowledge that it isn’t just the act of doing mean things to people because they’re different. It’s a worldview in which anyone of another race is something less than human.”
Even though most of the videos I found were posted by people who obviously do this sort of thing regularly, there are a few pay sites that, while they don’t self describe as race play sites, make it clear black subjugation is what they’re selling. One site has only videos depicting white guys in police officer uniforms accosting unsuspecting young black men, most of whom could pass for teens, and forcing them into group sex. A description on the site reads in part: “See these power hungry and horny cops take control of our black population and fuck them.” Now the problematic nature of these videos considering our nation’s recent focus on law enforcement’s treatment of black men and boys should be apparent. But even in light of this, I don’t begrudge anyone the freedom to explore their fantasies with other consenting adults. It takes a lot to come to terms with being a man who loves men in this society, so I understand why gay men get so touchy when you put a critical lens over their sexual desires. However, the intersection of race and sex is one area where the gay community could benefit from further self examination. The fact that race-play is a thing, let alone a semi popular thing, is scary to me as a black man because it shows just how deeply racism can be rooted in the psyche and further illustrates that our sexual desires are, in fact, susceptible to the racist structure of our society.
To understand the true nature of racism is to acknowledge that it isn’t just the act of doing mean things to people because they’re different. It’s a worldview in which anyone of another race is something less than human. And as understanding as I am when it comes to the sexual fantasies of others, it’s hard to imagine that any white person engaging in race play sees their sexual partner (not to mention POC in general) as a complete equal when they flip that light switch back on.
For my part, I’ve continued to struggle with my actions that night. Why I didn’t speak up or act out continued to nag me. So I did what I usually do when things happen that I don’t like ― I re-wrote it! In the first scene of “No Chocolate, No Rice ,” my upcoming film, I recount my experience with race-play in much more dramatic fashion. Not to titillate but, hopefully, to begin the discussion I couldn’t find in myself to start back then. As for the guy who uttered the word that night in bed, even though we never had sex again, I did maintain contact. I once asked him about that night and all he could say in his defense was that he wasn’t a racist. I don’t like to toss that word around either but I’ll tell you what I told him. Whether it’s getting off on calling black men “nigger” during sex or barring POC from your bed altogether, you don’t get to do the things that racist people do and not get called a racist yourself.
For more info on “No Chocolate, No Rice,” visit the film’s Facebook page and Kickstarter campaign .
Writer, Actor, and Producer of The Upcoming Film No Chocolate, No Rice

Women On Reddit Share What It's Like To Be Gang Banged

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Women On Reddit Share What It's Like To Be Gang Banged

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College is often described as a time of sexual exploration , and for a lot of people that's probably true -- you're on your own for your first time, the hormones are raging, and people are generally down to touch each other in some places. That may translate into a little more action than you're accustomed to now, but most crazy, wild sex stories are just that: stories.
But not always! Take, for instance, a redditor that goes by the name Samsthrowaway1997 . All we know about her is that she's 20, and has a couple of friends who are 19 and 25 -- just like a lot of women you know (or knew). Unlike other women, however, Sam is WAY into group sex -- so much so that she and her two friends participated in what she refers to as a "gang bang" the other night with six guys. She shared her exploits on r/NSFWIAMA , and hoo boy.
If you've ever wondered what goes down during orgies and fancy sex parties, read on -- shit is about to get very real.
First, what do these ladies look like?
I'm short, about 5'3, half Italian/half Latina. I have curly brown hair, C cups, and am blessed with a J Lo ass. My 19F friend is a little taller, white, shorter brown hair, very skinny, great perky boobs, long great legs and nice hips. She has her clit, tongue, and navel pierced. The 25F has pale skin, big tits, and long blonde hair. She has a few watercolor looking tattoos, and normally wears glasses, which make her look super hot.
Great, how does something like this get started?
We planned it. My 25F friend wanted to be gang banged and we helped make it happen. The three of us had been together in a previous mmffff, and my 19F and I had recurring threeways with a mutual friend for a few months. So it has evolved naturally over time.
Being watched. Feeling overwhelmed. Watching my friends. The noise of a few people feeling that good. I like when multiple people give oral to one. I like showing off that I can squirt and deepthroat. Having a ton of options. It's all hot.
How did you know you were having a good time?
When I was riding a dude and blowing one at the same time and we all came within a minute of one another. It was crazy hot.
I liked how into it everyone was. It was amazing. Definitely two guys and myself coming within seconds of each other was awesome.
One guy kept asking if he could put it in our asses and I didn't like that at all.
Yes. My 25F friend tried to blow all six guys at once. She couldn't keep up so we hopped in to help. They all came on her face and chest though. She looked a mess after
Do I need a huge johnson to participate in a gang bang?
One guy was bigger than the others but he wasn't any better... It was the biggest one I have seen before and felt great. Unfortunately his stamina was very poor and he was so thick it was tough to give good head.
I guess that about does it. The whole thing sounds so ridiculous as to be made up, but checking Sams' posting history shows that she writes about this kind of thing pretty often. So she's either practicing for the Penthouse forums in a very roundabout way, or she's just a young woman who really, really likes group sex.

I have a very 2014 question for you: How would you respond if you found out that a man living down the street regularly has sexual intercourse with a horse?
Would you be morally disgusted? Consider him and his behavior an abomination? Turn him in to the police? (This would be an option in the roughly three-quarters of states that — for now — treat bestiality as a felony or misdemeanor.)
Or would you perhaps suppress your gag reflex and try hard to be tolerant, liberal, affirming, supportive? Maybe you'd even utter the slogan that deserves to be emblazoned over our age as its all-purpose motto and mantra: Who am I to judge?
Thanks to New York magazine, which recently ran a completely nonjudgmental 6,200-word interview with a " zoophile " who regularly enjoys sex with a mare — unironic headline: "What it's like to date a horse" — these questions have been much on my mind.
Because this is a very big deal, in cultural and moral terms.
No, not the fact of bestiality, which ( like incest ) has always been with us, but the fact of an acclaimed, mainstream publication treating it as a matter of complete moral indifference. (Aside, of course, from the requisite concern about animal abuse — a nonhuman analog to the pervasive emphasis on consent as the only relevant moral criterion for judging sexual behavior. The interview dispenses with this worry by informing us that the zoophile regularly brings his equine lover to orgasm orally — and that she often initiates acts of intimacy, showing that she appears to enjoy their sexual interactions.)
Am I worried that large numbers of people will soon choose to shack up with their pets or farm animals? Not at all. I can't imagine that very many people will ever be drawn to bestiality, no matter how casually it is treated in the media.
Why, then, is the New York interview a big deal? Because it's perhaps the most vivid sign yet that, in effect, the United States (and indeed the entire Western world) is running an experiment — one with very few, if any, antecedents in human history. The experiment will test what happens when a culture systematically purges all publicly affirmed notions of human flourishing, virtue and vice, elevation and degradation .
Moral and religious traditionalists have seen this coming and warned about its consequences for years. And indeed, they are the ones raising the loudest ruckus about the New York interview.
I share some of their concerns. But there are at least two problems with their analysis of the experiment.
First, the trads are wrong to blame the purging of publicly affirmed notions of human flourishing on the spread of relativism. Viewed from inside traditionalist notions of virtue and vice, a culture that seeks to redefine "normal" to include zoophilia might seem like a culture defined by relativism. But it isn't. Rather, it's a culture fervently devoted to the moral principle of equal recognition and affirmation — in a word, to an absolute ethic of niceness. Moral condemnation can be mean, and therefore it's morally wrong — that's the way growing numbers of Americans think about these issues.
Of course, these nonjudgmental Americans would think differently — they would continue to publicly affirm notions of human flourishing and condemn acts that diverge from the norm — if they confidently believed in the foundation of these judgments. But increasingly, they do not. Judeo-Christian piety used to supply it for many, but no longer.
Then there's the option of basing our judgments on what conservative bioethicist Leon Kass once called " the wisdom of repugnance " — that is, on our commonsense moral intuitions. But as the liberal philosopher Martha Nussbaum has argued, the " ick factor " just isn't a reliable basis on which to make moral evaluations. And we know that from lived experience. Interracial romances once seemed icky, but then they didn't. Next it was homosexual acts that passed through the looking glass from repellant to respectable. Faced with this slippage and uncertainty — with a long string of reversals in moral judgment — it's no wonder that the ethic of unconditional niceness increasingly trumps all other considerations.
And that brings us to the second way in which the trads go wrong — in speaking confidently about how we're "galloping toward Gomorrah." This implies that they know exactly where the experiment is going to end up. The truth is that they — and we — have no idea at all. Because there has never been a human society built exclusively on a morality of rights (individual consent) and an ethic of niceness, with no overarching vision of a higher human good to override or compete with it.
As I noted above, I find it hard to imagine that more than a tiny fraction of human beings will ever choose to engage in sex acts with animals, even if and when the taboo has been thoroughly deconstructed and the behavior mainstreamed by dozens of sympathetic stories in the media. I suspect the same is true about incest and polyamory . Most people will continue to live boring, mundane sex lives, monogamously committed to one human being of the opposite sex at a time.
So what, then, is there to worry about? Why is this cultural experiment a big deal?
Because it stands as a stunning testament to our ignorance about ourselves. Roughly 2,500 years since Socrates first raised the question of how we should live, several centuries since the Enlightenment encouraged us to seek and promulgate scientific knowledge about the universe and human nature, Western humanity seems to have come to the conclusion that we haven't got a clue about an answer. There is no consensus whatsoever about what ways of life are intrinsically good or bad for human beings.
Get married and have kids? If that's what you want, sounds good. Live in a polyamorous arrangement? As long as everyone consents, have fun. What about my intense desire to copulate with a horse? Just make sure no one gets hurt — with hurt defined in the narrowest of terms (covering physical harm and the violation of personal preferences).
That's all we've got. Or at least all we're left with, now that we've shed the (ostensibly) discredited notions of human virtue that most people once affirmed.
Is that good enough? Can we do without a publicly affirmed vision of human flourishing? Fulfilling personal preferences (whatever they happen to be), seeking consent in all interactions, and abiding by the imperative of universal niceness — is that sufficient to bring happiness? Or will a world tha
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