Sex Free Game

Sex Free Game
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Six of the Best Free Games About Sex
Rummaging through the internet's intimates in search of the best, most interesting games about doin' it.
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EDITOR'S NOTE: As is hopefully obvious from the title, this article contains some words about sexytimes, though nothing explicit. If you're too young to be reading such things or you're likely to be offended by them, avert thy eyes!
You know what is weird, IGN? How few big videogames are about sex. Everyone’s always going on about how oh, we’re all thirty years old now, all grown up, and we’re making games about fatherhood like in Papo & Yo and The Walking Dead and all that jazz, and you can honestly murder anything in games these days, like you can make the witches in Left 4 Dead into Whitney Houston , have her sing to you, and then gun her down. I mean you can even make the likeness of Hitler and Stalin as Miis and then have them play tennis against each other, but still games are all like: NO HUMPING. STRICTLY: NO HUMPING. Hitler: okay. Stalin: okay. But YOU KEEP YOUR BITS TO YOURSELVES, DICTATORS OF THE PAST.
In an attempt to sex up the interactive neonhighway like a British secret dossier, I put on a large trenchcoat and a mask and looked dashing as I rummaged through the internet’s intimates in search of the best, most interesting free games about doin’ it. Here are six of them.
I like Bind Her because it really conveys the absurdity of body parts and sex well. Like Pietro Righi Riva, who is making a game called Awkward Sex about how hard (hah! I said hard) it is to position two bodies intimately, Leon is concerned with presenting us with a tricky bodily problem. The problem in question here is a squirmy lady: sex is all elbows and knees at the best of times, and what if your lover is particularly wriggly? What if you’ve agreed you’re gonna play a little tie-up and she’s decided to be silly? Well, here’s a game about strategically placing ties on the bed to separate her body parts out so you can at least kiss her without being kicked in the face.
This game is very difficult. I do not think I am a very good lover.
Of course, the danger here could have been that Leon might have made a game that tacitly condones violence against women, but Leon is the master of context: as we look upon our lady, she is always smiling, and as she kicks a rope out of your hand she winks at you conspiratorially. Consent is the hottest dang thing.
5. Cuddlefish by Ms. Tea (SFW, not if you are a cuttlefish though)
“You have: eight arms, colour-changing skin, lust.”
Okay so my main reason for including a game about lusty cuttlefish having sex is that a) it is like a way funnier National Geographic narrated by a drunk teen David Attenborough and b) it is so well written that I laugh with delight every time I play it. Cuddlefish is short, actually teaches you something about cuttlefish, and there is something sort of poignant about the way you solve the ‘getting laid’ puzzle. Cuttlefish gonna cuttlesex.
In any case, I am along for this cuttlefish ‘ride’ because of lines like, “There are FISH here but they are not TASTY fish and are therefore BORING.” All the single fish, all the single fish, all the single fish, all the single fish - Put ya tentacles up!
If you like the educational slant, try Privates by Size Five Games or Positive Space by Merritt Kopas, an edutainment piece about the practice known as “muffing”. Both worthy entries, neither very good for work unless you work at Marie Stopes.
The best thing about being internet denizens is that we are open, at any time, to stumbling over the most vibrant of emotional objects: it’s difficult to understand why we sit there most of the time clicking on trailers and posting on forums when there’s a wealth of free, really interesting interactive experiences out there.
Tapes by Marras is about disability and sex, or, the intersection of the two. It’s one of those things that takes the image of sex being clothes-off straight-to-bed and smashes it on the floor. Tapes invites you into an intimate process: a process that is necessary, but is also erotic, and therein lies many revelations. It made me think about how many people think of a disability as a flaw, as being something that must be overcome. There is nothing in Marras’ game that the main character wants to overcome: rather, the main character values the process of the ‘tapes’ with her new naked-partner. Watching and reading the process unfold is a touching, gentle experience, and though no sex acts per se are embarked upon, you know those two are at it like rabbits when we’re not around. The tapes are the sex act. The tapes are the thing. The tapes are hot.
I know it’s sort of unfair to include more than one game by someone, but at the time of writing I wanted to include Stephen’s game Striptease and it kept crashing on startup on my rubbish MacBook. So what I really want to say is: Stephen has made more than one game about sexuality, and they are all quite bloody interesting. Stephen has a wonderful way of having you feel emotions through mechanical means, having his otherwise stark or abstract images provoke a reaction in you. A recent discovery, trawling through his games, has been sub/conscious , which is a game that messes with your computer like it is a simulation of your filthy mind, playing with your sex-obsessed brainpipes and generally having the power to really freak you out. Do not click on sub/conscious if you are at work. It will definitely, definitely get you fired.
2. Mind F*** by Anna Anthropy (SFW, however it requires a partner to play with and I’m not sure Dave from accounts will play it with you)
This list would be totally incomplete without Anna’s work. Aside from the fact that Anna has made so many games that explore the, ahem, ins and outs, of human sexuality, particularly queer sexuality, she’s been a fantastic catalyst for a whole host of people making more games about their own sexual experiences. You can play any number of her games for free, ranging from Sex Cops of Tickle City all the way to Triad , her game about how to share a bed when you’re polyamorous and have exhausted your sexual appetite for the night.
Anna’s concern with the physical space outside our computer peripherals is present in her masterpiece of sexual tension, Mind F***. Although you might have to download this baby to play it and have a sexy partner to play it with, Mind F*** is just that: you stare down your partner with the f***-me eyes until one of you hits the button. It’s all about how long you can hang on before tipping over the edge: a tantric sex sim. The physical presence of someone else is the thing here: your fun is predicated on the desire between you, the tension before you give in.
A shout out to the mysterious ‘Dildos Inc’, who did the music for this. (Heh. Dildos Inc.)
I put this game at number one simply because I can’t think of the last time someone combined these three things into one beautiful game: sex, System Shock, and the written word. System Shock and Dishonored developer Harvey Smith said it was one of his favourite games of 2012 . Porpentine ’s Twine games are the gentry in terms of sophistication. Cyberqueen has a retro computer vibe resonant of Mother’s displays on board the Nostromo in Alien. The text blinks and moves, out of your control, and you are often rendered useless for a while whilst the text does what it likes. Of course, you are the submissive in this equation: the cyberqueen will do with your body as she chooses, and the timed text is just one way of conveying that. Clever, intimidating, overbearing, atmospheric writing and a black/green stylesheet do the rest. Violence, fluids ensue. A pleasure. A real pleasure.
If you want more of these beautiful sexy things, have a look at some of the results of the Pulse Pounding, Heart Stopping Dating Sim Jam here and here . Until next time, Lao Che.
Cara Ellison is the games journalist people call when they have run out of ideas. The red phone rings; she answers hungover. Later they regret ever asking. She writes for The Guardian, Rock, Paper, Shotgun and PC Gamer, and produces games for Littleloud. You can find her on Twitter .

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