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Sex Escort Kaluga Ru
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In the early 2010s, posts advertising so-called “friends for hire” began appearing on Russian-language websites. They allowed Internet users to pay an hourly fee for an apparently ordinary person to listen to them, give them emotional support, or simply chat for a while as though they really were an understanding longtime friend. This service, at least in its online iteration, was apparently invented in Japan, where even a husband or a daughter can be rented online. There are similar services available in Western countries as well. Journalist Anna Chesova explored Russia’s paid friendship industry from every possible angle exclusively for Meduza .
“I can be a relative or a brother at your wedding on either side of the aisle. I can be your friend at a coffee shop or your travel buddy. I can even be your father or your coworker. Call me!!!!” writes a man named Nikolai. His advertisement has been viewed almost 2,000 times on Avito, a Russian-based classified ads site similar to Craigslist. Searching for “friends for an hour” on the site turns up dozens of comparable propositions from men and women of various ages. Their services tend to cost between 200 and 2,000 rubles an hour . For a price, “friends for hire” are prepared to lend a sympathetic ear, give advice, take a walk around town, go to the movies, or even go out for a drink. The phrase “non-intimate” inevitably appears at the end of every ad. Avito isn’t the only market for these services in Russia: Internet users can hire a friend on Instagram , the Facebook-like social media site VKontakte , and the primarily escort-oriented site Soderzhanki.ru .
Experts believe that the “paid friendship” industry first appeared in Japan, where both individuals and entire companies offer hourly services and occasionally impersonators for more long-term relationships who can play the role of a godfather, a blood relative, or a spouse. One of the largest friendship firms, Family Romance , only employs professional actors. The company’s internal regulations state that no single employee can serve more than five families, and the firm’s founder, Ishii Yuichi, plays the role of a fake husband himself .
You can rent a friend in Western countries, too: sites like Rent a Local Friend and Rent a Friend include hundreds of individuals in various parts of the world, even Africa and Oceania. The American company Rent a Gent allows clients to hire a “respectable-looking” man for dates, celebrations, or bachelorette parties. The company’s site announces that renting such a gentlemen costs as little as “a cheap pair of Louboutins” — $200 an hour.
“You’re not feminine enough. If I were you, I’d think about changing your image,” my hired friend Sergey instructs. “If I walked past you on the street, I wouldn’t even notice you. See, look at your dress — you’re not going out to milk the cows, are you? And your boots are kind of simple. A woman should be feminine — I mean, that’s how they attract men.”
We’ve known each other for half an hour. I found Sergey through an ad on Avito, and I’m paying him 500 rubles per hour. For that sum, Sergey is willing to “be a good, cheerful friend” and “talk to you about anything, walk around town, go out to dinner, or cook together.” You can also go with Sergey to see a show or an art exhibit, play soccer or video games, grill kabobs, or chat in a coffee shop. Everything Sergey eats or drinks during your time together is on your dime. If his ad is to be believed, though, you’ll get to “avoid boredom and the blues” and have a good time instead.
I thought for a long time about what I’d talk about with my hired friend. In the end, I decided to put all my cards on the table: I’m 31, two years divorced, and it’s been a while since I’ve managed to fall in love. Sergey listens to me for about 15 minutes while I lead him to my favorite square near Patriarch’s Ponds in Moscow and find us an open bench. When we get about halfway there, he realizes what my problem is: I don’t look feminine. Sergey criticizes my dress, my coat, and my boots, and then he uses the women passing by as examples of how I should actually dress. Then, he gets to my haircut.
“What’s wrong with it? It’s just hair.” I’m starting to get nervous — I came here straight from the hairdresser’s.
“There you go — it’s just hair. But it shouldn’t be,” Sergey says in total seriousness. “I mean, you’ve seen how girls get it done. They get a fancy cut, styling, all that good stuff. Makeup doesn’t hurt either.” He also advises me to give my male acquaintances a chance and try to ask them out. Eventually, I get tired of all the criticism, and I ask my hired friend whether I can just interview him as a journalist. Sergey agrees, and we walk to the nearest coffee shop. Of course, I’ll be picking up the bill.
Sergey is 27. He graduated from a teacher’s college and moved to Moscow from Ukraine with his wife for years ago. He works at a shopping site selling spare parts and sometimes works as a delivery guy on the side. He likes destination vacations, cars, and military equipment. He lives in a rented apartment, and his wife is on leave and pregnant with their first child. It was summer when Sergey first came across rent-a-friend ads on Avito while surfing the Web. “I thought, why not give it a try?” he tells me. “You can make a little money and help somebody out at the same time. As I understand it, if someone comes to you with that kind of request, that means they really don’t have anyone to share their life experiences with.” He chose a 500-ruble fee because he didn’t want to “be a jerk”: “Not everybody can pay 1,000 all at once. I understand the situation our society is in right now.”
Sergey’s first client was a young woman around 30 years old. “We met up and talked for an hour. She told me she was having trouble with her husband. She wants a baby, and her husband doesn’t,” my “friend” recalls. “I gave her some practical advice and said she had to change something about herself and also have a real heart-to-heart with her husband so that they could solve the problem together instead of having her sit there and wait it out.”
Then, a 33-year-old man called. He told Sergey over the phone that he had a family, a kid; he said everything seemed normal but that he “wanted to try things out with a man.” “I told him, ‘I’m sorry, I can’t help you.’ He started asking, ‘Why? What do you mean? You’re being intolerant.’ I explained to him that I’m in a traditional, heterosexual relationship, and I wouldn’t understand him. I would never want to start fooling around, let alone with a man,” Sergey says. “God didn’t create us for men to copulate with men. That’s not something nature made. And it doesn’t produce children. He got the message and ended the conversation.”
Those had been my hired friend’s only two clients before me.
For a couple of weeks after my talk with Sergey, I felt unattractive. Sometimes, I stood for a long time in front of the mirror and tried to pick out signs of “unfemininity.” I still haven’t worn the dress Sergey said would have been better suited to “milking the cows.”
“From a psychological point of view, this is obviously criminal,” said Dr. Viktor Zaikin, a psychologist and a senior lecturer at First Moscow State Medical University. “In my opinion, this person has simply found a way to boost his own self-confidence at the expense of others. It’s unacceptable and wrong. There’s a risk he’ll end up making a big mess of things — at best, he ruins someone’s mood, and at worst, he could worsen that person’s symptoms or even make them undergo some kind of additional trauma.”
Dr. Anna Silnitskaya, another psychologist, noted that “Sergey behaves differently from the way he presents himself.” “In his advertisement, Sergey writes that he’s a cheerful friend who can help you snap out of your boredom, but in reality, this man is selling something entirely different,” she explained. According to Silnitskaya, I experienced a form of “violent communication,” and the person who earned 500 rubles for it had never heard of nonviolent communication, a term for empathetic, understanding interactions that was coined by the American psychologist Marshall Rosenberg. “Of course, no one’s stopping anybody from criticizing other people or giving them constructive criticism and selling all that under the guise of having fun. But this… well, it’s a sad story.”
Sergey’s counterpart Alexander, a 32-year-old from Moscow, has worked in a range of careers since he graduated from what is now the Russian Technological University with a major in instrumentation. He worked in that field for about three months but quickly became bored with his job. Since then, he has worked as an editor at a construction magazine, a street sign designer, and an extra on popular shows like “Modny Prigovor” and Alexander Gordon’s “Muzhskoye i Zhenskoye,” where he earned between 300 and 1,000 rubles a pop. Alexander lives with his mother, runs a video blog, and likes to travel. He once decided to spend two days in Berlin without spending any money. He slept on a bench outside and stowed away on the metro without paying for a ticket.
Now, Alexander makes most of his income on Avito by selling his own possessions. “I’ve got a lot of stuff piled up at home: clothes, old appliances, books, dishes. It’s just piled up over the years,” he told me. “I read an article on the Internet where it said that if you want to start a new life, you have to get rid of all your junk. So I thought, let’s get rid of it, then. That’s what I’ve been doing since January.”
Alexander turned out to be pretty good at getting rid of junk. He even managed to sell off an old pair of raggedy pants and an old skullcap; he had bought the latter ages before in the Crimea and used it to store spare change. Over time, the young man’s acquaintances, and then acquaintances of his acquaintances, began reaching out and asking him to sell their old things too. Now, that’s what Alexander does full time: he finds buyers for his clients, and if they can make a deal, he gets 15 or 20 percent of the profits.
Then, he spotted a link for “friends for hire” on Avito. “I thought to myself, ‘Oho, what have we here! Why don’t I take a crack at this?” I looked at all the ads and got to know the price range, and I decided I’d be able to do it too,” he explained. “I used to go out with my friends a lot and meet a lot of new people, women included. And I noticed that when you’re talking to someone, you can either boost their mood or ruin it. And I thought, why not kick those old habits back into gear? You can even make some money off it.”
Alexander posted his ad at the end of May. He wrote that he would be willing to have a heart-to-heart, listen to his clients talk about their “problems and spiritual struggles,” or just keep them company on a walk “through Moscow’s beautiful parks and boulevards.” The next morning, his first client called. She was crying. The young woman said she had broken up with her boyfriend and she needed to talk to someone about it right away. “I offered to meet up with her, but she wanted to talk over the phone. I heard her out, let her cry it out, and then I told her to find a hobby that could distract her from all those sad thoughts,” Alexander said. “At the end of the conversation, she asked whether she could pay me 500 rubles instead of 1,000. I said, ‘Okay!’ She wired the money to me, and I thought, ‘Oh boy, here we go.’”
Over the course of one fall and one summer, Alexander had 12 clients. He usually gets several messages a week, but not all of them lead to an actual meeting. Some people call once and then fall out of touch. “My clients are mostly women, but it’s not a huge difference. I’d say it’s 60-40. I don’t have any regulars — people just call me once, and that’s it,” he said. “Women often call me in this kind of wilted mood, and I can tell by their voices in the first few seconds that they’re dealing with something in their personal life. But sometimes they just want to chat with someone because they’re lonely.”
Men typically call Alexander out of a sense of apathy. Generally, these clients are at least 30 years old. “They typically complain about how things are too monotonous — life doesn’t excite them anymore. They all say the same thing: oh, it all used to be so much better. When they were 20, they were on fire, they wanted something, they were working toward something. But when they got closer to 30, life got all dull and gray.”
As a hired friend, Alexander usually tells these clients to find a hobby that can “get them excited.” “For me, that’s a cure-all for relationship problems, apathy, and loneliness,” he explained. “Because anything you do won’t just distract you — it’ll be a chance to meet new people with similar interests. If you find your thing, you find your people.”
Alexander never enters into intimate relationships with his clients, and he warns them of that fact ahead of time. “Once, I met with a client; she was 35. We met up for St. Patrick’s Day, took a walk, had some wine,” he recalled. “We spent about two and a half hours together. She told me she was lonely and said something like, ‘I’m getting so old already!’ At the end of our meetup, she hugged me, tried to kiss me, and offered to have sex. You know, come on, let’s go to my place, I can pay extra. But for me, that’s unacceptable, and I also have a girlfriend.”
His last client was a man in his forties. “We met up, and he said, ‘Listen, is it okay if I take care of some of my own business at the same time?’ I told him, ‘Yeah, no problem.’ And he ended up driving around the city for several hours with me in the car. He called somebody every once in a while, solved some logistical issues. And in between, he told me about how he was fed up with his wife, fed up with everything. He said, ‘I’ve lost all my energy, and I just want to vent to somebody.’ In the end, he gave me 2,500 rubles — said he didn’t have any more.”
When his wife and teenage son aren’t home, 34-year-old driver Vadim goes on Avito and searches for posts advertising friends for hire. He looks for women who are willing to talk to him over the phone while he masturbates. Vadim doesn’t really mind how old the women are or how they look; the most important thing is for them to consent. Usually, they don’t. “I’ve called people who post these ads dozens of times, maybe even a hundred times,” he said. “But only two people have agreed to do it so far — I paid one woman 500 rubles and another woman 700. Usually, when I tell them what I need, women tell me no right away and hang up the phone.”
Vadim doesn’t feel lonely. He feels happy with his wife, and he doesn’t want to change anything about his situation, but he and his wife have not had a sexual relationship for some time. Vadim eventually came to understand that he had begun experiencing attraction toward men, much like the man who asked for advice from Sergey. Vadim doesn’t know what to do about the situation. He’s afraid to open up to his friends and hesitant to pursue a same-sex relationship. He has tried to have affairs with women on the side, but he doesn’t want a second family. He has hired sex workers three times but says they “just do their business and go.” Half a year ago, he happened across some “friend for hire” ads on Avito and decided to call a woman to talk things out. He finds it easier to speak openly with women than with men. “I was really nervous,” he recalled. “I was so nervous that for the first few minutes, I couldn’t really say anything. At first, we talked about ordinary things, but then the topic of sex came up, and that got me started.”
Now, Vadim regularly searches for women on Avito and asks to call them to relieve his sense of sexual tension. He typically does this when he’s alone at home or on one of his many business trips. “When I do get to talk to someone, I feel a little easier. I get a wave of shame and guilt sometimes, but that passes pretty quickly.”
Vadim is one of the many men who responded to my own ad on Avito. For 500 rubles an hour, I offered to become a “friend” and a “close listener” for anyone who requested my services. One of the three people who agreed to my terms was also willing to tell his story for Meduza on the condition that his name would be changed. All in all, I got dozens of messages and phone calls, and all of my potential clients were men. Most of them wanted to have sex in exchange for money. There were other offers too: one man asked me to be a model “for a private collection, no publication involved.” Another asked me to clean his apartment followed by a “massage and relaxation session” with the owner.
Another buyer, a 30-year-old named Nikolai, said he goes on Avito to find one-time dates. “I used to like to drink. Then, I got addicted to booze. My group of friends outside work disappeared right away. I’m a pretty closed-off person; if I just keep to myself, I’m happy. But we’re social creatures, and I want to have a real-life conversation sometimes,” he explained. “I don’t have any friends — I have acquaintances and old drinking buddies. Sometimes, I just want there to be a lady nearby, someone to sit around with at McDonald’s or take on a ride around the MTsK [a new train line that draws a circle around central Moscow – Meduza ]. A walk in the park, going to the movies, going to an art museum. I never feel like going alone. You have to share your impressions with somebody, and you need another person for that.” Nikolai isn’t looking for a sexual relationship. “You won’t find intimate stuff on Avito, and it’s not worth trying to,” he said.
Nikolai is prepared to pay a maximum of 1,500 rubles for a single meet-up. “But shit happens, and I give myself the right to an hour of trial time. If I don’t like the girl, then I pay her, and we go our separate ways.”
When asked why he looks for female companions online and for money rather than going out and finding them in person, Nikolai said, “It’s hard for me to meet new people face-to-face.” “Yeah, there are dating sites,” he explained, “but in terms of money, it all comes out even. You still pay for the date. And where you might end up staying in touch with someone from a dating site, a friend for hire is just someone to talk to once who can keep you company. With them, I don’t have time to get attached.”
43-year-old Alexey, who lives in Moscow’s suburbs, is also primarily interested in one-time conversations. In mid-November, he was on a train home from a business trip when he suddenly had the urge to talk to someone. Alexey has bipolar disorder, and he was in a depressive phase when we spoke. “I can’t sleep, I’m not productive, I don’t feel like doing anything, my memories all seem dark, and I can only think about what’s gone wrong,” he said. “I don’t see any potential in my future, and I just want to talk it out sometimes.”
At first, Alexey went to the dining car to look for someone to talk to, but the only people there were a family that didn’t speak Russian. He decided to order dinner, take out his smartphone, and look for a friend for hire. He had read about this phenomenon at some point and decided to try it out. He found his first “friend” right away and called him immediately. They talked for about an hour. “He didn’t ask me for money for some reason. We just chatted for free. Did it help? Yeah, probably a little. Having that conversation helped me release some of that tension I had inside.”
Alexey has a wife and a large family. He also feels comfortable speaking openly with three or so normal friends, but he still feels the need to hire other friends for pay. “I don’t want to throw my depressive phases onto all my friends,” he explained. “I talk to my wife a lot. Talking to my family is baller. But I want to feel like I have a kind of companion, someone I can talk to without w
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