Sex Education Class
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Sex Education Class
Why schools and families need to talk about relationships, caring, and consent as part of a comprehensive approach to sex ed
By:
Grace Tatter
Develop an ethical approach to sex ed. Place emphasis on helping students learn how to care for and support one another. This will reduce the chance they’ll commit, or be vulnerable to, sexual violence.
Don’t just tell students how to ask for consent; prompt them to consider why concepts like consent are important. It’s not just about staying out of legal trouble — it’s also about respecting and caring for others.
Respect students’ intelligence and engage them in discussions about who they want to be as people. Serious dialogue about complicated topics will hone their critical-thinking skills and help them be prepared to do the right thing.
Even without access to a curriculum, students, parents and educators can work together to facilitate conversations around sexual violence prevention through clubs, with help from organizations like Safe BAE.
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Historically, the measure of a good sex education program has been in the numbers: marked decreases in the rates of sexually transmitted diseases, teen pregnancies, and pregnancy-related drop-outs. But, increasingly, researchers, educators, and advocates are emphasizing that sex ed should focus on more than physical health. Sex education, they say, should also be about relationships.
Giving students a foundation in relationship-building and centering the notion of care for others can enhance wellbeing and pave the way for healthy intimacy in the future, experts say. It can prevent or counter gender stereotyping and bias. And it could minimize instances of sexual harassment and assault in middle and high school — instances that may range from cyberbullying and stalking to unwanted touching and nonconsensual sex. A recent study from Columbia University's Sexual Health Initative to Foster Transformation (SHIFT) project suggests that comprehensive sex education protects students from sexual assault even after high school.
If students become more well-practiced in thinking about caring for one another, they’ll be less likely to commit — and be less vulnerable to — sexual violence, according to this new approach to sex ed. And they’ll be better prepared to engage in and support one another in relationships, romantic and otherwise, going forward.
Giving students a foundation in relationship-building can enhance wellbeing and pave the way for healthy intimacy in the future, experts say. It can also prevent or counter gender stereotyping, and it could minimize instances of sexual harassment and assault in middle and high school.
Diving into a conversation even tangentially related to sex with a group of 20 or so high school students isn’t easy. Renee Randazzo helped researcher Sharon Lamb pilot the Sexual Ethics and Caring Curriculum while a graduate student at the University of Massachusetts Boston. She recalls boys snickering during discussions about pornography and objectification. At first, it was hard for students to be vulnerable.
But the idea behind the curriculum is that tough conversations are worth having. Simply teaching students how to ask for consent isn’t enough, says Lamb, a professor of counseling psychology at UMass Boston, who has been researching the intersection between caring relationships, sex, and education for decades. Students also to have understand why consent is important and think about consent in a variety of contexts. At the heart of that understanding are questions about human morality, how we relate to one another, and what we owe to one another. In other words, ethics.
“When I looked at what sex ed was doing, it wasn’t only a problem that kids weren’t getting the right facts,” Lamb says. “It was a problem that they weren’t getting the sex education that would make them treat others in a caring and just way.”
She became aware that when schools were talking about consent — if they were at all — it was in terms of self-protection. The message was: Get consent so you don’t get in trouble.
But there’s more at play, Lamb insists. Students should also understand the concept of mutuality — making decisions with a partner and understanding and addressing other people’s concerns or wishes — and spend time developing their own sense of right and wrong.
“If a young person is not in a healthy relationship, they can’t negotiate sex in a meaningful way. Even if they’re not having sex yet, they’re grappling with the idea of what a healthy relationship is.”
The curriculum she developed invites students to engage in frank discussions about topics like objectification in the media and sexting. If a woman is shamed for being in a sexy video, but she consented to it, does she deserve the criticism? Regardless of what you think, can you justify your position?
“How do they want to treat people, what kind of partner do they want to be? That takes discussion,” Lamb says. “It’s not a skill-training thing.”
The idea behind the curriculum isn’t that anything goes, so long as students can discuss their reasoning. Instead, the goal is that students develop the critical-reasoning skills to do the right thing in tricky situations.
After Randazzo’s students got over their cases of the giggles, the conversations were eye-opening, she says. “You give them the opportunity unpack their ideas and form their own opinions,” she says.
Most sexual assault and violence in schools is committed by people who know their victims — they’re either dating, friends, or classmates. Regardless, they have a relationship of some sort, which is why a focus on relationships and empathy is crucial to reducing violence and preparing students for more meaningful lives.
And while it might seem uncomfortable to move beyond the cut-and-dried facts of contraception into the murkier waters of relationships, students are hungry for it. A survey by researchers at the Harvard Graduate School of Education's Making Caring Common initiative found that 65 percent of young-adult respondents wished they had talked about relationships at school.
“It’s so critical that kids are able to undertake this work of learning to love somebody else,” says developmental psychologist Richard Weissbourd , the director of Making Caring Common and lead author of a groundbreaking report called The Talk: How Adults Can Promote Young People’s Healthy Relationships and Prevent Misogyny and Sexual Harassment . “They’re not going to be able to do it unless we get them on the road and are willing to engage in thoughtful conversations.”
Nicole Daley works with OneLove , a nonprofit focused on teen violence prevention. She previously worked extensively with Boston Public Schools on violence prevention. She echoes Lamb and Weissbourd: A focus on relationships is key to keeping students safe.
“If a young person is not in a healthy relationship, they can’t negotiate sex in a meaningful way,” she says. “Really discussing healthy relationships and building that foundation is important. Even if they’re not having sex yet, they’re grappling with the idea of what healthy relationship is.”
And it’s critical to start that work before college.
Shael Norris spent the first two decades of her career focusing on college campuses, but now is focused on younger students with her work through Safe BAE . By college, many people’s ideas about how to act when it comes to sex or romance are entrenched, she says. The earlier young people can start interrogating what they know about sex and relationships, the better.
Safe BAE is led by Norris and young survivors of sexual assault. The organization works to educate students about healthy relationships, sexual violence, students’ rights under Title IX, and other related topics.
Movement to change middle and high school curricula to include a focus on healthy relationships and consent has been slow, Norris notes. In 2015, Senators Tim Kaine (D-Va.) and Claire McCaskill (D-Mo.) introduced the Teach Safe Relationships Act, which would have mandated secondary schools teach about safe relationships, including asking for consent, in health education courses. It didn’t go anywhere. And while eight states now mandate some sort of sexual consent education , there’s no consensus about what that should entail.
Instead, the momentum for a more comprehensive sexual education that considers relationships and violence prevention is coming from individual teachers, students and parents.
“We don’t have to wait for politicians to start having conversations about this,” Norris says.
Part of a special series about preventing sexual harassment at school. Read the whole series .
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Educators, adult stores, sex workers and even porn stars are setting up classes to teach adults about sex. From public lectures to intimate massage workshops, sex education-as-entertainment is becoming a major trend. Even TED has a playlist of talks dedicated to “Sex ed for adults.”
Is it any wonder? Less than half of American high schools and only 20% of middle schools offer comprehensive teaching on the subjects the CDC considers “essential” to sexual health education, a recent report showed.
In the UK, a 2018 survey found that less than half of young people rated their sex education as “good” or “very good.” A separate study found that one in seven people aged 16 to 24 had not received any sex education at all. Among the subjects students said they had not learned about were pornography, LGBTQ+ issues, and consent. This was echoed in Australia where students complained that lessons were all about biology and contraception with little discussion of pleasure.
Sh! women's sex shop in London has been hosting adult education classes since 2012
[Note: Clicking on links in this article may take you to websites with adult themes.]
But if you thought millennials were queuing up to put condoms on cucumbers, think again. At educator and professional domantrix Lola Jean’s workshops in London and New York, attendees learn about porn and BDSM. She also runs “101” classes where, from $39, people who are intrigued by certain sexual activities but don’t know where (or how) to start can get tips and see live demonstrations. Meanwhile Dani Faith Leonard’s sex-themed comedy sketch show in New York aims to get people thinking and talking about sex and sexuality in an accessible—and hopefully entertaining—way. Tickets are $15.
Speaking to the UK’s i newspaper in 2017, Jenna Mason, the arts and culture programmer at London’s The Book Club venue, said her sex education events program was designed to fill the gaps left by traditional sex ed. “Among other things, sex education in school still generally only covers the very basic mechanics," she said . "It is overwhelmingly heteronormative, it doesn’t teach anything about pleasure, particularly from a female perspective, and doesn’t cover consent adequately.”
This is echoed by Renée Denyer, senior store manager at Sh! women’s sex shop in London. The store first began hosting classes in 2012 after noticing that customers were asking staff a lot of the same questions about how to do certain things, or wanting advice on sexual etiquette. The store now holds several classes a week, with tickets priced from $30. One of the most popular is a how-to guide for female pleasure.
“This is the sex ed we wish we’d received at school,” says Denyer. “We talk about anatomy, arousal and pleasure, plus ways of finding your orgasm.”
The idea of holding workshops and classes on sexual pleasure is not new. Luxury British boutique Coco de Mer has been hosting what it calls “salons” for over a decade, with elegantly euphemistic names such as “Pleasing the Petals” and “Playing the Flute.” But the increasing acceptance of sex as something worth thinking and talking about—worth investing your time and money in—has pushed them into the mainstream.
“People are curious and want to know more,” says Denyer. “They are willing to spend money to learn about something that interests them. Sexual wellness is growing, sexuality is more fluid, and as a whole, folks are feeling more empowered to explore their desires and owning their pleasure.”
Cyndi Darnell, a sex and relationships therapist agrees. “There's definitely a big push and it's been very paramount in the last five years,” she told am Australian news channel in 2016. “Sex education classes for adults have been around in Australia for some time [...] What's different now is that it's out in the open, it's not hidden in some kind of backwater or glossed over as something that it's not.”
It’s also made them more accessible. Tickets for Coco de Mer’s salons cost $122, but down the road at The Candid Collective, classes start at just $20. Many workshops are hosted in existing venues (such as The Book Club, mentioned above). Organizers may pay a hire fee to the venue which they make back in ticket sales, or the venue may host them for free on the basis that customers will spend money at the bar. But for adult stores such as Sh! they have become a valuable additional revenue stream in an increasingly online retail market.
With ticket sales, after-class sales and returning customers, sex shops like Sh! have managed to ... [+] make adult education an integral part of their business
“Bricks and mortar businesses need to find innovative ways of keeping the consumer interested,” says Denyer. “Events and classes are great ways of keeping customers coming back for more. With ticket sales, after-class sales and returning customers, we do very well from the educational side. It’s an integral part of the business and we’re looking to expand it further.”
The key to running a successful sex education events program, she says, is to offer a good mix of “classics” alongside trend-led or topical workshops. “We noticed an increased interest in BDSM after the success of the 50 Shades trilogy,” says Denyer. “So we put together a ‘Bedroom Bondage’ class which is a beginner’s guide to safe kinky play. We often find customers come to one class and enjoy it so much, they book tickets to several more.”
But the most popular class at Sh! remains the “Blow His Mind” oral sex class. It was one of the first events the store offered, and it still sells out within days of releasing tickets, showing that the basics never go out of style.
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Adolescent Health: What Works In Schools
High-Risk Substance Use Among Youth
Health Behaviors High-Risk Substance Use Among Youth
Condom Availability Programs (CAPs)
Health Services for Teens Condom Availability Programs (CAPs)
Source: 2018 School Health Profiles
How can schools deliver sexual health education?
What are the benefits of delivering sexual health education to students?
*High-risk substance use is any use by adolescents of substances with a high risk of adverse outcomes (i.e., injury, criminal justice involvement, school dropout, loss of life). This includes misuse of prescription drugs, use of illicit drugs (i.e., cocaine, heroin, methamphetamines, inhalants, hallucinogens, or ecstasy), and use of injection drugs (i.e., drugs that have a high risk of infection of blood-borne diseases such as HIV and hepatitis).
What does delivering sexual health education look like in action?
1. Implement policies that foster supportive environments for SHE.
Identify existing state, district, and school policies on health education and SHE for all students.
Establish a skills-based health education course requirement—which includes SHE content—for all middle and high school students.
2. Use health content that is medically accurate, developmentally appropriate, culturally inclusive, and grounded in science.
†A scope and sequence document outlines the key health topics and concepts to be learned across grade levels (scope), and the logical progression of health knowledge, skills, and behaviors to be addressed at each grade level (sequence)—from pre-kindergarten through 12th grade 7 .
3. Equip staff with the knowledge and skills needed to deliver SHE.
Seek feedback from teachers, staff, students, and administrators within the school about what critical knowledge and skills are needed to effectively deliver SHE.
Identify a set of instructional competencies—the essential knowledge and teaching skills—that those delivering SHE should know and be able to demonstrate during instruction.
Use the identified instructional competencies to design, implement, and evaluate teacher and staff professional development and training. These trainings can improve teachers’ knowledge and comfort with the subject matter and use of effective teaching skills needed for SHE.
4. Engage parents and community partners.
Create School Health Advisory Councils (SHACs), or similar committees, that regularly provide district-level guidance on the school health program for students and staff. Within SHE, a SHAC can make
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