Sex Child 9 12 Year

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Suitable for 0-8 years
Sex education and talking with children about sex: 0-8 years
It’s never too early to talk with your child about sex. Talking about sex, sexuality and bodies from when your child is young can help your child understand that sex and sexuality are healthy parts of life.
Open and honest conversations when your child is young can make later conversations easier. And these early conversations also lay the groundwork for children to make healthier choices about sex when they’re older.
The key early message is that your child can come to you for open, honest and reliable information, and that your child shouldn’t feel scared or embarrassed to ask you about sex and sexuality.
And the good news is that talking about sex and sexuality isn’t a one-off conversation that you have to get exactly right. It’s a conversation that continues and evolves as your child grows up.
Sexuality isn’t just about sex. It’s also the way your child feels about their developing body. And it’s how your child understands and expresses feelings of intimacy, attraction and affection for others, and how your child develops and maintains respectful relationships.
Three basic steps can help you talk with your child about sex.
First, find out what your child already knows. For example, ‘Where do you think babies come from?’ or ‘What have you heard about where babies come from?’
Second, correct any misinformation and give the facts. For example, ‘No babies don’t grow in their mummy’s tummy. They grow in a special place inside their mummy, called the uterus’.
Third, use the conversation as an opportunity to talk about your own thoughts or feelings. For example, ‘Some people really want to have a baby when they’re ready and other people aren’t too sure about having a baby at all’.
These tips can make it easier to talk with children of any age about sex.
Explain things at your child’s level
Explain things at a level your child can understand. For example, six-year olds won’t want a long explanation of ovulation, although they might be fascinated to know that women have very small eggs (or ova) that can make a baby. It’s best to keep your explanation brief, factual and positive if you can. Your child can come back to you if they want more information.
Use correct names for body parts
It’s a good idea to use the correct names when you’re talking about body parts – for example, penis, scrotum, testicles, vulva, vagina. It’s OK to use pet names too. But using the correct names helps to send the message that talking about these parts of our bodies is healthy and OK. And if your child knows the correct names for body parts, your child will be able to communicate clearly about their body with you or people like doctors if they need to.
Say ‘I don’t know’ if you need to
Your child doesn’t need you to be an expert – your child just needs to know that they can ask you anything they need to.
If you don’t know what to say, tell your child you’re glad they asked, that you don’t know the answer, and that you’ll look for some information and get back to them. And then make sure you do get back to your child, or you could suggest looking for more information together.
Get all parents involved
In families with two or more parents, it’s good for all parents to get involved in discussions about sex. When all parents get involved, children learn that it’s OK to talk about sex and sexuality. This can help children to feel more comfortable talking about their bodies, take responsibility for sexual feelings, and communicate in intimate relationships when they’re older.
Start a conversation
Some children don’t ask many questions, so you might need to start a conversation. It’s a good idea to think about what to say beforehand, then pick a good time to bring the subject up. For example, if someone is talking about pregnancy on TV you could say, ‘They were talking about pregnancy on the TV earlier. It got me wondering if you know what that is?’
Some children find it easier to talk without eye contact, so you could plan to talk while you and your child are travelling in the car.
Prepare yourself
You might feel embarrassed or uncomfortable talking about sexuality, or using words like ‘penis’ or ‘vagina’ when talking about bodies. That’s OK. It’s a good idea to prepare yourself by thinking about what you’re comfortable with and building on that. For example, if you’re OK with talking about bottoms but not breasts, try using the word ‘bottom’ in conversation to start with.
It’s important for children to know the difference between touching that’s OK and touching that’s not OK. Make sure your child knows that they can say ‘No!’ to any touching that they don’t want and that it’s always OK to tell a trusted adult about touch that’s not OK. Talking with your child about sexual abuse will help keep your child safe.
You can use everyday moments to help your child learn about bodies – for example, bath time or while you’re helping your child get dressed are good times to introduce the names of body parts.
Most children aged 2-3 years are very curious about their own and other children’s bodies. They’ll also notice that boys’ and girls’ bodies are different. Your child might ask you why or say, ‘What’s that?’ You can teach your child that every body part has a name and its own ‘job’ to do. For example, 'This is your vulva' or 'Your penis is where wee comes out'.
You might find that looking at a book with your child is helpful. You can use the pictures to help your child learn the names for body parts and understand the differences between boys and girls.
Children aged 4-5 years often ask where babies come from. They can understand that a baby grows in a mother’s uterus, and that to make a baby you need a sperm (like a tiny seed) from a man and an ovum (like a tiny egg) from a woman.
If your child asks ‘Where do I come from?’ you could ask, ‘What do you think?’ This helps you work out what your child is really asking and how much your child understands. You could give a simple explanation like ‘Babies grow in a place inside their mother called the uterus’.
If you’re pregnant your child might ask, ‘Where does the baby come out?’ Give a simple but accurate answer like ‘Your little sister is growing in my uterus. When she’s finished growing, she’ll squeeze through the birth canal, which is called the vagina’.
By six years old, many children are interested in how babies are made and might ask questions.
If your child asks, ‘How did the baby get into your uterus?’ ask your child what they think. This helps you understand what your child already knows. Then you can explain simply, giving as much information as you’re comfortable with. For example, ‘To make a baby, a sperm from a man and an egg from a woman join together.’
You could explain that this happens when a man and a woman have sexual intercourse, which is when the man puts his penis inside the woman’s vagina. It’s also good to explain that sexual intercourse is something that grown-ups do when they both want to, and that it’s not for children.
You might also like to say that sometimes babies enter families in different ways like IVF, adoption, foster care or grandparent care.
You don’t have to wait for your child to ask you a question. You could start a conversation by asking, ‘Have you ever wondered how you were born and where you came from?’ Or you might see a pregnant woman and say to your child, ‘That woman has a baby growing inside her. Do you know how the baby got there?’
You could also read a book together about where babies come from.
It’s a good idea to start talking to your child about puberty and how bodies change in puberty well before your child starts puberty. This could be when your child is around 6-8 years old.
If your child comes across sexting or pornography, stay calm. This can be an opportunity to talk with your child about what is and isn’t OK for children to see. And talking about these issues is one of the best ways to keep your child safe online and promote respectful online behaviour.
This article was developed in collaboration with Jenny Walsh, Coordinator, Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society, La Trobe University.
Government of Western Australia, Department of Health (2012). Talk soon, talk often. Perth: Government of Western Australia. Retrieved 9 July 2019 from http://healthywa.wa.gov.au/~/media/Files/HealthyWA/Original/Sexual-health/TSTO_V2.ashx.
Karofsky, P.S. (2000). Relationship between adolescent parental communication and initiation of first intercourse by adolescents. Journal of Adolescent Health, 28, 41-45. doi: 10.1016/S1054-139X(00)00156-7.
Resnick, M. (1997). Protecting adolescents from harm: Findings from National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health. The Journal of the American Medical Association, 278, 823-832. doi: 10.1001/jama.1997.03550100049038.
True Relationships and Reproductive Health (2018). Communicating about sexuality with children. Brisbane: True. Retrieved 9 July 2019 from http://www.true.org.au/resources/resources-overview/communicating-about-sexuality.
True Relationships and Reproductive Health (2018). Sexual development in early childhood. Brisbane: True. Retrieved 9 July 2019 from http://www.true.org.au/resources/resources-overview/sexual-development-in-early-childhood.
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The hardest part, of course, is staying composed. Try to respond to your child's initial question without turning red or acting as though some momentous exchange is taking place; such a response might unnerve her or suggest that sex is linked to feelings of shame. If you can remain calm and speak naturally early on, you send an important message to your child: "You don't need to feel nervous about asking me about this. It's something we can talk about."


When you arrive at the point of giving a technical description of "the Act," it may help both of you if you say something simple like, "Look, I know this might sound awful to you now, but -- trust me -- it will seem different when you're older." A straightforward and honest approach is the best way to get through this: "When a man and a woman decide they want to do this, the man's penis goes inside the woman's vagina, and sperm comes out of the man's penis. Sometimes the sperm joins with one of the tiny eggs inside the woman's body, and that makes the egg begin growing into a baby. This happens in the special place women have called a uterus."

Once you make it through this, you should expect your child to look both dumbfounded and suspicious, especially if it dawns on them that you may have done this thing at least once. Don't be surprised if they suddenly changes the subject, walks away, or act as though they haven't heard a word you've said. They heard you. They just need time to let it sink in.



Boys may notice the erections of other boys (even babies), wonder about their own erections and physical responses, and hear "boner" jokes or other crude references at an early stage, so it's a good idea to explain erections even to very young boys in a low-key way, making sure they understand that there's nothing shameful about a natural body response that they often have no control over. This should be easier if you've used the correct terms for body parts from the beginning; if you haven't, start getting your child comfortable with saying "penis" and easing him away from the euphemistic terms he's used until now.

Boys begin to have wet dreams when they reach puberty, usually between the ages of 9 and 15. A boy's first ejaculation may occur during a wet dream, and when he wakes up, he may not realise what happened. Thus it's important to let your son know well before puberty that wet dreams are a normal part of growing up and nothing to be ashamed of, that he can't control them, and that ejaculation is just a physical sign that he's growing into manhood.



Talking about masturbation is embarrassing for both you and your child, but it's important to let them know that there's nothing shameful or abnormal about masturbation. By this age, your child should be long past touching themselves in public, but both boys and girls may continue to masturbate in private, some of them quite often. Your child may feel guilty about this unless you reassure them that it's not only normal but healthy to have sexual feelings.



By being as inquisitive as you can, without tipping off your child that you're snooping -- at this age, children absolutely don't want to feel that their parents are looking over their shoulder. At school, ask the teachers exactly what they're teaching at each class level. (When and how do they discuss the reproductive system, sexually transmitted diseases, sexual harassment, and so on?) If they use textbooks or handouts, read them yourself.

You probably worry about what comes at your child on the Internet, but watch their television programmes, too. Pick up the magazines they're looking at. Be aware of what registers at their eye level on magazine stands, particularly the ones that hold adults-only publications. If you can stand it, listen to your child's favourite radio stations for a while. You'll probably see that from school age on, children are inundated with sexual references -- most of them sniggering, disrespectful, or misleading. The more you know about what your child is seeing and hearing about sex from other sources, the better equipped you are to make sure they know what you want to tell them.



Unfortunately, they probably do. They're likely to be hearing or reading references to AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases in the news and from their schoolmates. You might as well make sure they're getting information that's accurate. And answering their questions matter-of-factly is one more way of reassuring them that they can trust you to discuss sex calmly with them.



If they're 6 years old, no. However, you'd be wise to prepare yourself for a question or conversation about oral sex, especially since it continues to be a perplexing subject for children in school. It's not too early to start talking to your child about the important connections among sex, love, and responsibility. You may want to explain that kissing another person's private parts is another way of having sex; that even though a girl can't get pregnant this way, it's possible to transmit dangerous diseases through oral sex; and that oral sex, just like the other kind, entails feeling love, commitment, and regard for the person with whom it's performed.



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