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Humiliation kink play can be an incredible way to push sexual boundaries and bring you closer with your partner. But for some people, the idea of erotic humiliation is confusing or even a turnoff. I’m going to explain exactly what erotic humiliation is, what it’s not and how to humiliate your partner erotically (or be humiliated by them) in a way that avoids negative consequences.
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What it is – Erotic humiliation is just one type of kinky game you can try in the bedroom . It involves humiliation and degradation, not to actually harm anyone, but because it can be a turn on . Like other kinky activities, humiliation play requires consent . Otherwise, it’s not a sexy game ; it’s just plain mean.
Boundaries – Erotic humiliation needs to happen within agreed-upon boundaries. These boundaries define when and where your erotic humiliation games take place and what you can say or do in them. The things that can be erotically humiliating for you or your partner can vary wildly. Also, keep in mind that outside of agreed-upon rules for your erotic humiliation sessions, saying degrading things to your partner can be a form of emotional abuse, even if you don’t have bad intentions.
While you can skip straight to the tutorial on how to erotically humiliate your partner , you may first want to learn why people are into it…
Although no research has looked into what types of submissives like erotic humiliation, why, or how this interest developed, we can make a few educated guesses. Many kinks involve taboo activities that are frowned upon by society. Pushing those boundaries can be thrilling.
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Masochistic reasons – Often, those who enjoy being erotically humiliated have a masochistic streak or like to be submissive . They enjoy receiving pain. And what is humiliation if not a type of pain?
Furthermore, humiliation is a strong emotion, and like anxiety, fear, and shame, can arouse the nervous system. This doesn’t mean sexual arousal. Rather, your body is at attention. But for some people, that might pave the way for erotic arousal.
Sadistic reasons – On the other hand, being the person who erotically humiliates their partner can make you feel dominant and powerful . That’s an important component of sexual sadism. Knowing how to craft the perfect humiliation scene without actually harming your partner can be a form of creativity that gives you the satisfaction of caring for your partner’s desires and needs.
Wanting your partner to take control – Erotic humiliation can also help you get over sexual hangups. After all, if your partner “forces” you to do something, then what choice do you have? And who is to blame if you like it?
A note on self-esteem – Rest assured that you’re not alone if you’re interested in erotic humiliation, either as a giver or receiver. It doesn’t mean that you’re unhealthy or that you have self-esteem issues. However, if you do struggle with self-esteem, you should tread carefully when it comes to erotic humiliation and perhaps reconsider this type of play.
Erotic degradation can take several forms.
As you can probably guess, combining two or more forms of erotic humiliation can make it that much more intense. However, if erotic humiliation that takes place over the phone or online may be different from in-person degradation.
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The degradation fetish and humiliation in BDSM often go hand in hand.
Degradation kink is slightly different – Technically, a degradation kink is about being treated as something other than human–an animal or object, for example–while a humiliation fetish focuses on causing someone embarrassment and shame. However, it’s easy to see how these two things work together.
If you’d rather not hear degrading words and just want to focus on the humiliation kink, make sure to let your partner know before you try anything out. And if your partner expresses that they don’t like dehumanisation, then it’s up to you to respect their boundaries.
Before you jump into an erotic humiliation scene, talk about it . Define your boundaries and needs.
Just because you agree to erotic humiliation doesn’t mean it’s a free-for-all. Keep in mind insecurities or past experiences that could be triggering.
Start small – We always advise to start smaller and proceed slower than you think you should with any kinky activity. You can always ramp up the intensity, but you can’t take back a word that has actually harmed your partner and can leave them wondering how you actually feel about them.
Safe words – With that said, you might occasionally strike a chord that you didn’t mean to. When things take a wrong turn, it’s important for either of you to be able to slow or halt play. That’s where a safe word comes into play.
Remember that a safe word is a word or phrase you can say to stop play and check in. It should be easy to remember. If you’re verbally role playing , “Stop” or “No” may not make good safe words because you could use them in character. Some people employ the traffic light system where:
The debrief – After you try erotic humiliation, talk about how it went.
And if you’re not into erotic humiliation and don’t want to continue, it’s important to be honest with yourself and your partner.
If you’re just getting into the humiliation kink, the humiliation ideas below are a great place to start. They cover everything from more sensual humiliation to extreme ways to degrade your partner. This means that not everyone will love the humiliation examples on this list. However, you always have the option to pick and choose what works for you and your partner when having humiliation sex.
Let’s say you’ve mastered submissive humiliation in the bedroom and you want to take it further. Or perhaps being humiliated in public adds that extra layer that really turns you on. Check out the humiliation examples below to get your creative juices flowing.
Note that consent is important with all sexual activities. When you engage in the humiliation fetish in public, you’re involving others in your activities. You should consider that you may be involving others without their consent. Ideally, you should stick to ways to humiliate your partner that aren’t obvious and wouldn’t make anyone else uncomfortable.
Of course, if you’re in a kink-friendly setting, you may not have to hide that you’re into degradation in BDSM. In fact, other folks might offer up some helpful ways to humiliate your partner or even offer a helping hand!
Verbal humiliation is all about getting creative. Long, drawn-out insults work especially well. Of course, it can be difficult to think of those things on the spot, so give the list below a read before jumping in. Pick a few favorites to keep in the back of your mind until you’re ready to use them.
If you’re not sure, here’s a hint: pick something that your partner would find embarrassing, but make it clear that you enjoy that thing about them.
Redditors have been a great resource when it comes to generating creative insults. Below you’ll get a taste.
Check out the full thread on Reddit to see almost 100 ideas!
When you’re erotically humilitating your partner, you’ll often criticize, judge, command, or instruct. Combine the creative insults above with phrases like those below to come up with your perfect degrading phrases and insults.
To get the most out of your humiliating phrases, remember to switch things up. Variety is the spice of life!
Get them to repeat their words – One thing you can try is having your partner repeat what you say. For example, if you call your partner a “dirty cocksleeve,” have them repeat that this is what they are. You can also use repetition when your partner says something dirty as confirmation, like “I know you are [repeat partner’s words].”
Another trick is to up the ante. If your partner says she’s a dirty whore, you can tell her that she’s the filthiest, dirtiest whore ever to exist. You get the idea.
You can definitely combine some of these humiliating phrases with dirty talk , too!
Aftercare can help you return to your balanced self after any BDSM or kinky activities. While erotic humiliation may not involve physical pain, it can be quite an intense experience, which makes aftercare helpful.
Check out this guide to BDSM aftercare to get some ideas of aftercare.
When it comes to erotic humiliation, in particular, activities that reaffirm your connection with your partner and their value can be especially helpful. Cuddling, kind words, and compliments or praise can all be used for that goal.
However, aftercare alone won’t help if your relationship outside of these erotic humiliation games isn’t loving and healthy. If not, one partner may believe they have good reason to doubt their value or the relationship or wonder if things said during a scene are more than just play. Fortunately, it’s easy to avoid these negatives by following the advice above.
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Even if you currently struggle to orgasm during sex or when masturbating, this process will also work for you.
And best of all, you don’t need to do anything weird or uncomfortable to start having the best orgasms and sex of your life.
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