Sex After Medical Abortion

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Sex After Medical Abortion
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Danielle Campoamor
Danielle Campoamor is an award-winning freelance writer covering mental health, reproductive justice, abortion access, maternal mental health, politics, and feminist issues.


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It all comes down to what you’re comfortable with.
Abortion is incredibly common, safe , and supported by the vast majority of Americans . The same can be said of sex. So rest assured, it’s very much okay to wonder when it’s medically safe to have sex after an abortion, be it with the same partner(s), someone new, or because it’s part of your job as a sex worker.
But whether it’s with friends, family members, or even clinicians, asking about returning to penetrative sex, what it will feel like, and when you can have it after terminating a pregnancy can be nerve-racking. After all, abortion and having sex for pleasure can still be considered taboo topics, which can make talking about post-abortion sex difficult. “Any kind of stigma surrounding sexual and reproductive health can affect a person’s willingness or desire to resume having sex,” says ob-gyn Jennifer Conti , MD, cohost of The V Word podcast and coauthor of The Vagina Book .
So, if you’ve recently had—or are preparing to have—an abortion, here’s everything you need to know about post-abortion sex, from when you can have it to what to consider when you’re ready.
A quick Google search would have you think you have to wait a few weeks, sometimes even a month, to have sex after an abortion. While the recommended waiting period varies, a common thread among most suggestions is to at least wait until any post-abortion bleeding dissipates. But this is not born out of any scientific research or medical fact, says ob-gyn Diane Horvath , MD, an abortion provider practicing in Baltimore.
“There is really no data that shows that having sex whenever you want, after either a medication or a surgical abortion, is harmful,” Dr. Horvath explains. “I actually think there’s a lot of stigma around having sex during vaginal bleeding, because there’s no scientific basis for why you would have to wait until you’re not bleeding in order to have sex.”
Dr. Conti agrees there is no medical consensus as to how long a person should wait to have sex post-abortion but says most experts will recommend waiting 1 to 2 weeks to decrease the risk of infection. But “if you’ve had a medication abortion , this is likely very conservative advice, as the cervix really doesn’t need to open much to pass the pregnancy tissue,” Conti adds.
So, as it stands, most recommendations are only made based on expert opinions, which, Dr. Horvath says, “are sometimes biased and can come from a historical place of being misogynistic and sex-phobic.” If you feel safe and comfortable, talk to your doctor or a trusted medical professional to determine what works best for you and your body.
What should I consider before having post-abortion sex?
When you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally ready to have sex after you’ve terminated your pregnancy, there are a few things Dr. Horvath says you should know and consider before being intimate with your partner or partners.
“The most important thing to know is that fertility comes back very quickly after a pregnancy ends, so if you’re having the kind of sex that could get you pregnant, you should plan on using contraceptives if you’re not intending to have another pregnancy at the time,” she explains.
It’s also important to consider how pregnancy can change the body, therefore making certain sex positions more uncomfortable than others. When pregnant, your uterus expands, and it can take up to six weeks to return to its regular size. “The experience of sex might feel different, and there might be cramping or a slight pain inside the pelvis, which should be mild but might make sex uncomfortable,” Dr. Horvath adds. “So consider taking things slow, trying a different position, or adjusting angles.”
If you’re having anal sex , Dr. Horvath says the size of your uterus can also cause discomfort, so it’s best to be aware that if anal sex isn’t typically uncomfortable for you but suddenly is after your abortion, it’s probably because your uterus is still larger than normal.
There are also practical steps you can take to make sure that you’re comfortable during post-abortion sex, especially if it matters to you that you’re still experiencing vaginal bleeding. Laying down a towel to mitigate bed sheet stains, for example, can help you feel more relaxed and secure during post-abortion sex.
“It’s all about recreating the best and safest environment for you,” Dr. Conti adds. “What do you need to feel safe and empowered in your sexual relationship? It might be more effective contraception, better communication with your partner, mental health support, or just some Genuine on the playlist.”
People’s experiences will vary depending on a variety of factors. “Some people find it very healing to get back to their regular sexual life and be back with their partner or a different partner,” Dr. Horvath explains. “Other people need time, and that’s okay too.” She adds that many people don’t feel comfortable having sex until the remains of their pregnancy have passed. And medication abortion patients, who often experience more vaginal bleeding than those who have surgical abortions, might even wait longer to have sex.
Mallory McMaster, 35, who had a surgical abortion at 9 weeks gestation in Ohio, says she felt physically fine to resume having sex after her procedure. “I felt a little bit of cramping during my procedure, but afterward I didn’t have a single cramp,” she says. “I had a little bit of bleeding on a panty liner the day of my abortion, but then none after that either.”
She did, however, experience a mental block when considering having sex with her then-husband. “I had a reaction to the stigma of having an unplanned pregnancy,” she explains. “I just had it in my head that I had failed. That I did something wrong. That I had made a mistake and I couldn't make that mistake again.”
This is a common reaction, Dr. Conti says, due in no small part to the societal shame associated with having an unwanted pregnancy. “If you’re already feeling ashamed of yourself for becoming pregnant when you didn’t want to be or for seeking abortion care, it’s not a far stretch of the imagination that you might be feeling shame around your sexual health and sexuality in general.”
Mallory says she didn’t feel comfortable having penetrative vaginal sex again until she had an IUD placed , which ended up being difficult due to insurance issues. But once her IUD was placed and after a few months of taking pregnancy tests just to make sure, she felt comfortable relying on her birth control and returning to her typical sex life.
“Remember that nobody knows better about what is right for your body and your life than you,” says Dr. Conti. “And shame is a crappy motivator.”
For many, returning to sex also means returning to sex work. Dr. Horvath says the concern that nothing can go inside the vagina after an abortion can make sex workers feel like they can’t go back to work, often to the detriment of their families. “ I had a patient who asked as soon as her abortion was over, when she could start having sex again,” Dr. Horvath explains. “She and her daughter didn’t have a stable place to live, and she needed to get back to work.”
That was also the case for Mollie*, 22, who had a surgical abortion at 19 years old and a medication abortion at 20. While her medication abortion—which was self-managed at home —was more comfortable than her surgical abortion, she says the post-abortion bleeding kept her from offering clients the option of penetrative sex. “My bleeding was pretty intense, and sometimes when you’re bleeding that heavily you just can’t have sex,” she adds. “So it took me about a month to get back in the saddle.”
While Dr. Horvath says post-abortion bleeding doesn’t automatically take penetrative sex off the table, it’s perfectly normal if you don’t feel comfortable having sex until your bleeding subsides. If possible, sex workers can supplement their income by doing other forms of sex work that do not include penetrative sex—like cam work, stripping, or erotic massage—until they feel comfortable offering full-service options. If people have to get back to work, “tampons or cups are a perfect way to continue to be able to work even when you’re bleeding,” she says.
A reported 1 in 4 women will have an abortion in their lifetime , in addition to a number of trans men, non-binary people, and gender non-conforming folks. Abortion is safe, and it often plays a part in how people plan and care for their families. There’s nothing wrong with having an abortion, just like there’s nothing wrong with having consensual sex, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with having sex after you’ve had an abortion(s).
“Consensual sex and intimacy is an excellent way to connect with your partner, express love, and release tension,” Dr. Conti says. “All of these things may be more important in the weeks and months following this often stigmatized procedure.”

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At SELF, Lindsey has specialized in culture, love, and sex, but also written about health, food, fitness, and beauty. Prior to SELF, Lindsey wrote about fashion and entertainment for NYLON and Mashable .
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Of the 39 abortion stories I’ve written during my time as an editor at SELF, 22 focused on anti-abortion advocates or abortion restrictions; four were about efforts that expanded abortion access; three addressed the 2016 election ; five were explainers that contextualized the importance of reproductive health care; and five more were centered on women sharing their personal abortion experiences —why they underwent the procedure, what it was like, and why they feel the need or desire to share their story now. But I hadn’t yet talked to women about what happens next—what comes after the abortion.
The cultural conversation surrounding abortion is, of course, a complex one, and the focus on the necessity of reproductive rights as health car is paramount, but it does leave empty spaces in the narrative.
People Google the term “sex after abortion” roughly 2,000 times a month. Though some doctors make suggestions to their patients based on individual medical history (the protocol varies from state to state and clinic to clinic), many women are left with more questions than answers—at least, many of the women I’ve spoken to are. Is sex going to hurt? Feel different? Be different?
This piece is an effort to answer some of those questions, as well as to highlight the fact that there is no singular, right way to have an abortion, or to move on from one.
*Some names have been changed, and quotes have been edited and condensed for clarity.
I had an abortion when I was 26, because I wanted one. I’d been casually seeing someone, and when I found out I was pregnant , I knew I wasn’t prepared to have a kid. I think there are a lot of misconceptions about what you might feel after you have an abortion; I thought I might regret it, and I never did. It was an easy decision to make—and one I’m extremely proud of.
Three or four months passed between my abortion and when I had sex again. I thought the first time post-abortion would need to be special—not dissimilar from when I thought I needed to lose my virginity in a special way. Now that I knew more about the “consequences” of sex, I felt this moral imperative to make the sex more important, more correct, more right. And then it wasn’t special or important or particularly good, and that was perfectly OK. I realized I didn’t need to somehow right any wrongs of being a sexual person; I could just continue doing what I’d been doing.
It wasn’t clear to me until I experienced it—what kind of prejudices I was holding onto unknowingly. Despite all my progressive thinking, I had this lens that sex was bad and that I probably did something wrong and that I had to live with the consequences, as opposed to just treating it as part of my life, my sexuality, and my future. I realized my abortion belongs to me, and I get to create the narrative around it.
I’ve actually had three abortions. I had my first abortion when I was 17 years old. I was in high school at the time, and I felt an immense amount of pressure to have sex with my then-boyfriend even though I knew I shouldn’t. I forgot birth control one week, got pregnant, and decided to have an abortion. Afterward, I started having sex as soon as I could, because I felt like I had to if I wanted my partner to stay with me. I didn’t really think about it. I was just like, “This is what I need to do.”
The second time I got pregnant was when I was 19. I was engaged at the time (to a different partner), though looking back, I probably shouldn’t have been. After the procedure, I got on a new form of birth control that made penetration painful , but I felt a lot like I did the first time around—that it was my duty to continue having regular sex with my partner. So I think I’d just bite the bullet and do it anyway, despite my discomfort. Still, I felt a lot more nervous about getting pregnant again. I don’t know if it was because of my new birth control or because I just wasn’t as sexually interested, but my libido was really low for a long time afterward.
Then, I had my third abortion when I was 23. I was in a pretty good, healthy relationship, and my partner was really loving and supportive and attentive. I waited longer to have that abortion than I had with my first two, so it took a much greater physical toll on me. I bled for a lot longer, and I hurt for a lot longer. But I was also older and self-assured enough to set boundaries with my partner. We waited a couple months before having sex again, and I think he was more nervous than I was.
The first time I had an abortion, I was 19 and in college and nowhere near prepared to become a mother. I was kind of ashamed to have one, so I didn’t share it with anyone; I just kind of went through it by myself. The guy I was seeing at the time—he was in a relationship with his high school sweetheart, and he’d neglected to tell me that. I was devastated.
The follow-up care instructions said to wait at least four weeks before having sex again after the abortion, but I didn’t even want to have sex. I just remember being so paranoid about getting pregnant and having to go through all of that again. So I waited a while before even attempting sex again, and I focused on my education, instead.
When I was 23, I was dating a guy who was terrible, and I became pregnant through a birth control mishap. It sucked, but I always knew that I planned on having an abortion if that happened. I’m just not a person who’s ever going to have children. The guy I was seeing wasn’t supportive; he made it really awful, actually. But he’s out of the picture now, which is awesome—and that might not have been the case if I’d had the kid.
I’m definitely a very sexual person. My sexuality is a huge part of who I am, but having the abortion f*cked with that a little bit. I wasn’t feeling 100 percent like myself, and I didn’t know where exactly my sexuality fit in, because sex is ultimately what got me into that situation.
I ended up having sex about two weeks later, which was probably sooner than I should’ve. I was at a party with this friend I’ve known forever, and I was like, You know what? F*ck it. Let’s just get this out of the way. Funnily enough, we ended up breaking my bed. I was definitely a little more nervous than I would’ve been otherwise—I kept checking to make sure the condom was still there. And even though we used protection, I got the morning after pill because I was so worried. So I was hesitant, but it was really good, because it helped me reclaim part of myself and remember that being a sexual person is OK.
I’ve had two abortions, both with the same partner I’m with today. The first was when I was 25. We were long-distance at the time, and the abortion zapped most of our finances, so it was a while before we even saw each other in-person again—let alone had sex. I remember being terrified to wade back into that area; I didn’t even masturbate again until a month after the procedure. When we finally saw each again, I remember feeling scared. I told him to go slow and asked him to check in with me constantly throughout to make sure I was still doing OK. Once we started, I realized that it was fine—not that scary at all.
My second abortion happened more recently, right after my partner and I got engaged. Like the first abortion, it was a pretty easy decision. Even if we were in a position to want children, we literally just decided to get married, so it just really wasn’t the right time. The first time I got pregnant, I wasn’t on birth control. But this time around, I was, which was really surprising—and nerve-wracking and scary. We didn’t have sex again for three months following the second abortion. I think my partner had many of the same fears I did, and he felt really bad that I’d gotten pregnant again and had another abortion. It took us a while to get comfortable again, but we eventually got back to our regular routine.
I had my first abortion when I was 25. The pregnancy was unexpected,
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