Sex 40 Old
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Sex 40 Old
by Carrie Anton Published: Oct 14, 2013
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Despite what Miley might think, sex doesn't stop after 40—but it does change. Here's how
It was the quote heard round the Twitter-verse: "I heard when you turn 40, things start to go a little less sexual," Miley Cyrus said to Matt Lauer on TODAY
recently. "So probably around 40, around that time, I heard that’s when people don’t have sex anymore."
I may have panicked just a little. After all—I’m quickly approaching my 36th birthday, so 40 isn’t that far off. Like any self-respecting woman, I decided to grab my female friends over the age of 40 for some insight.
First Things First: The Bad News
Unfortunately, the responsibilities that typically accompany being 40-plus can make it difficult to find time for sex. Even at 36, my husband and I still struggle with what’s more important—sleep or sex. The truth is, sometimes we choose to hit the snooze button on our love life for some extra Zzzs.
Your schedule isn’t the only thing that changes after 40, either. Tory*, 41, says she's noticed lower levels of desire from her boyfriend since he passed his 40th birthday. And, sadly, it’s not just a guy thing. “Pre-menopausal hormones have wreaked havoc on my mood and created some other issues, says Jessie*, 44. “Luckily, it's nothing a glass of wine and a good lubricant can't fix.”
But There Is Good News…
Despite some drawbacks, there are definitely upsides to having sex after 40. Once you start approaching 40, you naturally start to feel less insecure in the bedroom, according to my friends. Happily married for 15 years, 41-year old Katherine* says she no longer feels she has to look and act vampy for her husband to find her sexy. In fact, all of my friends agree that with time comes an empowering acceptance and confidence in their bodies that makes them enjoy sex more.
Another plus-side to having sex with one—or at least fewer—partners is that you no longer have to worry as much about diseases, pregnancy, and potential social media sharing. My 40-plus friends, many happily married for years, can leave the stress behind. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that relationship longevity can create the trust that's so helpful when you want to try more off-the-wall moves. “My husband and I have been together a long time (15 years!) and to be honest, you have to be creative to mix things up,” says Stella*. “It’s always good for romance—and also a laugh when things don't go so well.”
It’s not just a married versus single thing, either. For my single friends, post-40 sex may not be completely fearless, but it’s definitely wrought with a lot less anxiety than the sex they had in their younger years. “I'm not afraid to ask for what I want and be more aggressive now,” says Jennifer*, age 42, who feels more open to trying new things with her partners. “Not whips and chains necessarily, but I know what I like and am more comfortable being direct.”
The bottom line? While you might not have as much time for sex after you hit the big 4-0, you’ll probably be having at least as many orgasms—if not more. “Honestly, I'm more selfish now than I was when I was younger,” says Jessie. “When my husband asks what I like, I tell him. Don't get me wrong—I still please my man—but I'm also all about enjoying myself, too!”
Looks like my fears were unfounded after all.
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The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.
Posted October 17, 2012
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Reviewed by Lybi Ma
My wife and I are about to celebrate the 42nd anniversary of our first date. We have a solid marriage , but like everyone, we’ve struggled with the changes aging brings, including those affecting our love life.
Intimacy after 40 doesn’t get the attention it deserves. The bad news is that the second half of life brings sexual changes, and changes are never easy. But here’s the good news: With simple adjustments, physical intimacy after 40, 50, 60 and beyond can feel as satisfying as ever—or even better—and deepen the love you share.
Age-related sexual changes begin between 40 and 50. These are women’s “peri- menopausal ” years when estrogen starts falling and periods become less regular. Many women also start to experience vaginal dryness, which can make intercourse uncomfortable. Fortunately, a personal lubricant is usually a quick, effective fix.
Meanwhile, between 40 and 50, most men start to experience erection changes. Erotic daydreams are no longer are enough to raise one. Men need direct genital fondling (with vigorousness increasing with age). When erections appear, they’re not as firm as they were back in men's twenties, and minor distractions may wilt them. This is not erectile dysfunction (ED). It's middle-age erection dissatisfaction. (ED means an inability to raise erections during sustained masturbation .) Still, to older men with erection dissatisfaction, those iffy, balky erections can be unnerving.
Upsetting as sexual changes after 40 may be, they make evolutionary sense. The biological purpose of life is to reproduce life. As women leave their reproductive years, there’s no longer an evolutionary imperative to continue reproductive sex, i.e. intercourse, so there’s no biological reason to make it comfortable through continued production of natural vaginal lubrication. Meanwhile, men can father children into old age, but until fairly recently in our species' evolution, few men lived beyond 40 and even fewer fathered children late in life. As a result, there was no evolutionary reason to preserve reproductive function past that age. Biologically, older men who no longer father children, don’t need intercourse—or the firm erections that make it possible. But these days, as age-related sexual changes occur, most older couples keep trying to have intercourse. Lubricants and erection drugs usually help, for a while.
After 50, sexual changes continue. Intercourse may become increasingly uncomfortable for women, even with lubricants, and even with drugs, many men suffer increasingly balky erections, and some develop ED. These changes make intercourse more problematic—and for many older couples, impossible.
Unfortunately, many people believe that sex and intercourse are synonymous, that if they can’t enjoy the old in-out, sex must be over for them. That’s a shame . Retiring from being lovers makes relationships less intimate and ignores the deep human need to experience gentle, sensual touch. Other couples decide to adjust their lovemaking to accommodate age-related changes. Doing so means evolving lovemaking away from intercourse and substituting more kissing, cuddling, whole-body massage, toys, and oral sex.
Recent studies show that older couples who remain happily sexual evolve their lovemaking away from intercourse. Two studies of thousands of men over 50 show that, despite extensive advertising and media hype, only about 10 percent have even tried erection drugs, let alone become regular users. Many older men figure: If I’m not having intercourse, I don’t need erections, so why take the drugs?
Finally, men don’t need erections to have orgasms . That’s right. Even with an older, balky, or even flaccid penis, a comfortable setting, vivid erotic fantasies , and a woman’s loving—and vigorous—caresses are enough to trigger climaxes that feel as enjoyable as ever.
My wife and I not about to let aging interfere with our marital intimacy. Change is challenging, especially sexual changes. But when older couples help each other through the transition away from intercourse, they often discover a deeper, richer eroticism—and love each other even more.
Michael Castleman, M.A. , is a San Francisco-based journalist. He has written about sexuality for 36 years.
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The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.
by Prevention Published: Apr 2, 2015
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This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
This content is imported from Giphy. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
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For one, he couldn't care less if you've shaved.
This article was written by Gail Belsky and provided by our partners at Prevention .
Does your sex life need a makeover? Here's your chance to brush up. From sex myths to sexual etiquette to health-boosting bedroom tips, these are the truths about sex every woman should know.
1. He Doesn't Care if You've Shaved.
Really. It doesn't even cross his mind.
2. Wide Beats Long Every Time.
If you care at all about penis size (and studies show that women are far more into how penises look than how they're hung), you know that width matters more than length.
3. All the Girls Are Doing It.
Masturbating, that is. In a 2004 survey by AARP, nearly half the women between the ages of 45 and 49 said they had taken matters into their own hands in the previous 6 months. And many women have used more than just their hands. In a 2009 survey by the University of Indiana, more than half the respondents had used a vibrator at least once, and nearly one in four had used one in the previous month. (The pros know it, too. Here are 18 sex toys sex therapists love —and use themselves.)
4. He Likes the Cuddling Part...
...and not just because he's half comatose when you snuggle up after sex. During lovemaking, both men and women release the chemical oxytocin—the so-called “cuddle hormone” that helps new moms bond with their babies. So what does than mean for men? Oxytocin boosts their desire for intimacy, along with their feelings of trust, according to a 2008 study by the University of Zurich. And in this case, what's good for the gander is good for the goose. Want to increase your cuddling power? Here are 10 science-backed ways to boost oxytocin levels .
5. You Really Can Tell a Guy's Size by His Hands.
The longer a man's ring finger, the longer his penis, a study by University of Liverpool shows. Both are determined by the amount of testosterone he was exposed to in the womb. If his ring finger is the same size or smaller than his index finger, he received lower levels of testosterone. If it's bigger... watch out!
6. It's Worth a Try.
Variety is the spice of life...and of sex. Whether you do it in a hammock or an airplane; on the kitchen floor or in the shower; dressed in leather or in lace, if it's new, it's improved. (Get a little wild with these 11 new sex positions .)
7. Porn Is Hot.
The idea that women take longer to get aroused just isn't true. Show us some skin and we're off and running. In a 2007 study, women who watched porn got turned on as quickly as men did. Using thermal imaging technology, researchers at McGill University in Montreal found that while watching porn, men became fully aroused in 664.6 seconds (11 minutes), compared to women
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