Session fisting
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Session fisting
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Dr. Jenn Mann is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the relationship expert behind InStyle's long-running weekly column, Hump Day. She is best known for her hit VH1 show, "Couples Therapy with Dr. Jenn," and her popular call-in advice Sirius XM radio show, "The Dr. Jenn Show." She is a bestselling author, most recently of The Relationship Fix .
Recently while we were having sex, my girlfriend asked me to fist her. We've used strap-ons, dildos, and of course, our hands — but never fisted, specifically. She is one of my first girlfriends, and I've never actually experienced this before (I haven't done it, and I haven't had it done to me). I know that we're not talking about a literal fist-in-vagina situation here, but still, I'm nervous because I don't know what to do. What should I keep in mind? —Hands Up
How great that your girlfriend feels so comfortable with you that she can share her desires. Fisting seems pretty intense, and plenty of people get nervous about the idea of it, before they even really know what it entails. Part of that comes from a stigma or judgment toward those who enjoy the activity and what it means about their anatomy.
To begin with, it is important to understand that fisting is not a simple one-two punch to the vagina. It is a kink activity that requires some training and skill. For it to be a pleasurable experience for the receiver, there needs to be an abundance of wetness, and a high level of communication. Getting the vaginal muscles relaxed is a necessity for it to be pleasurable.
What, exactly, feels good about accommodating an entire hand inside of your vaginal canal? The people I have spoken with who enjoy it consistently say the same things. They enjoy the feeling of fullness and pressure. Many say that nothing hits the G-spot quite like a nice hand in the canal, and many claim that after trying it once you will think your previous sex life was quite vanilla and boring. So, high five to leaving that in the past.
Let's get down to brass tacks. Here's what you need to know before trying fisting for the first time.
Making sure you have well-groomed hands before fisting is important for both comfort for the receiver, as well as being sanitary. Make sure your nails are short, rounded, and filed.
If you're doing this outside the bounds of a committed relationship, where you're fully tested and aware of each other's STI status, you'd want to make sure you don't have any cuts or abrasions which can be open to others' bodily fluids. To that end, you could even wear latex gloves (the powder-free kind!), or nitrile gloves . If you've got sharp fingernails, you could top them with gauze or cotton inside the gloves to avoid accidentally scratching your partner.
Whether it's your partner's natural wetness or the store-bought kind, moisture is essential for fisting to go well. I'm a fan of silicone lubes, like Swiss Navy or Sliquid Silver , which are both available on Amazon. If you're an organic kind of gal try BabeLube Natural , Sliquid Organics , or some organic coconut oil . Do not use anything with a numbing agent. It is important to be able to feel all the sensations since pain is an indicator that something is wrong and your partner needs to be aware if she is experiencing a problem. (Side note, anyone who has gynecological problems or is experiencing hormonal changes that lead to thinning of the vaginal walls should consult with a doctor before trying fisting.)
Making sure she is very aroused before entry is a make-or-break behavioral requirement for fisting. (See the aforementioned wetness requirement.) This is a time for slow, patient, drawn-out foreplay. The more aroused she is, the more lubricated and, thus, accommodating her body will be to your hand. The uterus even lifts up into the pelvic cavity, leaving more room in the vaginal canal. In addition to the physiological changes that occur during foreplay, the emotional mindset foreplay provides will help her to be open and relaxed enough to take your fist.
Keeping the communication open throughout the entire experience makes it more likely it will be a positive one. Knowing what kind of talk your partner likes — role play , chit-chat, dirty talk , romantic and loving words — can help her to stay turned on and open to the whole experience. Even more importantly, you need to know if she is in pain or something feels wrong. Just like anytime you try a new activity that can be intimidating, you should have a safe word preplanned before you begin.
Start small and build up. Begin with one finger at a time and work up to four. Once you have accomplished this, you will want to move your hand into "duck position," collapsing your knuckles to be as narrow as possible while joining your thumb closely to your pointer finger. This tapered form should help you to ease your hand all the way into her when she is ready. The most difficult part of entrance is getting past your knuckles. Once you are able to do that, the wrist should move in pretty easily. That said, not everyone can take a whole fist. Make sure that if that is the case with your girlfriend, she isn't left feeling like she has failed somehow, and it remains a positive experience between the two of you.
There is a lot you can do to increase her pleasure once your fist is in. Try finding her G-spot . Your palm should be facing her belly side. Try using your fingers to make a come-hither type motion. Some women like to feel the fist gently move back and forth. Others find the sensation of gently clenching and unclenching your fist like a heartbeat to be very pleasurable. Experiment with what feels good, making sure to keep communication open. In addition to moving your fist, stimulating her on the outside with the tongue, finger or a toy can add to the pleasure .
Don't pull your hand out too fast, especially after an orgasm. This is a common rookie mistake. It can be very painful if you pull out too fast after your partner has had an orgasm. Keep in mind that you are not going to be able to pull out your hand while it is still in a fist. You're going to have to go back to duck position to slide out. She may be sore afterward. But just as importantly, keep in mind that this can be an intense emotional experience. Be available for closeness, connection, and holding afterward.
Fisting is not an activity that is a quickie. As you can see, it takes time, patience, and a willingness to tune in to your partner in order to have a great fisting experience. It sounds like you and your girlfriend have the kind of trusting relationship where this could be a positive new addition to your sexual repertoire.
In Hump Day, award-winning psychotherapist and TV host Dr. Jenn Mann answers your sex and relationship questions — unjudged and unfiltered.
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If you are into being stretched, fisting can be super hot. But fisting can also be incredibly dangerous and lead to injuries so bad that they can kill you. This guide will coach you on how to fist your partner safely.
While fisting isn’t for everyone, it can certainly seem overwhelming to those who don’t understand the difference between fisting and punching. It’s best to start by answering the question “What is fisting?”.
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Fisting, despite what the name suggests, doesn’t involve inserting an entire fist or even making a fist at all during the process. This is a common mistake people make when first learning how to fist fuck and discovering what fisting means.
However, it makes the hand much bulkier and wider, and no amount of lube makes will make this comfortable for most people. As it stands, fisting isn’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea.
So what does the hand look like in fisting? Rather than being an actual fist, it’s shaped more like a duck, just like in the picture above. Fisting lovers call this the “silent duck.” Your partner will pull his pinky and index fingers toward the middle finger and fold his thumb up against the bottom of his fingers to create a duckbill shape. The more he’s able to taper his hand, the easier insertion will be.
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You can engage in both anal or vaginal fisting. The latter is especially common among gay men, and it is those men who are credited with fisting’s recent rise in popularity. In fact, fisting clubs existed in the 1970s [ 1 ]. However, fisting has become popular among some straight couples since then.
Some people speculate that the increase of rough sex in porn correlates with an increase in rough sex activities, including fisting, in real life [ 2 ], but we’re not too worried. A kink is a kink.
But it’s not just women who enjoy fisting. Many men enjoy fisting, too, as both givers and receivers.
Some people experiment with a little bit of solo fist fucking too.
A question that many people have about fist fucking is “Does fisting hurt?” The answer is pretty obvious:
Just like anal sex, fisting can be painful if you do not follow the recommended guidelines.
There are as many reasons to enjoy specific sexual acts as there are acts to enjoy! Two people can enjoy fisting but for different reasons.
If you are new here, then you may want to take the quiz below to learn how good you are at giving oral sex and satisfying your man. You may discover you that you suck (pun intended) or that you are already a blow job queen.
Testing Your Limits – Fisting can be appealing because you are testing your body’s limits and many people experience a sense of achievement after successful fisting. It’s hot to know you can take something so large as your partner’s hand. This is something you might have achieved when you had sex with someone who was especially well-endowed in the past! It’s even better when you’re taking something bigger.
Increased Intimacy – Another thing that fisting lovers can’t stop raving about is how it can increase intimacy. When your partner’s entire hand is inside you, after all the time and patience that it requires, it can be incredibly intimate. This isn’t to say that other types of sex aren’t intimate, but fisting can be surprisingly so!
Taboo – For others, the novelty or taboo may contribute to their enjoyment of fisting. And fisting may stimulate the G-spot or P-spot, which answers the question “Why do people like fisting?”. But you can’t know what fisting feels like until you try it yourself.
Aside from hand shape, the keys to successful fisting are all about preparing. If you’re not fully ready, fisting, like anal sex, isn’t the sort of thing you should try at the spur of the moment. It’s certainly not something to try for the first time when you’re drunk and horny.
These fisting tips will help you achieve maximum success when it comes to fisting.
When you take all these factors into consideration, your fisting session will look something like the following. Your partner lubes up your vagina if it’s needed after your prior activities and his hand up to the wrist. A towel or sex blanket is great for catching any extra lube that might drip! It’s also useful if you’re a squirter .
He’ll insert two fingers and manually massage your vagina to loosen it up. When you’re comfortable, he can insert another finger. He continues to insert fingers as long as it comfortable for you, forming the duck shape with his hand. He’ll complete the shape by folding in his thumb.
The ends of the fingers will be easier to insert while his knuckles will be the widest part and need the most time and lube to insert. Once the knuckles are in, it’s smooth sailing from there.
After he’s successfully inserted, your man can experiment with a few fisting techniques. These include flexing his fingers and thumb, thrusting and rotating. Once his hand is inside you, it doesn’t need to stay in any particular position!
You can pair fist fucking with any other type of stimulation that you like — clitoral, nipple, or other erogenous zones. Meanwhile, your partner can try any of the following fisting techniques.
When you’re done, he’ll want to return to the silent duck position before removing his hand. But don’t do it too quickly because this can be uncomfortable. Relaxing your muscles can help your partner remove his hand.
Note that you may not achieve full insertion during your first time fisting, even if you fully prepare. It’s up to your body to cooperate, and you won’t want to push yourself too much, which could potentially lead to injury. It can take a few tries to get fisting right.
You may want to try different lube formulas too to find one that works the best for you when you’re fisting with your partner.
Furthermore, this process takes some time and should not be rushed through. After each new finger is added, your partner should pause to let you get used to the sensation.
Most sex positions that work for fingering will work well for fisting, both anal and vaginal. You can try lying on your back while your partner fists you. Bring your knees up toward your chest if it helps.
Alternatively, lying on your side might also be comfortable, and you can bend your top leg to be more comfortable.
Finally, try getting on all fours with your partner penetrating you from behind. This position may not be ideal for longer sessions as your arms can become tired from supporting your body. You can try propping yourself up with pillows or leaning over a piece of furniture.
However, other positions may work well for fisting as well, so make sure to experiment to find what works best for you.
When it comes to fisting yourself, any positions that allow you to comfortably penetrate your vagina or anus with your first works. Consider lying on your back or sitting.
Even lying on your side and reaching behind yourself can be comfortable depending on your flexibility. Again, make sure to do a little experimentation to find what works best for you.
So you’ve mastered how to fist fuck and want to try something else. What options are there once you get past fisting for beginners?
Fisting can be a lot of fun, but that doesn’t mean it comes without risks. This includes the possibility of tearing the vaginal entrance or walls [ 3 ]. The perineum or skin between the anus and vagina can tear from violent fisting [ 4 ]. Even micro-tears can lead to infections or make it easier to contract an STI [ 5 ]. Consider scheduling fisting after any other penetration because other activities can introduce bacteria into the vagina or anus, which might have small abrasions that could become infected.
When it comes to anal fisting, it’s especially easy to transmit an infection!
Secondly, you’ll want to be careful about your cervix. Some women don’t mind if their cervix gets jostled, but it’s uncomfortable for others.
When it comes to anal fisting, you’re are likely to cause injury the deeper you go.
Many difficulties with fisting can be overcome as long as you are vocal about what you like and don’t like, and your partner heeds your feedback. If you find it difficult to talk about sex, you might want to read our guide to sexual communication before trying fisting for the first time. This isn’t the sort of activity you want to do with a one-night stand .
Finally, you want to take as much time as possible. If you don’t get it right the first time, don’t worry! There’s always next time. And if it turns out fisting isn’t for you? At least, you can say you tried!
You should definitely be aware of the dangers of fisting mentioned above. However, these risks can be minimized by preparing and being cautious. Vaginal injuries may be rare from fisting [ 3 ], but they are still a possibility. Remember that vaginal sex is not without its risks, either. That’s why you use condoms to prevent pregnancy and STIs, use lube, and get STI screenings. It’s not about asking “Is fisting safe?” but finding the ways to make it as safe as possible.
If you are especially susceptible to infections or prolapse, you may want to rethink fisting, but many people have safely tried it.
When you have the right partner, know how to fist and prepare for it, and take your time, you might find that this is one of those things you can’t live without!
While a little bleeding may not be an emergency, you should seek immediate medical attention if you experience any excessive bleeding after fisting. Similarly, you should seek medical care if bleeding persists for several days.
This is true whether you’re bleeding after fisting vaginally or anally. Tears may need surgical repair and can become infected.
As with any sexual activity, there’s a possibility that only one partner will enjoy fisting. Perhaps you love what fisting feels like but your partner finds the activity to be too difficult. It’s also possible that your partner might want to continue fisting you, while you find it uncomfortable or even painful.
Regardless, no one should feel pressured to do anything in bed that they don’t want to, especially an activity such as fisting, which can cause injury if not done safely. Your partner should respect your wishes if you explain that fisting is something you don’t w
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