Service Submissive
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by Kayla Lords · Published July 11, 2018 · Updated April 14, 2020
A quick note before we jump into this: This isn’t a comprehensive list of every form of submission. That would take a long time to create and longer to read. Our list also shows each type as its own separate identity. Most submissives are amalgamations of many types, based on what best fits their personality and preferences.
A second note: Yes, sometimes labels suck because they seem to force people into narrow boxes. Take these labels and definitions in the context of their intended meaning — to educate and start a conversation. They’re not the gospel, and we’re not Jesus.
Prefer to listen rather than read? Listen here at Podcast Minisode 2: Submission Types
For the record, you can be any kind of submissive you want to be. Mix a little of this, a lot of that, and none of the other, and you’ve found what works for you. I know from experience that the type of submission that suits me best changed over time. What works for me now as a submissive is different than the early days or when John Brownstone and I were in a long-distance relationship.
We’re all unique and there’s no single right way to be a submissive. But, all that said, let’s talk about the different types of submission.
Service submission is not (necessarily) sexual submission. It tends to refer to submissives who perform services for their Dominant. The most common form is domestic service — cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. But a service submissive may also do your taxes, mow your lawn, clean your pool, or fix your car. The act matters a lot less than the feeling behind it — being of service and making the Dominant’s life a little (or a lot) easier and more comfortable.
A lot of submissives fall into this category, myself included. When it’s time to get naked, I’m the bottom, you’re the top, and I need you (John Brownstone) to lead. Sexual submission might be taking orders and being of use. But it could also be more primal with some amount of resistance and making your Dominant work for your submission. And, as always, it could be somewhere in between the two.
I haven’t found a good term for this type of submission and make no mistake, it’s consensual. But this isn’t a SAM, although more on them in a moment. Some submissives don’t want their submission coerced or seduced from them. They want it taken, sometimes with brute force. Sometimes it’s primal, but not always. They’re the “Make me” kind of submissive. Based on conversations I’ve had with a few people like this, I’ve been told it’s about the Dominant proving they’re stronger and worthy of submission.
I don’t think all SAMs are masochists, but they’re kind of the brat of the bunch. They’re definitely trying to provoke their Dominant. As an accidental SAM, I can tell you it’s not always on purpose. I have SAM tendencies but don’t embrace the label because it’s not intentional when I do it. Some SAMs are driven by the punishment, others by the pain. When I’m in SAM mode, John Brownstone knows the worst (and also best) punishment for me is something that doesn’t cause physical pain. (And that’s why he’s the sadist.) I would say that the label of “brat” might be a SAM or it may be the person who wants their submission forced, or a combination of the two.
In the little category, you’ll find a huge range of types: babygirls/gurls, babyboys/bois, age players, middles, etc. However it manifests, one trait remains fairly constant: we tend to have younger than our natural age behaviors, traits, and/or mindset. Their Dominant is a Caregiver, even if they don’t take a Mommy or Daddy title. A little wants or needs to be nurtured, taken care of, and, sometimes, be completely free of responsibility for a period of time.
Like any other form of submission, there’s a spectrum in being a slave. Some want to be and are extremely micromanaged. Details like when to eat, what to eat, when to use the bathroom, and when to speak are decided by their Master. Other slaves have fewer of the outward acts but may have a slave heart. I would imagine most if not all slaves have a slave heart, and I’ll let them define that for themselves. Slaves tend to give up even more control to their Dominant partner than other types of submissives do.
Furries may be primal and enjoy primal play (based more on who’s stronger and Alpha, and it’s more animalistic play) or they may, like littles, take on characteristics of specific animals. No, this isn’t about bestiality, just as Caregiver/little isn’t about pedophilia. But animals can’t speak and can only do what their Master/Dom/Caretaker let them do. Or not, as the case may be. Animals have minds of their own, and so do furries. Not all are docile and quick to obey. Kittens and puppies are most common in furries but definitely not the only options. See our post on butt plug tails for an idea of what kind of furry options are out there.
I will not pretend to know a lot about this, and yes, this is probably very rare. Pro Doms and Dommes are much more common, comparatively. But I know a professional submissive (she’s a fellow sex blogger), so I felt like it should be included here. She has clients who want the experience of Dominating someone but don’t have a steady partner. Or they need a second partner for a scene with their submissive or bottom. There is negotiation and consent before anything begins. From what I can tell, some form of aftercare is provided even if it’s not what we might be familiar with in D/s relationships.
This one is not included as a knock at people who haven’t experienced submission in the “real” world. For some, this is all they want, and for others, they haven’t had the opportunity to do more than this. But if the feeling is real for you, then so is your submission. As someone who has done what someone online told me to do, even though I could never prove I’d done it, I think it’s real. Do I believe that physical, in person experiences are more powerful and meaningful? To me, yes. But is online submission real and powerful? For those who embrace it, yes.
Even in making this list, I can come up with a few other options. But for the basics, this is a good start. If you recognize traits of yourself or your submissive in multiple types, that doesn’t surprise me. Personally, I’m a sexual and service submissive, a babygirl (little) with primal tendencies, who is sometimes a SAM and has fantasies of being forced to submit. Basically, we’re all complex, and that’s okay.
In episode 137 this week, we’re talking specifically about service submission, but don’t worry we’ll get to other types of submission in upcoming episodes. Got thoughts on submission? Share in the comment section or talk to us on Twitter!
This is a pretty great resource for general information. I’m new to kink and bdsm, so I really appreciate posts like this that help me get a better understanding of submission outside of my own.
And that’s okay. If you identify as submissive (or a bottom), you can define it in whatever works for you.
I’m more of an alpha submissive. I’m strong minded, individualistic and self supportive, but completely enjoy submitting to my Dom / Husband.
You mentioned primal in your forced submission definition, but I’m not sure what that is or means? Does it mean violent? Or do you act strictly like animals such as furries? Curious because I’m definitely a forced submission kind of girl – I love to fight. And I’m strong. So it takes a very strong dominant to earn my eventual (and pretend begrudged) submission. But I’m not sure that’s primal? Also, is it predator/prey? Just barely learning here….
We are not experts on primal, so it’s worth looking up and researching more about. Primal can mean predator/prey in a literal sense or in a subtler sense. Some people mean it in an animal sense (probably along the spectrum of pet play and furries but not necessarily). When we use the term “primal” we mean “animalistic” which is not (for us) the same as embodying an animal, but the wilder, rougher side of ourselves — which can include fighting back, chasing, “capturing” and other elements. We feel primal when we’re in touch with our base needs/desires and we (appear to) let our thinking selves take a step back so we’re wilder in some ways. Like all parts of kink, it can kind of mean what you want it to mean, but I would definitely recommend researching it — Fetlife has primal groups/forums and many BDSM-focused sites will define terms like primal in their own way.
I’m trying to be submissive to my fiance which give him more control but I’m to dominate n other parts of our lives. Wat should I do
I’m new at this and I have a boyfriend that I love and I’m trying to do this for him
It’s definitely okay to try it out to see if it works for you, but please know that you’re not “required” to try kink or D/s to keep a partner — or like it. If it’s not for you, be honest (with yourself and your partner) about that. Sometimes we’re just not compatible with people, and while it can be painful, it’s okay. You don’t have to change who you are to be with someone.
Thank you for this. I’m new to bdsm and the first experience I had was with a Dom who told me I wasn’t ready to be submissive when in reality I’m just extremely sassy, playful and enjoy funishment and forced submission. This episode helped me realize that we just weren’t compatible and I should keep looking until I find someone better suited to my interests. I think I fall somewhere in the cross sections of a Brat, SAM, and a little and that’s OK
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Service. It’s something that a lot of submissive say they are into giving. While it’s quite clear that the definition means that we are helping or doing work for someone, performing a kindness or favor, when we apply that term to D/s it tends to take on a more indepth role. Let’s explore some of the ways service submission exists in D/s relationships.
Meditating on these precepts offers me inspiration and guidance. I think of these as five bottomless practices that can be continually explored and deepened. They are not linear and have no value as theories or concepts. To be understood and realized, they have to be lived into and communicated through action.
Meditating on these precepts offers me inspiration and guidance. I think of these as five bottomless practices that can be continually explored and deepened. They are not linear and have no value as theories or concepts. To be understood and realized, they have to be lived into and communicated through action.
There is no right or wrong way to serve. I do think some slaves are more prone to reactive service and there are some slaves who are more proactive.
There is no right or wrong way to serve. I do think some slaves are more prone to reactive service and there are some slaves who are more proactive.
While the book isn’t very long, it is still full of amazing information and I do highly recommend it to any service-oriented s-type.
While the book isn’t very long, it is still full of amazing information and I do highly recommend it to any service-oriented s-type.
Well, there’s not really an App for service. Wouldn’t it be nice if there were? However, there are a lot of Apps out there that can make running your household (and your Master!) a lot easier!
Well, there’s not really an App for service. Wouldn’t it be nice if there were? However, there are a lot of Apps out there that can make running your household (and your Master!) a lot easier!
For the service submissive, one who gets their pleasure from serving in some capacity it's nice to have a section of your library reserved for books that can help you with improving and utilizing new methods to make your service more complete.
For the service submissive, one who gets their pleasure from serving in some capacity it's nice to have a section of your library reserved for books that can help you with improving and utilizing new methods to make your service more complete.
Service is any activity or function that you fill to make your dominant partner's life easier. This could be as simple as preparing their coffee, laying out their clothes for them or performing domestic chores. Yes, it does include the play and sex aspects of some relationships, but not all of them are wired this way.
Service is any activity or function that you fill to make your dominant partner's life easier. This could be as simple as preparing their coffee, laying out their clothes for them or performing domestic chores. Yes, it does include the play and sex aspects of some relationships, but not all of them are wired this way.
Service. It's something that a lot of submissive say they are into giving. But what does that mean?
Service. It's something that a lot of submissive say they are into giving. But what does that mean?
It is the selfless service that many of us strive for that is devotional. When you choose to do nothing but please your Dominant and that your joy is in the service and not some reward or praise, this can be seen as devotional service.
It is the selfless service that many of us strive for that is devotional. When you choose to do nothing but please your Dominant and that your joy is in the service and not some reward or praise, this can be seen as devotional service.
Positional service is probably the most prevalent in non-D/s settings. This is essentially customer service; you are in a position to serve and so you serve. The service is defined by a set of itemized expectations.
Positional service is probably the most prevalent in non-D/s settings. This is essentially customer service; you are in a position to serve and so you serve. The service is defined by a set of itemized expectations.
Situational service encompasses what I called conditional service. You serve only when presented with a specific set of circumstances, thus the situation is perfect for your service. This could be that you only submit on the weekends, or that you serve best when directed to do x, y and z.
Situational service encompasses what I called conditional service. You serve only when presented with a specific set of circumstances, thus the situation is perfect for your service. This could be that you only submit on the weekends, or that you serve best when directed to do x, y and z.
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