Sensual Kink

Sensual Kink
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Claire Lampen
Claire is a freelance writer covering sex and gender.

Sabrina Talbert
Sabrina is an editorial assistant for Women’s Health.

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Do you own a scarf? Then you’re ready.
If you're looking for a surefire way to spice things up in the bedroom, your mind might jump to handcuffs. But I'll do you one better: Try using rope.
ICYDK, if you're looking to dip a toe into kink , bondage is a great place to start. Most of the tools you need to fulfill your BDSM fantasies are lying around your house already. But, before you grab the nearest bandana and strap your partner to a kitchen chair, there are a few things you should know.
Establishing how to approach rope bondage might be an intimidating process if you've never tried it. Before you and your partner get into it, many experts suggest it’s a good idea to agree on your desired roles and boundaries. For example, figure out whether you'd rather be the dominant partner who takes on more leadership and control, or would you rather be the submissive one, who prefers to give up that control to their partner.
You should also talk to your partner about what you do/don't want done to you, how much pressure you’re into, and what safe word will signal when one of you has had enough.
If this isn’t your first time incorporating BDSM into your partnership, then this process might be second nature to you. But either way, preparation beforehand is always necessary. Here’s a few things to keep in mind before getting started.
Research is a must if it’s your first time using rope. Get familiar with what positions you want to try out and how to execute them properly. There are plenty of websites you can check out dedicated to explaining rope play. Elle Chase , CSE, ACS, a certified sex educator, recommends Remedial Ropes as a good place to start learning. Doing sufficient research will give you a better sense of where to tie, how tight, etc., says Chase.
If you’re interested in trying rope play or any other form of BDSM, consent should be an ongoing conversation. "Consent, communication, and trust are essential for a strong relationship—sexual or otherwise," says Chase. "Incorporating consensual bondage into sex play builds and fortifies essential trust between partners, and requires that communication be deft and clear."
Aside from doing your own research, there are also classes and workshops you can attend to get some real hands-on experience, says Francesca Gentille , PhD, clinical sexologist and professor at the International Institute of Clinical Sexology. Rope bondage is never risk-free as there is the possibility for nerve damage amongst other things, so it’s best for all participants to familiarize themselves with any safety issues that can pop up during practice. "Think R.A.C.K. (Risk Aware Consensual Kink)," says Gentille.
With safety being the priority, it doesn’t hurt to create some sort of escape plan in the event of an emergency. A good option is keeping the ties that bind the wrists and ankles loose until you get comfortable, says Chase. As you get better with the ties and make them tighter, you can also have a pair of safety scissors handy just in case, adds Gentile.
If executed correctly and with caution, a strong bond of trust can be formed between you and your partner. " When the rope tier, rigger, or dominant listens well, notices beautifully, and attunes to the one being tied, there is a sense of growing intimacy, anticipation, and arousal," say Gentille.
Aftercare is always needed after a scene and is usually negotiated before you start a scene. The purpose of aftercare is to make sure both participants level out mentally and physically. For scenes that can be physically depleting, Gentille recommends a blanket, snacks, and a bottle of water. She also adds that it’s a good idea to check in with your partner a few days after to see if anything other thoughts or feelings have come up. “Aftercare (done well), both immediately after a scene or session, and days later, is an opportunity to deepen your relationship, build trust, and hold space for any triggers and healing,” says Gentille. “If not handled well the opposite can happen. [You] can break trust or rewound and trigger feelings of abandonment [in your partner].”
Once the specifics are out of the way, then it's finally time to play. If you don't have any rope casually laying around your home, don’t worry. Plenty of other household items, like a scarf or a tie, can serve as great alternatives. Whatever tool you've got on hand, get ready to explore these 18 best bondage positions:
How to: Missionary is the easiest possible position for beginner bondage. Simply lie on your back with your arms above your head and your legs spread, then have your partner bind your wrists and ankles to the bed frame.
Licensed sex therapist Vanessa Marin recommended Sportsheets’ under-the-bed restraint system ($29, amazon.com ) in a previous interview with Women's Health , because its velcro cuffs are easily removable for a quick escape if/when you decide you no longer want to be bound.
How to: Have your partner lie on their back and bind their wrists and ankles, either together or to the bed frame, with a silk scarf, a tie, or heck, even your own underwear. Once they’re adequately restrained, straddle them facing forward or away, whichever you prefer.
Because they’re tied down, you can switch it up as often as you see fit—playing with your clit, or maybe pulsing a bullet vibe on your partner's perineum, nipples, or clit (try the Tenga Iroha Stick, $20, amazon.com ). Basically, you get to do whatever you want—you’re in charge.
Whether you opt for standard or reverse cowgirl, woman-on-top positions provide a perfect opportunity for you to take complete control.
How to: Lie with your stomach flat on the mattress (or wherever you’re going to be having sex) and have your partner bind your wrists together over your head. Maybe have them blindfold you , too, because why the hell not?
Then, have them lift your hips to enter you from behind, keeping your shoulders down and your knees rooted while he (or she) thrusts.
How to: Bend over and have your partner bind your wrists to your ankles, with your feet anchored shoulder-width apart for better balance.
Have your partner enter you from behind, keeping their hands on your hips to make sure you don’t topple over. Try a hands-free couples vibrator, like the Eva II ($135), for added clitoral stimulation.
How to: Lie down with your back flush to the mattress and then lift your hips into the air, as if you were doing a bridge in yoga. Then, have your partner bind your wrists behind your back and grab your butt, so you can wrap your legs around their waist as they thrust. (This one is like the leap frog, but in reverse.)
How to: For this one, grab a sturdy chair and park your partner’s butt in it. Then, tie their wrists and ankles to the frame, and once they’re ready to go—after a little oral sex , maybe—straddle them and pump up and down. Whether you face them or turn away is entirely up to you.
How to: First, grab two ties, one for your eyes and one for your wrists. Have your partner blindfold you and bind your wrists in front of you, so they hang down by your hips. Once you’re all tied up, they can take the reins in foreplay, before rolling you onto your side and entering you from behind. As they rock into you, they can surprise you with nipple tweaks and strokes, keeping stimulation on your clit. The best part: You get to lie back and enjoy the feels.
A big part of what makes spoon sex such a winner: Easy access to the clit and nips.
How to: Have your partner kneel and sit back on their legs. Loosely bind their wrists together behind their back and sit with your back facing your partner's front. From there, straddle your partner's thighs, bending your knees so that your legs are alongside your partners. Your partner can then use their hips to thrust, without using their arms or legs.
How to: Have your partner sit in an armless chair with their ankles loosely bound together and their wrist tied together behind the back of the chair. Face your partner and straddle their lap. For extra leverage, hold onto your partner's shoulders while you ride.
How to: To best introduce bondage in a knees-to-chest position, have your partner bind your ankles and calves together. Then, while you’re lying on your back, drape your legs over his shoulder as your partner penetrates you. You can also make use of those restraints or even cuffs, and have your partner bind your wrists above your head.
How to: For this one, assume roughly the same position as leap frog, but have your partner handcuff your wrists behind your back and spread your legs. They should kneel between your legs and enter you from behind while your body is flat against the mattress, ground, kitchen table, wherever. Then, have them reach a hand around to stroke your clitoris —because to neglect it would be very rude indeed.
How to: Lying on your back with your legs spread wide, have your partner straddle you while facing your toes. Once they’re situated, wrap your legs around their waist and tip your pelvis up, allowing them to slide back and enter you.
Then, grab your anal toy of choice, lubricate it generously, and work it while your partner rides. (Please note, anal always goes better when the receiving party is really aroused, so preface this position with plenty of foreplay.)
Because the butt is right there, other teasing options include slaps and pinches. If your partner has balls, Snow Angel also gives you prime access: Consider some light testicular tugging, whatever your partner is comfortable with and enjoys.
How to: First things first, ready your restraints, whether that’s the aforementioned under-the-bed system or simply scarves or rope. Have your partner bind your wrists, either to the bed frame or above your head, while you lie in missionary position. Then, spread your legs in a V-shape and lift them toward your head. Have your partner help with this, pushing your ankles back (as far as feels good for you) and holding them in place while they thrust.
Easy to execute without too much maneuvering, the Valedictorian remains a classic because it offers solid G-spot stimulation in combination with a good stretch.
How to: For this position, bend over the bed and have your partner bind your ankles, and then wrists together. Have your partner stand behind you with one leg on either side of yours and enter. Your partner can use their free hands to stimulate other areas, like the nipples or clitoris.
How to: For a more advanced option, have your partner secure the leg tie so that both legs are locked together. From there, your partner can either spoon you while on the bed or can stand up for more leverage.
How to: Have your partner complete a simple box tie so that your wrists are tied in a horizontal position and then tied across the chest and shoulders to create a harness. From there, have your partner stand up or lean over the side of the bed for genital or anal entrance, says Amanda Pasciucco , a certified sex therapist in Connecticut.
How to: Have your partner tie you so that your legs are bent at the knees and your thighs are pressed to your chest (kind of like a fetal position). While this position may be trickier for penetration, it's a great option for other forms of play.
How to: Have your partner tie your ankles together. Then have them tie your wrists behind your back, and tie the wrists and ankles together.
This tie can be a great option for giving or receiving oral sex. ( Note: Beginners should opt for cuffs or clips that can be easily removed instead of rope as some people may struggle to breathe in this position.)

10 Kinky Things Women Do That Men Are Completely Obsessed With
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By Tom Miller — Written on Sep 08, 2016
As much as it’s against my personal creed, I’ll be honest for a second. Upon receiving this assignment, I had to look up kinky in the dictionary because I’m a chili cheese fries kinda guy when it comes to sex : meat and potatoes, and a little cheesy.
Internet dictionary defines kinky as “involving or given to unusual sexual behavior.” And I’ll be damned if the word “unusual” doesn’t plop into this whole operation like a number two shot out of a t-shirt cannon.
For some folks, “unusual” may mean leaving the lights on , and for others it may mean being pegged by a criminally insane drifter they met at the grand opening of a Starbucks. But if drunk convos with my friends and lurking around YourTango informs me of anything, most of us are somewhere deliciously between these two things.
For most dudes, the whole kinky thing is about novelty . For others, it’s about unresolved formative trauma. And, if you’re lucky, both. Let’s concentrate on novelty. Periodically it’s gratifying to convince our caveman brains that we’re ensuring our genetics are passed as widely as possible even if we’re not Ashley Madison-ing it up out there.
Here are 10 things kinky women are seriously great at doing that men seriously dig:
When in doubt, just go with “[verb expletive] my [noun expletive], baby.”
Put his hands on your throat if you like being choked. Asked to be spanked if that’s your thing . And if you're interested in having your hair pulled , just do it doggie-style.
Own (and wear) completely impractical lingerie. I don’t know how it’s possible, but thigh-high stockings are somehow sexier than no stockings at all.
Be aggressive. Request position changes. Tell him what you want to do to him and, if you want to choke him, there are like 0.0001 percent of guys who may be cool with it.
Insist on him not using his hands once in a while. But don't let him go hands-free too much or he'll get lazy.
Take precautions that it doesn’t end up in Kris Jenner ’s hands, but saying you want to "watch" it later is melt-your-face-off-like- Raiders-Of-The-Lost-Ark hot.
Explore yourself with your finger and then put it in his mouth. If you’re feeling fun, do the same with his finger and your mouth .
I'm not even sure if you should ask. I know I know, social contract. I know women have decided they hate 69-ing , so face the other direction and "concentrate" on your magic.
Be exceptionally clear where you want his DNA to go , even if it’s to be Spider-Man -ed directly into one of the cheaper towels.
Go out and get (mildly) freaky. You’ll be surprised what a virtuous cycle stepping out of your comfort zone with a little kink may start.
The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. See additional information
© 2022 by Tango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved.

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E ver wonder why certain people are attracted to something while others aren’t and may also have different sexual preferences? Well, according to the five Erotic Blueprints™, which basically functions as bedroom personality types, we have different wants and needs, sexually speaking. Sexologist Jaiya Ma created the Erotic Blueprint framework—which includes energetic, sensual, sexual, kinky, and shapeshifter types—to help folks better understand themselves and take control of their sexual well-being.
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Each Erotic Blueprint has superpowers and shadow sides, says Ally Jewel , a certified Erotic Blueprint coach who shared a TikTok outlining the Erotic Blueprints, which has amassed more than 1 million views . Jewel likens superpowers to turn-ons and shadow sides to turnoffs. So, if you identify with the superpowers and shadow sides of a given blueprint, you likely fall into that category. Then, by communicating your wants and needs you can pave the way for meaningful pleasure-focused conversations and, ultimately, an improved sex life.
You don’t have to be in a committed relationship to reap the benefits of knowing your Erotic Blueprint, either. In fact, knowing yours can help you not only communicate with future partners what turns you on (and also tease out any questions of sexual compatibility, assuming they know their Erotic Blueprint), but it can also help you learn how to better please yourself.
With that in mind, keep reading for a breakdown of each of the five Erotic Blueprints to see which bedroom personality most resonates with you. (You can also take the Erotic Blueprints quiz ).
The hallmark of an energetic is that “they’re turned on by space, anticipation, and tease,” Jewel says. “Often, [energetics] want to have that safety, like ‘I need to know that I'm safe, and I can feel your energy from across the room. I can feel the energy in my body. We can have non-penetrating, non-touch orgasms just through energy moving through our body alone,” says Jewel, who is primarily an energetic.
The main shadow side of an energetic can show up when things come at them too fast and lead them to shut down, Jewel says. Another shadow side of an energetic may be missing out on the sensation of touch because they might come to see themselves as not needing a partner to orgasm. While that might be true, the element of touch can also lend itself to strengthening an intimate bond in a partnership, so this shadow is something to be aware of.
The hallmark of a sensual is that they “need to feel relaxed in order to have sex,” says Jewel. “The sensual is turned on by all the senses. They might be that friend that you walk into the bakery with and they're like, ‘Oh my God, can you smell that!?’”
Similar to energetics, sensuals can feel orgasm throughout their body and senses—like touch orgasms, ear
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