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How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!
So my wife and I like to do the cuckold scene, but during COVID, it’s just the two of us, so we have been playing some dom/sub games. Right now, she is making me masturbate 1-2 times a day into a Ziplock bag and immediately freezing it. After a week, I have to eat it all. So my question is, assuming I’m STI free (tested and true), is there anything I need to worry about with my “cumsickle”? If we don’t hear from you by “cumsickle” day, we will just continue adding to the “prize” as we want to be safe. Thanks.
While those who frequent the more fetishy fringes of tube sites have likely heard of this practice, for obvious reasons, there isn’t much data available to help us determine the risks involved in becoming your own Mister Softee machine. So let’s review what we do know.
Through the cryopreservation process, sperm that is frozen and stored can be thawed at a later date for fertilization. Even though this involves adding a preservative and is generally a far more sterile process than the average puttering around of the kitchen, we can assume that what comes out of the freezer is more or less what comes out of the dick. So let’s ponder the risks of semen eating more generally. Since you have already taken STDs out of the equation, thus eliminating the chance of spreading a localized infection to another part of your body, the main thing to be concerned about is whether you have a semen allergy—it is, in fact, possible to be allergic to your own semen , and this may present as redness, swelling, and hives. I read a Reddit horror story of someone who ate two weeks’ worth of frozen cum and had intense diarrhea as a result. Take it with a grain of salt, as you should anything you read on Reddit, though funnily enough, Reddit is about the most bountiful source of anecdotal cumsicle information. So tread lightly and saltily.
I ran this question by my go-to urologist source, Dr. Charles Welliver, director of men’s health at Albany Medical College, and he said that with all the necessary caveats of this not being actual medical advice, in his informed estimation, you should be fine. Just keep your cum away from the Otter Pops so as not to corrupt their innocence.
Can COVID-19 be transmitted from the active partner in cunnilingus to the passive one? I’ve read some articles about the risk the other way—i.e., the possibility of contracting the virus by going down on a woman—but haven’t seen anything about whether the cunnilinguist is at risk. What do the experts say?
I will save my rant on why it’s weird to talk about “active” and “passive” partners in oral sex for another time, but if I understand your question correctly, the answer is: It’s unclear. SARS-CoV-2 is present in saliva, but there’s limited data on whether it is detectable in vaginal fluid. This study out of China says no, but it only tested 10 women. Another study of 35 women found no presence of SARS-CoV-2 in the lower vaginal tract. (The results of a third study have yet to publish.) Though a conclusion of the second study I cited is “the lower female genital tract may not be a transmission route for SARS-CoV-2,” it’s far from definitive and far too early to really say much about the virus for sure. There is still so much that we don’t know. But isolating such transmission is likely to be difficult anyway for a virus that seems to spread easily among people in close proximity who aren’t engaged in sex. Damn aerosols. Unless there were some sort of outdoor gloryhole configuration being used, at this point, I think it’d be difficult to isolate and say definitively, “You contracted COVID from oral sex,” over, “You contracted COVID from sitting next to that person,” which you’d certainly need to do in order to perform or receive oral sex. Hopefully, specificity is on our horizon.
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My partner and I have been together for about six years now, and although the sex we have is great, we’ve never really discussed what things we might want to explore or try. I know about a few things my partner has done in the past, including a threesome with two men—and while if for some reason kind of bothered me in the beginning, I’ve begun to think about it in a sexual way a bit and it fuels some fantasies that I have had. Something about her being the object of desire in that way really turns me on.
I know I am too jealous to ever have a threesome in real life, but is there a way to bring up maybe a “simulated” fantasy/role-play scenario with her, maybe including some toys and dirty talk? I would want my partner to know that it’s not something I have any intention of wanting for real, but the fantasy of it turns me on and could be fun and hot. I just don’t want her to feel weird about me or the fantasy I have. And what about fantasies in general? What’s the best way to bring up something like that without my partner feeling like it’s something I actually want?
The best way to the best way to bring up a fantasy without your partner feeling like it’s something you actually want is to use your words—the very ones you typed in your letter, in fact. You did a fine job of qualifying what you enjoy about the fantasy and what you’d like (and not like) to do about it. Take your time and tell your partner the whole story, just like you did to me. We barely even know each other! You can tell your partner.
A sexual fantasy, as defined by Justin Lehmiller in his book Tell Me What You Want , is “any mental picture that comes to mind while you’re awake that ultimately turns you on.” That’s it! It need not enter the realm of desire—something you actually want to do—to be able to turn you on. A lot of people have fantasies that they enjoy only as fantasies, and part of what’s appealing about them is their very nature: knowing that they will never act out these titillating scenarios allows some people to enjoy them without stress or pressure. It’s like having your cake and eating it too, except the exact opposite, because there’s no cake or eating of anything.
Lehmiller’s book is based on the findings of an extensive survey of sexual fantasies that more than 4,000 Americans filled out. I recommend that you read it, because there is an entire section devoted to the sharing of fantasies among partners. Lehmiller found that the sharing of fantasies correlated to “the most satisfying sex lives, the happiest relationships, and the fewest difficulties with sexual desire, arousal, and orgasm.” Further, the vast majority of respondents who shared their favorite fantasies with a partner reported a positive to neutral response, with negative responses being uncommon. As for setting for such sharing, Lehmiller suggests a distraction-free environment. Optimally, you’ll already both be in the mood (perhaps during the early stages of sexual play) because, as Lehmiller writes, “when people are sexually aroused, their disgust response lessens. So you and your partner will probably be more receptive to each other’s fantasies if you share them in a situation where both of you are already kind of horny.” Sounds right to me. So get to petting and sharing.
I am a gay man who has only been able to bottom like a champ with short dicks. When a dick is longer, I believe it hits that sigmoid colon or some kind of wall, and it becomes pretty uncomfortable and weirdly creates air bubbles, which become farts. I’ve looked online and everyone suggests vaguely working on moving past that colon, but there is so little guidance about how one does that. Any advice on that is appreciated but I’m more interested in knowing if there is some sex toy that artificially “shortens” the dick so that it can only go so far inside. Basically something that simulates the top holding the base of his dick so that it doesn’t penetrate as far but the top can still feel like they are thrusting all the way. My husband is longer and this has been a huge barrier.
Yes, indeed—you’re looking for something along the lines of the OhNut or the ComeClose Pleasure Ring . They’re essentially stoppers worn at the base of the penis to control penetrative depth. I’ve never partaken, never needed to (my general attitude is: give me all ya got), but I’ve heard good things from women who need limitations on length for one reason or another. It may be a very simple solution to your problem. If not, reach back out and we’ll move past your colon together.
Last year, my husband of two years and I were out to drinks with his childhood friend and the friend’s fiancée. (We’re both straight couples.) When we were several drinks in, we were talking about losing our virginities, and his friend’s fiancée made a comment along the lines of “well, you know what they used to do.” I did not know what they used to do!
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Last Updated: March 19, 2022 Maine Bel
What every man needs before committing to a relationship
Learn how to swallow cum the easy way! Swallowing your man’s cum may be something that he didn’t ask you to do in the past.
However, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like it.
Most men may bring this up with their partners once or twice but would not force the subject if their girlfriends weren’t comfortable with it.
You may be one of those women who have not yet given this much thought.
To help you understand why it’s something that you must absolutely consider doing for your man’s pleasure, I’ve rounded up the top five reasons your man likes it when you swallow his cum .
Most men see your swallowing of their cum as an act of acceptance. It means you, as his girlfriend, accepts and even worships him and his entire being. When you do, it makes him feel more special, bringing him closer to you.
But only if he sees you enjoying the act . If he sees you’re only doing it because he wants you to and your heart is not 100 percent into it, he may feel rejected. This can ruin his mood for sex.
Your boyfriend or husband, even if he doesn’t say it, wants to be the driving force in bed. Even if he likes when you take control sometimes, he still thinks that the ultimate control should be his.
So when you allow him to ejaculate into your mouth and you swallow his cum afterwards, it means you’re giving him the power in bed. You’re letting him dominate.
There are times when your man will feel that sex or a blowjob is better if you accept his semen orally. This is because he doesn’t have to take out his male organ from your vagina or mouth when he’s about to come, allowing him to experience a better orgasm .
Nothing beats the look on your face when you swallow your man’s cum and you look like you’re having a good time while doing it. It can send him to cloud nine.
There are many reasons women can’t stand the idea of swallowing their boyfriend’s cum, let alone allow them to ejaculate into their mouths.
Let’s be honest here. Semen doesn’t taste like your favorite ice cream. If it did, swallowing your man’s cum wouldn’t be this much big of a deal, right?
Your boyfriend’s cum doesn’t usually smell the best. Yes, there may be instances that it will be odorless but more often than not, it smells less appealing than you’d like.
Also known as laryngeal spasm, the gag reflex is caused when an object is thrust toward the opening of your mouth, touching its roof, the back of your tongue or throat, or the area surrounding your tonsils.
Simply put, it’s that feeling you have when his penis is in your mouth and he pushes it down your throat . It’s not pleasant at all so it’s no surprise that you don’t always relish the sensation.
Most men’s semen has an unusual color. If your boyfriend’s or husband is the same, it may not look pleasant to you at all. Seeing it that way can have a huge effect on how you’ll feel about it when the time for swallowing it comes, right?
If his cum is too thick and chunky, say like cottage cheese or yogurt, it may not be too appealing to let it into your mouth then swallow it after.
A man’s ultimate goal is to give you a huge load of their cum. It makes them feel so virile. However, it’s a major turn off for some women. They can feel that a large amount of semen, even if it’s from the one they love, is just too much to swallow in one go.
When you haven’t been with your boyfriend for quite a while, it’s understandable if you have reservations about swallowing his cum during intercourse.
However, if you’ve been together for quite some time already, know that he may, in passing, mention it to you. To avoid the awkwardness that such a conversation can cause, it’s best to prepare for it.
Figure out if swallowing his cum is something you’d be okay with doing. Remember, you should never be coerced or pressured into doing anything you’re not ok with.
More importantly, no matter what you do for your man in bed, you can’t be half in and half out of it. You should be 100% into it.
Now that we’ve got the crucial stuff out of the way, it’s time to drop the juiciest information I know you’re dying to know about – that is, if you’re ready to swallow his cum or you’ve been swallowing but are having a hard time with it.
Here are seven tips to make swallowing cum easy for you.
An hour or two before you make love, it’s a must to have him drink apple or pineapple juice. This will help improve the texture, smell, and taste of his semen. This way, when he ejaculates into your mouth, it won’t taste as bad as before.
Now, it’s important to know that this recommendation is only based on forums from the internet. There is no established medical research that supports this claim. Even so, it won’t hurt to try, right?
Not all men are keen on drinking juice. If your boyfriend is one of them, don’t fret! You can suck peppermint while giving him head. When he ejaculates, the peppermint will help mask the semen’s natural smell and taste. This is worth a try, don’t you think?
Before you jump into bed, get yourself a glass of wine, iced tea, chocolate, or your favorite liquor. Put it above the cabinet so that it will be within your reach after you swallow your man’s cum.
Doing this will help prevent you from feeling nausea. It will help to mask the strong taste of semen in your mouth so you don’t look like you’re about to vomit.
Many reports suggest that swallowing semen has a number of health benefits. It can lower your blood pressure, boost your immune system, lessen acne, enhance your overall mood, improve the quality of your sleep and memory, increase your energy level, and reduce pain from wounds.
Keep all these amazing benefits of swallowing his cum in mind for when the time comes.
When your man performs cunnilingus on you, he gets a taste of your very own nectar. Imagine if he ran to the bathroom to spit while in the middle of the act. How would that make you feel?
Performing fellatio on him and then swallowing his cum afterward is kind of the same thing. The bottom line is that it’s something you do wholeheartedly because you want to please him.
Let’s say you’ve tried tips one to five and you’re still not comfortable with swallowing his cum. To help you start being more comfortable with it, ask him to come first on your breast, chest, chin, lips or other body parts of your choosing.
Doing this will help you get accustomed to the smell and texture of his semen. When you become familiar with it and you get used to the sensation it gives you, swallowing his cum the next time you make love should be easier.
Yes, you read that right! Since we all know practice makes perfect, it only makes sense to practice swallowing his cum whenever there’s an opportunity. So if you and your boyfriend make love three to four times a week, you should swallow his cum each time.
With regular practice, you should be on your way to learning to swallow cum without much effort and difficulty. You’ll also discover that swallowing cum shouldn’t be that hard, especially if you’re doing it for the man you love.
It is common knowledge that semen may contain viruses that can be transmitted from an infected man through bodily fluids. So before you swallow your man’s cum, it is crucial to know about your boyfriend’s medical history.
If he is infected with Hepatitis B or is currently dealing with any Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) like chlamydia, gonorrhea, or herpes, it’s important that he tells you about it before you engage in oral sex.
Additionally, if you have any open sores in your mouth, bleeding gums or gingivitis, you should give fellatio on your boyfriend a pass as the risk of getting STIs is higher when you perform oral sex at that time.
Having said this, make sure you sit down with your man and talk about this with him. Because if you don’t, you could face huge problems down the line. Through honesty and open communication with him, you’ll prevent having to deal with STIs.
Swallowing your man’s cum isn’t rocket science. There are several ways to make it easier for you. All you have to do is go through this guide and make sure you put every piece of advice into practice.
Once you learn this by heart you’ll become a pro at swallowing your boyfriend’s cum. You’ll start loving it and when he sees that you’re enjoying yourself as you give him the pleasure he deserves, he’ll be even more satisfied .
The look on his face will tell you how he feels after you give him head. So if you’re in doubt, just look at him. If you see the spark in his eyes and the curve of his lips when he smiles, you’ll know you’re sending him to sexual paradise .
Lastly, remember that honest communication with your man about each other’s medical history is the key to avoid contracting any STIs. Be sure to sit down with him and have a talk about it before you jump right into bed.
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