Self Your Teen

🛑 👉🏻👉🏻👉🏻 INFORMATION AVAILABLE CLICK HERE👈🏻👈🏻👈🏻

KidsHealth /
for Teens
/ How Can I Improve My Self-Esteem?
Larger text sizeLarge text sizeRegular text size
Self-esteem means feeling good about yourself.
Parents, teachers, and others. The people in our lives can affect how we feel about ourselves. When they focus on what's good about us, we feel good about ourselves. When they are patient when we make mistakes, we learn to accept ourselves. When we have friends and get along, we feel liked.
But if adults scold more than they praise, it's hard to feel good about yourself. Bullying and mean teasing by siblings or peers can hurt self-esteem, too. Harsh words can stick, and become part of how you think about yourself. Luckily, it doesn't have to stay that way.
The voice in your own head. The things you say to yourself play a big part in how you feel about yourself. Thinking, "I'm such a loser" or "I'll never make friends," hurts your self-esteem.
There are other ways to think about the same things. "I didn't win this time — but maybe next time." "Maybe I can make some friends." That voice is more hopeful. It helps you feel OK. And it could turn out to be true.
Sometimes, the voice in our head is based on harsh words others have said. Or on bad times we have faced. Sometimes, the voice is just us being hard on ourselves. But we can change the voice in our own head. We can learn to think better of ourselves.
Learning to do things. We feel good when we learn to read, add, draw, or build. Play a sport, play music, write an essay, ride a bike. Set the table, wash the car. Help a friend, walk the dog. Each thing you learn and do is a chance to feel good about yourself. Step back and look what you can do. Let yourself feel happy with it.
But sometimes we're too hard on ourselves. We don't accept that what we do is good enough. If we think, "It's not really any good," "It's not perfect," or "I can't do it well enough," we miss the chance to build self-esteem.
You can do things to feel better about yourself. It's never too late. Here are some tips to raise your self-esteem:
Be with people who treat you well. Some people act in ways that tear you down. Others lift you up by what they say and do. Learn to tell the difference. Choose friends who help you feel OK about yourself. Find people you can be yourself with. Be that type of friend for others.
Say helpful things to yourself. Tune in to the voice in your head. Is it too critical? Are you too hard on yourself? For a few days, write down some of the things you say to yourself. Look over your list. Are these things you'd say to a good friend? If not, rewrite them in a way that's true, fair, and kind. Read your new phrases often. Do it until it's more of a habit to think that way.
Accept what's not perfect. It's always good to do the best you can. But when you think you need to be perfect, you can't feel good about anything less. Accept your best. Let yourself feel good about that. Ask for help if you can't get past a need to be perfect.
Set goals and work toward them. If you want to feel good about yourself, do things that are good for you. Maybe you want to eat a healthier diet, get more fit, or study better. Make a goal. Then make a plan for how to do it. Stick with your plan. Track your progress. Be proud of what you've done so far. Say to yourself, "I've been following my plan to work out every day for 45 minutes. I feel good about it. I know I can keep it up."
Focus on what goes well. Are you so used to talking about problems that they're all you see? It's easy to get caught up in what's wrong. But unless you balance it with what's good, it just makes you feel bad. Next time, catch yourself when you complain about yourself or your day. Find something that went well instead.
Give and help. Giving is one the best ways to build self-esteem. Tutor a classmate, help clean up your neighborhood, walk for a good cause. Help out at home or at school. Make it a habit to be kind and fair. Do things that make you proud of the kind of person you are. When you do things that make a difference (even a small one) your self-esteem will grow.
Note: All information on TeensHealth® is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice, diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.
© 1995-2021 The Nemours Foundation. All rights reserved.
Images provided by The Nemours Foundation, iStock, Getty Images, Veer, Shutterstock, and Clipart.com.

We use cookies on this site. By continuing to browse without changing your browser settings to block or delete cookies, you agree to the UW–Madison Privacy Notice.
Resources for Parenting Tweens & Teens
Previously, we’ve encouraged parents to promote youth self-advocacy when it comes to seeking support for their learning and development. In fact, the idea of self-advocacy, or speaking up for yourself and making decisions about your own life, is a common theme among parents and adolescents. As the old saying goes, “Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish, feed him for a lifetime.” The same can be said for teenage growing pains. As parents, our first instinct is to protect our teens and fix the problems that they face. It’s intuitive, and, in all fairness, we likely have more personal experience on which to base sound decisions. However, teens are in a constant state of identity development: they are figuring out who they are, what they believe in, and how to make important decisions. While it is important for parents to support and guide their teens, it is equally important to give teens the skills to make positive choices on their own, especially when they need to make decisions without a parent present.
Self-advocacy is working to get our needs met through a balance of respectfulness and assertiveness. It is a process that involves planning, information seeking, cooperation and taking responsibility.
Self-Advocacy is learning how to speak up for yourself, making your own decisions about your own life, learning how to get information so that you can understand things that are of interest to you, finding out who will support you in your journey, knowing your rights and responsibilities, problem solving, listening and learning, reaching out to others when you need help and friendship, and learning about self-determination. –Wrightslaw 
People who are self-advocates are able to ask for the support they need, stand up against injustices, and seek positive change in their environments. Teens with self-advocacy skills may also have more positive identity development, higher self-esteem, greater social connections, more leadership qualities and enhanced planning and problem solving abilities. The teen years are prime ones for the development of the cognitive skills needed to be a self-advocate. And being able to practice and refine these skills will serve youth now and in the future.
How can parents support self-advocacy?
Decision making is hard. Despite pushing to be their own boss, making big decisions can still be a new and scary experience for teens. Teens might not have the right words to ask for what they need. They may doubt whether or not they know enough about the topic and they may feel disrespected or undervalued by the people or organizations to which they are advocating for their needs. Parents help teens become competent self-advocates by creating spaces where youth feel comfortable practicing their self-advocacy skills and knowledge. Adolescent’s decision making need not happen in a vacuum. Parents who consistently build trust with their teen and share decision-making power will contribute to teens’ experience with problem solving and the steps necessary to self-advocate effectively. Building these skills together with your teen involves a number of different steps:
It is likely that your teen is already making choices and regularly advocating for themselves in small ways. Has your teen asked for explanations from a coach or teacher about something they didn’t understand? Has your teen ask for more responsibility or a new freedom and explained why this was important to them? These are all simple, daily behaviors that represent self-advocacy. Point these instances out, commend your teen for being a self-advocate and be sure to label the skills you’re seeing your teen use in their efforts.
Many youth are not familiar with the idea of self-advocacy, particularly because adults have been doing most of the work for them, most of their lives. By staying aware and labeling advocacy when it happens, you can begin to alert your teen to the concept and what it looks like in practice.
If you’ve ever tried to select a restaurant with a group of people, you’ll probably agree that even simple decision-making can be difficult when shared. It is never too early to start sharing decision-making power with your teen but be mindful of your child’s level of maturity and the decisions that are being made.
A fun way to share decision making is by letting your teen suggest where the next family vacation (or a family day trip) should be. Suggest that they come up with a persuasive argument for why they chose a particular destination, how it will work with other family member’s interests and how they would plan to stay within a budget. Sharing “little” decisions gives teens practice with the skills they’ll need to tackle the big stuff when it happens.
The foundation of self-advocacy rests on knowing your values and abilities. A teen who knows he struggles with a particular teaching style will be more likely to ask for support than one who doesn’t recognize the mismatch in his learning style and the teacher’s delivery methods. Similarly, a youth who has advocated for fairness and equality for others is likely to speak up if they feel they are being mistreated, in part because they are able to identify the mistreatment and have experience advocating for that need before.
Take opportunities to ask your teen about their beliefs and opinions on important issues. Use open-ended questions that will allow your teen to formulate their ideas and incorporate their experiences into their thoughts. Consider questions such as, “Why do you believe in ____ (education for girls, different teaching styles for different learners, higher wages for student workers, etc.),” or “What does taking responsibility in this situation look like?”
Advocating for a particular need requires an understanding of the problem so that you can effectively communicate to others why the need is important and relevant. For example, a youth with a learning disability who is not receiving the necessary learning tools in the classroom would benefit from knowing the rules and regulations surrounding special education services. In this way, a request for a particular need can be supported by information that is supportive of the goals.
Make goals and how to advocate to reach them a central topic of conversation. Ask your teen what they would like to accomplish and why they believe it is a worthwhile pursuit. What information do they have that supports their goals and efforts? Help them find information related to the advocacy topic of their interest.
Sometimes knowing the right things to say is not enough. Speaking up for yourself can be scary, especially if a teen is advocating to adults. Just like a muscle, advocacy needs to be exercised to grow and strengthen. Practicing advocating for an effort, goal, or need can help make the process more comfortable for teens. Offer to listen to your teen practice their pitch for something. If they want feedback, provide constructive insights into what they did well and how they can improve. Sometimes even saying the words out loud in a safe space makes it easier to say in more high-stress environments.
Ask youth for their opinions and allow them to participate in ‘adult’ conversations. Model for youth the language of needs by sharing with them your own when appropriate. For example, you can tell your teen, “I have a headache and it’s making it hard to keep my cool. I need to take a walk outside until it subsides and then we can come back to this conversation.” If teens fumble in their request for something, take it as an opportunity to reflect back to them what you see as their needs or ask clarifying questions to give them an opportunity to practice forming their ideas.
Being a self-advocate does not mean you must tackle every challenge on your own. While it is important for youth to have a voice in their own lives, part of using your voice is knowing when to ask for help. If there is a particular area in which your teen must self-advocate, encourage them to seek out others who might also have an invested interest in the advocacy effort. There is strength in numbers and especially if your teen is trying to create change (e.g., a school rule) it may serve them to have the support of others.
Ask your teen to make a list of who would support them in advocating for their cause. How would they put these individuals to work? (Do they want help crafting requests, finding out information, or just someone to listen and support them?) Connect youth with other adults who may serve as mentors or supports to their advocacy efforts.
Advocacy of any kind is challenging. Not only are a number of skills necessary to advocate effectively, but you must also believe that your voice is valued. By practicing self-advocacy with the support of parents and trusted adults, teens can gain confidence in using this important life skill and parents get to see teens take a first step toward living an independent, successful life.
Dayana is a graduate student in Human Development & Family Studies at the University of Wisconsin – Madison. Dayana previously worked as a life skills coordinator at a residential living program for teens and young adults. She has one older brother, and, for the first time in her life, is living in a different state from her parents.
Feedback, questions or accessibility issues: anne.clarkson@wisc.edu.
This site was built using the UW Theme | Privacy Notice | © 2021 Board of Regents of the University of Wisconsin System.

Sex Romantic Beauty
Sanela Music Sex
Red Hood Sex
Skinny Slim Teens Nudes Selfie
Amanda Nicole Sex
How Can I Improve My Self-Esteem? (for Teens) - Nemour…
How to cope if your teen is self-harming - Patient
7 Signs Your Teenage Daughter Is Cutting or Self-Harming ...
Self Your Teen