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How to Build Self-Esteem In Girls: 5 Ways to Help Them Love Themselves
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Does your daughter struggle with low self-esteem? Is it difficult for her to love herself even when you tell her that she is beautiful? Does she talk about how dumb, ugly , or unworthy she is?
I struggled with self-love for years. Let’s be honest, sometimes I still struggle. It is difficult to find the beauty in my flaws and provide myself the compassion I easily give to others.
Building self-esteem in girls is a process that can be long and difficult, but the sooner we can teach young girls with low self-esteem self-love and acceptance, the more likely they are to grow into confident, capable women.
If raising empowered daughters is important to you, then you need to be intentional in helping them learn to love themselves.
It is important to not only teach your daughter what gratitude is, but how to express it. A gratitude journal can help young girls capture and articulate these emotions. Additionally, journaling can evoke mindfulness, help to improve communication skills, and promote self-confidence – all ways to build self-esteem in girls. A couple of prompts that can get you started include: “What are you grateful for today?” or “Write a letter thanking yourself for all the awesome things that you have done.”
When I was younger, I loved that my mom would allow me to use the bathtub and mirror to express my creativity with paint. Bathrooms are a great place for to build self-esteem in girls with positive affirmations. Encourage your daughter to write phrases such as “I am beautiful , I am worthy, and I am enough” in a place that she can see it every day. If you don’t like the idea of paint, you can always have her write and decorate her affirmations on sticky notes.
Volunteering allows your daughter to gain a new experience, develop a deeper sense of self, and often, will leave you both feeling fulfilled. There is a saying: “It is in giving that we receive.” It is even more so when you do it together. I remember, as a young girl I would volunteer at places such as the community concession stands, within my religious community, and in an array of volunteer activities through Girl Scouts with my mother. It not only helped me to feel good and learn the importance of giving back, but also created positive memories with her that I carry with me today.
Explore yoga and other mindfulness practices to build self-esteem in your girl. Yoga and meditation are great for the body, mind, and soul, and can be a conduit to self-discovery, self-acceptance, and self-love. Mindfulness encourages an individual to breathe and focus on letting go of negative thoughts. If yoga does not seem like the right fit for you and your daughter, consider adding a mindfulness meditation to your morning routine. These are both intentional and meaningful steps towards self-love.
Exploring your creativity can be a profound expression of self-love and self-care . Consider attending an art class with your daughter–and keep experimenting until you find something that makes you both excited. If art isn’t your thing, do something simple like cooking dinner or baking a new dessert. Let your daughter experiment with new tastes and flavors. Not only will this provide her with valuable life skills, but you can share with her the importance of eating healthy, fueling your body right, and having a healthy relationship with food. But there’s no end to the opportunities. Gardening , music, creative writing or even board games can all get the creative juices flowing.
Leah Berdysz is the founder of Empowered and Poised, an organization that empowers and educates girls on how to be beautiful from the inside out through discovery of social, mental, and physical components. Website: www.empoweredandpoised.com Social Media: @empoweredpoised
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How Self-Esteem Influences Teen Sex Behavior
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Nancy Schimelpfening, MS is the administrator for the non-profit depression support group Depression Sanctuary. Nancy has a lifetime of experience with depression, experiencing firsthand how devastating this illness can be.
Amy Morin, LCSW, is the Editor-in-Chief of Verywell Mind. She's also a psychotherapist, the author of the bestselling book "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," and the host of The Verywell Mind Podcast.
According to a report by the National Center for Health Statistics, more than half of all teenagers in the U.S. have had sex by the time they reach age 18. 1 Unfortunately, teens may lack the maturity and emotional resources to properly manage sexual relationships. It is not uncommon for teens to engage in risky sexual behaviors such as lack of protection or multiple sexual partners.
"Low self-esteem in children is a sure way to push them toward engaging in risky and reckless sexual behavior as teens. They wish to be popular and the inability to make wise decisions about the consequences of one's actions is at the core of the problem, explains licensed psychologist Patricia A. Farrell, PhD .
The CDC reports that half of all newly reported STDs occur in young people between the ages of 15 and 24 and that nearly half of all sexually active high schoolers did not use condoms the last time they had sex. 2 Unprotected sex significantly increases the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection (STI) or experiencing an unintended pregnancy.
Research suggests that self-esteem is an important factor in determining whether teens are sexually active, but the effect is different between girls and boys.
A number of studies have found a connection between self-esteem and teen sexual activity. For example, one early study found that girls who reported being sexually active had lower scores on measures of self-esteem. 3 What the results did not indicate, however, is whether self-esteem was the cause or a consequence of sex.
"Kids are impressionable and if they see that popularity in a group is related to risky sex, those with low self-esteem, especially the girls, will gravitate toward it," Farrell suggests. Some of this may be attributed to the fact that girls tend to have lower self-esteem than boys, and are more likely to hold negative views of both their physical and intellectual characteristics. 4
One study found that self-esteem had differing effects on sexual behaviors in teen boys and girls: 5
Half of the boys who had high self-esteem in seventh grade had sex by ninth grade. Of the girls with low self-esteem in seventh grade, 40% had sex by the time they were in ninth grade.
Another study looking at risky sexual behaviors in Nigerian teens found that adolescents with low self-esteem were 1.7 times more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviors such as having sex without a condom, having multiple sexual partners , and having sex in exchange for drugs. 5
Research also suggests that low self-esteem can be a predictor for having sex at an earlier age. 6
It is important to remember that not all teens with low self-esteem will become sexually active. Conversely, high self-esteem is not necessarily a guarantee that your teen will not become sexually active. In fact, research suggests that high self-esteem may actually make boys more likely to begin having sex.
Kids who have a strong sense of themselves and self-respect will not be immune from sexual urges, but having good self-esteem may help them to handle relationships in more mature ways. Teens who are struggling with their own sense of self-worth may be the most prone to unwise decisions about sex.
Unless you have a very open relationship with your child, you may not know they are sexually active unless a problem arises such as unintended pregnancy, illness, or an STI.
If your child is dating, you should assume there is a possibility they will become sexually active. If you are fortunate to have a very trusting relationship with your child, they may actually come and ask you for advice. If not, you may find signs of contraceptives or evidence that your child is seeking out moments to be alone with a boyfriend or girlfriend for private moments.
The best advice, however, is to be proactive rather than waiting for signs. Talk frankly with your child about sex. Work actively to ensure they place a high value on themselves and their futures.
As a parent or caregiver, you can help foster healthy self-esteem in your teen as well as a supportive and caring relationship with you, which can encourage your teen to make healthy choices in all aspects of their life, including their relationships and sexuality.
If you suspect that your teen has low self-esteem or is depressed, talk to your child's doctor. Your child's pediatrician can screen for potential problems and also provide information about safe sex and birth control options.
Sexually active teens will also need non-judgmental education about the risks and responsibilities of sex, including proper medical care where appropriate.
Activities that raise self-esteem may help teens feel more empowered and in control of their lives and bodies.
Farrell notes that parents and caregivers should model healthy close personal relationships. She also stresses the importance of engaging in open communication with children.
"Open conversations regarding questions that will be asked about sex are significant and parents must provide positive parenting practices to counter the information the children may get from their friends," she explains.
Such communication, Farrell suggests, shouldn't be restricted to a single conversation. Instead, it should be an ongoing pattern of communication that helps kids feel comfortable talking about their lives.
"Research has shown that teens who shared their parents’ values, developed over years of open conversations, make better decisions about delaying sex and understand that sex does not mean love," she says.
Great opportunities to talk to your teen include while in the car (kids may feel more comfortable listening to what you are saying without needing to look at you, Farrell suggests) and in teachable moments such as while watching TV shows that feature relevant storylines regarding sex, relationships, and risky sexual behavior.
If your child is depressed or struggling with low esteem, there are things that you can do to help. Your teen's pediatrician may recommend treatments such as medication or psychotherapy to address underlying symptoms of depression or anxiety.
Recent findings from the CDC's National Youth Risk Behavior Surveys indicate that fewer teens are engaging in risky sexual behavior than in the past. 7 While the research could not point to any specific intervention as the cause of this trend, access to medically accurate sex education programs and online educational information may play an important role.
Such trends suggest that parents may be able to reduce the risk by talking about making healthy choices and providing frank, factual information about sex, including safe sex practices and the consequences of risky behaviors.
Farrell notes that making sure that kids have access to age-appropriate, accurate information is imperative. "Several things that parents should keep in mind include asking the teen where they are getting their information about sex, what they know about relationships and the prevention of STDs, and what messages are factual and medically accurate," she suggests.
It's important for parents to watch for signs of poor self-esteem or symptoms of depression in teens. It is also essential to remember that teens view their parents as the single largest influence on their decisions regarding sex. 8 For this reason, talking to your kids frankly about sex is essential despite any awkward
Important topics to discuss include anatomy and physiology, STIs and protection, puberty, sex practices, boundaries, relationships, sexual orientation, contraception, pornography, and abuse. In many cases, educating yourself before having such conversations can be helpful. 8
If you suspect that your child might have low self-esteem or depression, take steps to get them the help they need. Look for ways to support your child's self-esteem and talk to your teen's pediatrician about treatment options that can help with depression.
Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast , featuring actress/author Jazmyn Simon, shares how to raise confident kids. Click below to listen now.
Orr DP, Wilbrandt,ML, Brack CJ, Rauch SP, Ingersoll GM. Reported sexual behaviors and self-esteem among young adolescents . Am J Dis Child . 1989;143(1):86-90. doi:10.1001/archpedi.1989.02150130096023
Bleidorn W, Arslan RC, Denissen JJ, Rentfrow PJ, Gebauer JE, Potter J, Gosling SD. Age and gender differences in self-esteem-A cross-cultural window . J Pers Soc Psychol . 2016;111(3):396-410. doi:10.1037/pspp0000078
Enejoh V, Pharr J, Mavegam BO, et al. Impact of self esteem on risky sexual behaviors among Nigerian adolescents . AIDS Care . 2016;28(5):672-676. doi:10.1080/09540121.2015.1120853
Ashcraft AM, Murray PJ. Talking to parents about adolescent sexuality . Pediatr Clin North Am . 2017;64(2):305-320. doi:10.1016/j.pcl.2016.11.002
Spencer JM, Zimet GD, Aalsma MC, Orr DP. Self-esteem as a predictor of initiation of coitus in early adolescents . Pediatrics . 2002;109(4):581-584. doi:10.1542/peds.109.4.581
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MomJunction's articles are written after analyzing the research works of expert authors and institutions. Our references consist of resources established by authorities in their respective fields. You can learn more about the authenticity of the information we present in our editorial policy .
Self-esteem and mental health. https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/self-esteem Auden C. McClure, et al; Characteristics Associated with Low Self-esteem among U.S. Adolescents; https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2914631/ 18 Self-Esteem Worksheets and Activities for Teens and Adults (+PDFs) https://positivepsychology.com/self-esteem-worksheets/#adults-self-esteem Robert A Emmons and Michael E McCullough; Counting blessings versus burdens: an experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12585811/ Seyed Hojjat Zamani Sani, et al; Physical activity and self-esteem: testing direct and indirect relationships associated with psychological and physical mechanisms. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5068479/ Students experiencing low self-esteem or low perceptions of competence. https://www.apa.org/ed/schools/primer/self-esteem Measures of Self-Esteem. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/B9780123869159000061 Positive relationships boost self-esteem, and vice versa. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/09/190926092416.htm
Sagari was a math graduate and studied counseling psychology in postgraduate college, which she used to understand people better. Her interest in reading about people made her take up articles on kids and their behavior. She was meticulous in her research and gave information that could be of help to parents in times of need. An animal lover, vegan, and... more
Gold medalist Neha Mehta is an RCI-registered psychologist, certified relationship and child psychologist, and a well-known parenting coach practicing in Haryana. She has ten years of experience in the field of counseling. Dr. Mehta has completed her Bachelors in medical sciences from Delhi University and Masters in clinical psychology from Amarjyoti Rehabilitation and Research Centre, Delhi. Later, she did a... more
These activities can help teens build a sense of confidence and reassurance.
Gold medalist Neha Mehta is an RCI-registered psychologist, certified relationship and child psychologist, and a well-known parenting coach practicing in Haryana. She has ten years of experience in the field of counseling.Dr. Mehta has ... more
Sagari was a math graduate and studied counseling psychology in postgraduate college, which she used to understand people better. Her interest in reading about people made her take up articles on kids... more
MomJunction believes in providing reliable, research-backed information to you. As per our strong editorial policy requirements, we base our health articles on references (citations) taken from authority sites, international journals, and research studies. However, if you find any incongruencies, feel free to write to us .
Adolescence is characterized by physical and psychological development in growing children. And in this stage, self-doubt and low self-esteem in teens may occur due to various social and family factors.
Teenagers may face peer pressure, cut-throat competition, body-image issues, high parental expectations, and other pressures that may have long-term psychological impacts. As a result, the teen may be broody or weepy initially and become progressively withdrawn.
As a parent, you would wish to help your child
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