Self Teen Girls
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Self Teen Girls
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More teenage girls are self harming than ever before – here’s why
Published: October 23, 2017 4.32pm BST
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Deputy Head of Department of Psychosocial and Psychoanalytic Studies, University of Essex
Chris Nicholson does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.
University of Essex provides funding as a member of The Conversation UK.
A recent storyline on TV soap Hollyoaks has been praised as a “masterpiece of televion” after focusing on the issue of self harm in young people.
The show, which worked with charities Samaritans and Mind on the episode, broadcast a special edition, which looked closely at the journey of the character Lily Drinkwell , and her friends Peri Lomax and Yasmine Maalik – as well as their parents and guardians – and explored themes of self harm and cutting among teenage girls.
It came as a recent report showed there had been a steep rise in incidents of self harm among teenage girls . The findings, based on data from GP practices across the UK, show that self harm among girls aged 13 to 16 has risen by 68% in the past three years.
The study by researchers at the University of Manchester found that self harm was three times more common among girls than boys – and that those who self harm are at much greater risk of suicide. Self harmers are 50 times more likely to try to take their own lives .
The research also revealed that it is socially deprived areas where the greatest increase of self harm is seen. These children are also less likely to be referred to mental health services within a year of their first incident compared with those children living in more affluent areas.
The UK now has the highest rates of self harm in Europe . And the NSPCC’s ChildLine Annual Review lists it as one of the top reasons why children contact the charity.
Working directly with adolescences in therapeutic communities, I have seen self harm used by children time and time again as a form of communication – about their state of mind and inner world. They cannot always tell you, but they can show you their pain.
In this way, Armando Favazza, the US writer and psychiatrist has explained how self-harm can usefully be thought of as “a morbid form of self-help”.
And research has shown that
the main function of self harm is “affect regulation” – in others words, to manage chaotic and frightening feelings.
There is also a lot of evidence that suggests early traumatic memory from childhood is held in the right brain hemisphere, and cannot be accessed symbolically through language because of the immaturity of the infant brain.
The theory goes that memory of these traumatic experiences then tends to be become “somatised” or experienced within the body. So for children who have experienced abuse and mistreatment, self harm can be a method of externalising internal wounds by showing this on the surface of the body.
The fact that more of these harming behaviours are seen in teenage girls is of course concerning. But as the psychoanalytical psychotherapist, Fiona Gardener explains :
Self harm typically begins in adolescence, and is characterised by an adolescent state of mind.
Adolescence itself is transitional, a period of uncertainty, and its duration has lengthened in recent years – with some girls experiencing their first period as young as nine years-old . At the other end, adolescence may be extended with many teenagers staying longer at home because of poor job prospects and rising rental and housing prices.
This means that children remain dependent on parents for longer and are instead compelled to explore their independence in the virtual world – and this of course has consequences.
Children and parents now spend increased amounts of time online, which has led to a more disconnected style of parenting . And one of the other issues with more time spent online in chatrooms is that self-harming behaviours can be “normalised” by peers. Previous research has shown a “strong link” between using online forums and self harming teens.
Then there is also the highly pressured and image obsessed world many teenagers are growing up in – which is most acutely felt by girls . Children these days live in an age of selfies, online status, updates and instant communication – with sites such as Instagram and Snapchat emphasising appearance over content.
The proliferation of self-images on these sites breeds a deeply competitive and anxious culture among teens . And as any teenager can tell you, more images are posted by girls .
Bullying and pressure on social media is also an ever present threat . This is a threat that doesn’t just follow you home, but comes into your house with you, goes to bed with you and even on holiday with you – it is inescapable.
What all this shows, is that children are being given too much of what they don’t need and very little of what they do.
This comes at a time that child and adolescent mental health services are inadequately resourced. If children get access to help they are often placed into short term cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). But this isn’t always the answer, because self harm tends to be more about emotional difficulties than cognitive processes – which is what this type of therapy focuses on.
Ultimately though, this rise in self harm needs to be seen for what it is, a cry for help, and a way of communicating the pain and upset these teenagers are feeling. And given the scale of the problem, these heartbreaking figures speak volumes about the experience of growing up as a girl today.
If you have been affected by any issues in this story, or you need support and information, you can visit Mind’s website or call their confidential helpline on 0300 123 3393.
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8 Essential Strategies for Raising a Confident Teen
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Verywell Family's content is for informational and educational purposes only. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Ⓒ 2022 Dotdash Media, Inc. — All rights reserved
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Amy Morin, LCSW, is the Editor-in-Chief of Verywell Mind. She's also a psychotherapist, international bestselling author and host of the The Verywell Mind Podcast.
Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments.
Kids who seemed confident throughout childhood may struggle to maintain self-assurance during the teen years. For many, adolescence is a time filled with self-doubt, a questionable body image , and insecurity.
The good news is, you can take steps to help your teen build self-esteem , which will benefit your teen in a number of ways. Teens who have confidence are better prepared to handle peer pressure , navigate challenging dating relationships , make good decisions, and recover from setbacks. Here are eight strategies that will instill life-long confidence in your teen.
Teens who struggle to master a skill may conclude they're complete failures. For instance, a teen who has difficulty with math may decide they're not smart. Or a teen who fails to make the soccer team may decide they'll never be good at sports.
There is a healthy balance between self-acceptance and self-improvement. Show your teen that it’s possible to accept flaws while also striving to become better. Rather than label themselves as “stupid,” help your teen see that while they're struggling academically , they can still strive to become better. 1
To promote self-improvement in your teen, help them identify their strengths as well as their weaknesses. Then engage them in goal setting and problem solving so they can work toward improving in areas where they struggle. Make sure the goals they set are attainable and within their control and then map out a plan on how they are going to achieve those goals.
Rather than praise your teen for getting a good grade on an exam, praise them for all the studying they did. Instead of saying, "Great job scoring those five points in the game," say, "All that practicing you've been doing has been paying off." Show them that it's important to try hard and it's OK if they don't succeed all the time. 2
Your teen can control their effort but they can't always control the outcome. It's important to acknowledge their energy and effort so they don't think they are only worthy of praise when they succeed.
Teens need to know how to speak up for themselves in an appropriate manner. 3 An assertive teen will be able to ask for help when they don’t understand school work, rather than allow themselves to fall behind.
A teen who can speak up also is less likely to be treated poorly by peers. They'll speak up for themselves when they don't like how they're being treated, and they'll be able to ask for what they need in a direct manner.
To teach your teen to be assertive, begin by talking about the difference between being assertive and being aggressive . Let them know that being assertive means standing up for themselves using a strong and confident voice without being rude or yelling at other people.
Other ways to impart assertiveness skills include allowing them to make choices and reinforcing that they have rights—especially the right to say no to anything that makes them uncomfortable. Give them ample opportunities to practice their assertiveness skills at home by offering them choices and allowing them the freedom to say no to things they don't want to do.
Trying new activities, discovering hidden talents, and challenging themselves can help grow teens’ confidence. But many teens are afraid of failure and don’t want to embarrass themselves.
Encourage your teen to join a new club, play a musical instrument, engage in volunteer work , or find a part-time job . Mastering new skills will help them feel better about themselves. Plus, belonging to a group not only provides them with friendship opportunities, but it also can help them feel more secure and confident.
Your teen will learn the most about confidence based on what you do—not what you say. If you’re guilty of making critical statements about your body or your abilities, you’ll teach your child to do the same.
Role model how to face new situations with courage and confidence and demonstrate the importance of loving yourself. 4 Talk to your teen about times when you've been brave or things you've done in your life to help build your confidence.
If your teen only feels good when they get a certain amount of likes on social media or when they fit into a certain size pants, they'll struggle to maintain confidence when situations don't suit their needs. Basing self-worth on superficial things, external circumstances, or other people leads to a lack of confidence in the long run.
Help your teen build a healthy and stable foundation for self-worth. Emphasize your values and teach that true self-worth is about living according to those values. Help them see that it’s more important to be kind and caring rather than thin or attractive. 5
Micromanaging your teen’s choices will only reinforce that they can’t be trusted to make good decisions independently. It’s important to balance just the right amount of freedom with plenty of guidance.
Provide your teen with plenty of opportunities to practice the skills you’ve taught. Let them experience natural consequences and they'll learn from their own mistakes. Over time, they'll develop increased confidence in their ability to make healthy choices.
Your teen’s inner monologue will play a major role in how they feel about themselves. If they are always thinking things like, “I’m so ugly,” or “No one likes me,” they're bound to feel bad about themselves. Teach your teen to develop healthy self-talk.
Point out how many thoughts aren’t true and help them see how being overly harsh can be detrimental. Teach them to reframe irrational thoughts like, “I’m going to fail because I’m stupid,” with something more realistic like, “I can pass math class if I work hard.”
When a teen has confidence, they have the ability to take risks, think outside the box, and go for the things they want in life. Having confidence may even contribute to their resilience—especially if they are equipped with the notion that they will recover from even the most difficult challenges.
To boost your teen's self-esteem , make confidence-building a regular part of your parenting. Consistently challenge them, encourage them to try new things, and most importantly to believe in themselves even when they fail. Help them set goals and then be their biggest cheerleader focusing more on their hard work rather than the actual results. With effort and consistency, you will build a confidence in your teen that will help them weather even the most difficult setbacks.
If you notice that in spite of your efforts your teen still struggles with anxiety or is exhibiting signs of depression, talk to your doctor about your concerns. It's possible that their low self-esteem is the result of a mental health issue. With proper treatment and care, they can tackle this challenge and learn how to be more confident in the process.
Hosogi M, Okada A, Fujii C, Noguchi K, Watanabe K. Importance and usefulness of evaluating self-esteem in children . Biopsychosoc Med . 2012;6:9. doi:10.1186/1751-0759-6-9
Eslami AA, Rabiei L, Afzali SM, Hamidizadeh S, Masoudi R. The effectiveness of assertiveness training on the levels of stress, anxiety, and depression of high school students . Iran Red Crescent Med J. 2016;18(1):e21096. doi:10.5812/ircmj.21096
Hurd NM, Zimmerman MA, Xue Y. Negative adult influences and the protective effects of role models: a study with urban adolescents . J Youth Adolesc. 2009;38(6):777-89. doi:10.1007/s10964-008-9296-5
American Academy of Pediatrics. Helping your child build a healthy sense of self-esteem . Updated November 2, 2009.
American Academy of Pediatrics. Ways to build your teen's self-esteem . Updated November 19, 2009.
By Amy Morin, LCSW
Amy Morin, LCSW, is the Editor-in-Chief of Verywell Mind. She's also a psychotherapist, an international bestselling author of books on mental strength and host of The Verywell Mind Podcast. She delivered one of the most popular TEDx talks of all time.
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