Self Bondage Instruction
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Self Bondage Instruction
Curious About Bondage? 9 Things You Need To Know Before You Go There
For starters, there's a major difference between being tied up and tied down.
1. Communicate, communicate, communicate.
2. Don't get too caught up in copying what you see in the movies.
3. Understand the difference between being tied up and tied down.
4. Only restrain one part at a time.
6. Then consider bondage tape or ribbon.
9. But be prepared for emergencies, just in case.
Zahra Barnes joined SELF in November 2015, working on the Culture and Health teams before eventually becoming Executive Editor. She has spent her career as a reporter and editor covering people's lives with a focus on wellness.
Zahra specializes in sexual, reproductive, and mental health, all with the goal of destigmatizing... Read more
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If you immediately think of Christian Grey's 50 Shades of Grey Red Room when you hear the word "bondage," there's some good news: it doesn't always have to be that intense! (But of course, it can be if you want it to.) Even if you find the idea of the B in BDSM (bondage, dominance and submission, sadomasochism) intriguing, you don't have to dive in headfirst. Instead, sex experts recommend dipping a toe into the bondage pool before you really give it your all. Here, one shares some insight into how to start exploring the world of bondage.
Embarking upon a new sexual adventure makes talking about what's going on more important than ever. "Let them know if you’re feeling uncomfortable, and ask how they’re doing periodically," Jess O'Reilly , Ph.D., Astroglide’s resident sexologist, tells SELF. It might also be a smart idea to come up with a safe word, which is a word or phrase either of you can say when you need a time out from the intensity.
Or in pornography, or any other staged bondage depictions you may come across. "They may be beautiful, but they represent expert bondage scenes performed under supervision, and the models may have only held that pose for a few seconds," says O'Reilly. Instead, take it slowly and don't think you have to experience pain or intense anxiety for it to qualify as bondage.
They may sound interchangeable, but they're two distinct things. Being tied up means having a body part restricted, like having your wrists tied together, says O'Reilly. On the other hand, you're tied down when you're attached to something else, like a chair. Very good to know the difference when you and your partner are talking about your sex fantasies !
While keeping an open mind during sex can definitely be a good thing, trying too many things at once is an easy way to become overwhelmed. That's why O'Reilly suggests experimenting by restraining only one part of your body at a time rather than going for the whole shebang. "You don't need to be tied down spread-eagle to enjoy the erotic appeal of bondage," says O'Reilly.
A huge box of materials isn't required to figure out whether you like bondage. O'Reilly suggests neckties, scarves, and stockings as a good starting point. Not only will you potentially save money if bondage isn't your thing, you'll also know your way around them much better than you would a new toy.
If you're more intrigued after using household supplies to hold each other down, think about making bondage tape or ribbon your first bondage-specific purchase. "Even though it comes in a roll like duct tape, it isn’t sticky. It sticks to itself with an electrostatic cling," says O'Reilly. Science! "You simply wrap it around—keeping it flat—and press it against itself to hold it in place," she says, explaining that it's particularly great because of its versatility. "You can use it to bind body parts together or strap your partner to furniture without causing damage, and you can even create a kinky outfit using tape over your chest, pelvic region, or legs."
Once you feel comfortable, you can graduate to more intense bondage toys like handcuffs. And if you're obsessed with the idea of being tied to your bed but lack the all-important headboard, there's hope for you yet! O'Reilly recommends buying an under-the-bed restraint system that connects to your mattress instead.
Using household items is especially good for this aspect. Since you know them more intimately than you do with brand-new toys, you can make sure you're both comfortable when you use them. "Leave a little space for your partner’s skin to breathe and to ensure adequate circulation," says O'Reilly. "If you’re tying your partner up near one of their joints, add a little extra space between the bonds and their skin." Good blood flow is important for sex, and just life in general. Check in with each other every few minutes to see if whoever's being restrained is feeling any tingling or numbness, as that can be a sure sign that the restraints are too tight.
Creativity is the name of the game when it comes to all kinds of sex, especially bondage. Although lying on your back while tied up might be the first position that comes to mind, there are so many others to try! Here are a few of O'Reilly's suggestions for starters: "Bend over a chair and have your wrists tied to its arms, stand against a wall with your hands restrained behind your back, get on all fours and have your ankles bound together, or lie on your side to spoon with your hands bound above your head," she says. That way you can figure out if you like pretty much any position for bondage, if you have a few favorites, or whether you're actually not into it in any scenario.
Although it probably won't happen, sometimes urgent situations arise at the least convenient times. "To ensure that you can always free your lover from bondage in the event of an emergency, keep a pair of safety-edged bandage scissors within arm's reach," says O'Reilly. Also known as EMT scissors because their bent design helps them cut through clothes with less risk to people than ones, you can find them at various drugstores . As a bonus, they often slice through heavy-duty materials like metal and plastic.
Are they good to have on hand? Absolutely. Will you need to use them? Only on the rarest of occasions. The more likely worst-case scenario is that you'll decide bondage isn't for you, in which case you're still learning about your sexuality—always a win. But on the bright side, you might discover a new thing that really turns you on, which is undeniably awesome.
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Choose your rope. If you're only tying your hands, you will need at least four feet of rope . You may find that thin, smooth ropes—even string or twine—are the easiest to work with, but can pinch and really aren't suitable for tying yourself or anybody up. Consider cotton clothesline. If you don't already have rope, you should be able to find something suitable at a hardware store. [1]
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Cut the rope to the length that you need. Rope and twine are generally sold in increments much larger than what you'll need to tie yourself up, and you'll be able to do a cleaner job if you buy them cut to size.
If you don't want the rope to chafe your wrists, consider avoiding a thin, smooth rope. The thicker and rougher the rope, the more you risk hurting your wrists, cotton clothesline is best for beginners. Some people are allergic to nylon, so make sure that the rope won't irritate your skin.
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Tie your hands in front of you. Wrap the rope around each of your wrists, and leave the ends of the rope free so that you can make a knot. Be sure to cinch or knot the rope between your wrists so that you can't wriggle free. Imagine that you are using the rope to make a pair of handcuffs : your hands should be tied into separate "cuffs," not one single, easy-to-slip-out-of wrap. When your wrists are wrapped up, tie a square knot , make a double-tied bow, or use another simple, sturdy knot . [2]
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Your left palm should be facing down. You should see the rope crossed just beneath your left palm. Place your right palm against the palm of your left hand so that your wrists line up.
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Put your hands behind your back. If your hands are tied behind your back, it may look more like someone else tied you up. Once you have tied your hands in front of you, bring your bound hands low enough that you can step over them. Lift your legs over the knot so that your hands are bound behind your back.
Some people find it easier to tie their hands together when their wrists are already behind their back. Try clasping your wrists behind your back, then attempting to tie the same knot that you would tie with forward-facing hands. Consider using a mirror so that you can see yourself tying the knot.
To bring your hands back to the front of your body. To do this, simply bend down, holding your bound hands as low as they will go, and step backward over the knot. You may find it easier to escape from the knot if your hands are in front of you.
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Consider tying your hands to a fixed object. Tie your wrists together as normal, but also loop the rope around a pole, chair, or bedpost. It may be difficult to tie each wrist separately without someone else's help. You can, however, tie your legs to separate fixtures, then bundle your hands together.
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Wrap the rope around your torso and your non-dominant arm. Make sure that it's just a little loose—the rope shouldn't hurt you, but it should be tight enough that it won't slip off. You must wrap the rope with both ends going around you instead of one. When you are holding less than a foot of loose rope in each hand, pull the rope tight. Hold it tight until you are able to tie it.
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Tie the rope. Tie the ends of the rope together using a square knot, a double-tied bow, or any other simple, sturdy knot. Squeeze your free arm into the wrapped rope, as deep as it will go, until you appear stuck.
Try wrapping the rope around the area with one hand, then using the other to grab the rope and help out. Tie the ends of the rope with a tight double-knot bow.
Consider puffing your chest or stomach out as you pull the rope tight and tie it. This way, all you need to do to loosen the rope is empty your lungs of air and make your torso more compact. You can also flex your arm muscles to make the wrap slightly larger than your natural form.
To escape this trap, squeeze the arm that you used to tie the knot. This should loosen the rope so that you can slip out of the wrap.
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Consider binding yourself in several places. Use a separate rope for each knot. Try knotting your feet together (with a 2-3 feet of long rope) using the same technique that you'd use for your hands. Consider binding your legs together in the same way, but bear in mind that the rope is likely to slip down your legs. Finally, tie your wrists together, making sure to tie a knot or cinch between them so that the rope doesn't slip off.
What do I do when I am tied up on the inside of a cage and am being watched?
There are two things you can do. If you can escape, undo the rope (we have an article to do that) and try to open the lock with a pin or anything else you have handy and escape. If you can't, try to ignore them as you are absolutely helpless.
What happens if I tie myself to a train I thought was inactive, but then a conductor doesn't see me and starts driving forward?
Scream and yell, try to get someone to hear/see you. Or better yet, don't tie yourself to a train.
How do I escape if I've been tied back to back with someone?
Try to untie any of the ropes on them and they should try to untie any ropes on you. After you can loosen a rope or twp, then you can probably move better and reach more ropes to untie.
What does it feel like to be tied up?
It depends on whether you like being tied up or not. For some people, it can feel scary and suffocating. For others, it can feel amazing and satisfying. It depends on the situation and the feelings of the individual.
How do I ask someone to tie me up if they don't want to?
If someone doesn't want to, it's best that they don't. It won't be much fun for either of you. Best to work it out slowly, explain what you want, be patient. They may change their mind later.
Where can I go to tie myself to a pole?
That is probably something best done in your own house. You could use a bedpost, or even have a pole installed, this is quite common.
What if I have had enough, and I want to get out but my supervisor will not let me?
Use a word or action to notify your partner if you've had enough (establish the word ahead of time). Only do this with someone you really trust. Set a time limit for how long you'd like to stay in your position and agree on this with them before you are tied up.
How do I escape if I'm hanging from a noose? I want to try it, but I want to make sure I do it right.
It is far too dangerous to hang yourself from a noose. Do not ever try this, even if you think you could get out of it. People accidentally die this way all the time.
Have the person over, drink a bit of wine, and then pull out your rope. If you picked the right friend, they'll be in. If you want to be more subtle about it, try watching a movie with a prison scene or something in it, and then whisper to the person, "Hey, you should tie me up like that after this." But it all depends on your relationship with them.
There are two ways. You can do it the traditional way of putting one lace under the other, making one loop, wrapping the non-looped part around the looped one and pulling it from under. You can also do it the simplified way. Repeat the first step of making the first tie, and then make two loops and put one under the other and pull tight.
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