Self Bondage For Beginner

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Curious About Bondage? 9 Things You Need To Know Before You Go There
For starters, there's a major difference between being tied up and tied down.
If you immediately think of Christian Grey's 50 Shades of Grey Red Room when you hear the word "bondage," there's some good news: it doesn't always have to be that intense! (But of course, it can be if you want it to.) Even if you find the idea of the B in BDSM (bondage, dominance and submission, sadomasochism) intriguing, you don't have to dive in headfirst. Instead, sex experts recommend dipping a toe into the bondage pool before you really give it your all. Here, one shares some insight into how to start exploring the world of bondage.
1. Communicate, communicate, communicate.
Embarking upon a new sexual adventure makes talking about what's going on more important than ever. "Let them know if you’re feeling uncomfortable, and ask how they’re doing periodically," Jess O'Reilly, Ph.D., Astroglide’s resident sexologist, tells SELF. It might also be a smart idea to come up with a safe word, which is a word or phrase either of you can say when you need a time out from the intensity.
2. Don't get too caught up in copying what you see in the movies.
Or in pornography, or any other staged bondage depictions you may come across. "They may be beautiful, but they represent expert bondage scenes performed under supervision, and the models may have only held that pose for a few seconds," says O'Reilly. Instead, take it slowly and don't think you have to experience pain or intense anxiety for it to qualify as bondage.
3. Understand the difference between being tied up and tied down.
They may sound interchangeable, but they're two distinct things. Being tied up means having a body part restricted, like having your wrists tied together, says O'Reilly. On the other hand, you're tied down when you're attached to something else, like a chair. Very good to know the difference when you and your partner are talking about your sex fantasies!
4. Only restrain one part at a time.
While keeping an open mind during sex can definitely be a good thing, trying too many things at once is an easy way to become overwhelmed. That's why O'Reilly suggests experimenting by restraining only one part of your body at a time rather than going for the whole shebang. "You don't need to be tied down spread-eagle to enjoy the erotic appeal of bondage," says O'Reilly.
A huge box of materials isn't required to figure out whether you like bondage. O'Reilly suggests neckties, scarves, and stockings as a good starting point. Not only will you potentially save money if bondage isn't your thing, you'll also know your way around them much better than you would a new toy.
6. Then consider bondage tape or ribbon.
If you're more intrigued after using household supplies to hold each other down, think about making bondage tape or ribbon your first bondage-specific purchase. "Even though it comes in a roll like duct tape, it isn’t sticky. It sticks to itself with an electrostatic cling," says O'Reilly. Science! "You simply wrap it around—keeping it flat—and press it against itself to hold it in place," she says, explaining that it's particularly great because of its versatility. "You can use it to bind body parts together or strap your partner to furniture without causing damage, and you can even create a kinky outfit using tape over your chest, pelvic region, or legs."
Once you feel comfortable, you can graduate to more intense bondage toys like handcuffs. And if you're obsessed with the idea of being tied to your bed but lack the all-important headboard, there's hope for you yet! O'Reilly recommends buying an under-the-bed restraint system that connects to your mattress instead.
Using household items is especially good for this aspect. Since you know them more intimately than you do with brand-new toys, you can make sure you're both comfortable when you use them. "Leave a little space for your partner’s skin to breathe and to ensure adequate circulation," says O'Reilly. "If you’re tying your partner up near one of their joints, add a little extra space between the bonds and their skin." Good blood flow is important for sex, and just life in general. Check in with each other every few minutes to see if whoever's being restrained is feeling any tingling or numbness, as that can be a sure sign that the restraints are too tight.
Creativity is the name of the game when it comes to all kinds of sex, especially bondage. Although lying on your back while tied up might be the first position that comes to mind, there are so many others to try! Here are a few of O'Reilly's suggestions for starters: "Bend over a chair and have your wrists tied to its arms, stand against a wall with your hands restrained behind your back, get on all fours and have your ankles bound together, or lie on your side to spoon with your hands bound above your head," she says. That way you can figure out if you like pretty much any position for bondage, if you have a few favorites, or whether you're actually not into it in any scenario.
9. But be prepared for emergencies, just in case.
Although it probably won't happen, sometimes urgent situations arise at the least convenient times. "To ensure that you can always free your lover from bondage in the event of an emergency, keep a pair of safety-edged bandage scissors within arm's reach," says O'Reilly. Also known as EMT scissors because their bent design helps them cut through clothes with less risk to people than ones, you can find them at various drugstores. As a bonus, they often slice through heavy-duty materials like metal and plastic.
Are they good to have on hand? Absolutely. Will you need to use them? Only on the rarest of occasions. The more likely worst-case scenario is that you'll decide bondage isn't for you, in which case you're still learning about your sexuality—always a win. But on the bright side, you might discover a new thing that really turns you on, which is undeniably awesome.
Zahra Barnes joined SELF in November 2015, working on the Culture and Health teams before eventually becoming Executive Editor. She has spent her career as a reporter and editor covering people's lives with a focus on wellness. Zahra specializes in sexual, reproductive, and mental health, all with the goal of destigmatizing... Read more
SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional.
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Bondage is the activity of tying or restraining people using equipment such as chains, cuffs, or collars for mutual erotic pleasure.[1] According to the Kinsey Institute, 12% of females and 22% of males respond erotically to BDSM.[1]
A number of bondage positions and methods are used in rope bondage and other BDSM activities. Ropes are a common element of these positions, although straps, webbing, chains, hooks, manacles, spreader bars, collars, common furniture, purpose built frames, various gags and monogloves may also be used. The ties and frictions often are variants of Japanese bondage, shibari and kinbaku from where they derived.
The ball tie is a bondage position in which a person is bound into a ball position with the knees against the shoulders.[2] A ball position (also called a fetal position) can be tightly bound so the legs are also bent double so the heels press against the buttocks; the legs must be brought up so that the thighs are pressed against the chest. Pressing the thighs tightly against the abdomen may restrict breathing.
The hands may be tied either in front or behind the back, however behind the back is more typical. If behind, there may also be elbow bondage,[3] or the arms may be in a reverse prayer position, with ropes round the arms and torso (or arms and legs) to hold the arms firmly against the back. If in front, the arms may be tied hugging the legs, or possibly with each wrist bound to the opposite elbow. The ankles may also be tied together, as well as the knees. Typically the ankles are tied to the thighs in a frogtie.[citation needed]
Sometimes the submissive wears high-heeled shoes and has ropes wrapped round the heels and fixed to the wrists. This adds to the visual impact, and should be used as a supplement to other secure bondage. Under strain, the shoes may come off or the heels may break off. When tied this way the shoes cannot be removed.[citation needed]
The head may be pulled back in some way, such as in head bondage. However, purists argue that this goes against the idea of binding into a ball. Alternatively, the head can be pulled forward to force the chin to press against the chest.[citation needed]
The position can be stringent and (some would argue) stimulating. At the same time it is comfortable and the subject may remain in it for quite some time.[4]
The ball tie is one of the positions possible in self-bondage. The mobility is limited so extra independent escape mechanisms should be used over and above the usual bondage precautions.[citation needed]
Hogtie bondage requires all four limbs to be tied together behind the back. It typically involves connecting a person's wrists and ankles behind the back using some form of physical restraints such as rope or cuffs, but may in some BDSM contexts also refer to the binding of arms and legs behind the back.[2] The binding may be loose with the ankles and wrists some distance apart, or more stringent with all four bound together even with the wrists and ankles crossing and being cinched to the knee or shoulder harness.[2]
A classic western hogtie would be made more stringent by binding together the elbows and binding together the knees.[2]
A variation of the hogtie involves tying bound wrists to frogtied legs, providing the dominant easier access to the submissive's crotch for sexual play.
A pretzel hogtie is a stringent variant that has the wrists, elbows and ankles all tied together behind the back and the ankles cinched to the shoulder harness.[5] The big toes are also tied together and are then connected to the back of the gag pulling the submissive into an extreme arch while also making the gag become extremely tight.[5]
The hogtie position places pressure on the abdomen of the tied person, which may create difficulty in breathing known as postural asphyxia.[6] Care should be taken to ensure the person being bound can breathe easily throughout all stages of play.[7] This is particularly important if gags, collars or rope are used to create a more stringent tie. This risk is in addition to the normal risks of physical restraint and BDSM play.
The submissive's wrists are tied to the ankles, and the elbows attached to the knees. It is restrictive, allowing only the opening and closing of the legs and some rolling.[2]
A shrimp tie (海老責め, ebi-zeme) (also known as an ebi (海老) or a kuri (繰り)) is a type of Kinbaku bondage. It originated over 300 years ago in 1742 in Japan as a torture and interrogation technique. Due to the forced bent-down position of the upper body, this position sends a burning sensation through the body if the subject remains in it for a long time.[8][9]
As the knees are widely spread, the position resembles the legs of a prawn or shrimp.
Firstly, a chest tie, such as a box tie, is constructed. The participant sits cross-legged, and the ankles are tied together using a single column tie. From here, the rope is looped over the participants neck, (or chest harness) and back to the ankles; this is then progressively tightened, bringing the ankles up to the head.[10][11] [12]
All variations have the crossed position of the ankles in common.
A Gyaku ebi: Firstly, a chest tie, such as a box tie, is constructed. The participant sits cross-legged, and the ankles are tied together using a single column tie. From here, the participant is moved onto their stomach, and the rope is passed from ankles along the back, pulling them and securing them to the buttocks. This is also called the Japanese hog-tie.[13][14]
A bondage rope harness, sometime also referred to as a bondage web', rope web, rope dress or karada, is a binding which involves the tying of an intricate structure of rope around the body in a complex web-like fashion.
A rope harness is similar in effect to a leather bondage harness, in that both are not in themselves normally used to bind a person, but are used to apply pressure over the area bound and can provide securing points for other bondage techniques, including suspension bondage.[15]
A rope dress uses around 10–15 m of rope to tie, and involves multiple passes of rope from front to back around the body to build up the characteristic diamond-shaped rope pattern. It typically starts from a rope halter, the double rope with four specifically placed overhand knots falls down the body, and is pulled loosely beneath the crotch and up to the back of the neck halter. The single strands are now passed from back to front, looping into the stem or using Munter hitches. In some cases, a rope harness may extend beyond the torso, into diamond-patterned webs that extend down the length of the arms or legs.[15]
Though a rope harness is not normally used to bind the limbs, it can be used for that purpose by simply going around the arms not under. A rope dress can be used with a crotch rope or a shinju ("pearl") breast harness.
The Japanese term shibari means simply "a tie", while kinbaku is a decorative tie; where the aim is to produce a beautiful rope pattern around the body.[16] The Japanese term karada means simply "body". Traditionally, a distinction was made between kikkou ("turtle-shell" pattern; hexagonal) and hishi (diamond) patterned ties, although many modern sources just use the term kikkou to refer to any rope body harness.[13]
A crotch rope (also known as Matanawa, Sakura [17] or Sukaranbo [18] in Japanese bondage) is a rope that passes between the labia to apply painful or pleasurable pressure to the vulva. The rope is anchored by being tied around the waist. A crotch rope is most commonly made of hemp or jute, but webbing, straps or a harness are also used. It is sometimes combined with other bondage techniques.[19]
A crotch rope may be tied over clothing or directly onto the skin; it can be worn under clothing or in full view. While crotch ropes are most commonly used on women, variations exist for use on men.
A crotch rope can also be used as an unsophisticated type of chastity belt.[20]
Typically, crotch ropes pass between the labia majora[21] or deeper through the pudendal cleft of the vulva. Knots can be tied in the rope to apply specific pressure to the anus or clitoris.[18] A crotch rope is usually fixed in place by tying it to a rope around the waist just above the hips or by tying the two ends to a fixture. Crotch ropes are sometimes used in BDSM activities, especially on female submissives, most commonly as a part of tease and denial. A crotch rope is sometimes combined with the damsel in distress pose used in silent films, where the arms are tied together behind the back at the elbows and wrists, and the legs are tied together at the knees and ankles.[2]
For abrasion play if the rope is not tied to the waist it can be moved forward and backward between the labia or the subject can be made to walk across it.
The ropes may be wrapped tightly around the waist and tied off in front, fed down across the genitals, then pulled back up behind and tied to other cords wrapped around the wrists, doubling as a cinch to tighten them further. This allows the rope bound person some ability to vary pressure on the genitals (often causing sexual stimulation) at the cost of reduced freedom of movement. If such a cord is pulled extremely tight the wrists and arms will have very little freedom of movement particularly when combined with elbow bondage and the hands will be firmly forced in contact with the buttocks.[22]
The frogtie is a lower-body bondage position in which a person's legs are bent fully at the knees. They are bound separately ankle-to-thigh, and also just behind the knee, in the likeness of a crouched frog.[2] The knees may be left free, closely together or widely spread. This is the starting point of many other ties.
This tie places the person in a position where they are vulnerable but not completely immobilized and can still move about, albeit in an awkward crawling motion. The frogtie, with the person restrained so, can also be used as a restrictive sex position or as a basis for more restrictive bondage. The bound person's wrist tie can also be tethered to some sort of immovable ring by an arbitrary length of cord, allowing some limited freedom of movement while preventing escape. Kinbaku enthusiasts could use a futumomo tie.[20]
The wrists on each side are often then tied to the ankle/thigh combination on their respective sides, although it is possible to tie each wrist to the opposite ankle and make the position noticeably more strict.[16]
In a similar position, the person's wrists are simply bound to their corresponding ankles. However, that position cannot be fully considered as a frogtie, because it does not match the "bound ankle-to-thigh" condition.
The legs may be tightly together, colourfully describes as virgin, together, apart, widely apart described as the slut position.[16] The submissive can be standing, kneeling or sitting, or with the knees drawn up to the chest. Standing may be relaxed, on tiptoe or at the most extreme, en pointe. [16]
Some more flexible submissives are comfortable sitting in the yoga, Lotus position. Some sit naturally crosslegged.[2]
The box tie is a tie of the chest and upper arms, and is combined to create with ties of the lower limbs as a component or variation of other ties. Both arms are supported in parallel behind the back by a core and made immobile by a tensioned rope connecting the midpoint of the upper arms.[2]
The TK wrap or shibari box tie, gote shibari, is a single column tie of the upper body. It is also called a takate kote.[23] The forear
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