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Savage Love

Feb 3, 2020 at 12:15 pm

He Wants to Experience Inescapable Bondage At Least Once Before He Dies

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Savage Love

Dan Savage

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I’m writing to you today because I still think about it all the time and I joined Recon to talk to see if someone would want to tie me up. One of the guys recommended I listen to you. In a video about kink discordance you said kink is sexual. So my question for you is this: Is my desire to be tied up sexual? If so, would be getting tied by anybody other than my wife be a sexual experience?"
I have been tying myself up since I was seven and I stopped before I turned 40 because I was tired of being able to escape and the whole thing had become a bore. But I began searching for someone that would tie me up so that I couldn’t escape. Now I am 50 and I want to be a man of integrity in my relationship with my wife and I am not sure of the best way to move forward.
P.S. I've gotten two kinds of answers from guys on Recon. The first is that unless I tell my wife everything I have no integrity whatsoever. The second is that life is too short and I need to stop overthinking this. But I'm worried about whether this would be cheating. My self-bondage sessions always ended with masturbation. Even now I feel aroused just thinking of bondage. It's very possible I would get hard if somebody else tied me up but I do know that it would have nothing to do with them.
Life is short, BOUND, you're going to be dead one day soon ( we all are ), and you're going to stay dead for a very long time. So go get your ass tied up, dude. And even if you should get sexually aroused during a bondage scene with another man—as you almost certainly will—your wife isn't interested in having sex with you or tying your ass up. So you wouldn't be cheating your wife out of anything she wants, BOUND, which means it wouldn't really be cheating at all.
But in answer to your question: If you tie yourself up and your dick gets hard and then you jack off, your kink is definitely sexual. While most people prefer to indulge their kinks with others they're attracted to sexually, sometimes the kink works—turns them on—all by itself. Which is why there are lots of straight bondage guys into bondage who play with gay men. They're not doing it the gaiety of it, they're not in it for the dick, they're in it (ropes, cuffs, straight jackets, etc.) just there for the bondage of it. (And freeness of it.) So, yeah, I promise you, BOUND, you're not the only straight guy on Recon looking to get tied up.
And there's an easy way to avoid being judged because your wife doesn't know you're getting tied up by other dudes and then having to explain to strangers that you're seeking bondage play outside your marriage because your wife isn't interested in your kink and then having to explain that your activities with men present zero risk to your wife because you don't have oral or anal sex with the men you get tied up by and even if you were sucking their dicks of letting them fuck you—which you aren't—it wouldn't put your wife at risk because your marriage is sexless... and that's by not bringing up your wife at all. A casual bondage play partner you meet for a one-off doesn't need to know you're married, BOUND; so long as you're not presenting yourself as single and interested in romance in addition to bondage—so long as you're making it clear you're only interested in a discreet/discrete bondage scene and nothing else—you're under no obligation to disclose the existence of your wife.
But if you want to be a man of integrity... you should inform your wife that you're seeking bondage, just bondage, outside the relationship. Not sex, not romance, just bondage—and to ensure it's just bondage, you're going to play with men. Then ask her how she'd like to handle it: full and complete disclosure or DADT?
P.S. Did your wife know about your interest in bondage before you pulled that rope out of your bag on your honeymoon? If so, well, okay then. If not, BOUND, that's a hell of thing to spring on someone during a honeymoon.
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My husband was
out of town on business, so it seemed like a good time to let our youngest have
a slumber party. They behaved themselves
pretty well, I was upstairs in the master suite, they were in the family room,
and I could barely hear them.
About 10:30 I
went down to check on them before I turned in.
My daughter and
one of her friends were kneeling off to one side, while the three others were
sitting together.
“Ok, over with
them, you know what to do.”
”Truth or dare,
you still play that?”
“Did you ever
play it Mrs. Patterson?”
“I think the
last time was my sophomore year in college.”
“Let’s just say
that several bottles of wine were involved. Well, you girls have fun.”
“Yes Mom, we
all have to be dressed the same.”
“The other
mothers didn’t have any problems mom.”
“OK, I think
that your father’s tee shirts might fit as loosely as yours. But it might not
be as long.”
“As long as it
covers your butt Mom.”
Ten minutes
later I was back in the family room.
“You’re the
last one Mrs. Patterson.”
“Same question
that we all had Mrs. Patterson.”
“That’s all
right Mrs. Patterson, my mom chickened out too.”
“OK, OK, what
kind of dares did you guys get?”
“Just pick a
card from the bag Mrs. Patterson.”
“That way
everybody gets the same treatment.”
“Wait, now that
your Mom is here, that makes it an even number, and we could do teams.”
“Yeah mom, we
pair up and work as teams to get out of the hogtie.”
“OK, but just
how do we get out of the handcuffs?”
“Each team will
put a key someplace.”
“Everybody will
see where all the keys are, so nobody has an advantage.”
“Almost sounds
like this isn’t your first time for this.”
“Actually, my
grandmother came up with most of the rules.”
“She said it
was how they did it way back in the 50s.”
“Next you’ll be
telling me that she did this handcuff hogtie escape game.”
“No, her
arthritis was too bad for her to get her arms behind her back. She just sort of
supervised.”
“But we did tie
her hands in front to her ankles and gagged her.”
“My mom was
kind of upset when we took her blindfold off and she saw her mother tied up.”
“She told my
mom that what upset her was that your grandmother’s skirt was all the way up to
her hips, and it didn’t seem to bother her”
“OK, but it
sounds like a story to me. Obviously I’m the rookie here. But, we might as well
get started.”
“Everybody
happy with where the keys are?”
“Where did you
get all these handcuffs?”
“Party City,
they sell them with all the other party games and toys.”
“Really, wonder
for what kind of parties?”
“What’s the
shoelace on the chain for?”
“Oh, I see,
keeps you from really moving your arms around, really snugs them against your
back.”
“OK, on your
belly Mom, just like Sue and Judy.”
“How about if
one member of each team is blindfolded?”
“I guess its
OK, but I don’t think that I’ll be much use to you.”
“All you have
to do is lie there and let me unlock your cuffs after I get the key”
“Well, I guess
that I can handle that.”
And so my
daughter was soon lying next to me, hands cuffed behind her back, tied to her
back by a shoelace around her waist, her ankles cuffed together, and pulled up
to a nice right angle. We looked almost identical, except for the fact that my
pantiehose covered butt was showing.
“Really Mom,
everybody knows that being gagged is part of being hogtied.”
Well at least
we were almost identical again, we each had a nice big scarf knot tied firmly
in our mouth.
OK, that shot
my daughter’s plan all to hell. Now I would have to somehow get her blindfold
off so she could get the key and unlock my cuffs.
At least I
could watch as Samantha hogtied and gagged herself. Surprisingly easy with
cuffs and attached shoelaces. She simply tied the cuffs together, tied the
waist rope, gagged herself, knelt down, cuffed her ankles together, laid down
on her stomach. Snapped the cuffs around her wrists, and she was hogtied and
gagged just like the rest of us.
As soon as she
was done, we all started.
I tried to get
to Alice, but moving around was even harder than I had imagined.
I was able to
make some progress and enough noise so that she could home in on me. After a few
minutes I managed to get her blindfold off.
Unfortunately,
the other teams were well on their way to the keys.
By the time
that Alice reached ours, Samantha had already got Jane’s wrist cuffs off.
I think that
they had an unfair advantage over me. Their 13 and 14 year old breasts were
smaller and firmer than my 43 year old ones, and provided much less resistance
to movement than mine did.
But by the time
it was over, their shirts had worked their way up past their hips too, so all
our pantihose covered butts were showing.
We took a
little while to get ourselves back together, get something to drink, and visit
the little girls room.
When I got back
my daughter and the second place team where standing there with their hands
behind their backs while Samantha and Judy gagged them.
“Oh, the
winners decide how the losers spend the night Mrs. Patterson.”
“But if you
don’t want to, we understand.”
“I suppose your
Mom was tied up again.”
“Both times,
Sami is a much better partner.”
“What the hell.
Can we at least be on my bed instead of the floor?”
We had our
hands and arms tied, clothesline not handcuffs, clothesline around our arms
above and below our breasts, and of course the one holding our wrists to our
waists.
Having your
wrists crossed and tied behind your back was a very different feeling than just
having them held loosely together by toy plastic handcuffs. The gag knot was
just as mouth filling and uncomfortable.
Being
blindfolded and gagged didn’t make it any easier to get up the stairs.
Once we got to
the bed, our knees and ankles were tied and we were moved around so that we
were facing each other. Again, it was a different feeling having your ankles
actually touching rather than just shackled.
Alice was about
a head shorter than I was, so her chin was firmly planted in the top of my
cleavage when they tied us together.
After we were
tied together at the ankles, knees, waist, and upper arms, they just sort of
toppled us onto the bed.
It wasn’t that
crowded, since it was king size bed, and tied like that we really didn’t take
up much more room than two adults,
We just lay
there, mother and daughter, experiencing some real togetherness until my
blindfold was removed, then my gag, and soon we were free.
“Boy, Mrs.
Patterson, you really really are something. My mom got totally mad trying to
get up our basement stairs and quit.”
“I told you
guys that my Mom was something special.
Somehow that
made being tied and gagged for eight hours worth it. Even if I had to change
the bed linen because of the three big drool spots. Alice did a pretty good job
of soaking the front of my shirt.

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