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Sex education is offered in many schools, but don't count on classroom instruction alone. Sex education needs to happen at home, too. Here's help talking to your teen about sex.
Sex education basics may be covered in health class, but your teen might not hear — or understand — everything he or she needs to know to make tough choices about sex. That's where you come in.
Awkward as it may be, sex education is a parent's responsibility. By reinforcing and supplementing what your teen learns in school, you can set the stage for a lifetime of healthy sexuality.
Mayo Clinic does not endorse companies or products. Advertising revenue supports our not-for-profit mission.
Sex is a staple subject of news, entertainment and advertising. It's often hard to avoid this ever-present topic. But when parents and teens need to talk, it's not always so easy. If you wait for the perfect moment, you might miss the best opportunities.
Instead, think of sex education as an ongoing conversation. Here are some ideas to help you get started — and keep the discussion going.
Sex education for teens includes abstinence, date rape, homosexuality and other tough topics. Be prepared for questions like these:
What if my boyfriend or girlfriend wants to have sex, but I don't? Explain that no one should have sex out of a sense of obligation or fear. Any form of forced sex is rape, whether the perpetrator is a stranger or someone your teen has been dating.
Impress upon your teen that no always means no. Emphasize that alcohol and drugs impair judgment and reduce inhibitions, leading to situations in which date rape is more likely to occur.
What if I think I'm gay? Many teens wonder at some point whether they're gay or bisexual. Help your teen understand that he or she is just beginning to explore sexual attraction. These feelings may change as time goes on. And if they don't, that's perfectly fine.
A negative response to your teen's questions or assertions that he or she is gay can have negative consequences. Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) youth who lack family acceptance are at increased risk of sexually transmitted infections, substance abuse, depression and attempted suicide. Family acceptance can protect against these risks.
Above all, let your teen know that you love him or her unconditionally. Praise your teen for sharing his or her feelings. Listen more than you speak.
Teens and adults are often unaware of how regularly dating violence occurs, so it is important to get the facts and share them with your teen. Parents also should be alert to warning signs that a teen may be a victim of dating violence, such as:
Teens who are in abusive relationships are at increased risk of long-term consequences, including poor academic performance, binge drinking and suicide attempts. The emotional impact of unhealthy relationships may also be lasting, increasing the likelihood of future unhappy, violent relationships.
The lessons teens learn today about respect, healthy relationships, and what is right or wrong will carry over into their future relationships. It's important to talk with your teen now about what does and doesn't constitute a healthy relationship.
If your teen becomes sexually active — whether you think he or she is ready or not — it may be more important than ever to keep the conversation going. State your feelings openly and honestly. Remind your teen that you expect him or her to take sex and the associated responsibilities seriously.
Stress the importance of safe sex, and make sure your teen understands how to get and use contraception. You might talk about keeping a sexual relationship exclusive, not only as a matter of trust and respect but also to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections. Also set and enforce reasonable boundaries, such as curfews and rules about visits from friends of the opposite sex.
Your teen's doctor can help, too. A routine checkup can give your teen the opportunity to address sexual activity and other behaviors in a supportive, confidential atmosphere — as well as learn about contraception and safe sex.
The doctor may also stress the importance of routine human papillomavirus (HPV) vaccination, for both girls and boys, to help prevent genital warts as well as cancers of the cervix, anus, mouth and throat, and penis.
With your support, your teen can emerge into a sexually responsible adult. Be honest and speak from the heart. If your teen doesn't seem interested in what you have to say about sex, say it anyway. He or she is probably listening.
Mayo Clinic does not endorse companies or products. Advertising revenue supports our not-for-profit mission.
Talking with your teens about sex: Going beyond "the talk." Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/protective/pdf/talking_teens.pdf. Accessed May 4, 2017.
Forcier F. Adolescent sexuality. https://www.uptodate.com/home. Accessed May 4, 2017.
Widman L, et al. Parent-adolescent sexual communication and adolescent safer sex behavior: A meta-analysis. JAMA Pediatrics. 2016;170:52.
Potter J, et al. Predictors of parental knowledge of adolescent sexual experience: United States, 2012. Preventive Medicine Reports. 2017;6:94.
Ashcraft AM, et al. Talking to parents about adolescent sexuality. Pediatric Clinics of North America. 2017;64:305.
Chacko MR. Contraception: Overview of issues specific to adolescents. https://www.uptodate.com/home. Accessed May 4, 2017.
Human papillomavirus (HPV): Questions and answers. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/hpv/parents/questions-answers.html. Accessed May 4, 2017.
Understanding teen dating violence. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/teen-dating-violence-factsheet-a.pdf. Accessed May 4, 2017.
Black B, et al. Parental responses to youths' report of teen dating violence: Recommendations from parents and youth. Journal of Adolescence. 2016;51:144.
Frequently asked questions. Especially for teens FAQ042. You and your sexuality (especially for teens). American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. http://www.acog.org/Patients/FAQs/You-and-Your-Sexuality-Especially-for-Teens. Accessed May 4, 2017.
Conversation tools. U.S. Department of Health & Human Services. https://www.hhs.gov/ash/oah/resources-and-training/for-families/conversation-tools/index.html. Accessed May 4, 2017.
LGBT: Families. Youth.gov. http://youth.gov/youth-topics/lgbtq-youth/families. Accessed May 4, 2017.
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Adolescent sexuality is a stage of human development in which adolescents experience and explore sexual feelings. Interest in sexuality intensifies during the onset of puberty, and sexuality is often a vital aspect of teenagers' lives.[1] Sexual interest may be expressed in a number of ways, such as flirting, kissing, masturbation, or having sex with a partner. Sexual interest among adolescents, as among adults, can vary greatly, and is influenced by cultural norms and mores, sex education, as well as comprehensive sexuality education provided, sexual orientation, and social controls such as age-of-consent laws.[2]
Sexual activity in general is associated with various risks. The risks of sexual intercourse include unwanted pregnancy and contracting a sexually transmitted infection such as HIV/AIDS, which can be reduced with availability and use of a condom or adopting other safe sex practices. Contraceptives specifically reduce the chance of pregnancy.
The risks are higher for young adolescents because their brains are not neurally mature. Several brain regions in the frontal lobe of the cerebral cortex and in the hypothalamus that are deemed important for self-control, delayed gratification, risk analysis, and appreciation are not fully mature. The prefrontal cortex area of the human brain is not fully developed until the early 20s or about age 25.[3][4] Partially, because of this, young adolescents are generally less equipped than adults to make sound decisions and anticipate consequences of sexual behavior,[5] although brain imaging and behavioral correlation studies in teens have been criticized for not being causative.[6]
Adolescent sexuality begins at puberty. The sexual maturation process produces sexual interest and stimulates thought processes. Subsequent sexual behavior starts with the secretion of hormones from the hypothalamus and anterior pituitary gland. These hormones target the sexual organs and begin their maturation. Increasing levels of androgen and estrogen have an effect on the thought processes of adolescents and have been described as being in the minds "of almost all adolescents a good deal of the time".[7]
Though most female adolescents begin their sexual maturation process in normal, predictable ways, there may be concerns by parents and clinicians if the following become evident:
One study from 1996 documented the interviews of a sample of junior high school students in the United States. The girls were less likely to state that they ever had sex than adolescent boys. Among boys and girls who had experienced sexual intercourse, the proportion of girls and boys who had recently had sex and were regularly sexually active was the same.[9] Those conducting the study speculated that fewer girls say they have ever had sex because girls viewed teenage parenthood as more of a problem than boys. Girls were thought to be more restricted in their sexual attitudes; they were more likely than boys to believe that they would be able to control their sexual urges. Girls had a more negative association in how being sexually active could affect their future goals. In general, girls said they felt less pressure from peers to begin having sex, while boys reported feeling more pressure.[9]
A later study questioned the attitudes of adolescents. When asked about abstinence, many girls reported they felt conflicted. They were trying to balance maintaining a good reputation with trying to maintain a romantic relationship and wanting to behave in adult-like ways. Boys viewed having sex as social capital. Many boys believed that their male peers who were abstinent would not as easily climb the social ladder as sexually active boys. Some boys said that for them, the risks that may come from having sex were not as bad as the social risks that could come from remaining abstinent.[10]
In the United States, federally mandated programs started in 1980 and promoted adolescent abstinence from sexual intercourse, which resulted in teens turning to oral sex, which about a third of teens considered a form of abstinence in a study.[11]
Until their first act of sexual intercourse, adolescents generally see virginity in one of the following ways: as a gift, a stigma, or a normal step in development. Girls typically think of virginity as a gift, while boys think of virginity as a stigma.[12] In interviews, girls said that they viewed giving someone their virginity as like giving them a very special gift. Because of this, they often expected something in return such as increased emotional intimacy with their partners or the virginity of their partner. However, they often felt disempowered because of this; they often did not feel like they actually received what they expected in return and this made them feel like they had less power in their relationship. They felt that they had given something up and did not feel like this action was recognized.[12]
Thinking of virginity as a stigma disempowered many boys because they felt deeply ashamed and often tried to hide the fact that they were virgins from their partners, which for some resulted in their partners teasing them and criticizing them about their limited sexual techniques. The girls who viewed virginity as a stigma did not experience this shaming. Even though they privately thought of virginity as a stigma, these girls believed that society valued their virginity because of the stereotype that women are sexually passive. This, they said, made it easier for them to lose their virginity once they wanted to because they felt society had a more positive view on female virgins and that this may have made them sexually attractive. Thinking of losing virginity as part of a natural developmental process resulted in less power imbalance between boys and girls because these individuals felt less affected by other people and were more in control of their individual sexual experience.[12] Adolescent boys, however, were more likely than adolescent girls to view their loss of virginity as a positive aspect of their sexuality because it is more accepted by peers.[12]
In 2002, a survey was conducted in European nations about the sexual behavior of teenagers. In a sample of 15-year-olds from 24 countries, most participants self-reported that they had not experienced sexual intercourse. Among those who were sexually active, the majority (82.3%) had used contraception at last intercourse.[13]
A nationally representative Danish study found that teenage girls who use the most common form of birth control pills, combination birth control pills with both estrogen and progestin, are 80% more likely to be prescribed an antidepressant than girls who were not taking birth control.[14] Girls who take progestin-only pills are 120% more likely.[14] The risk of depression is tripled for teenage girls who use non-oral forms of hormonal contraception.[14]
Lucia O'Sullivan and her colleagues studied adolescent sexual functioning: they compared an adolescent sample with an adult sample and found no significant differences between them. Desire, satisfaction and sexual functioning were generally high among their sample of participants (aged 17–21). Additionally, no significant gender differences were found in the prevalence of sexual dysfunction.[15] In terms of problems with sexual functioning mentioned by participants in this study, the most common problems listed for males were experiencing anxiety about performing sexually (81.4%) and premature ejaculation (74.4%). Other common problems included issues becoming erect and difficulties with ejaculation. Generally, most problems were not experienced on a chronic basis. Common problems for girls included difficulties with sexual climax (86.7%), not feeling sexually interested during a sexual situation (81.2%), unsatisfactory vaginal lubrication (75.8%), anxiety about performing sexually (75.8%) and painful intercourse (25.8%). Most problems listed by the girls were not persistent problems. However, inability to experience orgasm seemed to be an issue that was persistent for some participants.[15]
The authors detected four trends during their interviews: sexual pleasure increased with the amount of sexual experience the participants had; those who had experienced sexual difficulties were typically sex-avoidant; some participants continued to engage in regular sexual activity even if they had low interest; and lastly, many experienced pain when engaging in sexual activity if they experienced low arousal.[15]
Another study found that it was not uncommon for adolescent girls in relationships to report they felt little desire to engage in sexual activity when they were in relationships. However, many girls engaged in sexual activity even if they did not desire it, in order to avoid what they think might place strains on their relationships.[16] The researcher states that this may be because of society's pressure on girls to be "good girls"; the pressure to be "good" may make adolescent girls think they are not supposed to feel desire like boys do. Even when girls said they did feel sexual desire, they said that they felt like they were not supposed to, and often tried to cover up their feelings. This is an example of how societal expectations about gender can impact adolescent sexual functioning.[16]
There are gender differences in the giving and receiving of oral sex. One study demonstrated that young men expected to receive oral sex more than young women expected to receive it. With 43% of men and 20% of women expecting to receive it.[17] Additionally more young men reported having oral-penis contact over oral-vulva contact with a different gender.[18] Young men also receive more frequent oral sex than young women. One study with U.S. college students reported 62% of female participants were more likely to report giving oral sex more than they received it.[19] However similar proportions of young men and women report having experienced oral sex.[20]
The average age Brazilians lose their virginity is 17.4 years of age, the second-lowest number in the countries researched (first was Austria), according to the 2007 research finding these results, and they also ranked low at using condoms at their first time, at 47.9% (to the surprise of the researchers, people of lower socioeconomic status were far more likely to do so than those of higher ones). 58.4% of women reported that it was in a committed relationship, versus solely 18.9% of men (traditional Mediterranean cultures-descended mores tend to enforce strongly about male sexual prowess equating virility and female quality being chastity and purity upon marriage), and scored among the countries where people have the most positive feelings about their first time, feeling pleasure and more mature afterwards (versus the most negative attitudes coming from Japan).[21]
In another research, leading the international ranking, 29.6% of Brazilian men lost their virginity before age 15 (versus 8.8% of women), but the average is really losing virginity at age 16.5 and marrying at age 24 for men, and losing virginity at age 18.5 and marrying at age 20 for women.[22] These do not differ much from national figures. In 2005, 80% of then adolescents lost their virginity before their seventeenth birthday, and about 1 in each 5 new children in the country were born to an adolescent mother,[23] where the number of children per women is solely 1.7 in average, below the natural replacement and the third lowest in independent countries of the Americas, after Canada and Cuba.
A 2013 report through national statistics of students of the last grade before high school, aged generall
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