Seduction par Gauge

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Seduction par Gauge
[FR] Noob Briefly Tried Solo Sarging. Nothing exciting, but glad I did it.
Help with dating, with a focus on how to get something started up, whether the goal is casual sex or a relationship. Learn how to connect with the ones you're trying to get with!
Started off gaming pretty strong a couple months ago, but lately, luck has been off this past month. No outright rejections really, but no real connections with people. Lack of luck kind of did a number on my confidence.
On Saturday, I had plans to meet up with some friends and hop around some bars in Baltimore around midnight. I got there around 10 to try sarging by myself before they met up with me (I usually spit game when I'm out with friends, but they just cheer me on and don't sarge with me).
It was pretty awkward for me stepping into a bar not knowing anyone. I wanted to follow the textbook strategy of 'acting like you own the bar' and 'opening mixed sets left and right as soon as you walk in', but this being my first solo sarge experience, my confidence was just not up to par.
I hopped around a few bars looking for easy-approach two-sets (I know, I shouldn't have restricted myself to this, but I wasn't confident enough at the time to approach anything else). Didn't see anything, but got a couple gin & tonics and got a nice buzz going. Eventually I passed by a two set HB6 & HB8. Had to spend a couple seconds to overcome AA, but approached I used an opinion opener on them. They reacted pretty well. AMOG came along, but he was a nice guy and I befriended him right away. He was definitely LJBF'd by the two.
Spent some time talking to the HBs. HB8 was a grad student like me. She was definitely outgoing. HB6 was pretty shy, but we had some stuff in common. Things were going pretty decently, but I was blanking out on stuff to stay (I usually have a general routine down, but for some reason, I didn't think about it).
Then 3 more HB8s joined the group. I engaged them briefly, but I started to get overwhelmed at this point (AMOG had left, so it was me vs. a 5 set). The HB6 was shy, so she was standing outside of the group, so I spoke with her some more while the rest of the group danced in a circle (kinda closing me off).
The original HB8 came to me again, asked if I knew how to dougie & taught me (massive IOI, but all of this was going over my head for some reason). There were a few other small IOIs I didn't pick up on until I thought about it later. Had more conversation with her, but she eventually turned around to dance with the other HB8s again.
HB6 was quiet, conversation dwindled. I felt really awkward at this point because it felt like I was just being a mosquito, so I wished her a good night, and left.
I planned to come back later, but when I looked for them maybe an hour later, they were gone (in the meantime, I had coincidentally run into other people I knew, and hung out with them for that hour).
Opened up a 1-set later in the night, but I wasn't really feeling her. Got too drunk later on to spit game.
Briefly tried solo sarging. Tried improv convo with 2-set. Didn't realize I was getting IOIs until I thought about it later. 2-set became 5-set, I got overwhelmed, conversation got stale, I left to get myself together. When I came back later, they were gone.
Lately, lack of confidence has been wreaking havoc on my game. Confidence was nearly demolished when I tried to fly solo. More practice is definitely needed for solo game.
I know many of you are against canned material, but I'm still learning, have lots of AA, and still slow at thinking on my feet. Should've remembered my general routine to fall back on in case conversation gets stale; 'improv convo' wasn't really working for me in this situation.
Should've picked up on the 'dougie' IOI from the HB8 and should've danced with her.
Need to stop relying to alcohol to overcome AA
Questions for Seddit about Flying Solo
When you solo sarge, do you typically go to a place where you can hop around to several bars?
What do you typically do when you first step into a bar by yourself?
Do you ever leave a set (and plan to come back later) to not seem too clingy? How do you keep track of the set?
OK, you sarged once. That is just one night away from having never sarged at all. You need to do this over and over and over. You won't learn much from a single night, you need weeks of sarging to get the feel of it. And you need some home base bars or clubs, some place you go often enough so you feel comfortable there, know places to isolate within the club, have some social proof by knowing the bartenders, etc.
Some MPUAs say that until you start treating pickup like a job, something you have to do whether you like it or not, whether you care about the results or not, it will not work for you. You've got to sarge until you're sick of hanging out in bars with drunk girls. That's the only way to get the detachment from the results, which is essential. You need to open sets until you get rejected dozens of times. That is how you learn the dynamics of the game. I often joke that my goal is to be rejected a thousand times. The more you get rejected, the more risks you're taking, and the more potential benefits.
I might suggest you study more of the basic PUA material, the link is over in the sidebar on the right, "New to this subreddit?" There is a lot of material to study that will make sarging in bars a lot easier. Try some material like "Magic Bullets" or Mystery Method basics, those are the fundamentals.
Drink icewater. Bartenders are happy to dispense it, it's common, many people are designated drivers.
Yes, go to a place where you can bounce to another bar. Some people have suggested bouncing at about 11PM, then bouncing back at midnight. I suppose it depends on the dynamics of the clubs you go to.
The first thing I do when I get to the bar is get a drink (of icewater). I do a quick look around and see if there are any sets worth opening. But I look around very discreetly, looking around obviously makes you look needy.
Yes, feel free to eject from any set. Your willingness to eject from a set, even a set that's working well, is a DHV, it shows you don't need their attention or approval. I don't plan to come back to a set once I eject. If I run into them again, great, if not, who cares? There is always another set.
Thanks! Thinking of it as a 'job' seems like a good way to look at it; it'll help me detach myself from emotions like fear.
Just to clarify, I've sarged before, gotten a few number-closes, but nothing more. All those times, however, I've had friends with me. The thought that my group of friends are just a stones throw away has given me some people to fall back to in case of a really bad rejection.
The purpose of this FR was just to show how my confidence changed when I didn't have that 'social safety net'. Clearly, it shouldn't change, but that's something endless practice and experience will fix!
I don't often go out to the bars alone, but once I'm there, i usually venture from my group of friends and try to meet more people as much as possible. venue changing is fun, but it's kind of creepy to leave alone and walk to another bar by yourself... plus once you get to the new venue, you're back at square zero, negating all the time you just spent gaining social proof.
move around in the bar a little bit, talk to enough people, and you're bound to run into the same people again. basically see what works--you might hook up with a girl after chatting with her only 10 minutes, or you might run into her 10 times throughout the night and only end up leaving with her before closing. just gauge the situation--if you are having that much trouble thinking of the next thing to say (sounds like you're putting too much pressure on the conversation, imo. it really doesn't matter what you talk about), then say "ok guys im gonna go mingle a little bit, see you around."
if you're having success, however, don't leave, or at least try to get them to come with you as you move around. if you're going to change venues, definitely bring people with you.
gaining social proof starts the second you're in line outside the bar. chit-chat with the people next to you in line. when you get inside, say hello to whoever might be standing next to the door. when you go get a drink, talk to the people waiting in line. if you see a group of creepy 50-year-olds hitting on girls way too young for him, walk over and say "how's it feel getting hit on by the mid-life crisis brigade?"
just don't be afraid to talk to people. most of them want to be talked to-that's why they came out to the bar. don't put a lot of pressure on yourself--you're only talking to them because you're a social guy who likes to interact with others. that's your nature, that's who you are. and that's the kind of guy girls are attracted to.
"ok guys im gonna go mingle a little bit, see you around."
This seems like a nice smooth way to disengage from a group for a bit. Better than my awkward, "welp, enjoy the rest of your night!", thus somewhat closing me off from a future interaction.
most of them want to be talked to-that's why they came out to the bar.
Thanks for the encouraging words of advice. Even though I didn't get any closes this weekend, I'm a lot more determined to keep trying.
I agree with probama that if you are solo you loose all value when you change venues by yourself (unless you know people at the next venue), but I do it occasionally because I hit a slump or the venue just isn't working for me on that night.
The first thing to do when you step into a bar by yourself: SMILE! then make eye contact from left to right with every person in the place that is looking at you, remember good eye contact and don't look down. If i see someone interesting, i approach immediately, or you can grab a drink and start working the room. Introductions are pretty easy and don't limit yourself to just women or small groups.
I've tried larger groups but those are typically the ones I eject on, I can't seem to keep high energy enough to control frame and conversation. I'm trying to bite off more that i can chew so you are somewhat right to target smaller sets, but don't shy away from the big ones which let you learn where you can improve
Technically, it is a set. It's him and her, that's a set.
You did well despite your harsh criticism of yourself. You can't always expect complete success. Instead of looking to win with each woman, focus instead of practicing material and improving your interactions with them.
Think of it more like a video game, where you choose what lines to say to them in order to unlock achievements. I found that when I was started off, detaching myself from reality helped me overcome my anxiety. Because they aren't ever rejecting you, they rejected that line or that choice. Move on and you get to try again with a totally different girl.
I take it you were on the dance floor when the 2 set turned into a 5-set? At that point, you should of just grabbed the hand of the 8 you met, and started dancing right in the middle of them. Even go further of inventing some dance moves, make them laugh by going around and taking each of their hand and twirling them around or whatever. Eventually you have to work your way into the center of attention.
Always keep atleast one well-rehearsed story for if things ever get dull. Practice these in the mirror in your spare time at home. Memorize it so well that you'll remember it even when nervous.
Allow yourself to continually feel better throughout the night. These girls were talking to you, which means they were interested. If they weren't it would have been pretty clear. So that said, once you found you were getting positive feedback, tell yourself in your head that they are into you, feel good about yourself so that you have momentum to move forward or to hop into another set, knowing that there are other girls in the club that want you.
Finally, when going solo, just tell people you are new to the town and you heard that this is the place to be. If you get there early enough, most people will tell you there are better places and you can just tag along with them, making new friends and finding some imprompu wings. I find myself recruiting wings randomly (mostly because my friends are incompetant). I'll just go up to a well-dressed attractive guy and be like "hey. you want the blonde over there or the brunette?" If he isn't a wuss, its a great way to pick up girls, make a great impression with some potential future friends and if you guys succeed you'll be swimming in social proof.
You did good. First thing, stop calling yourself a noob. Confidence is #1.
Keep at it and be sure to post more FRs.




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