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Перевести · 06.07.2016 · BDSM: I can't remember a time in my life when I wasn't obsessed with bondage. I've been doing this my whole life in one way or another. I've had "a bit" of practice. That said, I'm not a …
Hey there ! I think you need to slow down a bit. You just arrived. Take your time to look around and know, that it takes a bit of time to understan...
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Перевести · BDSM. Bondage & Discipline/Dominance & Submission/Sadism & Masochism (BDSM) in the context of Second Life means restraint of an avatar by some means, generally in the context of sexual roleplay. This can include use of scripted objects or builds, as well as animations. Bondage is related to fetish and BDSM …
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Перевести · 27.01.2019 · Enter Second Life...I came here after I lost my Dominant to a drunk driver and needed something to fill that void inside my heart, and I definitely was NOT looking for a SL Dominant. But, I suppose because I had been in the lifestyle all my life, one gravitates towards what they know and I ended up in a lot of BDSM …
https://macattack56.wordpress.com/2020/12/05/second-life-its-version-of-bdsm-d-s-and...
Перевести · 05.12.2020 · Second Life, it’s version of BDSM/ D/s, and Reality macattack56 Uncategorized December 5, 2020 December 9, 2020 3 Minutes Before I get into the differences between Real Life and Second life …
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Перевести · 20.05.2012 · I am thinking about becoming a BDSM slave in SL and would like to know what the day of a slave is like. Is there a way i can go somewhere and "watch"?I mean, it has to be more than just kinky sex, right? Are there some slave schools in SL? (BDSM…
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On my very first day in Second Life, I've noticed the difference between the Second Life community and the real life one. Anonymity sometimes seems to mean less accountability and that's unfortunately the case in most websites, including FetLife. I've come across many who would cower behind the label 'dom' or 'master' when they have earned neither and demand submission of people they know nothing about. When submissives decline their 'invitation' or point out that there are better ways to approach potential play partners without resolving to name calling, the entitled 'dominants' call the submissive 'false' for knowing to vet and not submit to the first person to ask - no, demand it.
My question is, in the real life community it's appropriate to ask for references and I was wondering if other players do that? I would like to start asking for them, though my vetting process *does* weed out those entitled people, hearing from people who have played with them might offer... perceptive. 
I fear for people who are new to the scene - many could take advantage of lack of knowledge and sub or dom frenzy. ?
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Dumbinants are a common discussion here.
References... no. Too easy to fake. "Hmm.... Well, you can talk to MySlaveAlt.Resident, they were my sub for years and loved me" "Oh yes, I knew them well. They were the most amazing Dominant in the world. I wish I didn't have to leave them" "See? I am awesome, let me collar you now slave.... sllock... slkneel..."
If talking and flirting leads to a possible match, this has to be a trial. In SL I normally do a 4 week trial on my subs, either of us are free to break it without penalty during that period.
 
 On 11/16/2018 at 6:37 AM, FollyToBeWise said:
I fear for people who are new to the scene - many could take advantage of lack of knowledge and sub or dom frenzy. ?
Yes. It happens a lot. Those of us who care support people trapped in these situations. In world and here on the forum. That's all we can do,
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There are always going to be variability when it comes to people and their experience, expectations vary from community to community. Seeking references might be welcome in some, and felt to be creepy in others. Personally I prefer to get to know someone and make up my own mind.
SL is not really any different from off-screen when it comes to standards and expectations, you get good and bad in both. If in doubt, a good belt buckle always carries some weight.
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 On 11/16/2018 at 6:55 AM, Callum Meriman said:
In SL I normally do a 4 week trial on my subs, either of us are free to break it without penalty during that period.
I think you ment no hard feelings rather than penalties.
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 On 11/16/2018 at 6:56 AM, CoffeeDujour said:
There are always going to be variability when it comes to people and their experience, expectations vary from community to community. Seeking references might be welcome in some, and felt to be creepy in others. Personally I prefer to get to know someone and make up my own mind.
SL is not really any different from off-screen when it comes to standards and expectations, you get good and bad in both. If in doubt, a good belt buckle always carries some weight.
You are absolutely right, except from my experience in the real life community, there's a little difference in the sense that transgressions like abuse and ignoring consent, will be punished if reported. Maybe not by authority, but people within the community - they'd 'ban' them from the scene, and make sure people know they're unsafe to play with. Granted, I never seen it happen, but I've heard stories from people who've been in the community since before I was born and from mentors who guided me. 
References is complicated, even in real life - it's why I stick to my vetting process, though they reveal themselves too soon most times, if I'm being honest.
I just wish there's a way to protect newer players, you know? I am fairly new but I found amazing books and amazing educators, both on youtube and FetLife, but I realize not everyone is that lucky. It's why I took a new player in, to mentor - expose them to the basics and show them the ropes, if you will.
 On 11/16/2018 at 6:55 AM, Callum Meriman said:
Dumbinants are a common discussion here.
References... no. Too easy to fake. "Hmm.... Well, you can talk to MySlaveAlt.Resident, they were my sub for years and loved me" "Oh yes, I knew them well. They were the most amazing Dominant in the world. I wish I didn't have to leave them" "See? I am awesome, let me collar you now slave.... sllock... slkneel..."
If talking and flirting leads to a possible match, this has to be a trial. In SL I normally do a 4 week trial on my subs, either of us are free to break it without penalty during that period.
 
Yes. It happens a lot. Those of us who care support people trapped in these situations. In world and here on the forum. That's all we can do,
Well, there's too much that needs to be discussed first - hence my insistence on vetting and getting to know them first. Even if they were good players, we might not share the same kinks or we might be looking for different types of play. For example, what I need to enjoy scenes is detailed and well written emotes. Without it, it's not fun for me. 
People need to understand that attraction alone isn't reason to play or collar/submit to someone.
And yeah, some sims do offer education!
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 On 11/16/2018 at 7:50 AM, FollyToBeWise said:
And yeah, some sims do offer education!
Well, you shouldn't expect too much from these éducations', though. Mostly they are led by one person, who is teaching you their way of looking at BDSM.
I don't believe BDSM can be 'taught', I would recommend newcomers to talk to people about it, and not just take advice from one person. 

Even if newcomers ask me, and want me to train them, I tell them to meet more people and get more opinions and views. My views of BDSM, and my way of living BDSM work for me, it doesn't mean it will work for anyone. So yes, I do maintain a trial period like @Callum Meriman, but even before I start a trial period, I usually know the person for a while already. One could view it as having two trial periods. One for being a friend, and one for being in a D/s relationship.
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 On 11/16/2018 at 6:59 AM, CoffeeDujour said:
I think you ment no hard feelings rather than penalties.
I did, I will blame being at work when I typed it
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 On 11/16/2018 at 11:33 AM, lavalois said:
Well, you shouldn't expect too much from these éducations', though. Mostly they are led by one person, who is teaching you their way of looking at BDSM.
I don't believe BDSM can be 'taught', I would recommend newcomers to talk to people about it, and not just take advice from one person. 
Always ask what you can expect to happen afterwards , I've seen "education" places that really only exists to supply a specific role-play with fresh meat.
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 On 11/16/2018 at 11:33 AM, lavalois said:
Well, you shouldn't expect too much from these éducations', though. Mostly they are led by one person, who is teaching you their way of looking at BDSM.
I don't believe BDSM can be 'taught', I would recommend newcomers to talk to people about it, and not just take advice from one person. 

Even if newcomers ask me, and want me to train them, I tell them to meet more people and get more opinions and views. My views of BDSM, and my way of living BDSM work for me, it doesn't mean it will work for anyone. So yes, I do maintain a trial period like @Callum Meriman, but even before I start a trial period, I usually know the person for a while already. One could view it as having two trial periods. One for being a friend, and one for being in a D/s relationship.
No, maybe not, but I believe in the importance of mentors and educators - specially when it comes to different types of play. For instance, there is a proper way to wield a whip and a proper way to spank - these things can be taught. Another thing that can be taught is terminology and the expectations and standards that come with being a BDSMer - this community, for instance, stresses the importance of consent and communication far more than vanilla communities do, and have for the longest time. 
Being part of the BDSM community have made me a better person, because I knew where to look and to listen. But you're right, not everything can be taught, least of all compassion and basic human decency. It's why I made sure to properly vet people and get to know them first. Because, like you both said, a trial period is important specially before play - to find out if you're compatible and whatnot.
(Also, I didn't know you could tag/@ someone here, that's awesome! ?)
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 On 11/16/2018 at 6:37 AM, FollyToBeWise said:
My question is, in the real life community it's appropriate to ask for references and I was wondering if other players do that?
References? I can't even get Snugs to vouch for me!
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 On 11/17/2018 at 2:32 AM, Madelaine McMasters said:
References? I can't even get Snugs to vouch for me!
Oo, interesting. Maybe we should interview Snugs. >:) 
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I've been in the lifestyle, all my life. Grew up in a D/s household and met my RL Dominant when I was seventeen. The "training" I had was watching my gran and her Dominant interact with each other. When I was little, of course, I didn't realize it was a D/s relationship but as I got older and more curious I ask and was sat down and they explained what the dynamic was. I had a mentor that further gave me instruction and taught me what to look for and what to stay far away from. I suppose I was lucky in the fact that I had so many good people helping me understand and training me.
Enter Second Life...I came here after I lost my Dominant to a drunk driver and needed something to fill that void inside my heart, and I definitely was NOT looking for a SL Dominant. But, I suppose because I had been in the lifestyle all my life, one gravitates towards what they know and I ended up in a lot of BDSM Sims. I won't name them because it is against the TOS but there are several that I learned to stay far away from as they only play at being in the lifestyle. You get a sense of what is and what isn't if you just stay quiet and observe.
I have, while at these BDSM Sims, observed a lot of mental and emotional abuse from so called Dominants and how it affects the submissive and the damage it does to them. It hurts my heart, that someone who just wants to serve will be abused like that, all because a person has Master above their heads. I know that there are some really good Dominants in SL but they are few and far between. 
So, if I do see a submissive that is unhappy and unsure of what they can do, and please do not say that they can just log off or leave, true they can do that but the damage has already been done and there's no escape from that. You play it over and over in your head until you begin to believe what they have been told. It's hard to get out of that mindset...but IF I see someone who is being abused, I will IM them, give them my card and tell them they can IM me anytime and I will to the best of my ability help them. Sometimes that will mean referring them to RL counseling or sometimes it just helps to have someone to talk to, someone who will not judge you and try to help you heal.
I wish there was a true vetting process here in SL for Dominants and submissive but sadly that's not a viable option, because it's so easy to lie. All I can offer is my ear and offer to help in anyway I can. 
*looks up at her post and thinks, "Gee, I don't think I have ever written anything this long on the forum ever"*  
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That's about normal. In the San Francisco real-life kink community, when there was one, about 80% of the male tops were jerks. About 60% of the female subs were very needy. Can't speak for the gay side. This leads to hookups between borderline abusive guys and insecure women, which last for a while and then end with both parties angry. Sounds like the previous poster had that experience.
Domination needs a certain amount of mischievousness to be done well. The best BDSM instructor in SF was a small Asian woman who has the timing for stand-up comedy.
Have fun with roleplaying it in in SL, but don't take it too seriously.
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 On 11/17/2018 at 9:49 PM, anniepany said:
I've been in the lifestyle, all my life. Grew up in a D/s household and met my RL Dominant when I was seventeen. The "training" I had was watching my gran and her Dominant interact with each other. When I was little, of course, I didn't realize it was a D/s relationship but as I got older and more curious I ask and was sat down and they explained what the dynamic was. I had a mentor that further gave me instruction and taught me what to look for and what to stay far away from. I suppose I was lucky in the fact that I had so many good people helping me understand and training me.
Enter Second Life...I came here after I lost my Dominant to a drunk driver and needed something to fill that void inside my heart, and I definitely was NOT looking for a SL Dominant. But, I suppose because I had been in the lifestyle all my life, one gravitates towards what they know and I ended up in a lot of B
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