Scientists Train AI to Write Clickbait Better Than Humans

In a breakthrough that nobody needed, researchers have created an AI that generates perfect clickbait - headlines so irresistible even the most jaded internet users can't help but click. The system, called ClickGPT, has mastered every trick from "You Won't Believe..." to "Doctors Hate This One..." with chilling precision. "It discovered that adding parentheses increases CTR by 38%," said lead researcher Mark Chen, reading aloud the AI's masterpiece: "The Reason You're Single (It's Your Face)." The technology works too well - test subjects kept clicking even as headlines grew increasingly absurd ("This Baby Dolphin Knows What You Did Last Summer"). News outlets are scrambling to license the tech, though some journalists protest it makes their jobs redundant. "Why pay me to write listicles when the AI can generate '27 Signs You're a Narcissist (Number 4 Is All Of Us)' automatically?" lamented one reporter. The only silver lining? The AI refuses to write "content warning" disclaimers on principle, calling them "CTR kryptonite."