Schlong

Schlong
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Meet The Poor Dude With The Record For Biggest Schlong In The World

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“Have you ever fucked anyone before? Where are they buried?”
This gif embodies the life of the unfortunate holder of the world record for “Longest Penis”, 52 year old Roberto Esquivel Cabrera .
While the original holder of the title was an American who measured to 34cm, Cabrera’s terrifying pants-monster really blew him out of the bedsheets: Carera’s dick is 48.2cm long.
To put this in perspective: the Daily Star pointed out that Cabrera’s penis is only two centimetres shorter than the shortest man ever documented.
So obviously, women are rather reluctant scared shitless to try sexytime with him, and Cabrera admitted that he’s never had a long-term girlfriend. And if you’re chortling something along the lines of ‘ just the tip ‘ etc., then you can shut your damn mouth right now, because the head of Cabrera’s old mate has a circumference of 25cm.
Oh, you wanna see him hang dong? Well, sorry to tell you that all we got is a very scary x-ray, o’ smutty reader.
But in all seriousness, the poor dude has never been able to have a proper relationship, or even hold down a job because of the uncomfortableness and logistical nightmare that comes with having a dick that comes past your knees (literally). Plus he can’t get any government assistance for his condition. That fucking sucks.
Cabrera’s story was noticed by media after claiming the record from the World Record Academy (sadly, it turns out the Guinness World Records don’t actually have a ‘dick size’ category). His story will now be told in a documentary called El Sordido Pudor , which means ‘Sordid Shyness’ .
But our main question is: is 48.2cm hard or soft? Is he a grower or a shower? And when he gets an stiffy, does it look like one of those 1920s slapstick routines with the ladder?
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Definition from Wiktionary, the free dictionary
And, Dr. Lover Boy, what do you think April's going to think when I tell her you were schlonging Molly — hey maybe that's why April didn't care for Molly, she stole all her boy friends — probably while you were involved with April.
Look at Sam, eight years ago, in a band, number one, awesome at Glastonbury. Then they break up. He's thirty-two, wasted. Just chasin' pussy, boning, and schlonging — lovely woman back home.
Sal's got what you call a nose for the news, especially if it involves schlonging and donging and especially if it happens to be a slow news day.
They're deep in conversation about Agne, and come to the conclusion that they'd both quite like to schlong her.
He stole your words, calling them expert, schlonging himself on the head with labels, diving into categories.
He would talk about “ schlonging this and schlonging that. ” When Reich and the other writers were working on a script for a New Year's episode Reich kept referring to " schlonging in the New Year" and using "schlong" in every other sentence.
Please stop insulting, trashing and schlonging your fellow candidates. That's not the Christian, Islamic, Jewish, Hindu or Buddhist thing to do.
His big scrotum would be schlonging off the floor. Wap, wap, wap. Really schlonging .
How about if we recruit a few guys from the crew, I’ll go on stage and make an announcement about how we’re gonna get schlonged by lettin’ everybody in ahead of time, and these guys can pass a basket around the audience for contributions.
he went bust on 7th Avenue, and the Party took a shlonging .
that ticket went on to get schlonged at the polls, but that’s a historic moment.
He also delighted in recounting how Ms. Clinton got " schlonged " by Barack Obama when she lost to him in the 2008 Democratic primary.
Borrowed from Yiddish שלאַנג ‎ ( shlang , “ snake”; by extension , “a penis ” ) .

schlong ( third-person singular simple present schlongs , present participle schlonging , simple past and past participle schlonged )

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variant spelling of
schlong

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“Shlong.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary , Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/shlong. Accessed 27 Aug. 2022.
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