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Same Sex Parents and Their Children

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Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere (COLAGE): COLAGE engages, connects, and empowers people to make the world a better place for children of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and/or transgender parents and families.
Gay Parent Magazine: Gay Parent features personal stories of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender parents about their experiences with international and domestic adoption, foster care, donor insemination, using a surrogate and what it is like to raise their children.
Human Rights Campaign Foundation (HRC): HRC is America’s largest civil rights organization working to achieve gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender equality.
Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians, Gays, Bisexual and Transgender (PFLAG): PFLAG is devoted to educating and supporting everyone involved in the life of a sexual minority individual. There are local chapters all over the United States

Studies estimate that between 1 and 9 million children in the United States have at least one parent who is lesbian or gay. There are approximately 594,000 same-sex partner households, according to the 2000 Census, and there are children living in approximately 27 percent of those households.
It is difficult to obtain an accurate count of same-sex parent families because many lesbians and gay men are not open about their sexual orientation due to fears of discrimination, such as loss of employment, loss of child custody, and antigay violence. There is not a “usual” gay family. Some same-sex couples may decide to have a child within their relationship, while others may bring children from previous heterosexual or same-sex unions. The rise in same-sex parenting is partially due to the increase in options available for same-sex couples to become parents. Although most children of same-sex couples are biological children of one of the parents, a growing number are the result of donor insemination, surrogacy, foster care and adoption.
Most research studies show that children with two moms or two dads fare just as well as children with heterosexual parents. In fact, one comprehensive study of children raised by lesbian mothers or gay fathers concluded that children raised by same-sex parents did not differ from other children in terms of emotional functioning, sexual orientation, stigmatization, gender role behavior, behavioral adjustment, gender identity, learning and grade point averages. Where research differences have been found, they have sometimes favored same-sex parents.

For example, adolescents with same-sex parents reported feeling more connected at school. Another study reported that children in gay and lesbian households are more likely to talk about emotionally difficult topics, and they are often more resilient, compassionate and tolerant. The same concerns that face many heterosexual parents when they are deciding to have children also face same-sex parents including time, money, and responsibilities of parenthood. Likewise, many of the parenting tasks faced by same-sex parents are similar to those faced by heterosexual parents, such as providing appropriate structure for children, while also being warm and accepting, setting limits, teaching open and honest communication, healthy conflict resolution, and monitoring of child’s peer network and extracurricular activities. Some differences may include adapting to different types of family forms, the impact of social stigma on the family, and dealing with extended family members who may not be supportive of same-sex parenting. One of the biggest challenges facing same-sex parented families is that they must live in a culture that supports heterosexist and homophobic attitudes and beliefs, which can affect these families in a variety of ways. A second complication is that these families are usually part of a blended family and include children from previous heterosexual marriages. Some of these families may deal with disagreement from other family members about the authenticity and validity of their family patterns. Lack of support from a previous heterosexual partner or the other biological parent can cause major conflict and distress within the family system.

Today, there are many therapists available who specialize in gay and lesbian issues and provide a safe, nonjudgmental and understanding environment for the family. Frequently, gay and lesbian parented families will seek therapeutic help for guidance, support, and recognition that they may not be receiving from the broader social arena. Major issues affecting same-sex parented families that are often addressed in therapy:

This text was written by Deanna Linville, PhD, and Maya O’Neil, MS.

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Although same sex relationships have been present for quite a while, it is only recently with the contemporary age around twenty years or so that same sex families have begun to spring up. A same sex family consist of two people of the same sex whether it may be male or female sharing an intimate relationship and may also consist of a child.
In many cases especially lesbian type relationship many of the children are from previous relationships and thus they may form a re-constituted family because the new family may also want to adopt another child, or in many cases find someone who is willing to have sexual intercourse with the ‘female’ in the relationship for the sole purpose of providing a child. It is only within some countries that the Governments around the world have recently begun to allow these types of marriage, Netherlands being the first in 2001.
Although many governments have followed that trend in recent times, others tend to ask the question “What about the child? ” Whilst they may allow the marriage, adopting becomes problematic. In that the legal system would put in place so many obstacles that the family is forced to succumb to the system. This happens in many cases especially where the family consist of two males, since it is the belief of many that the child needs to get the ‘nurturing’ of a woman, so the men are denied the privilege to adopt.
However, if any of the men have a child from a previous relationship and was given full custody of the child, then the presiding judge would now rethink the status and may schedule a new hearing to reconsider the placement of the child. This comes about because the judge may now take into consideration the risk that the child is placed in. Social problems can be found within any type of family, regardless of the type/components, however the child/children still remains the most important aspect, as they are the future of society.
Many of these families tend to fall under constant scrutiny with the argument that what they are doing to their child/children psyche will affect them later on in life. Now, for many this is true or proven to be true by the many documentaries that are shown on television, written in the daily papers and in many cases preached about by the society’s majority. On the other hand in some cases the scrutiny comes from their families who may not support them as in the case of ‘Prayers for Bobby’ a Lifetime original movie. It was the family who was ashamed to have a homosexual son.
On the Tyra Banks show there was an episode in which she showed little children of about three years to seven years and they were already choosing for themselves which sex they would have preferred being born. There are many arguments and colossal sized debates about homosexuality in which some may say that it is because of genetics and others may say that people have chosen what they want to be. Although society has gone beyond the borders of discovery, they are still pre-disposed to thinking that homosexuality is actually a disease and a choice in life when in fact it is still debatable as to which it really is.
The children who are raised in any type of family are at risk, but careful consideration must be put into same sex families as the children here have two mothers/fathers. When they are in school their peers turn against them for not knowing who to call mummy and who to call daddy. The glances and weird remarks may tend to bring about violence in such a domain especially in a confused one as this. Society tends to think that the children may adopt a homosexual lifestyle when in fact the parents of these children have the same plans for them as any heterosexual family.
They want what is best for them and they do not force the child/children into the same lifestyle that they practice. An example is a couple in Arouca, the ‘female’ in the relationship is the child’s biological mother and she wants the child to lead a normal life, the entire family can be seen any where on any given day and they are viewed as normal. With the amount of ‘gay rights’ activists in the world these days, there are hardly any rights that they are denied but because of society’s third world thinking they are still frowned upon.
Many people in society feel that they are the reason for the tear in the moral fabric of society and blame them for crimes that have not been committed by them. In conclusion, although society continues to protest and to demonstrate their displeasure over the same sex union that is on the rise today, these unions are still being legalized and the families continue to grow rapidly. There are going to be many debates about how homosexuality comes about, there are going to be continued streams of violence and scrutiny of the family and the children, yet they are going to continue being around bringing with them new rights and new beliefs.

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Same Sex Families – Same Sex Relationships. (2017, Mar 20). Retrieved from https://graduateway.com/same-sex-families-same-sex-relationships/
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Journal List

HHS Author Manuscripts

PMC6309949

J Dev Behav Pediatr. Author manuscript; available in PMC 2018 Dec 28.
1. Research Institute of Child Development and Education, University of Amsterdam, Amsterdam, the Netherlands
2. Department of Epidemiology, Columbia University, New York, NY
3. Williams Institute, UCLA School of Law, Los Angeles, CA.
The publisher's final edited version of this article is available at J Dev Behav Pediatr
Keywords: National Survey of Children’s Health, same-sex parents, family relationships, parenting stress, child outcomes
1 1 = “not too happy” – 4 = “completely happy”
2 1 = “not well at all” – 4 = “very well”
1 −1 = different-sex parent household, + 1 = same-sex parent household
3 1 = “not too happy” – 4 = “completely happy”
4 1 = “not well at all” – 4 = “very well”
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