Sad Girl Masturbates
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Sad Girl Masturbates
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Yup, I love masturbating when I'm sad
I don't set out with the intention of sadsturbating or whatever, but I'm all for a good post-masturbation cry
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So now I have to ask: DO YOU DO THE THING?
Yup, I love masturbating when I'm sad
I don't set out with the intention of sadsturbating or whatever, but I'm all for a good post-masturbation cry
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AKA, sadsturbating, mastursobbing, or whatever you want to call using masturbation to distract yourself, to feel better, or to straight up induce a cathartic cry by helping your hormones go haywire through a good ol' trusty orgasm.
It makes sense as a concept, sure, but I hadn't realized it was an actual, recognized, Urban Dictionary-defined behavior until not one, not two, but THREE of my friends responded to my complaints of crushing existential despair by telling me to masturbate.
OK, I thought, my friend is super in touch with her emotions and sexuality and has some highly specific coping mechanisms. But then...
OK, I thought, maybe this is just a symptom of having sex-positive oversharers for friends. Still doesn't mean it's A Thing.
After that, I couldn't help but ask around at work (y'know, straddling the line between HR violation and investigative reporting), and responses fell into one of three camps:
# "Yeah, sadsturbation is totally a thing."
# "Oh, huh, yeah I guess now that you mention it, that makes sense."
At that point, there was no denying it: THIS IS A THING AND WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT.
Obviously, masturbation feels good on a physical level, but there's a lot going for it that makes it a pretty effective response to sadness.
"It relieves stress, it helps you feel more relaxed, and it does boost endorphins and testosterone levels, which can improve your mood," Dr. Madeleine Castellanos , psychiatrist specializing in sex therapy and author of Wanting to Want , told BuzzFeed Health when I called for an #expert opinion on whether or not this was legit.
There are a ton of reasons this might happen and it'll be different for everyone, but according to Castellanos, when you orgasm, there's such a shift in hormones, oxytocin, endorphins, etc., that it can easily trigger a strong emotional reaction.
So, that response might be related to an emotion (like feeling happy, sad, lonely, overwhelmed, generally verklempt, etc.), or it might just be because you've been a little emotionally stuffed up lately and your body finally has a way to let it out thanks to that orgasm. So, tears.
And if the tears come, Castellanos definitely recommends letting it out and feeling your feelings because not only is crying itself a great stress reliever and cathartic AF, but also, suppressing emotions is good for NO ONE. "If you keep yourself from the full expression of it, you never really fully give it release, so it sticks around," she says.
If you find that getting yourself off is the only way you have to cheer yourself up, that's when it becomes a problem, says Castellanos. You don't want to wind up in a place where you can only deal with sadness via sadsturbation session, so, you know, make sure you're mixing it up when it comes to mood boosting activities so it's not all masturbation all the time.
Think Pavlov's dogs, says Castellanos: If you're masturbating every time you're sad, sadness might start to trigger some internal Marvin Gaye and your body will be all, "Oh, sad again? Guess it's time to masturbate! LET ME JUST GET HORNY REAL QUICK."
"If you use it for the purposes of making yourself feel better, it’s important to allow yourself to really celebrate feeling vital, feeling sexy, feeling powerful, feeling pleasure, and to understand that that feeling can be beyond masturbation," says Castellanos.
If you do all that — and enjoy in moderation — go ahead and EMBRACE SOME SADSTURBATION.
Anna Borges is a senior staff writer for BuzzFeed.
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Logan Hill
Logan Hill, a veteran of New York, Vulture, and GQ, has spent twenty years covering the arts for outlets including Elle, Esquire, Rolling Stone, The New York Times, This American Life, TimesTalks, Wired, and others.
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I've noticed that when I get horny, after I masturbate and climax, I crash down from the high of the orgasm really quickly — almost immediately — and start feeling incredibly lonely and depressed. My spikes in libido often end with me curled up in a ball crying in bed because I feel so alone. I know this probably isn't normal, but do you know what might be wrong with me? I'm worried. A brief bout of exhaustion or a sharp pang of loneliness is hardly rare for anyone after an orgasm, whether alone or with someone else. What you're describing — a more pronounced "postcoital blues" — is more unusual, but you're hardly alone, despite the fact that there's little science available to explain exactly why it happens to people like yourself.
I'm sure you've considered the fact that the sudden crash from orgasm to depression may be compounding or highlighting some psychological issues. If you're experiencing symptoms of depression regularly, it might just be that this moment — when you're alone, undistracted, and wishing you are with someone else — is the moment when you pay attention to those symptoms. If that even seems like a possibility, I'd recommend that you speak to a therapist. We all spend some amount of our lives curled up in a ball crying, but nobody wants it to be a part of his or her regular routine. A therapist might be able to help.
Dr. Richard A. Friedman wrote a fascinating New York Times story about his struggle to understand why his patients were experiencing what you describe: a severe, downbeat feeling right after orgasm. I recommend that you read it, largely because you may find his stories sound familiar. Dr. Friedman also makes a very important point when he says that "sexual problems don't always bespeak deep, dark psychological problems." In other words, be careful not to blame yourself or your way of thinking. The roots of your problem could be physical and utterly out of your control.
Unfortunately, Dr. Friedman found that "the research literature is virtually silent on sex-induced depression." Some believe postcoital blues have something to do with the chemical or hormonal nature of the orgasm, in which the euphoric explosion of dopamine is depleted and accompanied by a surge of other hormones. But we just don't know yet. We are still learning much about the complicated links between sex and emotions, and the mind and the body, that there is much we don't understand. Dr. Friedman did prescribe SSRIs (antidepressants) to some patients and found that some patients saw their sex drives return and the postcoital depression blues fade, but that was just among a small sample of patients. In any case, your doctor might have other ideas as well, so consider scheduling a visit.
In the meantime, be sure to take care of yourself . For anyone prone to depression, it never hurts to eat well, exercise, socialize, and get a good night's sleep.
I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and I really feel he's The One. I've made it clear to him that I want to get married someday. He's made it clear that he's very unsure about getting married at all. I'm very worried because marriage is important to me and I don't want to waste time with someone who doesn't want a future. But I feel like if I keep bothering him, I'll pressure him into something he doesn't want to do. It sounds like you've got your head on straight. You're just stuck in a tough situation because the two of you aren't on the same page — at least yet. There's not a whole lot anybody can do about that. But you can aim for greater clarity.
My first piece of advice is to remember that you've only been with your boyfriend for a year. It's healthy to be talking about long-term goals at this point. But plenty of happily married couples were not sure they wanted to get married at the one-year mark. According to one study , the average time between first showing romantic interest and marriage is around 2.8 years. We all know a couple that dated for a few months and got engaged — and another that waited for years to build the necessary trust. Your boyfriend might need more time. And there's nothing wrong with that.
Listen to what he's saying: He didn't tell you that he was opposed to marriage in general. And he didn't tell you that he didn't want to marry you, specifically. He's "very unsure." Particularly if he's a young guy, or if he comes from a divorced family, he might be struggling to wrap his head around what that kind of commitment looks like.
Ask your guy, pointedly, to explain himself. You deserve clear answers. Why isn't he sure? What does he think of marriage as an institution? Does that mean he doesn't want a lifelong partner? Does he think you'd be making a mistake to wait for him to change his mind?
You also need to communicate your expectations clearly, whether it's that you're not going to wait forever or, perhaps, that you can't see dating someone for several years without getting engaged. It sounds like you're doing that, but make sure he understands your goals.
In terms of bothering him or pressuring him, you're right: You can overdo it. You shouldn't make this a constant discussion you both lose sleep over every couple of weeks. You have to give your relationship a chance to grow without that insistent pressure. Try to enjoy all the things that make you want to marry this guy, then pick the right moments (say, every few months) to have thoughtful, serious discussions about your future.
Hopefully, he'll come around. And if he doesn't change his tune someday soon, you'll know you're doing the right thing when you move on.
My ex from a long time ago reached out to me. We have been conversing back and forth, and he and I still have feelings for each other. We're both married. Neither is happy. I assume your question is: What should I do? Should you keep flirting with this married ex? Should you strike up an affair? Leave your husband? Or cut it all off?
Whether you're flirting with an ex or striking up a hot affair with the boss, my advice is always the same: It isn't about the other woman or man. It's about your spouse.
There's always going to be someone else. Look around long enough and you will always find someone who's hot or kind, exciting or comforting, romantic or dependable. There's always another option. When you're happy, this fact doesn't matter. But when you're not? Look out.
If your marriage were going well, it wouldn't matter if this ex was the most amazing man in the world. The fact that you have feelings for this guy doesn't make your marriage any better or worse. The only thing that's changed is that this flirtation is making you realize the fact of your unhappiness. And you have to deal with that before you do anything else.
This isn't about trading one man for another. The root issue here is that you're not satisfied with your marriage. As best you can, deal with your marriage first. Be honest with your husband about your dissatisfaction, even if it results in arguments and fights. I'm sure it's easier to fantasize about a relationship where the grass is greener, but, first, you have to deal with what's going on with your husband where you're standing right now. Honestly addressing your marriage should be your first priority. Only then will you be able to see this new guy more clearly.
If your ex weren't also married, I'd give you the same advice. But he is married. So you've also got to protect yourself. You would be foolish to break up your marriage for the theoretical of a promise with a married man. Do not break up your marriage to be with someone else. Especially if he's still wearing a ring.
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Sad Girl Masturbates
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Jo is sad and what a better way to cheer up than some personal pleasuring.
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