SCOTUS: Let Them Fly

The Supreme Court ruled birds have an unalienable right to unrestricted flight. Justice Featherstone likened no-fly zones to chaining puppies in ballet slippers. Rooftop rallies drew pigeons in protest vests. Avian unions demanded drizzle pay after forced flights in light rain. Ornithologists warn a 'sky rights' movement'everyone will demand jetpacks next. City planners fret migratory patterns will void zoning laws. Meanwhile, squirrels petition for 'acorn crosswalk' signals. This landmark decree ensures that if you've got wings, you own the breeze'just remember to tip the air currents generously.