Russian Teen Obsession

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The “true” self may or may not exist, but our ideals and projections about it sure do.
Posted September 26, 2011 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
Thank goodness that I can write to you anonymously about my teenage son and his masturbation habits.These topics are certainly not easy for me to talk or write about. I would love to compare notes with my friends who have teenage sons but I am scared to death that this information will leak to their sons and my son will end up getting teased. I would never want that to happen. I treat my relationships with my kids with much respect and care.
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So, having said that, here is my issue: I am the mother of a 15-year-old teenager and a 10-year-old boy. The boys have separate bedrooms. Recently, I have become aware that my teenage son has been masturbating several times per week. I am basing this on physical evidence—the status of his bedding, sheets, etc. You get the picture. I don't know what the "normal" frequency is. I'm not sure if I should address this as a problem or not. My husband dismisses this issue. He says that this behavior is perfectly normal and, I quote, that I should "leave a box of tissues in the kid's room and leave him alone." He says that I should be happy that my son is a happy and healthy kid who is interested in his sexuality.
Dr. G., I don't want to make any mistakes here. My son is a good kid. His grades are fine and he has nice friends. I do not want to give you the impression that he runs to his bed at every possible opportunity. In fact, he doesn't spend much time in his room at all. His afterschool time is mostly spent playing sports.
So, what do you think? Does my son have a problem that requires some type of treatment? I certainly don't want to raise a sex addict. Please help.
First, I would like to commend you on a number of things. You respect your son's feelings and your relationship with him. That is excellent. You make it clear that your son's behavior in other areas of his life has not changed. That is very helpful information. I also agree that discussing this issue with a friend who may be even the slightest bit careless could certainly be a major misstep. Finally, talking with your husband and getting his input was also an excellent idea.
My advice provides guidelines only. The rules of masturbation and teenage boys have never been clearly established. Here is my attempt at it.
1. If your son is involved in all areas of his life and is not focusing exclusively on porn and masturbation then it is unlikely that he is developing a sex addiction.
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2. If he seems comfortable with himself and is not showing signs of avoidance, confusion, and shame then I would guess that he is probably not experiencing these feelings to any problematic extent.
3. My suggestion is not to introduce shame to this equation. I believe that there is no need, in your particular case, to address your son's behavior directly.
4. Although your husband may have seemed dismissive, his idea about leaving a box of tissues in your son's room is actually not a bad idea. It may indirectly send the message that you are aware of your son's behavior and that you are responding to it in a casual and relaxed manner.
5. As a mother, you may have some discomfort with your son's developing sexuality. This is to be expected.
It sounds like you are a thoughtful, well-intentioned mother. Keep up the good work.
Barbara Greenberg, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist who specializes in the treatment of adolescents and their well-intentioned but exhausted parents.
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The “true” self may or may not exist, but our ideals and projections about it sure do.

By Sara Malm In London and Will Stewart In Moscow for MailOnline 10:25 BST 05 Sep 2017 , updated 08:42 BST 06 Sep 2017
This is the teenage boy obsessed with the Columbine High School massacre who opened fire inside his classroom north-east of Moscow.
Mikhail Pivnev, 15, set off several smoke grenades in a classroom before attacking his teacher with a meat cleaver and shooting her in the head with an air rifle, shouting that he wanted to 'stage a massacre'.
Three of his classmates have been taken to hospital with fractures after jumping from the second floor in order to escape the teenage gunman.
Student opens fire at school near Moscow with children evacuated
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'There was shooting, explosions. He shot, and shouted that he came here to die,' a witness told Russian broadcaster RBC. 
Pivnev, a Year 9 student at 'School 1' in Ivanteyevka, came armed with smoke grenades, a meat cleaver and an air rifle in order to get revenge for classmates 'offending him', his sister claims.
'He did this, because he had accumulated this for three years, because his classmates offended him in different ways and he was annoyed with that,' Daria Pivneva said. 
His victim has been named as computer science and mathematics teacher Lyubov Kalmykova, 39, who has been rushed to hospital after suffering a gunshot wound to the head.
He then reportedly gave some pupils one minute to flee, at which point they ran to warn school director Olga Mikhailichenko who 'did not believe' her school was under siege from a student.
'No-one believed them,' said a pupil.
Parent Maria Ruzanova said: 'I know the boy, I know his friends and classmates.
'He was preparing this for a long while. No-one believed him. 
Speaking from her hospital bed, injured teacher Ms Kalmykova said: 'It happened five or 10 minutes after the beginning of school. 
'I have been teaching this boy for the second year, I never had any issues with him.
'He was shouting something like 'Ive been waiting for this moment for three years, but he hasn't known me for that long.
'I was struck on my head with a meat carving axe, and I was shot in my face.
'And please pay attention that just this year security in our school has been replaced with a new team from a company which is associated with one of our city mayor's relatives.'
Pivnev was reported to have admired Columbine killers Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris, who murdered 12 students and a teacher before committing suicide at Columbine High School, Colorado. 
He even used the name Klebold on his social media accounts where he reportedly expressed Nazi sympathies. A video reportedly posted on his social media account showed him making Nazi salutes.
Children evacuated from school as student opens fire near Moscow
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In a sinister online posting on the anniversary of the Columbine massacre, the boy wrote: 'On April 20, 1999 was the attack on the Columbine school.
'If not to go into details, then as a result, 13 pupils died, 23 were injured and two are alive in my heart.
'Here and again the same day..... No matter what happens around me, how they treat me, I wonder if I'm needed here ...
'Life is beautiful, friends, but sometimes death is better. And it could be better if I was in the place of Eric and Dylan ...
'And now forget everything that is written here and live on. Not everyone loves suicidal thoughts, right?'  
The other three victims are two girls and one boy, who have all suffered various fractures as they tried to flee the classroom, according to RBC.
The broadcaster spoke to one of the injured teenagers from her hospital bed, and she told them her classmate had thrown a meatcleaver in the classroom before setting off the grenades and firing a weapon.  
The incident took place in Ivanteyevka, a town some 12miles north-east of the Russian capital with a population of around 60,000.
The teenage shooter has been arrested, but his motives are not yet known.
Video from the incident shows dozens of students crowding outside the main school building.  
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