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Adolescent Boys’ Experiences of First Sex
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Mary A. Ott, Nadia Ghani, [...], and David L. Bell
There are limited contextual data regarding first sexual experiences of younger adolescent men. Yet these data that are needed to inform STI and early fatherhood prevention efforts, particularly in lower income communities. Using qualitative methods, 14 adolescent men (ages 14–16, all low income, most African American) from a mid-sized U.S. city were asked about relationships and sexual experiences in a one hour face-to-face semi-structured interview, with two follow-up interviews at 6–9 month intervals. Story-telling was encouraged. Descriptions of first sex were identified, and then analysed for narrative structure and shared concepts. The dominant narrative of first sex proceeded through three steps: (1) Preparation, which involved identification of a sexualised space, mentoring by an older man, and pre-planning; (2) the event, which involved looking for cues indicating sexual interest and consent from a female partner, feelings of fear/nervousness, and first sex itself; and (3) afterwards, which involved a return to prior activities, minimal verbal exchange and a general positive feeling, sometimes accompanied by later disappointment. Mentorship, initiation by the female, and idealising sex as a romantic experience, played important roles in constructing the context of first sex. These factors should be incorporated in harm-reduction interventions for young men in similar contexts.
Keywords: Adolescent, Young men, first sexual intercourse, African American
First sexual experiences are considered particularly salient by both adolescents and researchers (Lewin 1982; Cooksey, Mott and Neubauer 2002; Rebello and Gomes 2009) (Traeen and Kvalem 1996) (Holland et al. 2000). While detailed descriptions of young women’s first sexual experiences are available (see, for example, Thompson (1990) or Tolman and colleagues (2003)) much less is known about adolescent boys.
Existing data provide a demographic portrait of adolescent boys’ early sexual behaviours. Studies have examined individual factors such as ethnicity, school record, career ambition and substance abuse, family factors such as parental living arrangement, maternal education, parental communication and parental involvement; and peer factors such as peer pressure and relationship status (Mott et al. 1996; Sieving, McNeely and Blum 2000; Eyre, Davis and Peacock 2001; Hawes, Wellings and Stephenson 2010). In a U.S. nationally representative study of 15–19 year old men, sexual experience was common (43% report ever having sex), but sexual activity in the last month was less so (14%); contraceptive use was also relatively common (87% reported some type of contraception at first sex, primarily condoms or a combination of another method and condoms) (Abma, Martinez and Copen 2010). Even though these studies describe contributing factors, they are not able to capture immediate context, motivation, and perceptions of early sexual experiences.
Yet available data suggest that these contexts, motivations and perceptions are important to sexual health prevention. Similar to very young women, experiences of coercion, wantedness and regret appear to be salient to young men’s very early sexual experiences. While first sex for U.S. adolescent men was not frequently unwanted (5% reported unwanted sexual behaviours), many had mixed feelings, with 34% reporting that “part of me wanted it to happen at the time and part of me didn’t” (Abma, Martinez and Copen 2010). In a British national survey, only 8% of young men reporting first intercourse between 18 and 24 years of age expressed regret, whereas 42% reporting very early first sexual intercourse (13–14 years) wished they waited longer (Wellings et al. 2001). Relationship contexts, such as whether the partner is known are additionally important. In a U.S. school-based study, young men who reported higher levels of caring, feelings of enmeshment and love were more likely to report sexual intercourse; those with higher levels of self-disclosure were more likely to have intercourse within a relationship (as opposed to a casual partner) (Giordano, Manning and Longmore 2010).
Individual and contextual influences on sex vary markedly from early through late adolescence. For example, the above British national survey described changes in sexual competence, operationalised as use of protection, consensuality, not under the influence of alcohol or peer pressure, and absence of regret, from early to middle adolescence; they found that 67% young men who reported first intercourse at 13–14 years as not ready, as compared to 38% by 17 years of age (Wellings et al. 2001). A more detailed understanding of the early sexual experiences of younger adolescent men is needed to inform STI and early fatherhood prevention efforts for this age group.
Qualitative studies can provide insights into some of these contexts, perceptions and motivations that are not apparent in surveys. An example is Eyre and colleague’s work, in which African American 11th and 12th graders perceived sex as a set of interrelated games (Eyre et al. 1998). It is not clear, however, that younger men hold similar views. A retrospective study in which older adolescents looked back on first sex, male participants described feeling anxious, but generally perceived their sexual experience to be an empowering process by which their identity of masculinity is formed (Holland et al. 2000).
Much of the existing qualitative research focuses on sexually experienced mid-to late-adolescents. These qualitative studies have looked at the sexual messages that young men may receive from their dating partner (Morgan and Zurbriggen 2007), sequences of emotional and sexual progression in a relationship (Upadhyay, Hindin and Gultiano 2006), and the influence of close friends in conceptualising and socially constructing sexual roles and behaviours (Harper et al. 2004b). These studies highlight issues related to sexual communication. For example, our own work on condom use by younger adolescent boys demonstrated that communication about condoms was primarily non-verbal (Rosenberger et al. 2010). Less is known about younger men’s first sexual experiences.
Narratives are one way to better understand complex behaviours, and have been used to understand young woman’s first sexual experiences (see, for example Holland and colleagues (2000) and Thompson (1990)), adolescents’ construction of their identity (McLean 2005), and young men’s experiences of masculinity (Holland et al. 2000). Narrative approaches build on adolescents’ natural tendency to tell stories, and can give insights into decision-making and contextual influences that have not been previously considered (Robinson et al. 1998). An examination of how boys construct their stories of first sexual experiences can also provide insight into how they view themselves as partners and sexual agents. The purpose of this analysis was to examine narratives of first sex among young boys recruited from an urban area with high rates of early sexual onset and STIs.
Participants included fourteen 14–16 years old, who provided a narrative of their first ever sexual experience. Participants were recruited from a primary care clinic serving residents of low-income neighborhoods in Indianapolis, and were part of a larger longitudinal qualitative study of boys’ relationship development and STI risk. The age range was chosen because a majority of the young men in these neighbourhoods become sexually experienced by the age of 16. Most participants (over 85%) were African American, and the remainder white of European descent, reflecting the demographic makeup of the clinic and surrounding community. Each man provided written consent and parents provided written permission. The study was approved by the institutional review board of Indiana University.
Young men completed a brief structured questionnaire on sexual behaviour and a 1 hour face-to-face semi structured interview. Two follow-up interviews were conducted with each study participant at 6 months and 9 months from baseline. This strategy helped to reduce recall bias. All interviews were conducted by the same male interviewer and participants were reimbursed US$20 per interview.
The interview covered the boys’ relationship and sexual experiences, and participants were asked open-ended questions, such as: “What are your thoughts and feelings about relationships and sex” “Tell me about when you had sex: How did it happen? Where were you at? What happened?” “How did you feel after having sex?” In order to maximise detail and accuracy, participants were initially asked about their most recent sexual event, and then asked about prior sexual events. When participants mentioned their first ever sexual experiences, the interviewer asked them to elaborate on the context in which first sex occurred. The interviewer listened for shared content and meaning and asked participants to explain or elaborate on responses to these questions. Accounts of first ever sex were verified and further discussed in subsequent interviews.
Interviews were audio-recorded, transcribed and analysed for similarities and differences in first ever sexual experiences. Our analysis drew from both narrative approaches and grounded theory (Strauss and Corbin 1998, McLean 2005, Floersch et al. 2010). First, all sections of interviews where first ever sex was mentioned were identified and selected. We note that all of the participants’ self-identified first ever sexual experiences consisted of consensual heterosexual penetrative vaginal sex. Excerpts were read as a story, and we identified a common narrative structure. Within each narrative element, we then looked for shared concepts, or themes. Examples of shared concepts included pre-planning, mentoring, sexual spaces, and returning to previous activities. For each of these shared concepts, we developed a list of properties and dimensions. Similar concepts were collapsed and differences resolved by discussion. The identified “dominant narrative” and key concepts were then tested against subsequently read interviews. Exceptions were identified and analysed.
Of the 14 accounts of first sex, 10 reported first sex before the study started, and 4 reported first sex during the study. Across participants, we observed a single dominant narrative in accounts of first sex (see figure 1). This dominant narrative included three main parts: preparation, the sexual event, and the afterwards.
Adolescent Boys Experience of First Sex
Despite the fact that all participants described their first sexual experience as “unexpected” or said that it “just happened”, all except one described elements of preparation. The first element of preparation was the identification or creation of a sexual space. A sexual space is a point in time at a particular location in which an individual creates an opportunity and expectation that sex could happen (Hensel et al. 2011). Key elements in participant’s narratives were lack of adult supervision and some degree of privacy. Usually the space was a bedroom, but it did not need to be. Participants described unsupervised house parties, a home (their own or a friend’s) when parents were expected to be away for a period of time, or a young adult sibling or cousin’s house. Parties, in particular, were recognised by participants as a time when sex was a possibility.
We labeled the second element of preparation “mentoring.” Mentoring was not a formal, recognised relationship, but rather a pattern of assistance by and advice from, an older man, such as a brother, cousin or friend. Mentors enabled the first sex to happen through several mechanisms. Several participants describe being “set up” by an older brother, cousin, or friend, with a girl that the mentor knew would be willing to have sex with the participant. These girls were often linked in some way to the mentor’s female partner (e.g. sister, cousin, friend). Chris describes being set up by a brother; Paul by a cousin:
“Well like we went to a party, I was with my brothers and everything… And we dancing and everything like that, then like we went back to her place ‘cause she had some sisters. So it was like a brother sister thing and we had sex.”
Chris, 14 year old, (African American)
“Cousin went to go get her, and it was late at night though and my mom was outta town.”
Paul, 16 year old (African American)
These descriptions often involved pairing off when parents and other family were not present. Several participants described how their mentor and the mentor’s female partner went to a different part of the house (e.g. a bedroom), leaving the participant and the girl in another room alone, providing an opportunity for first sex. Another mechanism for mentors was providing condoms for the participant before an event, in recognition of the possibility of sex. Paul described:
“I think it was like she [girlfriend] was here, but she was only here for like five minutes, and then I went in his [older brother] room and he gave it [a condom] to me.”
Paul, 16 year old (African American)
The third mechanism of mentoring was advice-giving. This happened at some point before first sex, ranging from months to hours. The mentor would provide the participant with information on how to initiate the sexual activity or getting the girl in the mood. For example, as James said:
“I mean like - - like say for instance, you are taking her bra off; I didn’t know how to do that or anything. Like and then I talked to my brother about it and he just told me to be careful and stuff like that and then he gave me condoms too.”
James, 14 year old (African American)
The final element of preparation was “pre-planning” by the participant. Several participants described anticipating that sex might be possible at a particular time and place (see above description of sexual space), and putting a condom in one’s pocket or wallet in anticipation of that possibility. Two participants described this:
“It’s like anytime I go to a party or whatever, before I go to the party I always take a shower and then do everything up and then I always put a condom in my pocket any time.”
Marcus, 15 year old (African American)
“For some strange reason I always carry a condom with me because you never know what’s going to happen especially when you go out to a party you always have a condom.”
Matt, 15 year old (African American)
A second aspect of pre-planning was talking to the potential partner days to weeks ahead of time about the possibility of having sex. These conversations often took the form of joking about sex, or the use of a hypothetical situation. Here James describes using sexual jokes:
“Because I always make [sexual] jokes with her or whatever and then it was just that night she [initiated sex].”
James, 15 year old (African American)
These early conversation appeared to be used by participants to assess interest and potential consent on the part of the participant. James specifically talked to his first partner ahead of time about consent and avoiding coercion or the appearance of rape. He asked her, if they did have sex, would she feel comfortable saying “no”.
Most episodes of first vaginal sex happened with a female partner that was reasonably well known to the participant. These included girlfriends, ex-girlfriends, and close friends who would become girlfriends. Despite the fact that the individual was known, only one participant reported setting up a specific appointment (time, location) with a specific person for first sex. Female partners were generally the same age or older. The remainder reported that sex “just happened”. We note that there was little to no discussion of alcohol or drug use in their narratives of first sex.
The second part of first sex was the sexual event itself. As noted above, partners were generally known to the participant, and their perceptions of the event were that it was “unexpected” or “just happened.” The actual event (all except two narratives, see below for exceptions) was initiated by the female. Initiation was almost always non-verbal, but obvious. Participants described non-verbal cues such as the female partner leading the participant over to a bed, giving the participant a condom to use, or taking off their own and the participants’ underwear. Joe and James recount:
“She threw something at me and I threw it back and then she came over and hit me and then I tackled her, yeah… She kissed me… I was like great, we kissed so we started kissing… Yeah I was a little surprised. I was like hey, ah, okay and we kept kissing… She took her panties off and took my boxers off and that’s how it went down.”
Joe, 16 year old (African American)
“‘Cause like - - like we was kissing and then she started laying down and then like she was like pulling me, but she went like that, like it was like she was pulling me on top of her and stuff like that. So then I was like maybe she does want me to do it.”
James, 14 year old (African American)
Though in general no verbal exchange happened at the time of the sexual event, there were two exceptions. The first
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Adolescent Boys’ Experiences of First Sex
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