Rough Wife

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Rough Wife

Copyright 2022 © Intimacy in Marriage
Is it okay for a couple to be “rough” with each other in bed, where one or both spouses are using strength or control in the midst of sexual passion?
Just to be clear, I’m not talking about physical abuse, which obviously would not be acceptable.
What I am asking is, “Does physical dominance have the potential to add to a couple’s nurtured intimacy?”
Truth be told, some people find it arousing to be passionately overpowered physically within a sexual context.
To a degree, I get this. I understand (and honestly, appreciate at times) my husband’s strength and my own desire to be “taken” by that strength.
But I feel completely safe with this man and know he would never harm me.
Not everyone could say the same thing about the dynamics in their marriage, so physical dominance in bed becomes a source of contention rather than a pathway to healthy sexual connection.
With regard to physical roughness during sex, here are questions you and your spouse should explore:
1. Is God’s heart and standard your gage?
If something is forbidden in God’s Word or is definitely going to cause physical or emotional injury, please heed those warnings.
Inflicting harm on your spouse or losing control to the point where sexual release becomes the god in that moment would be detrimental to the marriage and to the sexual relationship.
If you’re wanting to get a bit rough beneath the sheets, make sure you are filtering everything through God’s lens.
2. Are you both consenting to the roughness? Is it a turn on for both of you?
Playful spanking? Being held down? Firm grips?
All can be arousing if both of you in those moments see such physicality as a turn on, particularly the person on the receiving end of the roughness.
I imagine that for most women there is a tipping point here. What can be arousing one moment for a woman can quickly drift into “too much.”
It can become downright frightening rather than arousing.
I encourage husbands to pay close attention to this, because guys.. you are usually the ones who are physically stronger. And sometimes you underestimate your own physical strength.
The last thing you want is for your Beloved… your Lover… to question her safety with you. Mutual consent is a non-negotiable where roughness is concerned. Are you both on the same page that what is happening is arousing and nurturing?
3. Do you both have the freedom to say “no” and “stop”?
Someone may think they want to be handled firmly… or may be willing to “give it a try”… but then in the throes of it all starts to experience pain or fear. That person needs complete freedom to say “no” and “stop.” And there needs to be no repercussion or “punishment” for that.
I also would add that if the domineering person starts to second-guess if the roughness they are using is really building intimacy, then that person also needs the freedom to put on the brakes.
Our marriage beds should not be a place where malicious selfish force and intimidation reign. One person’s sexual pleasure at the expense of the other person’s sense of security is not going to strengthen sexual intimacy.
4. What is your communication revealing about your sexual comfort levels?
The safer a couple grows in being completely honest with each other about their sexual intimacy, the more likely it is they are willing to embrace physical dominance at times in their intimacy.
Hear me out on this one, because I’m sure my point could be misunderstood.
Have you as a couple shown through your words, actions and genuine understanding of each other’s bodies that the sexual intimacy you share is sacred, safe and valued?
If so, my guess is that you may be a bit more comfortable with each other’s firm handling. You don’t question the other person, you know where they are coming from heart-wise and you mutually are okay with what is happening sexually in those moments.
If you have not reached a place in your sexual intimacy where you both feel deeply treasured and secure, then I doubt any kind of rough sex has a place in your bed. There is just too much likelihood of misinterpreting someone’s intentions, which obviously is going to inhibit intimacy, not foster it.
How rough is too rough in bed? Each couple has to answer that for themselves. Exploring all of the above questions thoroughly may be a good place to start.
Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. “Intimacy in Marriage Blog.”
Awesome post, Julie! This topic is often debated and I love your take on it! Bringing light to the dark corners! Awesome!
I was taught to respect women from an early age. I love my wife dearly and try to care for her as instructed in Eph 5:25-33. I could never even consider doing anything to her to cause her harm so I never try to impose myself on her in our very intimate moments but do to her what she wants me to do.
Julie ,you did a great job ! I believe each couple has different outlooks and standards set within their own marriage as to the degree of “rough sex” between them As for me,I love for my husband to be dominating….there are times when I feel I am pinned down to the point there is nothing I could do about it,even if I wanted to,until he is through with me,and just the thought of it,usually brings me to orgasm. Each couple is different,but so important should it become too rough for the woman to let it be known to her husband immediately, rather than put up with it !
I’ve often wondered about this. There is an excitement to this, in the moment, but we’ve never talked about it. Power–sexual power–is an aphrodisiac.
D, I agree with what you’re saying, but I think you may have missed the point. You state you’d never do what your spouse doesn’t want you to. I agree. But the issue is, what if your spouse wants you to be extremely aggressive?
My spouse loves it when I’m extremely assertive when we’re intimate. She likes it rough, a little. What is “fun” rough, and what is too rough needs to be agreed on and communicated and respected clearly.
I did not miss the point but I did not express myself very well. I should have added that my wife always likes me to be gentle with her when we make love.
Ever since the first moment we started to make love, my husband said to me that his mission and meaning is to please me. I come first! This very generous attitude of his gave me not just security and confidence, but also a desire to do my best reciprocating.
Lately, because I often “succumb” in dealing with the kids, and because he considers that I need to balance, he calls me his Domina in bed, asking for mild spanks while in me, and does everything he thinks that will have an empowering effect on my soul.
I wasn’t thinking of me being the “dominant” force in bed, but I’m required to. And I grew to like it Highly arousing for both of us!
Great article, Julie! Are there other wives in my situation?
Thanks,
Doris
That happens in my marriage as well. DW doesn’t like me being physically dominant with her apart from the sense that I lead. However I do love it when she spanks me. This is always done because I ask her to not because she is dominating. I suppose that I am the only christian man in the world that loves this but there you go.
I’ve alluded to this in other comments, and found your post on this and really appreciate reading this.
I will say that for me, there is a difference between “rough sex” and “aggressive sex.”
For my sake, what I enjoy is when my husband simply pounds away – so the emphasis on the aggressive is the thrusting, not pinning or spanking or anything like that. To me, great sex is mostly about power – so if he can pound and maintain that level for enough time to really enjoy it, the better it is for me.
Not that I mind those things – but to me they are not necessary and might be more equated with rough than simply a more intense pace.
Sally I especially appreciated your comment because you stated that it wasn’t just about the pinning, spanking or any of those things; but also the sheer “pounding” (I use your word which I think brings it across quite clearly), which as you say means the actual intensity or pace of the husband’s movements. So when I ask the question “Is rough sex ok?”, I mean that as well – along with however the wife might respond (favorably of course) to the husband’s “pounding”. So it helps me to know that “pounding” – and wanting to be “pounded”- are Okay – so long as there is the mutual trust, etc.
Not all wives want ‘pounding’. I’d get no enjoyment from that… My husband knows I like slow gentleness and that is what he gives me. Oooh just typing ‘slow gentleness’…er, well never mind. Everyone’s different.
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Homepage » Women » How to Have Rough Sex & 15 Dirty Moves to Have the Sexiest Time Ever

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Rough sex is personal. What’s rough for one person? may be tamed to another If you’ve met someone for a while and they confess that they like intense sex don’t smile wide And think you know what they expect you to do in bed. First, learn how to have intense sex and do a little research. Have a rough idea of ​​sex There’s a lot you can look at and find a middle ground that you both can enjoy.
After all Extreme sex isn’t always about swinging from the chandelier. But it’s about losing yourself in the passion you created together. And there are many ways to do that!
Intense intercourse is the type of intercourse in which you involve pain in sexual activity. to increase sexual pleasure It doesn’t have to be painful. Just the pain is enough to make you feel alive!
It is a sexual release where you can simultaneously show off your wildness and lust.
Violent sex isn’t something most people can easily talk about, but it’s something we can all enjoy if done in the right way. [Read: The 7 sexiest types of sex you can ever have! ]

If you’re not a sexist It brings pain and aggression to something as romantic as it is. With lovemaking it may sound shocking. But that will change once you understand the subtle nuances of passionate sex.
First of all, rough sex works best with a partner you trust. You both know each other’s limitations and abilities. And it’s easy to know where to draw. [Read: 13 untold sex secrets you really need to know ]

When learning how to have intense sex You have to feel comfortable and confident. It’s easy to be a little cowardly at first, or even nervous. But having a safe word will make you more secure. Basically, these are the words you agree on in advance.
If one of you starts to feel out of control or uncomfortable. Show that you say the safe word and everything will stop. no questions asked
This way, you know that you can explore the fun side of rude sex with additional knowledge that you can stop whenever you want.
Of course, it’s important for both of them to be clear about what a safe word is. You both have the same word. and you listen and act immediately [Read: Meaning of safe words & how to use them when you’re playing rough ]

One of the sexier things about intense sex is that it can be transmitted in bed.
If you hit your lover with your nails The anger they experience will force them to subconsciously respond to your violent movements. This can lead to a more sexual experience for both of you.
But intense sex is not for everyone. Especially those who have had bad experiences with it. For those who like it. But occasional rude sex can increase your passion for a long-term relationship. [Read: The best ways to make long term sex feel like a sexy one night stand ]

Those who love intense sex have a high sexual sensation. more from the pain they experience than from the sexual pleasure they feel. It’s definitely not a bad thing. Because sometimes routine changes in any relationship However, it can make lovemaking look sexier and more lively. [Read: 30 dirty ways to spice up your sex life ]

When you have truly intense sex The urge to increase your libido is so overwhelming that even penetration can’t satisfy you. you want to do more It hurts but you like it And that’s what makes everything so hot.
But violent sex is not for everyone and everyone. phase of relationship especially for women She felt comfortable being with the people she trusted and loved. And knows she won’t judge her *unless she has a one-night stand with the sexy guy she’s been looking forward to going to bed with while*. [Read: 50 shades of dangerous sex – The right way to get risque ]

Violent sex is rude sex. But even if two people indulged in it They also have two different roles. One party tends to initiate intense sex while the other experiences physical pain and is stimulated by it.
If you are dominant in a relationship or in real life and having a career or lifestyle where you don’t have much pressure You may like more submissive violent sex than others. It is a path of desire to release from responsibility and control. Letting go of the psychological control makes you enjoy your orgasms better. [Read: Blindfold sex – 15 sensual ways to use blindfolds in bed ]

On the other hand, couples who are submissive in relationships or in real life may gain more happiness by controlling in bed or by playing their partner during intense sex.
Violent sex doesn’t have to be a way of harassing each other or feeling empowered. It can be used as a psychological release. As long as you practice in a controlled environment. and exchanged the dominant and often submissive side. Unless you both like specific roles all the time, think of Fifty Shades of Gray if you can’t. [Read: The difference between making love and having sex and why you need them both ]

Even if intense sex is bizarre sex *break the rules*, it might just be a haystack obsession because both of you are highly aroused.
Most atypical sex requires some planning and preparation. But intense sex rarely requires any planning, unless you plan to involve toys and other sex devices.
Intense intercourse is a sexual arousal that is beyond insertion. It is a sexual arousal caused by aggression. Some couples end up having totally unplanned sex after an argument. All the anger and annoyance is pumping in your veins and you need liberation.
You can aggressively jump into bed and tear each other’s clothes. Or you can choose to use the concept of gender roughly. that you just remembered to help relieve your anger! [Read: How to have the sexiest make up sex when you’re both angry with each other ]

Most women like violent sex. Of course not all the time! But every once in a while, rude sex can make them feel alive.
However, being dominated from time to time with aggression will make a woman There’s something about a man’s physical strength and animal aggression that can terrify a girl and arouse her at the same time!
When you have rough sex with your girl It shows your confidence and fierce masculinity. which can arouse her and stimulate her sexual desire again. But how rough will she like it? That’s what you need to talk to her. [Read: How to satisfy a woman in bed and make sex more exciting for her ]

If you are someone who is not used to the idea of ​​hurting your partner while in love. *In a controlled environment* The thought of intense sex can sound terrible and shocking. or even scary But you never know how powerful you feel or how an arousing act can occur. until you try it It is research to increase confidence.
A brief look at gender concepts which we have shared below Let’s start with those ideas. and modify it to your satisfaction.
If you’re having intense sex for the first time Don’t let the awkwardness show up. Start slow by kissing hard and clenching your teeth, but as you do more, you’ll get better. Put more pressure on your partner. Either by hand or by the pelvis. [Read: 10 kinky sex positions for a wild night every day of the week ]

Run your hand over your partner’s hair and hold them tightly with your fingers while whispering something dirty or biting your partner’s neck. and when you feel comfortable enough Apply nail polish to your partner’s back. Confidently go deep with your pelvic floor.
Along the way, you’ll begin to feel the madness that overwhelms you. before you know it You’re prepared and ready for tough times in bed! [Read: How to look a lot sexier naked using 15 real life tips ]
Pain and pleasure release endorphins. which is a morphine-like chemical created in the body If you learn to combine pain with sexual pleasure while having intense sex. You will be able to feel the good feeling right away.
This is a rough idea of ​​sex. The best that you can use with your lover in bed. But always remember not to indulge in the heat of the moment. And remember that safe word!
Not all of us are sex screamers. But when you have spasticity and can’t control your voice You will feel more relaxed and carefree. which will make you look more fierce [Read: How to moan and look and sound even more sexy in bed ]
Using your teeth is a great way to bring out the animal in you when you’re in bed. The bite was strong, but not strong enough to draw blood.
Focus on erogenous zones such as the neck, chest, abdomen, inner thighs, and around the elbows and ankles.
scratch with your fingernails truly. Drawing a painful line with your fingernails against the soft skin of your partner’s back delivers sexiness that can be painful as well.
But when you are in erotic All the pain turns into sex adrenaline! [Read: 13 clear signs to know she enjoys having sex with you ]
Grab a handful of your lover’s hair over the scalp behind your head and pull it. You won’t lose grip. But the pain is more satisfying when you hug your lover by the tip of your hair below. This is one rough concept of sex. Easiest to start
Bash like there’s no tomorrow Aggressive back and forth movements will wake both of you up. As long as both of you can stand it long enough. But remember that you are dealing with different parts. of a fragile body So don’t get carried away and push too deep or too hard.
Slap each other’s faces or on the chest. or if you stand behind four standing partners Give him a slap on his back or butt. The scorching pain will bring out the animal within you. There’s a reason why spanking is a must-try sex thing! [Read: The spanking guide – How and when to spank a bad, bad girl in bed ]
For many passionate couples Cutting off the oxygen delivered to the brain boosts them to record highs. But be very careful here. Because you might hurt your partner while choking or controlling them. Instead of trying to strangle your partner, place a gentle hand on your partner’s neck and massage until they feel pressure from your hand.
Do not try to completely block the oxygen supply. You should let it tell professional chokers who know what they are doing. Another option is to cover the face. By using the palm of your hand gently without using too much force. or by placing a porous pillow over your lover’s mouth.
This is not a rough concept of sex. that you should try when you are a beginner And it is something that many people are uncomfortable with. However, it is part of a niche
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