Rough Sex Moves
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Rough Sex Moves
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Sex can suit any mood or moment from intimate and romantic to hot and dirty. Another point on that scale is just plain rough sex . And that doesn’t have to mean incorporating any strange fantasies, difficult positions, or floggers. All you have to do is tweak the positions you already know and love to amp up the roughness factor for an unforgettable romp. Trust.
Need some ideas? Check out these sexy suggestions from Emily Morse, Ph.D., founder and host of the Sex with Emily podcast, and then try them with your partner tonight.
You'll be breaking barriers, one spank and hair pull at a time.
Even though you’re upside down here, you both have control of the motion and depth of penetration. Yours might be more of a workout, but any extra work and sweat in a sex sesh just makes it hotter (and rougher). If you want him to take control, he can use his hands for some spanking or anal play .
How to do it: Place your hands on the floor and have him pull your waist so your legs are on either side of his hips.
This one is super-intimate, as he can wrap his arms around you to hold you tight, but he’s also hands-free to explore your body—he can squeeze your nipples or grab onto your hair.
How to do it: Have him sit on the edge of a bed or a chair and lower yourself onto his shaft facing away from him.
You probably recognize this one as doggy style, known for being a hot position for both of you. And with some tweaks, you can up the rough factor by hair pulling, spanking, and positioning yourselves in front of a mirror so you can both watch.
How to do it: Get on all fours and have him kneel behind you. He enters from behind while holding your hips or boobs .
We asked men and women what they think of dirty talk. Here's what they had to say:
With you on top, you’re rocking the movement, depth, and speed, and he’ll love seeing your body in action. To kick it up a notch, you can also tie his hands together or pin down his arms down with your knees to really take control. Another option: Have him wear a penis ring for maximum mutual stimulation. (Try this vibrating ring from the Women's Health Boutique.)
How to do it: Straddle him with your knees bent. Push off of his chest to slide up and down.
Giddy up, reverse cowgirl. This one combines the hotness of doggy with the sexy dominance of you on top. He’s hands-free here to explore and to get a little rough. This one is also ideal for anal play , since he’s got easy access and you’re on top to guide him down there.
How to do it: He lies on his back while you straddle him, facing away from him.
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Claire Lampen
Claire is a freelance writer covering sex and gender.
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Don’t worry, there’s some beginner stuff here, too.
If you've only rotated between two or three sex positions in the past month, it's probably time to spice things up (for your own pleasure's sake). Taking relationships—whether long term, a casual fling, or a FWB—to the next level and getting a little kinky doesn’t have to be as intimidating as it sounds. In fact, there are basic, accessible ways to make sex feel more erotic without going into full BDSM mode (unless you want to).
Plus, if you’re in a serious relationship, talking about your kinks and preferences can help you feel more connected to your partner, says Kate Balestrieri, licensed psychologist, certified therapist and founder of Modern Intimacy .
"Introducing kinkier elements into your sex life together can create a sense of adventure and deepen sense of trust," Balestrieri says. "Inherently, it gives you the opportunity to talk about things on a deeper level, discuss different boundaries, debrief and evaluate together in a way that couples sometime forget to do when they have the same routine sex life."
Now, the term "kink" gets thrown around a lot, thus carrying a lot of ambiguity. At its most basic level, kink refers to unconventional sexual preferences or behaviors, says sex therapist Veronica N. Chin Hing-Michaluk , LMHC. "[So] if kink is defined as anything that exists outside of the norm, I challenge you to think about whose norm you’re conforming to," she says. Touché.
Your brand of kink might be sex with multiple partners at once; it might be having your partner secretly use a remote control vibrator on you while out with friends; it might include using sex toys with your partner in the bedroom. If you're unsure about what your kinky preferences are, licensed sex therapist Vanessa Marin suggests easing your way in. "I think a lot of people, for some reason, have this idea that if you’re going to try kink, you have to go all the way. You don't."
Before springing bondage gear on your partner, discuss your boundaries and desires, making sure you're on the same page about what you're both down to try, she says. Also, don't forget to come up with a mutual safe word. It's critical not only when you want to stop, but also when you’re nearing your limit, says Chin Hing-Michaluk. "Having that framework with kink can help you pace yourself, and figure out how fast or slow you want to go," she says. Say it with me now: Consent is sexy!
Now that you're familiar with the basics, you might wonder how exactly to dip your toe in rougher waters. Depending on what you like, the first step might be as simple as adding some new moves into your erotic rotation. These 25 positions for kinky sex are a great start. (You'll even find recommendations to spice up the most basic positions—yes, I’m talking missionary—that'll pretty much guarantee next-level orgasms .)
PSA: The table isn't necessary with Table Top position (#themoreyouknow). "I love this position because you can do it anywhere," Balestrieri says. "You can do it on a countertop, on an armchair in the living room, or the sofa. It’s even great if you’re in a secluded space and you want to be standing outside the seat of your car."
If you have great upper body strength, Balestrieri recommends playing with some levitation, a.k.a. not using a table for support.
Do it: Any surface that hits your partner at crotch height will do. Have them enter you while you’re sitting or lying at the edge of a table, counter, or maybe even your bed.
Champagne Room can provide a much-needed escape for all involved. "Facing away gives us the opportunity to pretend that we’re strangers," Balestrieri says. It can provide an opportunity to disconnect and "experience the sensations without having to include or manage the experience of a partner," she adds.
For the person on the bottom, watching someone go to town on you from behind can elevate the sexiness, too. "It can also give the impression, for the person who is on the bottom, of being used in a positive way, which can be really erotic," Balestrieri says.
Do it: Your partner sits on the edge of a chair or bed, and you sit on top of them, facing away. Move up and down on their lap at your leisure.
Not only is Spork on the kinkier side, but it also prevents huge strain on the body because of how the parties involved are resting on each other, Balestrieri says.
"It also gives people a lot of flexibility and opportunity for eye contact, which can be great if you’re playing with any kind of power dynamics," she adds.
Do it: Lie on your back and raise your right leg so your partner can position their body between your legs at a 90-degree angle and enter you. Your left leg can lie straight out on the bed, or you can bend it to manipulate the depth of penetration. For a rear-entry variation, lie on your stomach, bend one leg, and have your partner position themselves in between your legs. Options!
Yeah, yeah, I hear you: "Missionary? Kinky?" Well, this is just a testament that any position can be enhanced. What's more, Balestrieri says it’s easy: All you have to do is add eye contact and sync up your breathing. "When you add that synchronicity of the breath and the eyes together, it can really bring a lot of heat and a lot of feelings," she says.
But, if you’re looking to go the extra mile and really give it to your partner, try using an arousal serum for extra stimulation. Another option? Incorporate some dirty talk. "Dirty talk can elevate even the most vanilla positions," Balestrieri says.
Do it: Do I really need to spell this one out? Okay. Lie on your back while they lie facedown on top of you.
If you’re stressed, anxious, or just plain tired, Scoop Me Up is perfect. "This is the best way to have lazy sex—and I don’t mean lazy in a bad way," says Balestrieri.
"We all have days where we’re tired, and we still want to connect sexually." The position also leaves room for deep thrusting, which can definitely bring some heat.It’s also less rigorous, so if you’re going too hard on the other ones on this list, try this to give your body a break.
Do it: Both of you lie on your sides, facing the same direction. You bring your knees up slightly while your partner slides up behind your pelvis and enters you from behind. (You may also know this as spooning.)
If you want to add more strength to the Wheelbarrow position, try it standing up. This provides new types of movement and creates a sense of power for the person standing, Balestrieri says.
"The partners can have more opportunity for different cadences in their thrusting and depth—different angles, too," she says. “It’s more of a workout, so if you’re looking to kill two birds with one stone, that’s the way to go.” Okay, now that’s the best dirty talk, IMHO.
Do It: Get on your hands and feet and have your partner pick you up by the pelvis. Then grip their waist with your thighs.
Even the most loving positions can be made kinky. The Om is a great one for eye contact, kissing, and breath work.
"You can do a lot of synchronized breath work, which sounds kind of ‘woo woo,’ but, I’m telling you, when you get two nervous systems synched up together, it is hot ," Balestrieri says. "It can create tension and friction; be prepared to be sweaty."
Do it: Your partner sits cross-legged (yoga/pretzel-style), while you sit in their lap facing them. Wrap your legs around them and hug each other for support.
The Snake offers plenty of perks, says Balestrieri. There is mobility with different angles, ability to play around with sensations, and the opportunity for some light BDSM.
"Because their partner’s hips are elevated, the partner on top can really have a lot to work with in terms of how they can penetrate and stimulate their partner," she says. "This is a great position for punishing or spanking."
You can even incorporate some restraints. Balestrieri recommends using a spacing bar or other restraints to "create the element of consenting powerlessness, which can be really fun for couples to play with."
Do it: Lie down on your stomach, and have your partner lie down on top of you and slide in from behind.
The Caboose looks like it’s straight out of an erotic thriller. But its sexiness goes beyond just looks. It can create some elevation by allowing you to bounce on your partner’s lap, Balestrieri says.
"This is a great way to get in some doggy-style action without all that strain on either of your bodies," she adds.
Do it: While they sit on the bed or a chair, back yourself into their lap and spoon each other while seated.
The Good Ex sex position is a long, slow burn full of contradictions (you’re connected but far apart, just like exes)—which makes it one of the hottest.
"Long, slow sex can feel kinky because we don’t always give ourselves time, space, and permission to really be in our bodies in a slow and intentional way," explains Balestrieri. "So it can feel really amazing to notice every single sensory piece of information that sometimes we don’t get access to when we’re moving more quickly."
Do it: Sit on the bed facing each other with legs forward. Lift your partner’s right leg over your left and lift your right leg over their left. Come together so they can enter you. Now both of you lie back, your legs forming an X. Slow, leisurely gyrations replace thrusting.
FYI: The Cirque Du Soleil-esque leg placement isn’t totally necessary on this one. You just need a partner who can generally get their legs up toward their head, which can add a lot of depth to the position, Balestrieri says. It can also be great for concurrent vaginal and anal penetration.
"If you’re talking about two people with vulvas, it can be a great position for a double penetration toy," she says. "It can also create an element of submission because the person on the bottom is kind of just stuck there. So, this position can be fun for light spanking, nibbling, or things of that nature."
Do it: Lie back with your legs raised all the way up and your ankles crossed behind your own head. They enter you from a missionary position.
Not only does the person entering get "the booty shot from the back," Balestrieri says, but the position provides ample room to touch as much of each other as you can.
"This is a great opportunity for people to get creative with their positioning and their angling," she says. "It can be especially awesome if the partner who’s penetrating has a curved penis [or sex toy]. It might allow for different kinds of stimulation that maybe aren’t accessible with missionary or front or rear-facing positions."
Do it: Lie on your right side; your partner kneels, straddling your right leg and curling your left leg around their left side.
Upstanding Citizen is "one of the hottest positions ever," according to Balestrieri. It’s the one you see in movies where one person picks up the other and puts them against the wall (a la The Notebook ). That move, Balestrieri says, implies strength, trust, and control, making it great for power play.
"For the person who is lifting the other partner, that strength—although it might feel like quite a workout in the moment—can really reinforce a sense of validity; it can give them a lot of confidence," she adds.
Now, for the one being lifted: "It can also create a sense of fear, and fear can incite arousal, too." This position can particularly enhance those feelings if you’re used to exuding power in your day-to-day life, Balestrieri says.
Do it: You straddle your partner, wrapping your legs around their body (they keep their knees unlocked and thighs spread slightly). They stand and support you in their arms. You can start on the bed and have them pick you up without disengaging. (Or for the truly bold, you can hop aboard from standing position!)
With your hands out of play, your partner is free to roam your body, finding the erogenous zones (you know, those hotspots that feel extra delicious) neither of you may not have discovered before your foray into kinky sex.
It can be a tad challenging, but Chin Hing-Michaluk recommends this position to engage with your partner's entire body. “While you hold up a partner, use one hand to engage parts of their body, so not only are you able to gaze down at your partner, but you’re able to caress,” she says.
Do It : Get into a partial bridge position (like a pinball machine), with your weight resting on your shoulders. Have your partner tie your hands to the bedpost or headboard, then let them enter you from a kneeling position.
For people who are just starting out, Marin recommends this classic: "Probably the easiest position to try is doggy style because it already feels like a little more animalistic position and lends itself really well to spanking, hair-pulling, and things like pinching the nipples."
Do It: Kneeling on all fours, have your partner enter you from behind, either while they're standing and you're stationed on the bed, or they're on their knees behind you. Same-sex partners could consider a strap-on or just use fingers for penetration. Either way, try roughing things up by smacking butts.
Now it's time for you to take the reins: The Cowgirl presents an optimal opportunity to dominate your partner, an easy way into full-on BDSM. Before you straddle them, maybe blindfold their eyes with a silk scarf or tie. With their consent, you can also tread into bondage territory.
"If you’re really a beginner and feeling shy, you can just start with having one partner hold the other’s hands over their head," Marin says. "You get that feeling of [control], and you can get a sense of whether that’s something you both like without having to buy anything new." Or use the same scarf or tie to restrain their wrists—just keep the knots loose if it's your first time.
Either way, this position puts you in charge, so experiment with tweaking or twisting your partner's nipples, or—if you have a male partner—grabbing his balls.
Do It: Straddle your partner at their pelvis, pushing off their chest and sliding up and down their thighs. Lean back, hold their wrists down...you do you, cowgirl.
There’s a lot of room for reciprocity in Spider, says Chin Hing-Michaluk. Both of you can put in massive work since clitoral stimulation is unparalleled in this position, and having your hands so close to you and your partner’s genitals make touching everywhere so easy.
You can also experiment with sucking toes or upping the kink with a vibrator . Give the toy over to your partner, lay all the way back, close your eyes, and let them take control...literally.
Do It : Sit on the bed with legs toward one another, arms back to support yourselves. Now move together until your genitals touch. Your hips will be between their spread legs, your knees bent, and feet outside of their hips and flat on the bed. Now rock back and forth.
The Cross-Booty is a standout (lie-down?) option if your partner is into spankings and/or humiliation. (Trust, some are.) But if you don’t want to go full out, Chin Hing-Michaluk suggests giving the facedown partner a yummy sensual massage all over, taking your sweet time to play with their bo
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