Rough Orgasms

Rough Orgasms
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It's one of the most common sexual fantasies. Here's why.
If you're into rough sex, you're definitely not alone.
When I surveyed more than 4,000 Americans about their sexual fantasies for my book Tell Me What You Want , rough sex turned out to be one of the two most common things people had fantasized about. Most people—regardless of gender and sexual orientation—appear to have been turned on by the idea at some point.
The widespread appeal of rough sex can also be seen in people’s porn viewing habits. For example, when you look at the most-viewed genres on Pornhub, “rough sex” and “hardcore” pretty consistently appear in the top third of categories year in and year out. Interestingly, women are even more likely to view this kind of porn than are men.
A recent study published in the journal Evolutionary Psychological Science offers some answers.
Researchers surveyed 734 college students in New York about their attitudes toward and experiences with consensual rough sex. Most of the students identified as female (77%) and as heterosexual (92%).
A majority of the sample (51%) said they had engaged in rough sex before, with the most frequently reported rough sex behaviors including scratching, spanking, pushing, name calling, tearing clothes, tying up, blindfolding, and slapping.
Before we go further, I should note that the authors of this study talk about these behaviors as “playful force” rather than as abuse or violence. Keep in mind that these are consensual behaviors that, more often than not, occurred in the context of a long-term relationship and rarely (less than 1% of the time) resulted in any kind of serious injury. In other words, we aren’t talking about behaviors where people truly wanted or tried to hurt a partner.
In fact, people seemed to really be enjoying this kind of sex. When asked to compare how rough sex differs from “typical sex,” both men and women said that orgasms are more frequent and intense, partners make more effort to satisfy one another, the sex is more arousing, and the thrusting is more vigorous.
Plus, women said that they orgasm much faster when they have rough sex. Given that there’s already a fairly big disparity in how long it takes men and women to reach orgasm ( 5-6 minutes vs. 13 minutes, respectively ), perhaps this is one reason rough sex is so widely desired and why women search for it more than men when viewing porn: Rough sex just might help to close the orgasm gap.
Participants in this study were given a long list of potential triggers of rough sex and asked to report whether they’d ever been prompted to have rough sex for each reason.
Among the most common triggers were trying something new, boredom, and playing out a fantasy. This tells us that rough sex is often just about feeding our need for sexual novelty. Humans—men and women alike—have a tendency to grow tired of sexual routines. We need to keep mixing things up in order to maintain sexual excitement, a phenomenon sex researchers refer to as The Coolidge Effect .
Another common trigger for rough sex, especially among men, was having been separated from one’s partner, as well as suspecting that one’s partner may have cheated. The authors of this study interpret these results through the same evolutionary lens: When men perceive a risk that their female partner has had sex with someone else, this triggers sperm competition . In other words, it leads men to engage in sexual behaviors—like deep and vigorous thrusting—aimed at displacing any semen that may have been deposited by rival men so that their own sperm have a better shot at fertilization.
Drinking alcohol was another common trigger, which makes sense: Alcohol simultaneously lowers sexual inhibitions and dulls sexual sensations. This combination of factors ups the odds of trying something you might not otherwise do while sober, while also experimenting with more intense activities in order to counteract the depressing effect that alcohol has on our sexual system (which includes suppressing arousal and delaying orgasm).
Lastly, the other major set of triggers included situations where people were already in a heightened state of physiological arousal, such as after a fight, being angry at one’s partner, and having just exercised. These triggers can be explained by something psychologists call excitation transfer , which occurs when carryover arousal from one situation amplifies our arousal or excitement in an unrelated situation. In other words, if your body is already amped up at the start of a sexual encounter, that’s going to lay the groundwork for pursuing a more active and intense experience.
What all of this tells us is that there isn’t just one reason why rough sex is such a popular sexual fantasy and porn theme. Instead, it turns out that there are a lot of different factors that draw people to it.
The key thing to take away from this is that rough sex appears to be a normative sexual interest and we need to be very careful to distinguish it from sexual violence and relationship abuse. Rough sex is not exploitative—it is consensual and the people who have it are reporting an intense, mutually enjoyable experience.

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After a long night filled with smoking weed and hours of intense sex, one woman experienced the unexpected: She couldn't stop having orgasms. For weeks, she continued to have orgasms that lasted for hours at a time, even when she wasn't receiving any sexual stimulation from herself or her male partner.
The 40-year-old woman—who's referred to as Mrs. A—is thought to represent the first known case of its kind, according to the report published in the J ournal of Sex and Marital Therapy . Mrs. A became increasingly worried about her symptoms after reading online about restless genital syndrome, a permanent condition that causes a similar experience with either restless legs or the feeling of an overactive bladder.
After about three weeks of experiencing spontaneous orgasms and developing severe anxiety, she sought professional medical help, the study's lead author, Dr. Marcel Waldinger, a neuropsychiatrist in private practice in the Netherlands, tells Newsweek via email.
To explain and document her problem, she filmed one of her episodes and showed it to Waldinger. Mrs. A didn't present the characteristic symptoms of restless genital syndrome, such as having orgasms while sitting down, so Waldinger ruled that out.
She chose not to have sex anymore, but her orgasms still persisted even after only smoking marijuana.
"She still got spontaneous orgasms within one minute after smoking cannabis. When smoking a small amount of cannabis, the spontaneous orgasms were controllable, but after smoking a higher amount of cannabis, the spontaneous orgasms became completely uncontrollable," Waldinger says.
The doctors also looked for clinical symptoms of potential tumors near the clitoris, but they concluded none were present. Therefore, they decided the intense, five-hour sex session and cannabis use may have overactivated a nerve, making the orgasms uncontrollable.
Past research has linked marijuana and increased sexual feelings. "Edibles or smoking marijuana can definitely have a positive effect on sexual inhibition," Ian Kerner, a sex and relationship specialist, told Men's Health . "It can help people's anxiety melt away and achieve orgasms they've never had before."
But Waldinger believes his case report sheds new light on the topic. "It is known that cannabis may inhibit or facilitate sexual feelings. However, the current idea is that this is due to the anxiety-reducing properties of cannabis or to the idea that it increases the skin sensitivity for touch," he says. "The current case report is important, as the spontaneous orgasms may indicate that cannabis itself may have a direct pharmacological effect on orgasm." More research is needed, he notes.
As for Mrs. A, she still suffers from spontaneous orgasms. To avoid this, Waldinger recommended she stop smoking cannabis.

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Now Reading 16 Striking Photos Of Female Orgasm
"The world of orgasm is physical, but it is also a world of fantasy, culture, history — and very much a world of the soul," photographer Linda Troeller and writer Marion Schneider write in their book Orgasm: Photographs & Interviews . Troeller and Schneider collaborated on Orgasm to explore that world, inviting 25 women — nine German, six American, three Dutch, three Israeli, two Colombian, one French, and one Portuguese — to share their personal relationships with orgasm.
In the book, the women reveal their first memories of experiencing orgasm and the fantasies they have around the event. They also reveal their orgasmic feelings to the camera, showing with their bodies and faces what orgasm means to them. "The chance to be in an intimate situation with a female photographer and a female writer offered safety and security for the interviewers," Troeller and Schneider write, "enhancing the probability that their statements would be a genuine and authentic revelation."
Indeed, the stories and images in Orgasm are as intimate and honest as any coverage of female climax we've seen. Ahead are photographs of 16 of the women featured in the book. Many participated in selecting and editing their own photos, ensuring that Orgasm captures the moments of ecstasy as faithfully as possible. The end result is a joyful, raw celebration of female pleasure.
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